In the early morning hours of a small southern Minnesota city, the temperature was cool and the sun was gentle. Robins glided in the clear blue sky and crickets were finishing the last of their night time songs.
“Unf. Unf. Unf. Unnnnf.”
A Smarty Fluffy grunted as it dragged the rapidly decaying carcass of one its own herd through the grass of a beautiful, small park in the downtown area. It had the teal and red colored corpse gripped between its teeth by the rotten neck scruff, just above the withers. The Smarty was a colt pegasus colored lime green with a bright purple mane and tail. The ends of its fluff around its stomach and hoof caps were wet and curly from the dew on the grass. At just about 10 inches tall and exactly a foot in length, it was the biggest and most hardy built of the herd that was trailing behind it, but that was hardly saying much.
The Smarty panted heavily and sweated as it came to a stop, dropping the Fluffy corpse in a slumped pile on the grass. It was mutilated and tortured, its genitals destroyed and one of its legs ripped off. A human had come late in the night and dropped it off, it had been the herds nummie finder and fallen victim of an abuser. The Smarty had spent all night moving it from the side of the parking lot into the grass, nearly seven hours, and had managed to get about three feet away from where it started.
“pant Otay, dis faw ‘nough. Smawty nu can go any fawthew. pant Does evewyfwuff ‘membew what evewyfwuff sposed’ tu du?”
There was a beat as the colorful herd of tired, hungry, depressed, and frightened Fluffies stared back blankly at the Smarty anxiously. The herd consisted of 7 Fluffies. There were four adults, two foals, and a chirpy, plus the Smarty leading them. They all wore frowns and the fluff around their eyes were wet from tears.
The Smarty stomped its little heart-shaped hoof in the grass, making a squeaky sound, and fluttered its fat stubby wings.
“Uo’ stoopies! Uo’ big dummehs! How couwd evewyFwuff fowget! This is sposa’ be a fun-woww for Spawkwe! We gon’ aww show ouw specs! Got it?” shouted the Smarty in a cute little angry high pitched voice.
The other Fluffies just nodded their heads in sadness. They had come to show their sympathy for a fellow Fluffy of the herd. This was the most recent, but was far from the first, death the herd had suffered.
“Babbeh sowwie, Smawty. Babbeh jus’ hab su much saddies an’ su much heawt huwties fwom Momma goin’ fowebah sweepies. Babbeh nu can ‘membew anyting wight now.” said one of the foals sadly. It was nestled on the back of its surrogate Momma along with the other foal and the chirpy. Both foals were emaciated and weak from their surrogate Momma choosing to feed the little available nummies to the crimson chirpy. The pink and yellow unicorn was downtrodden with heavy stress from trying to keep the three young alive. Long since out a ample supply of food, its teets sagged low and empty, disgusting flabby patches of loose skin with pink shriveled nipples. It reached its neck back and gently licked the head of the yellow foal.
“Thewe, thewe, widdle Babbeh. It otay, Momma wiww teww Babbeh wat du. Whowe hewd gon’ put a nummie down toppa’ Spawkwe so Spawkwe know dat evewyFwuff is veeeeewy sowwie dat meanie hoomin make Spawkwe gu fowevew sweepies.”
The yellow foal sniffled. Its tributary nummie was a small, crunchy brown leaf clutched between its two front hoof caps.
“Babbeh wish nu mowe Fwuffies gu fowevbah sweepies!! Babbeh nu can take da wowstest heawt huwties anymoe, huhuhuhuhuuuuu!!! sniiiiif Babbeh wan weal Momma back! Huuu! Huuu-huuu-huuu!!” said the foal as thick, green snot dripped from its nostrils and over its peach colored lips. The pink and yellow Fluffy started to cry too.
“Shut up, stoopie saddie Fwuffy! We gon’ du dis now ow ewse evewyFwuff gon’ get stompies and bad poopies! Does evewyFwuff hab theiw nummies?”. The Smarty shook a buzzing fly off its face that had strayed from the falling apart Fluffy corpse.
The pink and yellow unicorn lifted the two foals down off its back and the rest of the herd formed a small queue with their heads all hung low and their eyes closed. The chirpy peeped and cheeped from the safety of the unicorn’s warm scruff. Each grasped something to offer to Sparkle between its teeth, a twig with a berry on it, some grass, a freshly plucked daylily with orange pedals. One by one they each piled the pieces of food on top of the stinking corpse.
“Otay, evewyFwuff gon’ du a minute of siwence noaw. Uo’ bettew not make any tawkies! Or ewse!” said the Smarty. A mint green and violet Fluffy spoke up.
“Fwuffy nu know wat minute is. Wat minute?”
The Smarty snorted and reared back on its two, stumpy hind legs and delivered a hoof punch to the nose of the confused mint colored Fluffy. The mint Fluffy immediately rolled back onto its side and started to cry. A thin trickle of blood flowed from both nostrils.
“Shut up, big giant dummeh nu know wat minute is Fwuffy! Uo su stoopies!!! Uo’ wuining Spawkwe’s fun-woww!” said the Smarty. The mint Fluffy sniffled and clumsily got back on its four hoofs.
“Smawty am dummeh! Not Fwuffy! Smawty su dummeh dat Smawty thwow aw da nummie ontopa’ dummeh fowevew sweepies Fwuffy insteada wetting da Hewd num da nummies!” Suddenly the Herd began to rally behind the mint Fluffy. The pink and yellow unicorn spoke up.
“Yeah! Minty Puwpwe am wight!! Dis am big waste of nummies! Widdwe yewwow babbeh am su hungies an’ Pinky-Yewwow am hab nu mowe milkies! Babbehs am nu supposa be hungies! Babbehs am supposa be wuved an get bestest huggies! Smawty make Pinky-Yewwow nu be gud momma! Pinky-Yewwow AM gud momma! Smawty am da bad Fwuffy!”
There were cheers of “Yeah!” and “Smawty bad!” from the small crowd of Fluffies. They all began to encircle the Smarty. The chirpy began to loudly chirp and peep while crying. It spirted a small stream of urine onto its surrogate Momma.
The Smawty grunted and flared its nostrils.
“Pinky-Yewwow was supposa be Spawkwe’s speciaw fwend, yet hewe Pinky-Yewwow is acting meanie and stoopies at Spawkwe’s own fun-woww. Dummeh swut! Pinky-Yewwow pwobabwy gon’ give speciaw huggies to some oddah cowt noaw! Swut! Swut!”
The pink and yellow unicorn became angry and narrowed its eyelids. The Smarty widened its stance and puffed up its cheeks, flailing its wings. The unicorn puffed up its cheeks too before the two small, fluffy morons started to fight. The Smarty and the unicorn charged into each other. The nubby and malleable horn of the unicorn painfully bent backwards before comically bouncing back into its normal position with a loud cartoon ‘spring’ noise as they crashed together.
Neither of the two colorful combatants noticed the scarlet red chirpy go flying from the pink and yellow unicorn’s back. It made a single, loud, drawn out peep as it sailed through air leaving a stream of piss behind it.
“PEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeep!” went the chirpy before landing face first with a loud crack that sounded like stepping on a small twig. It laid motionless and silent, face down a few feet away from the unicorn that once nestled it. The fight raged on.
“Pwetty hown huwties!” cried the unicorn as the Smarty wrestled it to the ground. Though in pain having its highly sensitive and nerve filled horn bent, the unicorn refused to be defeated that easily and wrestled as well. The two Fluffies threw hoof punches into each other’s ribs and stomach, delivered horse-style bucking kicks to their flanks, and bit at each other’s fluff getting colorful strands of it stuck between their teeth all the while spewing frantic bursts of piss all over each other.
In reality, the fight lasted barely four seconds before both Fluffies became so tired and exhausted they were forced to back off. Each stood back up, sweat pouring from behind their fluff and barrels rising and falling rapidly from exhausted panting breaths.
“pant…pant…pant…scwew uo’!..pant…stoopie!” said the exhausted Smarty.
“pant…pant…Smawty am da stoopie….pant…Pinky-Yewwow gon’ be da new leadah of da hewd!!! An be bettah leadah dan Smawty!!..pant”
The thought alone of losing its power of leadership, to a dummy mare nonetheless, enraged the Smarty. After all, it was a Smarties job to lead the herd. To give up such a high social ranking in the herd was no different than going forever asleep to the Smarty. And it would rather have gone forever asleep than let that happen.
“Smawty……Smawty…….SMAWTY HATECHU!!! SMAWTY GON HUWT UO’ SU BAD UO GON’ WISH UO WEWE FOWEVEW SWEEPIES!!! AHHHHHH!!!”
The Smarty mustered up the last of its little remaining energy and charged forward. It threw its right shoulder forward and checked into the soft, fuzzy barrel of the unicorn, knocking it hard onto its back, sending a splatter of watery diarrhea out of the unicorn’s ass and onto the grass. The unicorn started to make pained, labored grunts and gasps while weakly and pathetically jiggling its legs in a pitiful display of self defense. The impact had knocked the wind of it and it was struggling to breathe. A dribble of urine dripped out its dirty and infected vagina and onto its deflated teets.
The Smarty lowered its stance, like a cat hunting a mouse getting ready to pounce, and then leaped off the grass and onto the incapacitated Fluffy. The impact made a funny squeaky sound, like a clown horn. Straddling the Fluffy with its rear legs draped over the sides of its stomach, the Smarty repeatedly hoof punched the unicorn in the face with alternating legs.
The rest of the herd looked on in horror. The Smarties rage was fear inducing, the two foals started to cry while pissing and having diarrhea all over themselves, creating a dense puddle at their feet. The mint Fluffy took a few steps back from the Smarty beat down in fear and slipped in the excrement puddle. It fell tail first, landing with a light plop on top of the skinny yellow foal.
There was a loud splat, like someone just popped a balloon filled with wet paint, as the mint Fluffy’s ass landed on the yellow foal between its back and croup. The foal squealed in agony as its mouth was forced open far past its limit, tearing the flesh on the sides of its mouth into stringy bloody strands and a jet stream of diarrhea sprayed out its asshole. All of the end trails and organs inside the Fluffy foal were forced up its esophagus and out its mouth. The blood vessels in the yellow foal’s eyes all burst rapidly at once, staining the sclera dark red until becoming so saturated with blood the bugging out eyes leaked tears of blood. A sickening crimson, yellow, and orange mass consisting of the foal’s lungs, heart, stomach, bladder, and small and large intestinal tract slid past its tiny teeth and splattered onto the grass. A few veins were still attached to tissue inside and trailed behind the pulpy pile of organs like long strands of wet yarn coming out of the foal’s torn mouth.
The rest of the herd broke into pandemonium.
“NUUUUUU!! WIDDWE YEWWOW BABBEH!!!” the mint Fluffy cried out. The remaining adults fell to their feet and started to bawl and wail. One covered its eyes with its hooves, another began to rock back and forth and cover its floppy ears. The Smarty delivered one last punch.
It leaned up, still straddling the badly beaten unicorn. A single drop of blood fell from its heart-shaped hoof. The pink and yellow unicorn Fluffy had its face completely obliterated. Its eyes were purple swollen lumps, its nose broken at a horrifying angle and its lips swollen, blue, and cut up. Its cheek bones were crushed and bruised and a tooth had been knocked loose. Several squished turds lay in a pile under its anus. The Smarty said nothing and just panted as it looked at its herd.
The adults were shitting and pissing themselves, all cowering and whimpering while giving out huggies to each other. The mint Fluffy swaddled the flattened yellow foal in its front legs and gently rocked the squished body while singing the Mommah song and sobbing. The single remaining foal had a blank look of pure shell shock as it cried silently and stared blankly into the distance, covered in the viscera of its yellow sister. The crimson chirpy still lay motionless on the grass, facedown in a slowly expanding puddle of its own piss now.
Suddenly, everyFluff became silent. Their pupils got small and everyFluff collectively skipped a heartbeat.
It was four guttural, canine-like growls.
As a well established invasive species, the effects of Fluffies on humans, our lifestyle, our culture, and our environment is well documented. However, something that the hundreds of books, documentaries, essays, and YouTube videos made about the study and observation of the negative effects Fluffies have on our world overlook, is the effect Fluffies have on the animal world.
The Fluffy is not a natural organism, it’s not even legally or scientifically classified as an animal. It has no natural habitat, no natural diet or migration patterns. No natural instincts, no natural form of protection or camouflage. And, by definition, it has no natural predators in the wild.
However, one shouldn’t let that statement be misconstrued. The Fluffy is hunted and eaten by every known land dwelling predator on every continent the Fluffy roams, which needless to say, is every continent. This has drastically changed the natural order of the animal kingdom in ways that most zoologists believe is completely irreversible.
Many common animals across the world that typically are hunted by predators, creatures like gazelle, rabbits, sloths, etc., have now reached a state of drastic overpopulation. With the Fluffy being unnaturally brightly colored, extremely slow, incredibly weak, and remarkably unintelligent, it should be no surprise the kings of the animal world very quickly evolved around their presence.
In the African Sahara, prides of lions no longer have the need to stalk and kill zebras. Cheetahs and impala walk side-by-side in peace without fear as the high-speed cat barely has to make an effort for a quick and easy pastel purple colored meal. And while Minnesota was not as exotic as the African wildlands, the phenomenon was still no different.
Canis latrans.
The coyote is Minnesota’s most abundant large predator. As canines, they are small and lean, often described as small German Shepards. Over ten years ago, when the thought of a small talking colorful pony was nothing more than a My Little Pony cartoon airing on The Hub, coyotes would prey on small mammals, sometimes even successfully taking down a farmer’s livestock.
Now, the coyote of Minnesota has evolved to almost exclusively eat Fluffy meat and have remarkably changed their entire natural habitat to do so. While once creatures of the state’s many forested areas, the coyote is now a firmly established urban animal. It’s common to see these bushy canines roaming alleyways, under bridges and highways, and even in parks. Some store owners have even acquired special licenses to keep a coyote to safeguard the dumpster and trash can at night from hungry Fluffies.
They’ve grown indifferent to humans, even other small animals. And while, still many coyotes remain in their natural environment purging the world of the thousands of feral Fluffies poisoning Minnesota’s forest land with diarrhea, the coyote is simply a new facet of urban living in Minnesota. Some Minnesota zoologists are even fighting to classify them as an entirely newly evolved subspecies.
Four of them stood in a row. Their tan, gray, and brown fur was wet from the morning dew on the grass blades. The coyotes snarled and raised up their lips, exposing pink gums and four sets of sharp teeth. All six eyes were fixated on the herd of colorful and smelly creatures. The Smarty began to panic, its voice stuttering in anxiety and terror. It slid off the unicorn it just beat the shit out of, and meekly puffed up its barrel and cheeks while stomping a single hoof.
“G-g-g-gu! Gu way! Gu way dummeh bawkie munstah! Smawty……Smawty gon….gon gib bawkie munstah wowstest sowwie poopies…or…or ewse!” said the Smarty in a shakey and afraid voice.
The four adults huddled together in one big hug, crying loudly and shitting almost uncontrollably. The shell shocked little foal didn’t even seem to notice.
Finally, a sky blue and liquid white Fluffy yelled out in terror. “Wun way! Wun way! Munsta tu scawy!!! EvewyFwuff wun!!!”
In the eyes of the four Fluffies that lay in the eyes of the four coyotes, what followed was a well orchestrated and executed retreat to safe ground, preferably to something soft, comfortable, and pretty. However in reality what unfolded was four fluff covered retards that started running in circles.
It was the classic Fluffy behavior known as Fear Incapacitation. Crippled by their extreme unintelligence and intense fear, the herd were all traumatically physiologically overwhelmed. The coyotes slightly cocked their heads as the Fluffies frantically ran in a bobbing trot in a shallow radius circle. They made a great noise as they ran, loudly and hysterically crying, tears pouring from their eyes and crashing to the grass while trailing both urine, feces, or in one instance both, behind them.
Attack. The coyotes all lunged forward with an impressive and frightening muscular display. The Smarty squirmed out a dense turd from its anus as it tried its best to hold its ground and show its bravery. A coyote rushed with its mouth wide open at the Smarty.
The Smarty broke the act of badass leader Fluff and started to scream a high pitched shriek as it dove to the ground.
“REEEEEEEEEE!” shrieked the Smarty as it miraculously slid underneath the belly of the drooling coyote as it dove down. The canine was briefly outsmarted by the lime green pegasus before instantly scanning and acquiring a new target and blasting off in its direction. Its paws thumped against the grass as the coyote lunged teeth first into the flank of the sky blue and liquid white Fluffy.
“Huwties!!! Huwties!!! Smawty pwease sabe Fwuffy!” it squealed. The coyote used its neck muscles to pull away the fluff covered flesh with a sloppy wet tear. Blood oozed from the sugary exposed meat as the coyote chomped down. “SCREEE!!! PWEASE STOP! PWEASE STOP NICE BAWKIE MUNSTAH!! PWEASE NU MOW BUTT HUWTIES!!! The sky blue Fluffy plopped out a thick chunk of turds as the coyote forced it to the ground. The Fluffy wailed and cried while pathetically dragging its legs across the grass to a futile effect. The coyote dug and tore into the Fluffy’s hind end deeper and deeper, grabbing a mouthful of meat each time.
The Smarty huffed and puffed loudly as it sprinted past the hopeless sky blue Fluffy. “Nu! Nu! Nu! Stop it meanie bawkie munstahs, gu way!!” A second coyote leaped over the Smarty like it was nothing and gave chase to the mint green and violet Fluffy. It had the now completely annihilated flattened yellow foal corpse gripped between its teeth by the tiny neck scruff as it frantically trotted away from the rushing canine. The skin of the baby Fluffy’s neck scruff peeled away and the blood soaked yellow mass fell from the mint Fluffy’s teeth. It landed with a splat directly under the Fluffy’s trotting hoof caps, causing it to slip and face plant hard with a loud squeaky sound. It slid several inches on its face before flipping over end and landing firmly on its back.
“Nuuuuu, huuuhuhuhu!! Widdwe yewwow babbeh!! Fwuffy nee gib mow huggies dat make ebewythin bettah to sabe babbeh from munstahs!” said the downed Fluffy between a mouthful of grass. The coyote quickly caught up and used its front paws to pin the Fluffy down by its barrel. The warm breath of the coyote pelted the Fluffy’s face. The mint Fluffy pleaded with the animal through intense tears.
“Pwetty pwease nu num awn Fwuffy! Huuuuuuhuuu-hu-hu-hu!” it said. Blood dramatically sprayed across the muzzle of the coyote as it sunk its teeth into the neck of the crying Fluffy. Its carotid artery was punctured as the coyote thrashed its head and shredded open the Fluffy’s neck. The mint Fluffy’s tearful eyes rolled back and its legs limply spasmed. It let out a single, gurgling gasp as it watched another coyote make eye contact as it gobbled up and swallowed the squished yellow foal in one single bite.
Satisfied with a few good bites but far from being fulfilled, the coyote dismounted the rapidly bleeding out mint colored Fluffy and teamed up with its mate who was licking yellow fluff off its chops. The two coyotes walked casually in tandem to a very cute, small, Fluffy foal colored coral pink. It was horrendously traumatized and dripping with the still wet blood of its yellow colored sibling, sitting on its hind legs and endlessly and hysterically crying. Its face was contorted into an intense frowning scream, its eyes beat red and its tiny, high pitched voice hoarse and raspy.
The little pink foal’s vision was blurred from so many tears, distorting the image of the two coyotes into even more horrendous monsters than they truly were. The cute and innocent baby Fluffy started to full on wail. It cried with every breath inside its lungs it could muster, its eyes grew bloodshot and started to burn from producing so many tears. Its tiny pink tongue stuck out past its teeth and its little heart beat so fast it was making a rapidly thumping little bulge on its fluffy and fuzzy barrel.
The first coyote grabbed the foal in its teeth by the right front leg and a portion of its barrel. The other bit down directly on the foal’s tiny, sensitive genitals. The sharp incisors pierced into the tiny pink testicles and the floppy shaft of its penis. The baby screeched an ear splitting scream so loud that it made the coyote’s ears hurt, angering them. The couple started to pull away from each other in an angry rage, stretching the foal.
The foal wouldn’t stop screaming as it felt its tiny fragile bones start to crack and break, its flesh rip away from its weak muscles. It vomited brown pulp from the intense pain, showering the face of the coyote gripping its leg and splorted a chunky splotch of shit into the face of the other. The coyotes whimpered and dropped the baby foal from their teeth. They shook their heads and cleared the excrement off their faces. The foal landed on its rear left leg, sending a bone through the tendons and right out the knee, exposing the cartilage covered socket with a sickening crack. Blood profusely pooled out its bite wounds as the foal hyperventilated while screeching in an awful fashion.
“SCREEE!
huf
SCREEE!
huf
SCREEE!
huf
SCREEE!
huf
SCREEE!”
The coyotes picked it back up again, this time one on each side of its tiny ribcage. The coyote’s teeth locked in between the spaces between the ribs like a winch, and aggressively pulled and shook. The foal screamed so hard it accidentally bit its own tongue off as its body was bisected in a huge spray of blood and shit. The coyotes easily overcame the resistance of the foals’ tiny joints and tendons. Its coral pink fluff gave way and its buckskin colored flesh split like wet paper. The tiny body cavity tore into two jagged pieces and spilled the organs and guts it contained onto the grass with a shower of blood. The coyotes ravishly cleaned the meat from the tiny bones in seconds, blood dripping off their lips, as they moved to another victim.
“BABBEHS! NOT DA BABBEHS! NUUU!” shouted the Smarty as it threw up its hoof cap, subconsciously trying in any way to grab the young and bring them back to safety on the Smarty’s neck scruff. “NUUUU! NU MAKE SMAWTY INTO NUMMIES!! NUU!!” The Smarty broke into a sprint, or at least the pathetic Fluffy equivalent of sprinting, as a blood soaked coyote chased it. All the Smarty could hear all around it was the horrified screams of its herd and the wet noshing of flesh and muscle against teeth. The coyote was mere inches away from sinking its teeth into the Smarty’s back.
It looked over its shoulder to see the coyote teeth reflecting a glint of sunlight. Not watching where it was sprinting, the Smarty bumped into the tail of the last living Fluffy, a crying orange and green earth Fluffy. The Smarty crashed right into the orange Fluffy’s asshole, pressing its right eyeball directly into the vile, shit encrusted orifice. As both Fluffies tumbled over, the Smarty was met with an agonizing stinging pain from its contaminated eye.
“SCREEEEEEE! SEE-PWACE WOWSTEST HURTIES! AHHHHUUUUHUHUHUHUHU!!!” It threw its hoof cap over its eye in pain. The orange Fluffy scrambled back to its feet as the coyote skidded to a halt in front of them both. “Huuuuuuu-hu-hu, Owange Fwuffy hab tu make sacwifice! Huuu-huuuu, Smawty sowwie! Smawty wan wive!”
Still in pain, dehibiltingly terrified, and holding its swelling up eye, the Smarty bit down as hard as it could against the achilles tendon in the orange and green Fluffy’s back leg. It’s weak jaw muscle could barely break the skin, but it was enough. A viscous squirt of blood shot onto the Smarty’s face as it frantically nibbled and chewed at the muscle tendons before the orange Fluffy erratically flopped over.
“Nu! Weggies huwties! Why Smawty am gibin’ huwties?! Am because Fwuffy am bad? Hab saddies an’ huwties! Nu can move weggie! Why du dis?!” It cried in horror.
The Smarty didn’t look back as it trotted away as fast as possible. It ran with tears in its eyes, rapidly fluttering its little wings and trailing creamy turds behind it. The orange Fluffy tried to pull itself across the grass as all four coyotes encircled it. The Fluffy was out of breath and weakly flopped onto a set of paws.
The orange Fluffy took a deep breath. It looked up at the hungry coyote and made its pupils expand and dilate. It’s palomino colored cheeks puffed and blushed and it smiled a small and cute smile. “Pwease mistah bawkie munstah? Can Fwuffy pweeeeeease wive? Fwuffy pwomise tu be bestest an good Fwuffy! Fwuffy gon promise tu put way’ aw da toyies at cwean up time an’ gon—” the sweetie cutie act wouldn’t work on wild predators. The Fluffy switched from cute begging to shrill screaming in an instant as all four coyotes dug in at once. They mauled the orange Fluffy together with a type of animalistic violence, one of neither remorse or consequence but of pure uncontrollable and unrestrained violence of action.
“SCRRRREEEEEEEEE!!! SCREEE! SCREE! SCRRRRREEEEEE!! SCREEEEE!!!”
A nightmarish army of teeth tore everything to shreds. The eyes of the Fluffy gouged and punctured, the jaw ripped off in a mist of bloody chunks, the stomach spilled open and spewed partially digested dandelions, and the flesh pulled and snapped apart. Within a minute all that was left was a Fluffy skeleton with a few loose hanging strips of flesh left dangling off the ribs.
The Smarty jumped to the ground and hid behind the corpse of Sparkle. It huffed and panted, leaking piss and tears. It fell onto its back and lay spread eagle.
It knew it was over. The Smarty just closed its one non-infected eye and weeped. It rested a leg on Sparkle. “Smawty…su sowwie Spawkwe. Smawty gabe Spawkwe the wowstest fun-woww ebah. Now Smawty gon’ gu fowevew sweepies noaw tu. Smawty hope Smarty see-pwace Spawkwe gain’ after gu fowevew sweepies.”
Smarty laid and waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. Eventually the Smarty could feel and hear the suction and exhales of a rapidly sniffing canine nose. The Smarty began to blubber, whimper, and sob violently with its eye closed.
“Goobai, Spawkwe. Huuuuuuuu. Huuuuu.”
A foul and salty stream of warm liquid sprayed the Smarty in its face. The coyote kept its left hind leg lifted as it continued to urinate on the Smarty for several seconds more, before quickly running off to join its now leaving mates with bellies full of sugary, sweet, meat. The Smarty coughed and gagged a few times as coyote urine dripped over its little bay colored lips and into its mouth.
The patch of grass near the parking lot was completely drenched in Fluffy blood, shit, and piss. The mint and violet Fluffy lay spread on its back with its neck eaten down to the point that several vertebrae were exposed. The sky blue and liquid white Fluffy was slumped forward with its flank awkwardly propped up on its limp back legs, the tail was missing and the meat stripped down to exposed portions of pelvic bone. The bones of the orange and green Fluffy lay picked clean, stained with blood and strands of tissue and scuffed with bite marks.
As for the coral pink foal, there were no identifiable remains left, just a tiny bleeding pile of wet organs the coyotes had no appetite for.
The Smarty got back on its feet and took in the grisly sight. The attack lasted barely more than one or two minutes, but it felt like it had been hours to the Smarty. The entire herd was dead, devoured by unrelenting monsters that neither the Smarty, or any Fluffy at all, could truly even understand or comprehend.
The Smarty looked down at the pink and yellow unicorn. It closed its eyes again as a drip of coyote urine fell off its little chin. “Smawty su sowwie, Pinky-Yewwow. Smawty am wowest, most bad, most poopies Fwuffy ebah. Smawty nu desewve tu wead hewd. Smawty desewve tu gu fowevew sweepies an’ hewd should wun an’ pway instead.” The Smarty reached over gently to use its heart-shaped hoof cap to close the beaten Fluffy’s swollen eyelids. To its surprise the Fluffy was still alive.
The battered mare farted loudly, spraying a fine mist of shit and twitched a leg before coughing up bloody mucus that covered the already dirty and bloodstained Smarty in more blood. It started to rasp and wease, barely able to lift a limp leg up to touch the Smarty’s soft barrel.
“Waaaannnn dieeeeee. Wannnnn dddddiiie. Waaannn diiiiie. Wan. Die.” is all the unicorn Fluffy could endlessly repeat. The Smarty took a few seconds to sob in complete misery. Wiping away its tears the Smarty trotted over to the little crimson chirpy. Even compared to the already small Smarty, the chirpy was tiny. The Smarty used its mouth to grab the chirpy baby off the grass. A chirpy is so small and delicate it cannot even be picked up by its neck scruff yet. Their mommas have to move them with their whole mouth, a phenomenon that in better circumstances would be both comically and unbearably cute and adorable.
The Smarty scooped it up gently, one of the very few things every Fluffy instinctively knew how to do. The chirpy had hit the grass facedown, bucked off its surrogate momma’s back in a careless and clumsy affair, and immediately went into a state of brain death from the impact. It had died from the involuntarily voided piss that pooled around it, drowning in its own urine.
The tail half of the dead chirpy flopped around inside the Smarty’s mouth, the rear legs and genitals sliding across its tongue with every trot, leaving a horrible taste that made it sob more. Bloody urine dripped heavily off the dead chirpy’s upper body and front legs, limply bouncing around hanging halfway out the Smarty’s lips. The Smarty trotted over to the barely alive unicorn and set the dead chirpy down on its barrel.
The unicorn weakly slithered its tongue out from its fat lips and licked the piss riddled dead baby. “Babbeh…… nee miwkies……mummah….su bad….wan…diiiiiieeeeeeew.” it moaned. The unicorn’s head fell to the side and it exhaled one last breath.
Smarty bawled and cried for a few moments more. Its wings drooped low and sad, its fluff filthy. Snot oozed out of its little peach nose.
It was all alone now.
“sniiiif Wah Smawty gon du? Whewe Smawty gon gu? Where Smawty gon get nummies? Huuuuuu!! Huuuu-huuu-huuuu!!! Smawty nu knu wah duuuuuhuhuhhuuuuu!!” It bellowed out a few thick turds that fell wetly at its hoofs.
Dick slammed the door to his Silverado closed as cigarette smoke trailed out his lips and past his gray mustache. The sun had just barely come up, and the dew on the grass would be drying up quickly. His Silverado had a special service box over the frame that contained a variety of tools and equipment used in Fluffy control. He slid a pair of Multicam Mechanix gloves over his hands and latched the velcro closed.
The damage that Fluffies are capable of inflicting on the environment is unprecedented in a way that nothing else, be it natural or man made, has ever posed a risk like. As was discovered all too quickly within the summer months of 2013, the Fluffy is extremely toxic and highly destructive.
Nobody knows how those original six Fluffies escaped into the Pawtucket forest, but their presence was felt nearly overnight. Fluffies have tiny stomachs and voracious appetites combined with an unexplainably rapid metabolism that require them to feed hourly. The Fluffy’s omnivore diet will drive them to eat any and absolutely everything possible that can be considered edible.
Within only one week, six Fluffies nibbled away 90% of the plant life within the Slater Memorial Park area. The forest was so rapidly removed of its natural flora and greenery that the ecosystem was endangered. The herd quickly moved on to a new food source after drying up the Pawtucket forest, leaving a toxic wake of diarrhea behind them
It should go without saying the only thing a Fluffy does more than eat is shit. The beautiful north eastern greens and oranges were replaced by a foul, soupy brown and murky pale-yellow. The waste of the Fluffy is puzzlingly acidic and toxic. Fluffy shit will dry up and kill any plant life it comes into contact with, and if allowed to seep into the soil will poison the ground and make any form of growth or agriculture impossible for months. Even today after an emergency regrowth and cleaning relief effort headed by the Federal Government, Pawtucket still has never fully grown back. The damage was allowed to accumulate so quickly that full recovery is simply impossible.
And so, that original herd of six Fluffies spread out from the forest and into the urban heart of Rhode Island where their path of destruction continued. It was here in the alleyways of Pawtucket and Providence that the Fluffies expanded their population and increased their damage. Fluffy urine will erode common urban materials like brick, concrete and plastic. Fluffies will nibble through wires, small pipes, and lawn fixtures. They deflate tires, knock over trash cans, destroy gardens, trespass, loiter, clog culverts and drain pipes, get stuck inside transformers, HVAC systems, and septic tanks, and above all else, constantly beg passing humans for food and affection.
Needless to say, something had to be done about all the feral Fluffies. Only two years later in 2015, Rhode Island was blessed with the first established Fluffy control business and services. Now, Fluffy control is a global trade that is taught in technical schools. Dick was a privateer, proud, officially state certified, one-man show that worked on an on-call basis that was rather famous around the city. He was more expensive than the several big-name Fluffy control chains in the area, but was infamously more thorough and performed a better clean up. He slid on his favorite pair of Oakley sunglasses he preferred to work in.
“Jesus H. Christ, what a mess. Guy didn’t say there was a massacre.” Dick said to himself as he opened up a door on the service bed. He took out a specialty Fluffy sized snare pole. Dick had decorated the snare pole with several Hello Kitty and Sumikko Gurashi stickers.
A small, lime green and purple Fluffy with an infected eye sat on its hind legs in a center of what Dick could only describe as the remains of a Fluffy scale war. A small smattering of blood, shit, and gore was spread out in a roughly three feet wide patch near the edge of the parking lot. Dick extended out the Fluffy snare pole to its full length of five feet.
He got down on a knee and examined the blood splatter. There were bloody coyote tracks everywhere. “Ahh, so that’s the culprit. Couple ‘yoties got em’. Good haul too by the looks of it, almost killed them all.” he said aloud again. The lime green Fluffy sniffed loudly, making Dick ruffle his face in annoyance. The Fluffy stopped crying and looked up at the man. His hair was gray, his face old and his clothes smelled like trees and grass.
“Hoomin! Dummeh hoomin! Am Smawty! Smawty am habin’ daw wowstest day ebah! If hoomin dummeh don’t gib nummies wight noaw, Smawty gon’ gib sowwie poopies to owd hoomin! Nu scawed of sowwie stick, eithew! Su, stawt gibbin’ em tu Smawty!” The little Fluffy stood with a wide stance and puffed its cheeks out aggressively. Its left eye was horrendously infected and swollen, the puffy red eyelid dripped a thick, yellow puss and was noticeably encrusted with shit. It tried its best to narrow the other eye.
Dick laughed. “A Smarty, huh? Bet you think you’re tough.” The Smarty puffed its barrel up now too, stomping its hoof into a puddle of blood. “Smawty AM tough! Waaaay tougha’ dan dumb, stoopie, owd hoomin! Dats it, gon’ get wowstest sowwie poopies noaw!”
The Smarty exhaled with a prolonged snort. It shuffled its hoof caps and turned to face its rear at the gray haired man. The Smarty raised its tail up and widened its two rear legs. Dick could see the Fluffy’s tiny asshole start to pucker. With a chuckle, he reached down onto his utility belt and grabbed the canister of UDAP bear spray.
With a squeeze of his gloved finger, the bear spray shot out a thin stream of orange liquid that was highly concentrated with Oleoresin Capsicum. This pepper spray was formulated with a level of intense heat that was originally intended to stop a Grizzly Bear. With careful aim, all of the capsaicin laced liquid sprayed over the Smarty’s asshole.
“SCCRREEEEE!!!”
Immediately, the Smarty screamed and jumped half a foot off the ground from the sudden and intense pain. The flowing current of liquid shit it had summoned receded back up and into its gut as the Smarty painfully yelped and tightly clenched its asshole.
“POOPIE PWACE WOWSTEST BUWNIES!!! HUWTIES AN’ BUWNIES!! WAI POOPIE PWACE SU HUWTIES AN’ BUWNIES! WAH HOOMIN DU TU SMAWTY! SCREEEEE!” yelled the Smarty. Within seconds it was fully incapacitated. The Smarty dropped down onto its hind and started frantically dragging its ass across the grass like a dog, leaving a smudgy trail of shitty blood behind its tail.
“GWASSIES HEWP SMAWTY! MAKE POOPIE PWACE BUWNIES GU WAY! PWEASE HEWP SMAWTY! HUUU-HUUU, HUWTIES!” after only a few hefy trots forward on its ass the Fluffy was completely exhausted, drenched in sweat, and rapidly panting. The adrenaline and endorphins in its tiny system smacked it like a truck and sent its whole face and legs into a tingling overstimulation, flopping it over onto its side.
Dick effortlessly latched the snare pole around the crying and panting Smarty’s neck and cinched it tight. The Smarty farted a fan shaped mist of blood out and hollered.
“Poopie pwace hab boo-boo juice! Huwties! Huuuu-hu-huuuuuuuuuu! sniiiif”
Dick kneeled down close to the Smarty. “Stop sniffing.” His breath was gross, like the coyotes. It made the Smarty ruffle its nose. He lifted up the Smarty with the snare pole. Wrapped around its chubby neck, several squishy lumps of loose flesh and lime green fluff were bunched up around the snare. Dick held the snare pole upright against the front of his left shoulder, dangling the Smarty in the air with its four legs limply hanging across its barrel, its penis and testicles flopping in a back and forth sway. The snare restrained the Smarty in a way that choked it, but didn’t asphyxiate it.
Dick leaned the pole up against his Silverado. He spun it around in a place a few times and laughed.
“Wooah! Stop! Smawty am gettin’ dizzy! Stop it dummeh hoomin! Nu wike dizzy!”
Dick stopped the Fluffy with its back facing him. He firmly gripped the neck scruff behind the purple mane as he uncinched the snare. The Smarty flared its legs randomly and tried to wiggle out of Dick’s tight grip while huffing and grunting. He causality slid the snare pole back into its specific slot on the top of the service bed and walked around to the rear of the pickup truck with the Smarty in tow. The center of the Fluffy control specialized service bed was a compartment for live Fluffy storage.
“Alright, Smarty. You’re gonna go in here with some new friends and play while I clean up. There’s some toys in there.” said Dick. He spoke with a blunt Minnesota accent that flowed with a steady cadence. The Smarty crossed its front legs and blew a raspberry at Dick.
“PPPPPFFTTH! Smawty nu cawe! Smawty knu dat hoomin jus’ wiyin’! Aww hoomins ebah du is wie! Nu bweev!” said the Smarty sternly. Dick used his pointer and thumb to tightly pinch the two light pink lips of the Smarty closed. Hard enough that it really hurt. The Smarty made a muffled eep and rapidly fluttered its wings.
“You’re right, I am lying. I guess you are a smart Smarty. Now, shut the fuck up and get in the box, shitrat.” Dick let go of the Smarty’s lips, leaving a deep purple mark where his fingers were, and unlatched the diamond plate steel door in the center of the service bed.
As the Smarty gazed what was inside, its one working pupil shrunk down to nothing but a tiny black dot, and a tiny dribble of piss ran out its penis and down its left hind leg and soaked into the fluff. The compartment was roughly three feet wide and six feet long, running all the way back to the rear of the cab. Inside were eight Fluffies all of different colors, types, and genders, with five adults and three foals. There were completely packed in and uncomfortably cramped, all of them awkwardly trying to stand on top of another or sit down in the way of another. They were constantly shuffling and shifting, endlessly trying to get comfortable and finding no relief. They could not help but regularly shit and piss on each other from such tight confinement. All of them were miserable and ugly crying, their Fluff stained with dark wet patches around their eyes. The floor of the compartment was laid with two disgusting fleece blankets stained with various green and brown splotches of shit and crusted stiff with dried up piss, cum, and vomit. Underneath the literal layer of filth both blankets were coated in, the vague images of characters from Paw Patrol and The Avengers could barely be made out.
“Wet Fwuffy out! Pwease wet Fwuffy out! Nu pwetty in ewe’! Nu woom tu pway ow wun! Miss famiwy! Miss bruddah! Wat ebah Fwuffy did Fwuffy am su sowwie! Huuuuu–huuuuuuuuhuuuuu–huu!” cried a Fluffy from in the back, still in the darkness.
Dick stroked his mustache a few times. He looked over at the horrified Fluffy in his hand the 8 mortified Fluffies inside his service bed. One of the Fluffy’s inside loudly had wet diarrhea from the stress and started sobbing. “Damn, I’m already over capacity the way it is. Guess it’s your lucky day little green Smarty. You get to ride on the fun time spike!”
The Smarty glanced up at Dick as he closed the door to the compartment to the sounds of pleads, begs, and screams from its captives inside. The sounds of crying, screaming, and farting were so loud Smarty still heard them with the door closed. “Wah fun time spike? Am nummies? Smawty nee nummies wight noaw! Wet gu!” The Smarty pathetically kicked back its back legs against Dick’s wrist and forearm.
On the A-pillar of Dick’s Silverado was a custom installed vertical spike that jutted out from the bodywork about an inch or so and pointed upwards with a sharp tip that got wider down the length. It was long, at about 5 inches and was welded, bondo’d, primed, and repainted in its installation that it looked almost like a factory option. Dick had hand painted the spike Barbie pink with a white rolling stripe that wrapped around the entire length like a barber shop pole. The Smawty loudly gulped in a cartoonish fashion.
“That’s the fun time spike, you get to see all of God’s whole world when you ride on it. It’s a life changing experience for a Fluffy. Oh, and it hurts like hell, too.” Dick changed his grip, and tightly grabbed the Smarty around the throat. It gagged and grabbed at Dick’s fingers, trying to pry them away with its stubby heart-shaped hoof caps. He slammed it down hard on the top of the service bed, forcing out a soupy light brown turd from the Smarty’s severely red and inflamed asshole. It rolled over the diamond plate. Dick got close to the Smarty again, breathing in its face.
“Ahh, I was waiting for it. You see, and you’ll understand this since you’re a Smarty, to willfully allow any Fluffy waste to contaminate the environment is a direct EPA violation.” Dick tightened his grip. “I saw you shit this out. Which means I was aware of a Fluffy excreting within my immediate presence. If I let this single, fat little Fluffy turd kill a patch of grass, I’ll get fined $44,000 minimum. I’ll loose my Fluffy control license, my EPA certification, hell, Feds would probably blacklist me from the whole trade.” The soupy turd kept rolling. As it reached the edge of the service bed it balanced a few seconds before rolling off. It didn’t even fall for a second before Dick instantly grabbed it with his hand. The turd squished between the fingers of his glove and dripped a light brown juice.
“And because of that, now I had to touch a piece of Fluffy shit with my hand. My gawdamn hand!!” screamed Dick. Specs of saliva pelted the Smarty’s pink muzzle skin. Still pinning the Smarty down by its neck, Dick rubbed the soupy, dripping turd all over the Smarty’s barrel. It instantly turned into tacky, brown mush as it left his hand and clung to the strands of the Smarty’s fluff in big, sticky clumps. “NUUU!!! Not Smawty’s pwetty fwuff!! Nuuuuuhhuhu!! Smawty nu wan be ah poopie babbeh! Huuu-huuu, wan pwetty gween fwuf back!! Huuu! Huu! Huuu-huuuuhuuu!” cried the Smarty as its own shit was mashed into its fluff.
Dick tried to flick off the last clumps of shit from his glove and rustled through a drawer in the service bed before pulling out something cream white colored and spongy looking. “Hold still, or I’m breaking your gawdamn leggies!” said Dick as he started to wrestle one handed with the kicking and screaming shit covered Fluffy. He unfurled the object and forced one of the Smarty’s rear legs through a slim fitting hole, and in a few seconds wrestled the second one through an identical slim fitting hole. In one motion Dick pulled the padded, spongey garment up to the Smarty’s barrel just a couple inches above its penis. The Smarty’s purple tail was pinned down inside the garment and only a section of the frilly tip poked out. The Smarty looked down and gasped in horror, misery, and unrelenting embarrassment.
“NU! NU! SMAWTY AM NOT DIAPEY BABBEH! NOT DIAPEY BABBEH! NU WOOK! NU WOOK AT SMAWTY WEAWIN’ DIAPEY!! NUUU!! NU WOOK!!!
Dick had placed a Loctite 413 Sealmaster Diaper on the Smarty. It was a tool specifically invented for Fluffy control by Loctite and consisted of a puffy diaper made of high-tension industrial canvas material that was slightly scratchy to the touch and fit very tight and slim around the leg holes. The inside consisted of a super high absorbency material that was both proprietary to Loctite and an a well guarded secret recipe. The real trick was on the back, however, which in place of a hole for the tail was a vacuum suction inlet.
Dick gripped the Smarty by the scruff again and went back around to the rear of the track. The Smarty was crying hysterically and was frantically trying to use its legs to cover up the diaper out of embarrassment. “Pwease stop, mistah! EvewyFwuff gon’ see-pwace Smawty inna diapey! Pwease take diapey awwf Smawty!” The service bed had a built-in air compressor near the rear. Dick grabbed the nozzle tipped hose off the fastened down coil and inserted it into the inlet on the back of the diaper. He flicked on the toggle switch on the compressor. It very loudly grumbled and wailed, terrifying the Smarty. It tried desperately to run away as the diaper was suddenly becoming tighter and tighter, scaring it even more.
After a few seconds and Dick had switched off the compressor, there was a loud splatter as the Smarty voided diarrhea in fear. The diaper now sat tight and form fitting against the body of the Smarty, the edges around its barrel and legs now sucked down against the skin. It had become vacuum sealed and now posed zero chance of leaking out waste.
The spew of diarrhea soaked into the absorbant inner lining. There was zero space between the Smarty’s body and the diaper, and it painfully rubbed and pressed against its fluff, saturating feces into it and causing uncomfortable itching. The more and more the Smarty shit and piss the worse the uncomfort and itching got.
“Nuhuhuhuhu, diapey icky and nu pwetty! Suuu gwoss! Diapey wubbin’ poopies aww obah Smawty! Pwease take diapey off! Pwease! Itchies!”. The Smarty was carried back over to the fun time spike, still embarrassed to be seen in a diaper. Dick held the little Fluffy up eye level with the spike. “That diapey will insure no little Fluffy turd pebbles roll out. So, go ahead and shit all you want little Smarty. That diapey ain’t gonna break. Ready for a ride now? It’s gonna be fun!”
Dick gripped the Smarty with two hands, one on each shoulder. “Nu! Stop! Nu wan’ fun time spike! Wook scawy an’ huwties! Nu wan!” He slowly lowered the Smarty down onto the spike, piercing it through the thick and loose neck scruff. It frantically fluttered its wings around and thumped them hard against its fuzzy lime green flank.
“SCRWWEEEE!! SCREEEEEE! SCWWEEE!”
It was a pathetic display before Dick’s eyes. The Smarty cried extremely loud, and thrashed in a jerky fashion by loosely flopping and swinging its legs in any direction it could shake them. The Smarty was stuck onto the spike by its scruff and dangled helplessly off the A-pillar of the truck. It bobbed and jiggled in every direction as the Smarty cried and struggled in extreme duress. A thick, single branch of Fluffy blood oozed off the spike and down the passenger door of the Silverado. Dick gently patted the hysterically crying Fluffy on the head. “Now just hang tight there while I clean up all your dead friends. I love music, Smarty, why don’t you sing for me while I work?”
It took a few seconds, but the Smarty eventually calmed down. Tears welled up in its big, cute eyes and it looked as if it could cry again at any second. “S-Smawty nu singin’ fow meanie owd hoomin! Owd hoomin gibbin’ Smawty wowstest neckie huwties an make weaw diapey! Nu singin’!!! Nu diapey!! Take diapey offa Smawty WIGHT NOAW!!! snnnnnniiff”. The Smarty ended its sentence with a wet, prolonged sniff. A sniff that audibly projected goopy snot bubbles and wet mucus globs in its report. It stopped Dick in his tracks. He turned around abruptly and stomped over to the Smarty.
Dick took his pointer and middle fingers and stuck them deep up the Smarty’s small nostrils. So deep, that his fingers cracked and split and the cartilage inside its nose and blood poured out over its quivering pink lips. He started lifting upwards, pulling all the Smarty’s weight against its nostrils. The Smarty gagged and rapidly banged its rear legs against the truck.
“Stop. FUCKING! SNIFFING!!!”
Dick yelled so loud he was sure someone across the street was going to call the cops. He took a deep breath and composed himself. He pulled out his fingers, leaving a long trailing pull of wet snot behind each one, and wiped the snot off on the Smarty’s fluff. The Smarty just whimpered.
What followed was an incredibly professional Fluffy control clean up job. Dick first picked up all the Fluffy remains by hand and placed them in a large Woolite brand Fluffy control disposal bag made of a crinkly translucent material. The Smarty cried and held up a single hoof as one by one its herd family was tossed in the bag. “Nu! Huuu-huuuu! Hewd am awweady fowevew sweepies! Huuuu! Huuuuu! Wai can’t dummeh owd hoomin jus’ wet dem be! Dose Fwuffies am awweady suffewed nuff’!”. The Smarty shit and pissed into its diaper more.
Dick roughly grabbed the sky blue and liquid white Fluffy by the mane and tossed it in the bag with the orange and mint Fluffies. He finally stood over the now dead pink and yellow unicorn with a dead crimson chirpy laid across it and tossed them both in as well. The bag bulged out, full of all the Fluffy remains and the inside walls dripping with blood. Dick sealed the top of the bag closed and walked back over to the rear of the truck again. Like the Smarty’s diaper it was a vacuum sealable bag with an inlet near the top. He hooked up the compressor and sucked all the air out of the bag. It flattened tightly and contorted around the mangled Fluffy corpses. Dick threw the bag in a drawer on the service bed containing two other vacuum sealed bags of remains. The Smarty looked on in horror.
The second big party trick equipped on Dick’s Fluffy control service bed was a built in STIHL pressure washer. He pulled the nozzle out to the grass from a long retractable hose and washed off the dense layer of blood and shit. The Fluffy shit was already staining the grass below it a crimson brown and rapidly drying it up and killing it. Dick directed the high pressure stream across the grass and into the storm gutter in the parking lot. It was a quick five minute ordeal to wash away all the shit, piss, and blood into the gutter. He finished off his procedure with some concentrated spot treatments of Hydro Mousse Anti-Fluffy Soil & Grass Treatment over the affected patches of grass.
Dick adjusted his Minnesota Twins ball cap and finished putting all his tools and equipment away. The Smarty was shedding a single tear. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a brand new iPhone. He held it to his ear in silence as it rang a few times. Dick started his voice mail message.
“Hey there Tucker, this is Dick Mayfield from North Kato Fluffy Control Services. If you remember you called me about a herd spotted at Highland Park at about two in the morning. We also spoke this morning as well.
Really appreciate you calling me even though it was very late and I wasn’t able to get back to you right away. Now I’ll be honest, once I got there a coupla ‘yoties got to em already but you really didn’t know that was gonna happen so I’m just gonna go ahead and only change my standard rate of $80. I captured and relocated a single Fluffy as well but I chose not to charge extra for that because it just has to be done, you know?
Anyway thank you again, Tucker. People like you who are vigilant and call these shitrats in ASAP are who keep Mankato clean. We’ll go ahead and put the charge to your card as you specified. Have a good day, buh-by.”. Dick swiped his thumb across the screen and put his phone back in his rear pocket on his cargos. Coming back to his Silverado the diaper around the Smarty had grown noticeably more swollen and saggy.
Dick spit directly into the Smarty’s face causing it to squeal. “Icky wawas! Nu wike!” He just laughed. “Look at how much you’ve shit, your diaper is disgusting! Bet you like that, huh shitrat?” The Smarty shook its head back and forth rapidly. “Nu wike diapey! Take! Offa! Smawty! Noaw!”. The Smarty made an awful retching sound and spit a very small loogie back out at Dick. It had zero speed or trajectory and almost immediately fell uselessly to the pavement with a splash.
Dick delivered a precise slap using only his fingertips across the lips of the Smarty causing them to comically bounce and snap back into place in a huge splatter of Fluffy salvia. The Smarty started crying and attempted in vain to use its front hoof caps to hold its lips. “We’re all going back to the relocation center for a pizza party, shitrat. If you’re a good Fluffy and keep quiet while I’m driving I might give you an invitation. Deal?” The Smarty fluttered it’s one good eye. “Wait. Weawwy? Owd hoomin not wiein’? Smawty nu wan bweev dummeh owd hoomin!”
Dick scoffed. “Fine, I’ll just eat the slice of pizza I ordered for you myself instead. Dumbass shitrat. All you had to do was say yes.”. He took the key fob to the pickup truck out of his pocket and the alarm chirped once as it unlocked. The diaper on the Smarty distended lower another inch with gross mushy squishing sound. “Nu! Nu pwease wait! Smawty wan num pweeza! Smawty wiww nu tawkies! Smawty gon pwomise tu du nu tawkies stawtin’ noaw!” There was no time to blink before the Smarty spoke again. “Smawty am duin’ suuuuu bestest good at duin’ nu tawkies, hehe! Nu dummeh odah Fwuffy can du nu tawkies bettah dan Smawty! Heheha!”
There was a face to palm moment for Dick, and he held that position for several seconds as the Smarty continued to excitedly babble. He looked past his fingers and the absolutely filthy lime green Fluffy was lit up with happiness and pride.
He should fix that, Dick thought to himself.
Mid sentence, Dick pinched the Smarty’s lips again. “Shut up.” he said cold and calmly. As the Smarty started to struggle and make muffled yelps he used his other hand to pinch the now very swollen bright red eyelid of the Smarty. The reaction was instant. The Smarty’s muffled yelp turned to a muffled scream as it started to disturbingly and rapidly convulse from the pain. Dick pulled back slowly, stretching the nasty inflamed and infected eyelid nearly two inches away from the Smarty’s face.
And then he let go.
The eyelid snapped back hard and impacted the large, infected eyeball behind it. A huge spray of liquidy sickly yellow pus and thick blood leaked from the lids and ran down the Smarty’s face and off its little pink chin. There was a muffled squelching sound and suddenly the Smarty’s cheeks puffed up with large chunks that poked out from behind the skin in odd and uneven shapes. Dick unclasped his fingers from the Smarty’s lips and a torrent of vomit fell out, followed by a ear splitting high pitched scream.
The Smarty was so incapacitated with intense pain it could say nothing. It just hyperventilated and convulsed for several more minutes with vomit chunks stuck to its face. Dick got inside his truck and fired it up. The noise of the 6.2L EcoTec3 V8 engine completely terrified the Smarty, who produced even more piss and turds into its even more sagging diaper. A very small brown stain was forming at the bottom.
“VWOOM-VWOOM MUNSTAH! VWOOM-VWOOM MUNSTAH!!! BIGGEST SCAWIES!!! NEE WUN WAY HUUUHUU! NEE WUN WAY!!!” The Smarty was completely losing its fucking mind. It bicycled its four legs frantically and panted and huffed. As Dick pulled out of the parking lot and the Smarty was limply jostled around on the fun time spike, for a few minutes all it could do was scream and cry and bicycle its legs uselessly.
Mankato was a small city on the south side of Minnesota, not terribly far from the Iowa border. Some 44,000 people lived there and it was estimated that the Fluffy population was roughly 1 for every 20 people. It certainly lacked the type of urban bustle weirdness the cities had and was far more homey. Dick lived on the north side of the city in a rather upper middle class suburb.
The Smarty had never seen this much of the city before. It was frightening and anxiety inducing, but most of all it was traumatically embarrassing. As it flopped around on the side of the truck everyone pointed, laughed, and looked. Pedestrians took pictures with their phones and cupped their hands to shout words like “shitrat” and “diaper baby” and passengers inside the passing traffic all gawked. The Smarty had beat red blushing cheeks and was obsessively trying to use its legs to hide its ever more and more sagging diaper. Dick tapped against the infotainment screen inside the cab and increased the volume on the radio to no avail, not even a nearly maximum volume rendition of Dirty White Boy by Foreigner could drown out the sound of high pitched crying and screaming.
“NU WOOK! STOP WOOKIES HUUU! HUUUHUUU! SMAWTY AM NOT DIAPEY BABBEH!! STOP IT! HUUUUUUHUU! NU WOOK AT DIAPEY!!! WAN OFFA FUN TIME SPIKE!!!” yelled the Smarty. Its legs were thrown to the side as the truck stopped at a red light. Suddenly the Smarty’s good eye lit up big and bright. Its salvation was right there in front of it. Trotting in an extremely cutesy manner down the sidewalk was a Scootaloo colored Fluffy. A colt, humming a structureles song to itself with its head happily upturned. It’s orange fluff was dirty and frizzy and it had a lot of old, dried and crusted shit staining the fluff below its magenta tail and asshole.
“Owange Fwuffy! Hewp! Obah hewe! Huwwy! Sabe Smawty! Pwease sabe! Smawty say su or ewse!” shouted the Smarty. The Scootaloo stopped its trot and turned its head in curiosity, pricking up its little floppy ears. “Hewwo? Oddah Fwuffy?” The Scootaloo eventually noticed the impaled Fluffy hanging off the side of the vroom-vroom monster. Tears welled up in magenta irised eyes. “Oh nu! Fwuffy! Fwuffy comin’ tu hewp! Howe on!”
The Scootaloo quickly trotted to the edge of the sidewalk and abruptly skidded to a stop. Its head anxiously darted back and forth, loudly plopping out several wet turds. “Scawey! Fwuffy scawed ob bwack wockie! Huuu! Huuu-huuu-huuu! Scawed! Wan muuuuummmaah! Wan hewp Fwuffy on vwoom-vwoom munstah! Huuu!”. Now the Smarty was the one face palming. It scrunched its face and yelled at the Scootaloo. “IT AM WED WIGHT, DUMMEH! NU VWOOM-VWOOM MUNSTAHS COME WHEN WIGHT WED!! HEWP! HEWP!
Quivering and shaking, the Scootaloo slowly tapped the tip of one heart shaped hoof cap onto the pavement with its eyes closed and teeth clenched into a tight frown. “Am otay? Am Fwuffy safe tu cwoss bwack rockie? Fwuffy am stiww scawed!”. The light was going to flash green soon and the Scootaloo was doing nothing but wasting time. The Smarty yelled as loud as its little voice could.
“GAAAAAAH! IF DUMBASS OWANGE FWUFFY NU COME HEWE WIGHT NOW AN SABE SMAWTY DEN SMAWTY GON’ MAKE SOWWIE POOPIES DOWN OWANGE FLUFFY’S MOUTHIES AND MAKE SOWWIE PEE-PEES IN SEE-PWACE! SABE SMAWTY WIGHT NOAW! NOAW! NOAW! NOAW! NOAW!”
The Scootaloo started to scream and cry hysterically as its erratically performed the Fluffy equivalent of sprinting across the street to the pickup truck. “AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” it shouted as it ran with its eyes closed and head up. The Scootaloo bumped its nose against the truck and fell back on to its shit stained hind end. “Owies!” it said while rubbing its nose. The Smarty was furious, its cheeks still red but now from burning anger and annoyance. “Awww, dat su saddies dat Owange Fwuffy hab nosie huwties. NOT!!! NU CAWE! SABE SMAWTY! DU NOAW!” the Smarty kicked its rear legs.
The Scootaloo stopped for just a second and thought of its dear momma, a thought bubble forming in its tiny brain. “Fwuffy can sabe da Smawty cos’ Mommah waised Fwuffy tu be suuuuuu big an stwong fwom aww da good miwkies Fwuffy nummed! Mummah wuv Fwuffy suuuu muchies and Mummah bweev in Fwuffy! Fwuffy du anyting if bweev! Mummah wuv Fwuffy!!” said the Scootaloo’s momma in its thoughts. It pumped its orange leg. “Fwuffy can du anyting if bweev! Fwuffy hewpin! Fwuffy am hewpin!”
The Scootaloo was not helping at all.
The Scootaloo stood up on its hind legs and frantically hopped up and down, barely able to get half an inch of clearance off the pavement. It wiggled and stretched out its front legs hopelessly as it hopped, trying in some depressingly desperate attempt to pull the Smarty down, fully believing it could do anything to help at all. It quickly squeezed out a narrow ropey turd as it hopped that fell at its feet. Its little hoof caps mushed and mashed the shit up until it slipped and fell hard onto its back. The various loose stones and pebbles of the asphalt painfully dug into the Scootaloo colt as it landed with a breathy “oof!”.
“HUUUUHUUU-HUUU! HUWTIES FROM BWACK ROCKIES!”
The Smarty started to cry too, its diaper now hanging so low and heavy with piss and shit that it pulled the Smarty farther down on the fun time spike, drawing blood and making it squeal. The brown stain on the sagging bulbous bottom of the diaper was getting huge now, but despite with such an ungodly amount of shit inside it, the diaper held its vacuum seal perfectly and no odors or waste slipped out.
“AAAWWWGG! OU USEWESS DUMMEH! SMAWTY HATECHU! YOU NU SABE SMAWTY! OU JUS’ DU SAD WAWAS WIKE DUMMEH CHIWPY BABBEH! STOOPIE!”
The light flipped to green and the truck drove off, leaving the Scootaloo behind. It heard the sound of the screaming and crying Smarty gradually fade away. It sniffled and clumsily rolled onto its flank. “Wai, huuuu-huuu, wai hewpin nu wowk? Huuuuu-huuu, why Fwuffy nu hewp eben doe, huuuuuu, Fwuffy bweeved?! Am cos’ Fwuffy bad?! Huuuuu! Huuuu! Wan mummah! Wan hewp odah Fwuffy! WAAAAAAHHHUUUUUUU!”
Suddenly a silver Kia sped by through the intersection, honking loudly at the Scootaloo. The car scared several thin turds out of the Scootaloo as it made a frightened “Eeep!” and jumped to its feet like Shaggy and Scooby-Doo just saw a monster behind a hallway door. “Fwuffy siww on bwack rockie! Scawy! Dangewous fow Fwuffy! Nee wun way! Wun way wun way!” said the highly panicked Scootaloo.
The distinctive maroon and white livery of a Minnesota State Patrol car rapidly approached in the view of the Scootaloo’s watery, tear filled eyes. It was a Police Interceptor Utility, a hardy law enforcement SUV with a strong police push bar mounted off the front bumper. The trooper inside spoke out loud in joy and excitement. “Holy shit, an orange one! 10 points, hahahaha!” she said, laughing. The State Trooper flashed her cars’ lights and chirped the siren.
“WH-WHOOP WHOPP!” blared the police siren. The Scootaloo threw its front legs over its face and tightly closed its eyes so hard it hurt. A huge piss stream hissed out of its penis and drenched the pavement. “VWOOM-VWOOM MUNSTAH! NUUUUUUUU!”.
The impact made a huge, wet, bang as the Scootaloo was literally blown apart in an explosion of gore. The body was ripped away from the rear legs by force alone, and the front legs were ground against the pavement and pulverized into nubs. The Scootaloo’s head, face still frozen in a closed eye expression of pure horror and agony, rolled several feet down the road in a comical fashion, trailing a twisting blood streak behind it before coming to a stop in the gutter on a pile of litter and cigarette butts.
“Fuck yeah, one less call for Fluffy control.” said the State Tropper as she pumped a fist in satisfaction. The mangled remains of the Scootaloo’s body was smashed into the push bar and its guts splayed across the grille and hood in a fan shape. One good pressure wash back at the station and the patrol car would be good as new again!
“Dis nu weal. Nu bweev. Smawty am habbin’ wowest scawy sweepies! Nu bweev! Nu bweev! Huuu!” said the Smarty as it continued to be paraded around Mankato skewered on the fun time spike. The Smarty was becoming extremely exhausted and fatigued. It hadn’t eaten in over three hours and had spent nearly an additional hour straight doing nothing but crying, screaming, running, or flailing. It bobbled heavily on the fun time spike as the Silverado mounted the curb at the entrance to a Kwic Trip. The truck rumbled to a stop at a gas pump and shut off. Dick got out and went over to the Smarty.
It was starting to just slightly look visually emancipated and starved. It took no more than 45 minutes after eating for a Fluffy to feel hunger again, and only two hours before entering the bodily process of starvation. The Smarty had burnt up so much energy that it couldn’t even produce tears any more. “How you holding up, shitrat?” said Dick as he casually stuck his card into the gas pump and grabbed the glossy black colored gas pump handle.
The Smarty sobbed and hung its head low, drooping its wings. “Miswahble. Su hungies. Hab wowest embawwassed feews. Smawty’s speshal wumps suuuuu itchies fwom aww da poopies in most STOOPIES diapey dat Smawty weawin’.”. Dick chuckled. “Really don’t like that diaper, huh?” He asked it. The Smarty rapidly shook its head. “Wes! Wan offa Smawty! Pwease take offa diapey wight noaw! Noaw says Smawty! Wight! Noaw!”
Dick took the gas nozzle out of his truck and slid it back into its designated space on the pump. “Well, if you really don’t like that diaper very much then I’ll just give you something else to think about so you forget you’re even wearing it.” Casually in a swift set of motions, Dick grabbed the Smarty’s left front leg and twisted it clockwise in a 720; two full 360 degree rotations. It crunched and munched loudly as Dick’s rotational force turned the leg bones inside into pure power. The skin twisted around in a tight kink that both looked and felt extremely painful. Dick cupped a hand over the Smarty’s mouth, muffling the long scream.
“See, now you don’t remember it.”. Dick left the Smarty to dangle. It let out several exaggerated huffs as it hung limp. “I’ll be right back, just running inside. Want anything, shitrat?” The Smarty ignored him, and just sobbed. The Smarty closed its good eye and just sobbed without any tears. How did it end up like this? It just wanted to protect its family and make babies with Pinky Yellow and be the bestest daddy with the most pretty mare in the herd. It failed to do anything, failed to save anyFluff. Now it couldn’t even save itself.
The Smarty’s self deprecating self reflection was interrupted by a specific sound that instantly shot a jolt of adrenaline into its tiny blood stream. A low and rapid buzzing that perked the Smarty’s ears up in fear was coming from a slender paper wasp that descended from its umbrella shaped nest. The sugary sweet smell of the meat within the Smarty was arousing the predatory insects’ odor receptors.
The Smarty started to uncontrollably hyperventilate. It’s eye was fixed on and the black and yellow insect that was hovering in a jerky and erratic manor. It’s deep black eyes struck a paralyzing fight-or-flight response in the Smarty that it was helpless to act on. “NUU!! WOWSTEST BUZZIE MUNSTAH!!! SMAWTY GON PASS OUT! CAN’T WUN WAY! DIS TU MUCH!!! DIS TU MUCH!!! SOMEFWUFF PWEASE HEWP SMAWTY!!! SU SCAWIES!!!” shouted the Smarty as it deposited loose and watery diarrhea into its diaper. Every head in the Kwic Trip turned to the commotion. The paper wasp suddenly landed right on the muzzle of the Smarty. The spindly little black legs tickled and scratched against the Smarty’s soft skin. The wasp made a loud jittery buzz as it fluttered its wings for a second. It faced the Smarty directly, staring directly into its eye as its mandibles twitched.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!”
The terrified Smarty screamed bloody murder. The paper wasp jabbed its stinger into the delicate skin of the muzzle before buzzing off in a jet back to its nest. There was a stinging burning sensation that flushed through the Smarty’s entire muzzle. It clutched at its rapidly swelling muzzle with its one functioning front arm and painfully flopped the broken one. “Wowstest huwties! Wowstest huwties! Pwease make it stop! Make the huwties stop pwease! Smawty sowwie!!!’ it wailed as its lips, cheeks, and nose began to swell up and get puffy.
“Nu! Nuu! Huwties make sickie wawas come! Oh–urrg, dey comin’ up! Aaooww!”” whimpered the Smarty as a chunky dribble of green and brown vomit slithered out past its gums and all over its barrel. The pain of the paper wasp venom was the most intense pain the Smarty ever felt. Its entire muzzle felt burnies and hurties at the same time, but from the inside, in way that no huggies could make better. Dick came back from inside the Kwik Trip carrying a plastic bag of some purchases. He laughed at the sight of the Smarty.
“Ha, holy shit. What happened to you, shitrat?” he asked the Fluffy as he opened the passenger side door and put the plastic bag on the passenger seat. The Smarty sniffled, which made Dick grunt and narrow his eyes. “Da wowstest most tewwifyin’ Buzzie munstah! Came an’ gabe Smawty da wowstest buwnies huwties ebah! Su scawed an’ huwties an’ saddies! Huuuuhuuuhuuuuuuu!” it cried. “Well, that sucks.” said Dick calmly before getting back into his Silverado.
The ride back was mostly silence from the Smarty except for an occasional squeal when the truck hit a bump. Its diaper, which now was nearly drooping several inches below its crotch, nastily sagged and swayed, the cream white color now mottled into brown. The vacuum seal around its legs and barrel were starting to cut into the skin and cause painful abrasions.
The truck bounced over the curb and into the driveway of Dick’s house before rolling to a stop in the garage. He clicked the remote clipped to the sun visor and the garage door slid closed. The Smarty started to cry and panic and shit itself as the room was suddenly filled with pure darkness.
“Dawkies! Dawkies! Nu wike! Smawty nu wike! Huuuuu!”
The lights were controlled with an app from Dick’s phone. His finger swiped across the screen and artificial white light filled the space.
The garage was an absolute abuser paradise. It was a large three car garage. The first two spaces were for Dick’s vehicles. His work Silverado was parked in the middle in the center lane of the garage and next to it, against the west wall, was an immaculately restomodded 1970 Boss 302 Mustang. The space in the garage on the east side, the largest space intended to hold a large vehicle or several boomer toys like a side by side and a four wheeler, was set up as a highly complex Fluffy abuse station.
It had the visual aesthetics of a safe room with the garage concrete floor laid over with a large pastel peach colored carpet that was cut and fitted to the dimensions of the walls. The drywall was painted robin’s egg blue with large hand painted fluffy white clouds that abruptly faded back to the unfinished gray and spackle at the far side of each wall.
The real star of the whole setup was the custom ordered and installed YUKON brand workbench that ran the entire length of the east wall. Its construction was powder coated matte black steel with a variety of cabinet doors and pull out tool drawers built into it, and the tabletop was made of solid wood that was varnished and lacquered to prevent corrosion from Fluffy bodily fluids.
Against the wall directly above the work tabletop was a wall-length pegboard with a long LED light strip running across the top edge. The pegboard, the cabinets, and the pull-out tool drawers were fully stocked and meticulously organized with nearly every single instrument of Fluffy abuse imaginable. There were power tools, hands tools, culinary knives, lawn care tools, surgical instruments, dental equipment, several batteries, sewing needles, fishing hooks, hammers and mallets of every size and material, small pistols chambered for 22 Long Rifle cartridges, a table mounted vice grip, a table saw, a drill press, and a Dremel 4300 rotary tool with the full range of bits and accessories.
Dick stepped out of the pickup truck and shut the door. He shuffled his key fob in his hand until he found the key that unlocked the compartment on the service bed that was storing the captured Fluffies. He stopped to face the completely miserable Smarty.
“Alright, shitrat, listen up. Me and my new Fluffy friends here are gonna have a pizza party. If you behave, shut up, and don’t sniff your nose, I’ll let you have a slice of pizza.”
“Pwezza? Smawty wan pwezza! Wan pwezza noaw!” the Smarty babbled while kicking its rear legs. Its diaper was so bulbous that the Smarty’s rear legs just mashed into the puffy shit filled diaper. Dick maneuvered the key between his pointer and middle fingers and punched the Smarty in the guts, right in the stomach above where its diaper stopped on its barrel. The key punctured through the weak skin and fat and through the stomach lining. Dick ripped the bronze key out with force and the Smarty wailed.
“WAAAAHHHHUUUHUUHUU! TUMMEH HUWTIES! OWIES!”
The small slit shaped wound oozed blood and pale yellow stomach acid. Dick unlocked the compartment as the Smarty weeped and whimpered. The eight Fluffies shielded their eyes and hid their faces as the anxiety-inducing all-swallowing wave of darkness inside the compartment was suddenly pierced by an intentionally harsh and artificial white light from the suspended lights of Dick’s garage.
Immediately Dick was assaulted with a curdling stench of shit, piss, and vomit and the splitting screeches of eight crying Fluffies all wailing and sniffling in unison.
“Wite su huwties Fwuffy see-pwace! But Fwuffy nu wan be in dawkie nu mowe! Huuu! Pwease make wite wess huwties, Fwuffy wan good an’ happy wite.” one of the Fluffies said from the back of the cramped pile.
“Wan Mummah! Huuu-huuu-huuu, am onwy widdwe babbeh! Nu faiw! Babbeh nee miwkies an’ wuv stiww!” cried a foal.
One by one, Dick pulled each Fluffy out roughly by the neck scruff. There were five adults, three colts and two mares, in addition to three colt foals. He had lined the carpet around his abuse station with cinder blocks. He tossed the first Fluffy in, a yellow and purple pegasus colt, and it landed with a rough thud. Its yellow fluff was scruffy and sickeningly filthy. It fluttered its fat and stumpy wings.
“Nu! Dis nu bettah dan scawy dawk pwace! Fwuffy nu wan dis, wan wun way back to happy grassies and speciaw fwend! Nee wun way!” babbled the Fluffy pegasus. It trotted in a hurried panic to the edge of the carpet until met the cinder blocks and skidded to a sudden halt. “Nu, move outta way dummeh bwockies! Pwease, huuu-huu, pwease move bwockies! Fwuffy nu can wun way wif bwockies in way! Hhuuuu!”
Had the Fluffy only a smidgen more of intelligence it would have realized that it was capable of easily hopping over the cinder blocks. Instead, it hopped its weight from side to side while crying and slopped out several mushy logs of shit. Dick repeated this process with the remaining seven Fluffies who each reacted with their own self defeat at the face of the cinder blocks.
The group of Fluffies all stood scattered about the carpet hopping, bouncing, and run in a cute and adorable sense of panic and dread. Dick slammed the compartment door closed and walked over to the abuse station. A two-tone coral pink and day glow pink earth colt looked up at Dick with bubblegum eyes. “Pwease, mistah! Pwease moovb meaniest dummeh bwockies outta wat su Fwuffy can wun way! Fwuffy wan wun backa tu pwetty soft bed! Fwuffy sowwie fow wun way fwom housie!” it whined to Dick.
Dick slipped two fingers into his lips and whistled loudly, causing everyFluff to jump and cover their ears. “Huwties heaw pwace!” cried the impaled Smarty from the back. “Good, now that I have everyFluffs attention. Welcome to the pizza party! It’s very nice of you for all coming.” said Dick. The Fluffies looked up him, confused. “Buh…buh dis am scawies! Wan gu home! How dis am pweeza pawty?’ asked a navy blue and lime green unicorn mare with sad eyes.
“I know we got off to a rough start, but you’ve all been very good Fluffies for hanging in there this long. Very, very good Fluffies.” said Dick. The yellow and purple pegasus slightly perked up. “Fwuffy am gud?” it asked out loud. “Yes!” Dick answered excitedly. “You all are very good! That’s why I’ve invited you all to my pizza party. Does everyFluff know what pizza is?” Dick asked. A sky blue and orange earth colt nervously tapped its front hoof caps together. “Umm….pweeza am nummies…an ummm….weww pweeza am nu good as sketties…but pweeza am second bestest nummies aftah sketties….Fwuffy guess…” said the shy Fluffy in a very sheepish tone.
“Very good, pizza is nummies.” Dick said. “Now, I want you all to be good Fluffies and play nice for a few seconds while I go get the pizza.” The impaled Fluffy squirmed on the fun time spike. “Uo dummehs! Owd hoomin job es puttin’ Fwuffies tu fowevew sweepies! Don’t bweev wies!” it shouted to the group of dirty Fluffies. Dick walked up to the Smarty as he made his way to the door. He reached into the back pocket of his jeans and took out the nail clipper that settled at the bottom. He had no idea how it got in there and it had been bothering him all day.
Dick unfolded the nail clipper and forced a tiny pinch of the Smarty’s bottom lip in between the blades. He squeezed down hard and the dull nail clipping blades pinched down on the Smarty’s lip. The Smarty wailed in pain as dick pulled back until a small squeeze of flesh ripped off. He threw the bloodied nail clipper onto a corner of the Silverado’s service bed. “Don’t anyFluff listen to this asshole, he’s just a dumb poopy diaper baby! Hahah!” Dick laughed in the Fluffy’s face. It could only whimper, too tired, humiliated, and depressed to respond.
The doorbell sounded inside Dick’s upper middle class suburban home. He did an old hustle jog to the front door. A pizza delivery man stood on his stoop, a red colored warming delivery bag balanced against his flat palm. He had gotten behind schedule and the pizza he had mobile ordered had already been knocking at his door for a few minutes now. Dick apologized sincerely, and tipped well. He set the pizza down on his countertop and user his middle finger to flip the lid of the grease stained cardboard box open.
It was a local place called Dino’s, famous for their pizza. Ever since allegations of Fluffy abuse within the kitchen after hours, Dick had supported them obsessively. The pizza was fourteen inch with pepperoni and Canadian bacon. Greasy and delicious, it was lacking only one final ingredient.
“Fwuffy am su hungies! Wish mistah wouwd bwing pweeza now!” said a white and yellow unicorn mare. The Fluffies awkwardly shuffled about and introduced themselves like a kindergarten class on the first day of school. The three foals all sat clutched in a tight three-way hug and silently cried.
“Oh, wat pwetty douba pink fwuff dat Fwuffy haz! Wiww pwetty dubba pink Fwuffy shawe a piecea pweeza wif Fwuffy?” asked the navy blue and lime green mare to the two-tone pink colt. The aggressively pink Fluffy did a happy bounce. “Ub cowse Fwuffy wiww! Su happies tu get good pweeza nummies! Fwuffy wuv shawe wif odah Fwuffy. Fwuffy su good!” It said with a bounce in its high pitched voice.
Dick emerged back into the garage with the pizza box held between both his hands. Within seconds the tantalizing smell of pizza wafted into the little Fluffy noises and drove them wild. Even the impaled Smarty couldn’t help but salivate and lick its lips at the smell.
“Pweeza! Pweeza!”
“Wan pwezza!
“Dis bestest day ebah! Pweeza time for Fwuffy! Yay!”
Little voices cried out from the excited mob. Dick set the pizza down on his abuse station work tabletop. “Heh, you guys must be pretty excited.” he said. “Wes! Wes!” shouted a white and yellow earth mare. He flipped open the lid again, the smell escaping even more now and driving the Fluffies wild. They all stood up on their hind legs and bounced, chanting “Wan num pweeza! Wan num pweeza!”
Meanwhile, the foals continued to cry in their hug pile, ignored.
“I know you’re all hungry, and there’s enough slices here for everyone. But first, I have to add the special ingredient before I can give it to you.” The shy blue and orange Fluffy spoke up. “Wah…uhhh…wah am speciaw ingwedient?” it nervously asked. Dick bent down and ran his eyes across the various labeled drawers on his abuse station workbench before they stopped on “Poisons & Toxic Mat.”. He slid the door open.
“Why, it’s a secret of course. That’s why it’s special.” Dick grabbed a small square shaped gusset bottom packet of Tomcat Fluffy Killer Gelpak. Part of Tomcat’s line of Fluffy control products, Fluffy Killer Gelpak was a thick slurry dyed bubblegum pink that was composed of an anticoagulant, vacor, yellow phosphorus, strychnine, and arsenic and mixed with seventeen grams of real sugar to mask the taste. He zipped the top off the Gelpak, it always reminded him of opening up a bag of beef jerky, and thoroughly slathered the pink viscous gel all over the entire pizza.
“Grrrr! Stoopie Fwuffies! It am twick! Owd hoomin jus twickin’ da Fwuffies su can gib wowstest huwties dat gib fowevew sweepies! Don num! Don num! Pwease bweev Smawty!” shouted the Smarty. The navy blue and lime green mare blew a raspberry at the helpless impaled Smarty. The lime green fluff around its neck scruff was now crusty and curly with copper dried blood.“Pffffft! Nu bweev! Stop tawkies dummeh diapey Fwuffy!” The Smarty kicked and screamed. “Nu! Nu! Bweev Smawty! Nu wan see mow Fwuffies gu fowevbah sweepies!”
Dick gently slid the poisoned pizza off the cardboard and plopped it onto the dirty carpet. “Dig in guys! Enjoy!” Dick said with a genuine smile.
“Pweeza! Fank ou su much nice mistah!” shouted a white and yellow pegasus as it happily fluttered its wings. “Nummies!” cried a two tone coral pink and day glow pink earth Fluffy. The Fluffies all began to loudy and messily devour the poisoned pizza. They nibbled, chewed, chomped, and noshed wetly while making smacking and slurping sounds with their lips and filling their cheeks with big mounds of food. They smiled wide as they ate and made many “mmmmm” and “nom” sounds. The thick pink slop mushed in their mouth in long strands and stained their lips.
The three foals cried and wailed as they all sat on their hinds and flailed their front legs, cuddled together. “Huuu!! Huuu!! Babbeh wan miwkies! Nu faiw! Wai widdwe babbeh nu get miwkies! Huuu!! Su hungies! Huuu!” The other Fluffies paid them no mind, too absorbed in their own gluttony to notice three crying and hungry Fluffy children.
Within minutes the pizza was completely eaten with the exception of the crust, which sat uneaten nibbled down to the cheese with tiny teeth marks in a pile on the carpet. The Fluffies all expelled cute little burps and many sat or laid down, stuffed. “Pweeza was su good! Wan num moaw pweeza!” cried one of them.
Suddenly the two-tone coral pink and day glow pink earth Fluffy keeled over in intense pain. Flopped over on its side, it desperately tried to clutch at its stomach with its hoof caps. “What happenin’?! Fwuffy hab wowest tummeh huwties! Huuuuu-hu-huuuu! Huwties su bad! Oh–oh gawsh nu pwease, Fwuffy gon hab sickies wa-wa! Nuuuuuhuhu! Fwuffy nu can hewp it, sickies wa-wa comin’ noaw! Huuuuu!” With a lurch the Fluffy violently wretched and projectile vomited a pulpy stream of pink-orange-and brown vomit. Its eyes rolled back into its head with every heav, each spewing more puke each time.
“Nu! What wong, Dubba Pink! Pwease nu make mowe sickies wa-wa, am comin’ tu gib lottsa huggies tu Dubba Pink!” shouted the navy blue and lime green mare. “Awwwwg! Nu, habbin’ wowest sickies poopies! Huuu! Nuu! Nu wan hab sickies poopies-ohhh! Nnuuu!” The mare collapsed to its plantigrade knees as a high pressure stream of bloody, thin diarrhea spewed out its asshole and bloody piss hissed all over its teats. “Nu, nu! Pwease nu mowe wowest huwties sickies poo–blllaaaawwwhg!” The mare was cut off as it too started projectile vomiting.
Dick leaned back, put his arms behind his head, and watched the absolute pandemonium unfold. One by one each Fluffy fell into a state of great pain and panic as the fast acting cocktail of posion worked its magic. They screamed, cried, and wailed as they all shit and vomited uncontrollably, some shitting and puking on each other and in each other’s faces. Within seconds each Fluffy lay collapsed on its side, foul vomit oozing off their lips and toxic diarrhea pooling around them. They panted and hyperventilated as bloody foam fizzed from their mouths and their eyes rolled back.
“Wha…happenin….wai…bad pweeza…wan diiiiiiiie” said the navy blue mare as it weezed its final breath.
The end result was a pile of five dead Fluffies, each collapsed on their side. The foam fell off their mouths and started to clump onto the carpet while trickles of diarrhea still came out their assholes. The three foals all sat completely mortified. They clutched each other tightly in a cute three way hug and wailed hysterically, sitting inches away from dead Fluffies. Dick rose from his chair and walked over to the Fluffy den, now full of dead Fluffies.
He kneeled down and spoke to the foals. “Well, well, well. What do we have here? Three hungry little babies that all want their momma.” Dick snickered. One of the foals spoke up with a sniffle, a crimson red and forest green unicorn. “Huuu. Wai aw Fwuffies gu fowevbah sweepies?! Wai?!!! Huuuu! Suuuu hungies!!! Jus wan miwkies an’ huggies! Am onwy widdwe babbeh an’ nee wotsa wuv an’ huggies an’ miwkies.”
“What’s that? Did you say you want milkies? Is that what you said little red shitrat babby?” asked Dick in an incredibly mocking tone while cupping a hand over his ear. “Wes! Wes! Am widdwe babbeh an’ nee miwkies, babbeh su hungies!! Huu! Huuu! Babbeh nu knu wewe mummah am! Nee mummah an’ mummah’s miwkies cos’ babbeh am mummah’s bestest babbeh! Huuuuuuu! Huuuuuuu!” The little red foal threw a major tantrum as its two fellow foals joined in.
“You want milkies, huh? Alright. I’ll give you milkies. I’ll give you as much milkies as you want.” said Dick as he got back on his feet. “Huuu! Pwease gib miwkies tu babbeh!” Dick walked over to a Black & Decker mini refrigerator that was plugged into the wall on the opposite side of the garage. He slouched down and pulled open the door. A cream orange and pastel pink unicorn sat stuffed in the small space inside the refrigerator with a Popsicle ice cream treat taped to its right front hoof cap with black electrical tape. A thin layer of ice had formed on its frozen open sclera and a comically frozen drip of snot hung perfectly in place like an icicle from its right nostril. Dick reached past the stiff and frozen Fluffy and grabbed the pint of Kemps whole milk behind it before pushing the door closed again.
As Dick set the plastic bottle of milk down on the work tabletop he reached down and opened one of the many drawers. With a grunt he rose back up holding a plastic funnel colored blue. “OK, little Fluffy babby. I’ve got your milkies right here. Are you sure I should give it to you and not any of the other two babbies? They both look pretty hungry as well.” “Nu! Gib miwkies tu babbeh righ noaw! Wifout miwkies….gon gu fowevew sweepies wrom wowstest tummeh empties!” said the crimson foal. The other two immediately dismounted from their three-way hug. The tears in their tiny, black eyes only increased “Wah? Nu! How couwd othah babbeh tawkies dat? Aww daw babbehs nee tu shawe daw miwkies!” protested a white and red foal.
“Okay, milkies for little red shitrat it is. Dick pinched the corners of the crimson foal’s mouth and effortlessly forced it open. He could feel it try to squirm away. “Nu! Nu! Dis nu wight, nu am how gib miwkies tu babbeh!” it said with mumbled words. Dick slid the funnel down deep into the foal’s tiny throat and into its esophagus. The little foal rapidly swished its front legs back and forth as several poop pebbles rolled out of its ass. Dick slid off the blue cap on the milk jug and tipped it into the tunnel’s mouth.
The jug gurgled as a vacuum of air sucked into the mouth as the milk flowed out in great gulps. The poor little foal gagged and spit as its stomach was rapidly filled with milk, Dick watching its crimson belly get more and more rotund and bulged with every pulse of milk shot down its throat. Within seconds the foal’s stomach reached its breaking point. Trickles of bloody milk were being forced up and out the sides of the foal’s mouth as the stomach lining could no longer retain the pressure. The foal’s stomach was swollen out the size of a softball.
With a sickening snap, the foal’s stomach split open like a water balloon. Its bulging out fuzzy belly lost its rotound softball shape and fell downwards into an unglating lumpy blob that jiggled at its hoofs. Its eyes suddenly bugged out huge and bloodshot from the intense searing white hot pain. Like a jet, the last of milk quickly shot down the tiny throat and rushed into the foal’s body cavity. As Dick roughly pulled out the funnel from its throat, leaving a thin trail of salvia, the foal screamed, and screamed, and screamed. The foal screamed so loud and with its mouth so wide Dick could see its tiny tonsils.
The foal limply flopped over onto its side with a loud and painful slosh. Inside its body cavity bloody, stomach acid infused milk sloshed around all its organs. Its tiny heart made great splashes behind its ribcage as it beat inside a puddle of milk. As it weakly flopped a front leg over its barrel the foal made sickly wheezing breaths. Its expanding and contracting lungs were starting to quickly permeate the milk inside the body cavity, drowning the Fluffy from the inside.
“Blaagggghh…bblluuuaagg….bwaaad mwikkkes….wowstest bgghhhrrk…miwkies….wwwaaaaiiii.” it said with gurgly, pained words. The foal continued to lay on its side, making awful wet wheezing and rasping with its last breaths as the two other foals looked on in terror. They both sat on their hinds, in a fresh puddle of stinking piss, and bawled like scared children with their front hoof caps over their tightly shut eyes.
Dick made a basketball style flick of the wrist and perfectly landed the empty milk bottle in the trash can across the garage. “Hell yeah, that was KG all day.” said Dick with a fist pump. He turned to face the two living foals and the stinking pile of dead Fluffies.
“HUUUU! HUUUU! Pwease mistah, pwease, am onwy widdwe babbeh! Babbeh su scawed! Huuuuuu!!” one of them wailed while pissing. As Dick’s stomping footsteps grew near, the other foal made a jerky split into the opposite direction towards the cinder blocks. “WAAAHHUUU!!! NE WUN WAY FWOM MISTAH! AM JUS BABBEH AN NU KNU WA BABBEH DU WONG! HUUU! HUU-HUUU!”. It’s puny legs and tiny hoof caps sprinted as fast as they could. The little baby huffed and puffed, its heart almost tore through its barrel as it forced itself to keep sprinting. “Nee keep wunnin’ way! Come on weggies, pwease don stop wunnin’ wet! Babbeh nu safe stiww!”
The foal frantically skidded to stop as it reached the towering cinder block wall before it. Dick was closing in fast, his footsteps getting louder. His steel toe boot made a soggy squelch as it came down on the traumatized foal the runaway had split off of. Its end trails and pulverized bones spilled out from both sides of the sole like a pink puddle of chunky pancake mix.
“NUUUUUHUHUHUHUHUUUUU!!! BABBEH GET STOMPIES!!! Nee cwim obah dumb bwockies or babbeh gon get stompies tuuuuuhuhuhuhuhuuuu!!!”. What followed was the little baby Fluffy balancing up on its rear legs and sticking its front legs up as far as possible while rapidly jumping up and down while making tiny, cute little grunts. It could barely get off the ground at all. As it twisted its neck to look over its shoulder in a panic, Dick had gotten even closer. His boot was painted with Fluffy blood and gore.
“NU! NU! NU!!! STAY WAY! STAY WAY!! STAY WAY FWOM BABBEH!!! STAY WAY!!!”. Dick watched the pathetic and terrified Fluffy foal rapidly jumping up and down. He grabbed it with an open palm from behind across its back.
“NUUUUUUUUU!!!” it screamed while shooting out a huge turd spray from its ass. Dick gripped it hard until he felt a rib crack and shatter. “SCCCCREEEEE!!!”
“I can’t believe you wanted to run away from my pizza party. That is so rude! I was even going to give you a present. Why were you trying to run?” asked Dick. “PWEASE WET BABBEH GUUUHUHU! NU WAN FOWEVEW SWEEPIES!! AM ONWY WIDDWE BABBEH AN NEE WUV AND SU MANY HUGGIES AND WOTS AN WOTS OF MILKIES! HUU! HUUUUHUU! HU-HUUUU!”. Trickles of piss fell off of Dick’s fingers.
“Weave babbeh awwone! Haychu Dick! Smawty hate Dick su much it make Smawty feew wed!! An Smawty am gween!”
The Smarty shouted from across the garage. It was angry, its puffed cheeks blushing red and gritting its nasty teeth. “Well, welcome fucking back, sweetheart. You got something to say?” said Dick. “Yeah! Nu mowe huwties! Nu mowe fowevew sweepies! Jus, stop dis. Enough of dis. Smawty wan gu home and nebah hab tu see-pwace Dick ebah ‘gain!”
Dick turned to face the Smarty. “What are you going to do about it, diaper shit baby.”
“AM!!! NOT!!! DIAPEY!!! BABBEH!!!”
With the Smarty’s outburst of pure uncontrollable rage, its diaper finally split open. A huge, vertical slit tore open at first, before finally tearing in two completely. There was no word to describe the mass of Fluffy waste that proceeded to fall out. It was a sticky mound, a wet and squishy clump of huge globs of muddy slush and chunky liquid slurry. With a reverberating and immediately moist plop the contents of the diaper splattered over the body work of the Silverado and all over the floor.
“YOU SON OF A BITCH!!”
Dick threw the foal to the concrete ground at a 45 degree angle without a thought as he rushed over to the environmental nightmare covering his work truck.
“SCREEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeee!!!” said the sailing foal. Hopelessly flapping its tiny wings, long trails of tears flew from its eyes and its flapping penis spewed hot piss before it hit the ground head first. Its skull effortlessly cracked open into several large chunks and the whole of its brain matter and cranial fluids were sprayed in a chaotic mist across the floor. Its body tumbled ass-over end several rotations, completely shearing off a rear leg and launching it into the air while horrendously breaking a front at the shoulder joint. The body flopped to a halt in a mutilated lump that began to seep gross yellow-orange colored tissue and blood.
The shit pile grew as it continued to slide down off the truck in an ever increasing pile. The acidity of the waste was so concentrated that it audibly hissed and fizzed as it ate away the paint on Dick’s truck. Shiny flakes of paint chipped and fell to the ground alongside the wet clumps of turds.
“My truck, oh Jesus, my truck!” shouted Dick. He rain his pointer finger through the smeared waterfall of Fluffy shit and inspected it. “God damnit, ate it right down to the primer.” Dick wiped his finger off on the Smarty’s forehead, causing it to whine. “You don’t even know how many hundreds of dollars this is going to cost me to dispose of! You think I can just shovel your crap outback!? It had to go to the disposal center! Ah, fuck! Why am I even telling you this?” Dick just stopped and stared at the snickering Fluffy impaled on his truck.
“How did you even shit this much!?” The Smarty grew a wide and mischievous shit eating grin that spanned its entire face. “Haychu, Dick.” With that, the Smarty blew a raspberry in Dick’s face.
Sticky, sugary specs of Fluffy salvia pelted his face. Dick’s pupils shrank. His pulse pounded. His forehead began to sweat and his palms twitched.
Dick grabbed the Smarty by the mane and pulled forward with all his strength. The Smarty squealed as it was torn off the fun time spike in a spray of blood. Its neck scruff was torn clean off, the lime green fluff still attached, exposing a patch of raw lower dermal layers and muscle. “NOT SMAWTIES WOWM SCWUFFIE!! OWIES!! HUUU!”
“You’re going to wish those motherfucking ‘yoties had eaten you alive. Because I’m about to do so, so much worse.” said Dick as he carried the Smarty by its mane across the garage. It voided a liter of piss as it cried and pleaded. “Wait! Wait, pwease! Nu wan mowe huwties! Smawty su sowwie du mouthies-fawt! Pwease, Dick, wait fow secownd! Pwease!!!”
Dick raised the flailing Smarty up and then slammed it down hard on the sturdy wooden top of his abuse station table. “Oaaf!!” it weezed while simultaneously making a funny squeaky toy sound. “Nu! Nu dis happenin’!! Nee wun!” The Smarty quickly scurried back to its heart shaped hoof caps and started to bust away in a quick trot. Dick balled a tight fist and slammed it down like a club against the fleeing Smarty’s left flank. His strike made a loud smack and toppled it over onto the table. It skidded along on its side before coming to a rest against the table saw blade. “Weggie! Nuuuhuhuhu! Wowstest weggie owies!”
The Smarty’s chest rose and fell rapidly. Its eyes darted. It desperately tried to drag itself away. “Come here!” Dick grabbed the Smarty’s purple tail and tightly twisted it. With a firm pull and twist, he held the tail in-between the clamps of the vice grip and began to spin the handle with angered vigor. Within only a few seconds the vice grip had fully and tightly closed together, firmly clamped against the Smarty’s tail and holding the panicked Fluffy in place. Its heart-shaped hoof caps made a frantic clicking and scratching sound as it tried to pull itself free, causing only more pain.
“Owie!!! Dummeh metal cwamp pull on Smarty’s pwetty taiw! Huuu-huuuuhuuu! Wan wun way! Hhhhuuuuu! Nu wan huwties fwom meanie Dick! Weggie su huwties!” the Smarty Fluffy cried.
A loud farting splat of shit flung out the Smarty’s asshole and onto the table. Dick gripped the crying Fluffy by the jaw and looked into its one good eye. “Every single time you slither a greasy piece of shit out of your body, you get pain. That’s your first strike.” said Dick as started to shuffle through a cabinet under the tabletop.
The Smarty clenched its anus together tightly as it frantically pleaded. “Nu, nu! Pwease wait, Dick! Smawty am suuuuuu much sowwies for makin’ bad poopies! Smawty gon’ hold it in fowevew! Pwomise! Smawty nebah gon’ make poopies again! Jus’ pwease nu huwties!!! PWEASE!!!”
Dick snapped a pair of blue latex gloves over his hands. He calmly reached onto the pegboard and under the display of instruments labeled under the section “Medical Tools and Implements” and grabbed the surgical scalpel. “Let’s take care of that nasty eye. How the hell did you get it so infected, anyway?”. The Smarty shook its head back and forth rapidly. “NU! Nu gib huwties tu see-pwace!”
Dick grabbed the Smarty by the throat and gripped tight. He could feel the flex of every tiny, sugary neck muscle in the Smarty as it tried so desperately to shake its head free. “Come here!” Dick shouted loudly. The Smarty gushed a torrent of piss that quickly formed a puddle at its hind.
The Smarty’s eye was now horrendously red and swollen. The lids were puffy and leaked thick puss that virtually glued the lids together. Dick began his abuse by using his free hand to pinch the top lid first, pulling it tightly up and forward. This caused the Smarty to struggle and whine loudly while pissing a large gush. Its hind end shook and convulsed as it continued to try and clench its anus together through the pain. Using the scalpel he carefully cut the eyelid off from the Smarty’s head.
“SCEEWWWWEEEE!!! SCWWEEE!!! STOP! STOP! PWEASE STOP DOIN’ DAT TU SEE-PWACE!!!” screamed the Smarty.
The sight of the red, bloodshot, and dilated eye half covered by a sticky, puss filled lid was rather unsettling to Dick. The iris slowly, yet jerkily, slid around randomly in an act that caused the Smarty great pain. Dick repeated the process with the bottom lid with the scalpel which was equally as agonizing and made the Smarty scream even harder.
Dick pinched the two cut off eyelids between his index, pointer, and thumb and threw them onto the filthy carpet. The Smarty’s fully exposed eye made Dick’s eyes water involuntarily. It looked incredibly scratchy and red, heavily bloodshot and very watery.
“SMAWTY NE BWINK! SMAWTY NE BWINK SU BAD! WHAT DICK DU TU SEE-PWACE, SMAWTY NE BWINK!!! SU HUWTIES!!! JUS WAN BWINK!!! SCWEEEEEEEEEEE!!”
The Smarty thrashed in its vice grip restraint as its eye pain increased more and more. It’s hind was quivering from the wave of soupy shit it held back. Dick leaned in close and steadied his hand. With a blood-curdling scream from the Smarty, Dick slid the razor sharp blade of the scalpel behind the eyeball, gently running it around the circumference causing a small ring of blood to pool out. The Smarty wailed.
“SCWWEWWEEEEE!! NUUU!! NU CAN HOWD POOPIES IN!! TUU MUCH SEE-PWACE HUWTIES!!! SCWWEEEWHHHHHHHUUHUHU!!”
As Dick used some leverage on the scalpel to cleanly pop the eye out from its socket the Smarty blasted a splatter of thick and tacky shit onto the tabletop, with a few specs of shit pelting against the back of its hind legs. The Smarty frantically flapped its wings backwards so fast they were nothing but a tiny, lime green blur.
“SCWWEEE! SCWWEE! SEE-PWACE NOT SUPPOSA COME OUT!! HUU-HUUU-HUUUU!!! NU CAN TAKE MOWE HUWTIES!”
The eye of the Fluffy was big, bulbous, and round, as far removed from both a human or equine eye as it got and looked more like cartoonish drawing than a biological organ of tissue and blood. It dangled out of the right eye socket of the Smarty, its thick optic nerve holding it in place, disappearing into the darkness of the open socket. With every jerk and struggle of the Smarty the eye flopped and swayed through the air by its nerve.
The adrenaline glands inside the Smarty opened up, its face was suddenly flushed with tingling endorphins as the stinging, white hot pain barely became manageable. The Smarty breathed heavy and quick and its little teeth chattered from the endorphins.
“More shit. That means more pain for you.” said Dick calmly. The Smarty just hyperventilated.
Dick grabbed the eyeball between his fingers. He slowly rubbed his fingers all over the iris and pupil causing the Smarty to squeal. It writhed in its vice grip restraint and moaned in agony. With the eye fitted into his palm like a baseball, Dick squeezed his hand together with all of the wrist force he could summon and squished the eyeball into a gray paste.
“SCCCCCCWWWWEEEEE!!!”
The Smarty wretched and dry heaved before vomiting a splash of thin, watery liquid past its teeth. With one swift swipe, Dick severed the optical nerve with the scalpel. It snapped and retracted back into the dark socket like a rubber band. The Smarty vomited more gross liquid.
“Nnnuuuhuhuhuhuhu!! See-pwace aww gone! Huu-huuuu! Su! Much! Huwties!!!”
The Smarty stomped its front hoof caps in frustration and anguish. It could feel the current of the air rushing through its empty eye socket. It pissed a little puddle in its plight.
“Hey. You look pretty sad, shitrat. You know what would cheer you up?” asked Dick in a totally nonchalant tone. “sniif snif Smawty nu know.” “Playing pirates!”
Dick leaned far to his right and pulled a drawer open with a label on it that read “Accessories and Props” and took out an old Fisher-Price Fluffy Fun Time Pirate Land playset stored in a zip lock bag.
“Smarty nu wan pway piwate!! Huu! Huuuu! Smawty won luv an’ huggies that makes evewyting bettah! Huuuuuuuuu!”
Dick opened up the bag. It consisted of a Fluffy sized eyepatch with a cartoon jolly roger printed on it, a Fluffy sized pegleg made of plastic, and a Fluffy sized tri corner hat made of polyester with two cute ear holes in it. “Of course you want to play pirate.”
Dick reached behind the Smarty’s stinking ass and with his palm scraped up the small pile of mushy shit the Smarty had produced off the tabletop and into his other hand. The Smarty stuck its tongue out and gagged. “Gwoss! Not eben dummeh chiwpy babbehs pway wif poopies! Wat am Dick doin’ with those poopies?”. Dick mashed and wadded the shit around in-between his hands like Play-Dough into it had formed into a lumpy spherical shape.
“Wat doin?! Wat doin’ with those poopies!? Nu, stay way! Smawty nu wan the poopies! Nu wan!!”. The Smarty dragged its front legs backwards as Dick came closer with a handful of its own shit. “You better hold still.”
Using one hand to grip the Smarty by its main and putting force against its head to prevent it from shaking and moving it, Dick mashed the shit into the Smarty’s eye socket.
“SCCCCWEEEEEE!! NU! NU! POOPIES NOT SUPPOSA GU IN SEE-PWACE! PWEASE STOP IT DICK, POOPIES GIVIN’ SMAWTY SU MANY WOWSTEST STINGIE HUWTIES!! HUUUUUU! HUUU-HUU-HUUUUU!”
Dick took his time and carefully spread and packed the feces into the socket as tight and smoothly as possible. The smell was terrible and the sound of the mushy shit squished around in Dick’s latex gloved fingers made him gag several times. Once the deed was done, the Smarty’s eye socket was packed full with shit and smoothed over flush via Dick’s thumb. “How does that feel, shitrat?” The Smarty sniffled. “Su much huwties! Poopies gib stingies! Huuuu!”
Dick fashioned the pirate eyepatch over the shit filled eye socket snuggly and tied its strings across the Smarty’s head in a knot. “Yo, ho, ho, shitrat! I’ll make a seaworthy pirate out of you yet!”. The black polyester of the pirate eyepatch was rapidly stained with a sickly brown the swallowed up the jolly roger printed on it.
The Smarty was whimpering. “Pwease nu mowe pwayin’, Smawty won stop wowstest piwate pwetend time!!”. Dick started getting the peg leg ready. “Oh, we can’t stop now!”
The injection molded Fluffy play time trinket was a plastic fake pirate peg leg that was perfectly Fluffy sized and shaped. It was originally an innocent toy for Fluffy domestic ownership that was essentially a hollow plastic cylinder designed to comfortably slip over the hoof cap and lower leg of a Fluffy and made it look like the smelly creature had a wooden pirate peg leg. Dick had modified it to be cruel and torturous by hot gluing a six inch galvanized gardening anchor spike to the bottom of the cylinder and lined the inside surface of the cylinder with 600 grit wet/dry sandpaper.
“Okay, time for the pegleg. Can you still see with that one eye, shitrat? Look in there, that’s a Zhhenialy garden spike, you see it? I’m going to shove it into your little hoofie now.” said Dick as he displayed the spike to the Smarty.
“NU! NU! OH GAWSH PWEASE NU HOOFIE HUWTIES!!!”. The Smarty flapped its wings frantically, skittering its three working legs backwards in its restraint until the Smarty’s purple tail was being pulled tight between its two back legs, awkwardly splaying its little genitals to the side. The Smarty swung its front hoof caps at Dick.
“Get da heck away’! Gu way!! Gu way fowevew, Dick! Haychu!!”
Dick grabbed and restrained the Smarty’s front right leg. He gripped it firmly by its plantigrade knee and held pressure on it so the Smarty could not bend it. He felt the joint pop and crack as the Smarty struggled. “Nu, nu, huuu-huu! Stop, that huwties Smawty’s weggie! Huuu! Huuuuuu!”
Dick didn’t give a warning so the Smarty had no time to brace itself against the pain. With a hard and swift motion the peg leg cupped over the Smarty’s leg. The sound of the 600 grit sandpaper shredding away the upper layers of the tender, soft, and delicate Fluffy flesh was akin to the sounds of paper being filled down over a cardboard surface. The lime green fluff was instantly sheared off and the grit dug into the flesh skinning it down to a painful raw and abrased bloody mess. The sound of the garden spike penetrating through the semi-soft hoof shaped like a heart and into the tissue and cartilage inside was akin to blowing open a watermelon with a baseball bat.
“SCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”
The Smarty started to convulse from the pain. It’s eye rolled back into its (mostly) empty skull exposing sickly capillaries and it vomited a very thin watery fluid. Thick diarrhea was split into two streams from its purple tail pressed against its asshole like a thumb over a garden hose that splattered the tabletop and sent a few specs against a set of putty knives. It screamed continuously for several seconds in short, panting bursts.
“SCWEE!
SCWEE!
SCWEE!
SCWEE!
SCWEE!”
Eventually it became so debilitated by the pain it could do nothing but cry and pant loudly. It looked up at Dick with its eye and couldn’t look away. Though it was in too much pain to form words, its eye said simply “Why?” at Dick. Crimson blood was pooling up over the pegleg and dripping down onto the table. “Could it be? Captain BlackFluff the Pirate right here in my garage? Why, I’m honored. But Captain, where is your pirate hat?”
“Jus…jus stop, Dick. Pwease jus…stop it. Stop mockin’ Smawty.” it barely managed to sputter out.
Dick grabbed the pirate hat off the table. The Smarty had vomited on it slightly and some of the blood pooling out of the peg leg had stained one of the corners. Dick went to place it on the Smarty’s head, but it shook and swished it in defiance, still arrogant through its pain.
“Hold still, Captain!”
“Nuuuuuhuhuhu!!! Scwew uo’ Dick! Haychu haychu haychu haychu!! PPPPTTHHH!”
The Smarty punctuated its sentence by blowing a prolonged raspberry. Dick was getting annoyed at its still persistent attitude. He balled a fist and smacked the Smarty under its chin, forcing its jaw to chomp down on its cute little pink tongue and sending it flying to the table top in a stream of blood.
“SSSSSCCCWWWEEEEEEEEE!!
“Mhoufiths hu wuuuh!!! Huuu! Huuuu!! Nu chaahn tahwkies!!! WHAAHN TAHHWKIESS!!!”
The Smarty screamed nothing but a garbled drivel that was barely decipherable without its tongue. Blood and saliva were pouring out between the Smarty’s cheeks. Six mushy golf balls of shit fell out from its ass and its penis hissed a foul, stinking piss stream. Its little wings twitched.
“I’ve had enough of your fucking mouth.”. Dick reached to his tool wall and clutched his Stanley TR110 staple gun. It was big even in his hands, and it’s shiny silver surface was speckled with many copper stains of old Fluffy blood. A small glob of mushy melted shit seeped out from behind the Smarty’s eyepatch.
Dick carefully pinched the Smarty’s mouth closed and pressed the staple gun up to one of the corners of the jaw. He squeezed his palm and the tool made a loud “tha-thunk” as it drove a jobsite staple through the Smarty’s mouth, stapling it closed. There was more screaming and crying as Dick repeated the process on the other side of the mouth.
The results were a staple piercing through the top and bottom of the cheeks right over the corners of the mouth. To finish the procedure, he drove one more staple in the same fashion through the top and bottom lips, right in the center of the mouth. The Smarty tried desperately to scream, it pulled against the staples with its jaw muscles but quickly faltered from the immense agony as they started to bleed. It made sputtering muffled moans and cries between its stapled shut lips.
“I think that was a resounding improvement! You’re looking really scary now, like a true pirate should. Now, hold the fuck still this time!”. Dick placed the polyester tri-corner hat on the Smarty’s head, carefully slipping each floppy lime green ear through the holes in the top. It fit snugly on its little head and didn’t flop around much, a few tufts of purple mane poked out from under the back and the corners of the ear holes. A rather thick droplet of bloody melted shit oozed from behind the eyepatch and slid down the Smarty’s muzzle, into one of its nostrils. The Smarty gagged and coughed a few times before painfully sneezing, pulling more at the staples and tearing some flesh.
The silly little pirate hat slid down slightly, just below its eyes (or eye, rather). Dick sucked his teeth. “Now, now, it looks like your hat was tailored by a blasted scurvy dog! I’ll have him walk the plank for this! Arrrr! But don’t worry, Captain, I’ll fix your pirate hat properly!”. The Smarty was whimpering, snotting out its nose and drooling a particularly long strand of blood off its lips. It wouldn’t stop looking at Dick, looking into his eyes, still so desperately trying to silently plead and be granted some mercy.
But there was no mercy.
Dick pushed the hat back up into its original position. Using a total of fifteen staples, Dick moved the Stanley TR110 around the whole circumference of the hat and fastened it to the Smarty’s scalp. Each staple poked through the thin skin on the scalp and skipped off the skull, causing pain that made the Smarty pull forward against its restraint and painfully pulling its tail. It made a low moaning and frantic yelp with each press of the staple gun. The hat wasn’t going anywhere now.
The Smarty’s head was completely drenched in trails of blood. Blood was dripping out from its hat and running down its face and into its eye. Blood was constantly falling off its lips as drool and bloody shit trailed out its eyepatch, now disgustingly saturated. The Smarty weakly limped its peg leg against the table and loudly yelped as the lawn spike displaced more tissue and spawned more blood. The Smarty had finally stopped looking at Dick now. It squinted its one eye with its lower eyelid and painfully fixed its damaged lips into a permanent frown.
A single, crystal blue tear dropped out the duct in the bottom of its eye and slid over its cheek, making a plip sound as it splashed onto the tabletop. The Smarty just stared into the distance and cried more crystal blue tears.
Dick delicately placed the Stanley TR110 back on its spot on the pegboard. He stroked his chin for a moment before proceeding. He pulled a drawer open labeled “Office Supplies” and was greeted with a meticulously and satisfyingly organized tray containing a paper one hole punch, several letter openers, a Swingline stapler, and two jars of thumbtacks and paperclips respectively. Dick grabbed everything and placed it out on the tabletop in view of the Smarty.
“I’m bored of playing pirate now. I wanna play Office Space instead. You can be Lumberg, and I’ll be Milford. You know how to play, right?”. The Smarty just continued to stare, ignoring Dick. “Great! I knew you would already know how! Here we go!”
First, Dick grabbed the red Swingline stapler, a novelty replica of the one from Office Space. He grabbed the Smarty’s left ear and folded it over. The Smarty started to struggle and squirmed again as Dick slid the Swingline over the folded over ear.
“Pmmuurh! Pwmuuf nmhuu!” the Smarty garbled. Dick clicked the Swingline closed, and the folded over ear was stapled together. The floppy delicate cartilage and skin was painfully bound together. The Smarty rapidly twitched and flopped its other ear in pain as it stomped its back hoof caps and farted out a thin and long turd with a small spray of diarrhea. Dick laughed a genuine laugh, and clicked the Swingline down in rapid succession several more times. The Smarty squealed with every click, its left ear now completely mutilated and filled with bloody stationary staples.
For the right ear, Dick first used the Office Depot One Hole Punch on the cartilage of the ear. The stationary tool easily carved through the soft skin and thin fluff, leaving a perfectly circular, bloody hole. Though the initial ‘punch’ through the ear was not actually that painful, causing only a quiet peep from the Smarty, it was the burning, stinging, and throbbing sensations afterwards once Dick had finished punching ten holes exactly along the outer corners of the ear that drove the Smarty to its wit end.
“Mheeawie! Mweeawie mhhuuwie! Mmmmmmhhhhwuuuu! Mwhuu!”
The Smarty dropped down to its hind and tried to scratch at its hole punched ear with its rear leg. Its tail was being pulled too hard against the vice grip and its rear leg couldn’t get the clearance it would have normally, stopping just short of the ear and itching at nothing but air. “Mmmuhwies! Mu mhmy mhhuty mmbhuy mmhutys! Mhhuu-hhmuu!”
The staples in the Smarty’s mouth were starting to tear more as it cried and wailed more, leaving flappy shreds of flesh dangling between them. Dick used his thumb and pointer finger to flick one of the bloody holes. The Smarty jumped back to its feet and twitched with a wild squeal. The next act of abuse took several minutes, as Dick pressed thumbtacks through the Smarty’s right ear until there was physically no more space left. He had used practically half the jar and the ear was being weighed down from all the thumbtacks. The colorful mass dropped the tip of the ear all the way to the eyepatch and was undoubtedly painful to experience. Folding over the right ear, the pins sandwiched between each other and bore into the tiny spaces between, creating a triangular mass of bleeding thumbtacks that even Dick thought was particularly cruel and unusual. The Smarty made a pee puddle under its feet as it sat on its hind and sniffled and snotted. It weeped, loudly and with forceful delivery. The world became muffled and quiet to the Smarty. Dick said something, his loud voice made a deep vibrating sound against the Smarty’s ears, but it couldn’t make out the words. They were too muffled and too silent, its watery, tear filled eye distorted Dick’s face. It just became a blur, his voice just a quiet noise. For a moment the Smarty became calm, it listened to the sounds of its own breathing and heartbeat because that was all that was left to listen to. It closed its eye, listening to its breath rise and fall.
The grass was a beautiful green and the sky a so very pretty blue. Pinky-Yellow was feeding all the foals and chirpies with its healthy and engorged teets. They loudly were slurping up the creamy milk with big smiles and loving, gulping coos and chirps. Pinky-Yellow sang its own version of the mummah song with a heart that filled to to brim with love and happiness. The Smarty looked over to its right. Sparkle had its head down, its teal Fluff dancing in a cooling breeze, and was nibbling on a pile of fresh daffodils with a warm smile. “Des am bestest nummies ebah, Smawty! Fank ou’ suuuuuu muchies fow bwingin’ aw dese jus’ fow Spawkwe! Wuv Smawty!”. Sparkle stood up from its lunch and did dancies. “Wook, Smawty! Am Smawty wookin? Spawkwe am duin’ bestest dancie fow Smawty! Yay! Hahaha!”
The Smarty smiled with its eyes at Sparkle. “Wuv ou, Spawkwe! Smawty promise dat Spawkwe was nebah am dumbass. Not eben once!”. The two Fluffies laughed together. “Spawkwe wan pway! Wets gu wun wound’, Smawty!”. Smawty laughed again as Sparkle ran off. “Man, Smawty sure am wuv it hewe.”
The Smarty looked down. “Wah? Wait, wah dat? What wong wif pwivate stickie? Nu! Nu, wewe Smawty pwivate stickie gu??!!” The Smarty threw its front legs over its head in horror. Where its penis once was now a sneering serpent, a hooded cobra with drawn fangs that hissed back at the Smarty. It reared, and chomped down onto the Smarty’s left testicle.
The Smarty screamed so loud it ripped the staples from its mouth, screaming a loud scream that flaired the bloody stump of its tongue around against its blood soaked teeth.
“SCCCCWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”
Dick had slammed one of the Westcott Ruler letter openers into the Smarty’s left testicle. The blade dug into the wood and pierced through-and-through the sensitive little ballsack, pinning it down. The Smarty vomited pure blood and snot rockets flung out its nose. It only made panicked, horrified screams and wails as it fell to its side with a plop. This pulled hard on the little ballsack as its scrotum was tugged against the letter opener. The Smarty’s penis started bleeding profusely out of the urethra. Its mouth hung open agape but it could no longer form any words. It’s torn up lips just curled up while it screeched and wailed.
“Your balls are so tiny! Hahah! So fucking pathetic, with your stupid, tiny, useless ballsack! Hahah! I’m taking those fuckers away from you, shit rat, only real men get to carry a pair.” said Dick as spit specs flew from his mouth as he talked. The Smarty looked horrified, its mouth a twisted and bloody frown that stretched its entire face. It shook its head to say “no” so fast it was a lime green blur. Dick grabbed the letter opener and twisted it clockwise.
“AAAAAAHHHHHH!! AHHHHHAHAH!!! AAAAHHHHAHHAAAAHHH!!! HHHAAAAAAAAA!” it screamed.
Diarrhea was sprinkling everywhere, pelting Dick’s sleeves as he pulled the letter opener out. Immediately the Smarty shot up lightning fast back to its hoof caps. It tried to quickly run away, but as soon as it put pressure on its peg leg it instantly collapsed into a faceplant, pulling on its tail in the restraint even harder. Several of the purple hairs painfully snapped out of their roots.
The Smarty’s left testicle was completely shredded. Dangling behind of flaps of jagged, ripped up scrotum was a pink, chunky paste that was dripping a mixture of cum and blood off its chunky mass. The penis squirted several blood squibs. Ass up, face down, Dick had a front row seat as he watched the putrid asshole pucker before slithering out a lumpy log of green shit.
“UGH!! Fucking nasty! You stupid little disgusting monstrosity! Why don’t you ever fucking stop shitting!!!”. Dick slammed his palm against the Smarty’s neck and restrained it facedown. He had to stretch a little, but was just in reach of his collection of plumbing tools on the pegboard. A Milwaukee M12 cordless caulk gun, a top of the line too that could effortlessly and efficiently apply any 10 Oz. tube of adhesive or caulk. Dick it had it currently loaded with some ULINE brand DAP acrylic latex caulk sealant. “This will seal that turd cutter up real good.” He used his thumb to flick on the battery.
The tool resembled the design language of other Milwaukee power tools, especially a drill. The little LED light on the battery shone green as Dick lined up the nozzle of caulk up with the greasy pink hole. The Smarty squealed as the tip of the nozzle slipped past its asshole and into its rectum. The tool buzzed like a drill as it squeezed and pushed on the bottom of the tube and began applying a steady and consistent rope of caulk up the Smarty’s large intestine. As the sealant traveled deeper up the tract, the Smarty gasped and grunted as it face was pushed harder against the wood. Within a couple seconds, caulk, blood, and diarrhea started to drip out from around the nozzle. Dick stopped the tool and pulled the nozzle out of its ass. It left a little dollop of caulk sticking out of the asshole like a pointy spike.
Dick laughed as the Smarty’s guts audibly gurgled. Several airy farts tried to escape around the completely sealed up intestinal tract to no avail. Dick let go of the Smarty and it immediately fell back to its side, its mutilated testicle flopping against its stomach. It’s two front legs clutched at its boiling stomach in anguish. In the process, the Smarty punched itself in the balls with its peg leg. It rolled over on its back in complete shock inducing pain, twisting its bound up tail in a horrifying permanent knot. The Smarty cried the hardest it had ever cried in its life. Its throat burned and ached from so much crying and screaming. Its stomach rippled and churned internally. The awful wailing made Dick wince and his ears pound.
“I still want those fucking balls! Come here you shit siren!”
Dick set the Milwaukee M12 down on the tabletop and quickly grabbed both of the letter openers. With one in each hand, he lodged them both down right through the elbow joint of each back leg. The Smarty’s pupil shrank and its cries went silent. It’s eye rolled back into its head and the Smarty fainted from the pain. It too much to bare anymore.
The grass that used to be so beautiful was now not so pretty anymore. It was covered in poopies, boo-boo juice, sickie wa-wa and pee-pees. The sky was now a thundering gray storm filled with clouds and pelting down freezing cold rain. The Smarty looked around frantically. The chirpy babies were swept up by the wind and flung away, crumbling into a mass of blood. Pinky-Yellow ran around in circles screaming as a great, white-hot cloud of flames engulfed its teets and burned them down into carbon dust.
The Smarty looked to its right again. The bloated, rotten, decaying corpse of Sparkle stood with its head down, soberly nibbling on a wet pile of dead leaves.
“Dis am aw Smawty’s fauwt! Smawty knu dat dis am aw Smawty’s fauwt an’ nebbah gon’ ebbah admit it! Smawty shouwd jus DIE!”
Sparkle stared at the Smarty with its empty eyes, its mouth slack. The Smarty fell to its knees and cried. “IT AM AW SMAWTY FAUWT! IT AM SMAWTY AM MADE SPAWKWE GU AN’ BE NUMMIE FINDA! IT AM SMAWTY DAT MADE SPAWKWE GO FOWEVEW SWEEPIES! IT AM SMAWTY DAT MADE DICK FIND SMAWTY AN MADE DOES INNOCENT FWUFFIES GU FOWEVBAH SWEEPIES!! IT! AM! AW! SMAWTY!!!”
There was a great release. Like an awesome wave. The Smarty felt like it was floating. The corpse of Sparkle started to smile. Though rotten and falling apart, it was a genuine smile. “Dank ou, Smawty. Spawkwe fowgib Smawty noaw. It am aw otay noaw. Spawkwe nu can wait tu see-pwace Smawty gain’. Gobai!”
The Smarty finally felt free. The pain was gone. The fear was gone. The guilt was gone.
Dick was finally gone.
It was nearly 4:13 AM. In Dick’s garage there was no more commotion. The feces was gone. The blood was cleaned. The tools were put away. With the lights off the entire space was covered in darkness. It hid the sinister, cruel, and downright evil man that operated in it and when lit up by the artificial lights, exposed him in all his inhumanity and malice.
At 4:13 AM however, there was only a small, orange tinted light the broke a small section of the darkness. It was an old Lighting McQueen novelty lamp, giving off a red and orange glow from the car creature’s red paint and orange lighting bolt graphics. Seated on the plastic platform next to Lighting McQueen where Matter was once parked, was the Smarty. It was held down by a piece of steel rebar driven down the length of its spin and fasted to the tabletop. The steel bar was hammed directly into the Smarty’s back and made a rounded bulge under the skin in the space it occupied. The Smarty had been pillowed, and it’s ears were cut off and cauterized shut. It’s tail was ripped off and it’s penis and ballsack were sliced into thin strips and left dangling off the fluffy mass. It’s barrel and stomach were crisp and black from third degree burns and in addition to all that, it was still wearing the pirate eye patch and hat, with the pegleg comically propped up against the Smarty’s with a portion of its leg still stuck inside it.
Though it’s bottom jaw had been completely ripped off and all its teeth removed, through its shit-packed nostrils it managed to form a single phrase.
“Wan die.”
