Catch the slowest, stick em up like vlad the impaler did, around the outskirts of your farm, AND inbetween plots. GLHF
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Set up chicken wire all around your plots.
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Every couple of metres, crucify a fluffy on the wire. Make sure you don’t kill them too quickly.
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Send the last survivor, preferably the poopie fluffy, to warn others. Take an eye, an ear, and its tail to make the point. Maybe burn the word DIE into its side.
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Add more little bastards to the wire as necessary.
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Drink a nice, tall glass of iced tea and bourbon on your porch and revel in the tiny cries of justice. Live secure in the knowledge that nobody will ever bother you again.
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RIDE THE FLUFFY!!!
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Step 1: Create a pen for the fluffies.
Step 2: Lure the fluffies into said pen with promises of sketties.
Step 3: Since they ate your crops, you should eat one of them each day, however … you make the herd choose every day which should be eaten by deciding who is the best fluffy, telling them the poopy fluffies will be eaten last (since they taste bad).
Step 4: Enjoy the utter chaos of every fluffy trying to convince you they themselves are poopie fluffies while all the others are the best fluffies. Bonus points if a mare with foals tries to convince you she is a poopy fluffy, but her foals try to convince you that she us the bestest mummah ever, OR a mother trying to convince you her bestest babbeh is a poopie baby in order to save it, but that foal having none of it since it is the “bestest babbeh” OR two special friends trying to convince you they are the best fluffy to spare the other … or the opposite, trying to convince you they are the poopiest fluffy themselves.
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Hand mixer up the ass then use it as a bludgeon while it’s on
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I’m loving the creativity of the community, coming together to find a way to assist this hard working farmer in protecting their crop.
My suggestion, similar to some others-
Step 1- First of all, close and lock down the farm field, to ensure no fluffy escapes their judgement.
Step 2-Find the ringleaders- the smarty friend, his special friend, their bestest babbeh, along with any toughies who will continue to back him up after the initial threat, along with their families. Only designated ‘poopie’ children of these families should be spared the next steps.
Step 3. Utilizing various clear containers ( repurposed aquariums are great but any see through container sufficient to hold a fluffy without giving it much room to move is fine ), set each of them alone outside, with a possible exception for the babies if you have one container sufficient to house them all together. Do not put any food or water in these containers, and only cover them with wire mesh to prevent escape.
Step 4. At least one non-smarty ( ideally either his mate or his chief toughie ) should be immediately dealt with- either putting a hose into the container and slowly flooding it to drown fluffy pony, or perhaps some lighter fluid and a match, or maybe find an angry copperhead- something to provide a spectacle!
Step 5. Inform the rest of the herd the Bad Fluffies are being put in the Sorry Boxes for taking your food, and will take forever sleepies- but the rest of the herd MIGHT be able to avoid the same fate if they are willing to be Good Fluffies. If need be, make vague allusions to potential rewards for good behavior to get the herd to blindly agree to your proposition.
Step 6. Over the next several days, force the herd to start replanting and clearing up the land as needed. If there’s any complaints from your new ‘helpers’, remind them of their sorry boxed friends- in the summer heat, most of them should perish swiftly, but if you need a more grim reminder, remove the lid from the babies container and allow the local birds to pick out snacks.
Step 7. As the herd fails to meet your simple task quotas, punish the chief offenders by pillowing them and setting them into shelves in either a barn or converted chicken hut. The idea is that by the time the new crops have been sown, the surviving herd should all be pillowed. You may then use lawn clippings, food waste, and any other organic debris from your garden to feed them and get valuable and useful fluffy manure to improve your crop yields.
Step 8. Profit!!
Can I have two ideas? I thought of another.
no no only one idea
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CRUCIFY AND IMMOLATE THEM ALL
Ah, well. Ty!
Dig a small pit near the crops and place something more interesting to them (most likely sketties), dosed with a large amount of viagra.
Then let them fuck themselves to death.
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Awesome
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me @ all of my poor friends lmao
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- Put bear trap in the garden
- Fluffies too light to activate it
- Put skettis on bear trap
- All the fluffies run over to it and their combined weight is enough to activate it.
Next idea
- Dig hole
- Tell fluffies it’s a poopie hole
- Fluffies poop in it
- Tell fluffies that poopie fluffies belong in the poopie hole
- They push in all the brown fluffies and poop on them
- Non-poopie fluffy falls in an gets pooped on because only “poopie fluffies belong in the poopie hole”
- Due to their own ineptitude and the loose soil they all eventually fall in