I recently started school just a month ago. It was a tumultuous time in my life, I had just turned 29, was horribly depressed, and had gotten fired nearly a week before the semester began. Needless to say it was a bit of a mad dash to find a new job to keep me afloat while I was in school.
I was lucky to get a gig at a pizza place. Nothing completely soul crushing like Domino’s or Pizza Hut or anything like that. It was a local place called Dino’s owned by a practically ancient Italian guy and his wife. Not glamorous but hey, it’s money.
What wasn’t lucky however was Minnesota’s recent Fluffy boom. Last winter had been particularly light compared to the winter before. The typical mass migration of Fluffies into Minnesota’s dense forested areas to ride out the deep snow and frigid cold was instead replaced with a mass breeding season. The relatively light snow and cold made it much easier for the Fluffies to find food in the forest and edges of the rural population.
So of course they did nothing but fuck, eat, and shit.
The shit was easy enough, and the most urgent. Almost immediately a preservation and conservation effort was made by Governor Walz to wash away and clean the giant fields of shit left in the forest before it could poison the trees or get swept into one of our many rivers.
Additionally, the state went to work fast replanting and somewhat replacing the large swaths of forest that were scavenged dry. It was almost surreal once the snow melted seeing a patch of forest that was completely picked down to bone, devoid of any plants, fruits, leaves, or berries and covered in a layer of dried up diarrhea.
The Fluffies were a different story. Those little fuzzy fucks are stupid, but they are at least observant. By April Minneapolis and St.Paul were almost overrun with feral Fluffies. They were quick to realize how much food they can scavenge and became comfortable and familiar with the urban environment. Every sidewalk, alleyway, and public park had hungry Fluffies waddling through and causing unacceptable levels of property damage. For the first time in three years the Minnesota state government reinstated the Fluffy Clean Up Program. For every dead Fluffy turned into any participating sheriff’s office, government center, or animal shelter, a $100 reward was paid by the government.
No questions asked, either. Goddamn that was a fun and lucrative weekend.
But, like I said, those little shits are observant. It didn’t take long for the Fluffies to catch on and get scared of the carnage. They quickly migrated outwards to the states interior, traveling as far south as Fairmont and as far north as Duluth.
Saves me the gas money of going to the Cities now at least.
I live in Mankato, a somewhat small city in the south. The Fluffies are finally starting to thin out back to the negligible levels and everyone in town is itching to find one. Walz already announced the F.C.U.P was ending this weekend and Saturday was everyone’s last chance to turn one in. When you’re in college, you never turn down easy money. One last $100 check would really help me out.
And of course I had to work a closing shift. It was shitty, but I couldn’t exactly say no. I had been almost embarrassingly aloof in the morning, quite literally turning over every inch of my backyard with a heavy adjustable wrench clutched in my hands in hopes of finding a tiny, fuzzy skull to bust into several pieces. The little pile of Fluffy kibble I left on a pink, soft blanket had been eaten and replaced with a stinking pile of Fluffy shit and a few heart-shaped hoof prints in the dirt. Guess nobody decided to get comfy for the night.
I made sure to check under my car one last time before I left, even fooling myself into thinking maybe one suddenly wandered into the garage. With a deep sight I simply accepted I wasn’t getting a $100 check today and headed into work.
I was due to clock in at 5:00 PM, it was just now dipping into the 4:40’s as I left. I grunted at a stoplight as a little old lady walked a bubblegum pink Fluffy across the street on a leash. It walked, like every Fluffy, with a cute little bobbing trot, its eyes closed and its mouth smiling brightly, humming a little song to itself as its elderly owner trotted in tandem. I don’t care if it’s edgy, I hoped they both got hit by a truck. Sure, they honestly are cute as fuck, but keeping those fuckers as pets was nothing but enabling an invasive species to procreate.
I knew I had to just forget about it as I pulled into the employee lot behind the building. The last thing I wanted to spend the next 6 hours pissed off and grouchy during dinner rush.
Too late.
The shift went as expected, or maybe just rather as usual. Busy and sweaty, with its highs and lows. I felt relieved once the old digital clock in the prep area finally hit 10. One by one the last of the guests cleared out and the end of the night list gradually got shorter. I felt the universe threw me a bone for not being able to catch a Fluffy and that close was nice and quick. It was only 10:30 by the time we put plastic wrap over the salad cooler and my coworker Kalvin was finishing up sweeping.
“Hey bro.” said Kalvin. “What’s up?” I answered. He swept up a big pile of dirty flour and pizza crumbs into the dust pan. “How pissed would you be if I dipped out and you did the mop? Yeah I know it’s shitty but I got somewhere to be and I’ll smoke you out right now.”
I thought for a just second, and then decided fuck it. It’s not like I had anywhere to be. Kalvin was younger than me and probably had a date with the boys at the bar and a semi-drunk slut to take home.
“Bet. Let’s step outside right quick like.” I said. “Yeah bet, I actually just got some good shit from Washington. It’ll put you in a ‘solo vibe’ kind of mood anyway.” We made a quick step out the back door after Kalvin clocked out and went over to his car. He fiddled in center console for a second before passing me a fat as fuck bowl from a dirty pipe.
“Greensies” he said, passing it to me with his lighter. “God, don’t call it that dude. You sound like a fucking Fluffy.” I said before indulging on a rip. Kalvin laughed and spoke in an annoying falsetto Fluffy voice.
“Smokies on da dankiest weedies makes Fwuffy feel funny!”
We both couldn’t help but laugh. “Haha, you forgot the lisp.” I said blowing out a thin cloud of smoke. “Uhhhh. ‘Bwitches ain’t shit bwut howes and twicks.’ or something like that.” We laughed harder at his absolutely terrible impression.
Suddenly, something from inside the trunk of Kalvin’s car started to bang and rattled around. A voice inside was muffled.
“Am dat anothah Fwuffy? Othah fwuffy! Pwease! Sabe Fwuffie fwom wowest dawkies scawy pwace! Hewp! Hewp!”
It started to scratch the inside of the trunk lid with its soft hoof caps. Kalvin banged on the top of the trunk lid with a balled fist. “Shut the fuck up!” No fucking way. No wonder he wanted to leave early. “Broooo, you got a Fluffy? That’s bank still for like two hours.”
“Hell yeah I know! I’m going down to the police station to turn it before we bar hop.” Kalvin blew out a huge cloud and leaned in real close to me. “You wanna hurt it real quick?” He passed me the bowl. There was only one good hit left surrounded by the ashy remains. “Fuck yes I do, let’s see it.”
Kelvin beeped a button on his key fob and the trunk clicked open. As he pushed it open my eyes were met with an amazing sight. An extremely pregnant mare. It must have had at least fifteen foals in its womb, so engorged that both its front and rear legs no longer touched the ground. Completely immobilized and helpless.
Immediately I was envious, as I said Kalvin was younger than me, he didn’t go to high school during the 2010’s Brony craze that set the wheels in motion like I did and had no idea he captured a legit Fluttershy pegasus breed. It had that distinct pastel yellow fluff with pink mane and tail with a soft, almost white skin on its muzzle. It was horrendously dirty and had shit caked in its tail.
I decided not to tell him he could get three times as much money to sell it alive to a breeder mill.
“Wah? Whewe othah Fwuffy? Nice hoomins! Fwuffy am awmost mummah an’ gon hab biggest poopies soon! Gon hab suuuuuuu many tummeh babbehs! Pwease wet Fwuffy out! Fwuffy need num nummies su awmost mummah hab enough miwkies for mummah’s bestest tummeh babbehs!”
The Fluttershy was sitting on a crinkly blue tarp that Kalvin had carefully pinned to every inch of the trunk space. The pregnant Fluffy was stewing in a puddle of its own shit and piss that had begun to saturate into its once beautiful fluff. The smell honestly made me gag a little. The Fluttershy saw me gag and hung its head low, it angled its lower eyelids in shame and sadness.
“Fwuffy su sowwie, nice mistah. Fwuffy nu smeww pwetty anymowe. Fwuffy wewwy wish Fwuffy cou’ be pwetty 'gain.”
I pulled on the last rip in Kelvin’s bowl and held it in as I handed it back to him. Right when I thought I was about to cough and sputter, I blew out a big, thick, long stream of weed smoke into the Fluttershy’s face. Immediately it started to cough and hack in pain. I read in High Times once that Fluffies can’t break down THC in their cells like humans do and instead it reacts like a poison.
“NU CAN BWEATH! AUUGH HAAAK COAAHF NU CAN BWEATH!! BWEATH HURTIES!!! HAAAARRK RKKK RKKK”
“Come on bro I gotta go, fuck it up a little now or I’m dippin’.” I smirked, and clenched my fist. I open hand slapped the Fluttershy on the side of its head as hard as I could. I could feel its orbital socket splinter against my palm. The force of the blow rolled the Fluttershy over onto its side and put it into a highly confused, concussed state.
“Hur—–huwties? Why head weeze huwties? Oh, hewwo hurrk cough nice mistah, Fwuffy hab huwties. Did am know dat?” A small trickle of blood flowed out its right nostril.
It’s belly was so round, like a fucking beach ball. It could see it gently undulating with almost ready to be born foal fetuses. I reered my arm back far until my shoulder hit its stopping point, and threw my fist forward as fast and hard as I could making sure to throw as much of my weight into my arm as possible. It felt like punching a thick plastic bag filled with water and hot dogs. There was zero resistance and my fist traveled inward until it struck the very blunt bottom end of the Fluttershy’s pelvic bone and caused me some pain. I could feel every dense, lumpy fetus squish and splatter under the skin.
Whatever concussed state it was in, the Fluttershy immediately snapped out of it. It felt and knew right away. It cried out “no” so loud it echoed in the entire alley.
"NUUUUUUUU-HUHUHUHU-NUUUU! FWUFFY NU FEEW TUMMEH BABBEHS NU MOW! WHEWE TUMMEH BABBEHS GU? NUUU-HUHUHUHU! FWUFFY WAS GON’ BE BESTEST MUMMAH! FWUFFY WAS GON’ LUV AND HUGGIES! WAAHUHUHUHU!
The Fluttershy cried loudly, sobbed ugly and violently. Its eyes became bloodshot and its ears pointed far downwards. It was almost impossible for me not to dry heave as a flow of thick, viscous fluid colored red and pink oozed out the Fluttershy’s swollen vagina. One by one, 12 fully developed and colorful foal fetuses plopped out of the cavity with a vile wet, sloppy squishing sound. They were practically days from being born. As the last unborn foal slipped out it landed into a monstrous slop puddle of shit, piss, tears, blood, and that disgusting goo. The entire litter lay in a small, nasty pile.
Kalvin punched the Fluttershy in the muzzle, hard. It retracted like an accordion and made a loud squeaky toy sound before it snapped back. A gush of blood shot from both nostrils and splattered into its mouth and lips. He gripped it by the mane tightly and made it squeal as he pulled and yanked it around to come face to face with the pile of its dead unborn. The Fluttershy could do nothing but cry and wail as Kalvin slammed the trunk closed. The cries became muffled and distant sounding.
“Anyway bro, I appreciate it. I got you on Thursday for this.” said Kalvin. He threw up the deuces as I said “No problem.” His car fired up and I made my way back inside the store to finish the close as his car drove off into the night. The mop didn’t take long, barely ten minutes. Now I couldn’t help but hang my head. “Well, no use getting pissy. It was only $100 anyway. In the grand scheme of things $100 isn’t even that much.” I said out loud. Oh well.
I splashed the dirty mop water into the sink and rung out the mop. All that was left was turn out the lights. Might as well smoke first, I thought. I used a big cinder block they kept outside to prop the door open so I wouldn’t get locked out. Halfway through staring at the stars and thinking about Billie Eilish blowing up a toilet while cigarette smoke trailed into the night sky I heard a small shuffle against the asphalt. Kalvin’s weed really was dank afterall, and the high was good. I’ll admit it there was slight paranoia before both I realized that distinct shuffle and the source of the noise trotted into view.
It was a Fluffy colt. A fully grown adult at about 9 inches tall and 13 inches long. It looked up at me with its big, glossy eyes. Its fur was an eye-catching dark teal with a deep red tail and mane. Its muzzle was soft, peach colored skin that reflected at me a nervous and uncomfortable smile that was irresistibly cute.
“Hewwo nice mistah. Fwuffy am nummie findah and nee fin’ nummies fow hewd so mummah can make bestest miwikes for new bwuddah or smawty gon’ gib Fwuffy wowstest bad poopies! Su …pwease nice mistah. Can Fwuffy hab sum nummies pwease? Am onwy hab tu be widdwe nummies.”
The Fluffy anxiously tapped it’s two short and stubby front legs together and slowly swished its tail. I threw my cigarette down and got down on one knee to look at it. It’s eyes were so sad, it looked like it cry any minute. “Hey little guy, you look so pretty! What’s your name?” I spoke to it in a gentle voice. “Smawty say Fwuffy name am dumbass, but…Fwuffy nu wike dat name. And thank yu fow sayin’ Fwuffy am pwetty! That su nice of yu tu say nice mistah!”
I rubbed its soft, thin, and greasy main with my fingers and made it smile. “Of course, little guy! Dumbass is a pretty mean name. How about you pick your own name while you come inside? I can get you a small goodie bag of food for your herd.” Almost instantly the Fluffy changed its demeanor. Its sadness changed to joy as its eyes lit up. “Fwuffy rewwy gon’ get sum nummies fow the whowe hewd from nice mistah?! Oh, thank yu nice mistah, thank yu!! Fwuffy su gwad Fwuffy gon’ get finawwy get pwetty name!” I smiled back at the happy, fuzzy, Fluffy. “Come on in, little buddy.”
The Fluffy raced forward and gave my leg a long and firm hug. Its teal fluff was filthy and the combination of flour, sauce, and crumbs on my pants only added to its filth. It was still very cute as it happily skipped as it trotted into the open door. I kicked the cinder block out of the way and smiled a mischievous smile to myself. I had decided to just give up on one last F.C U.P victory. It was a lost cause. But now, that didn’t matter to me. Kalvin made the mistake of leaving me alone here. If I wasn’t getting one last check, I was still getting one last kill.
“So what do you want your name to be?” I asked it. We walked together down a short hallway that led to the prep area. “Can Fwuffy rewwy pick what ebah Fwuffy wants?” I laughed. “Yes! Whatever you want.” The Fluffy was seemingly long since decided, and didn’t need any time to think. “Fwuffy won be Spawkwe!” It was settled. “Alright then, Sparkle it is! Now remember, you have to be brave. When you get back to your herd you tell the Smarty that the nice human who gave his herd the food said you have to call Dumbass the name Sparkle from now on! Or I’ll take his food! Nobody messes with my buddy Sparkle!”
Sparkle gasped and put its two front hoof caps on its pink cheeks. “Oh fwuffies gawsh! Wiww. .wiww…wiww. nice mistah rewwy du aww dat? And make Smawty be nu meanies tu Spawkwe nu mow?” “I promise I will. Now come on. I’ll prep you some food this way.”
“Otay nice mistah! Yay!”. Sparkle was overjoyed. It hopped and skipped merrily and smiled wide while excitedly swishing its tail. The prep room was actually rather small. It had a stainless steel prep counter and a 3 bowl underbar sink connected to the dishwashing sink plus a salad cooler. The walk-in was in the back wall. Sparkle was darting its head around in total awe and innocent wonder looking at everything. It had never seen a place like this before and if I had to bet it probably smelled all the different foods
“Nice mistah! Nice mistah! Spawkwe smeww sketties! Thews sketties hewe! Oh, nice mistah! Supew bestest pwettyest pwease can Spawkwe hab sum sketties fow da hewd?” Sparkle was hopping up and down. It’s heart shaped hoof caps clacked against the floor with every bounce. I pretend to think about it and made a loud “hmmmm” sound while tapping my head with my finger. Sparkle ran around in a circle in anticipation.
“Can I ask you a serious question, Sparkle?” Suddenly Sparkle was confused. “Spawkwe nu knew what nice mistah mean.” I got down on a knee again. “Sparkle, have you ever wanted a daddy? And a home?” Sparkle answered “Oh gawsh nice mistah, Spawkwe want nu odah ting than tu hab a daddeh dat gib Spawkwe wots of wuv and nice home wif toysies tu pway wif dats faw, faw away fwom meanie gween Smawty! Am…am nice mistah fow weaw?” Sparkle’s pupils contorted and changed into the shape of a heart. Fluffies are bioprogrammed to do that only if they feel the most unbridled and pure happiness they’re ever felt, especially when a new caretaker shows them affection for the first time.
I always thought it was creepy as fuck.
I reached in and gave Sparkle a gentle and swaddling hug, squeezing it just the right amount that Fluffies love. Using my pointer finger I scratched Sparkle under its chin. It’s soft skin flopped around under my finger and Sparkle cooed and chirped while shedding a single tear of happiness. “I wuv yu su much, daddeh! Suuuu much!”
Jackpot! Finally, and it didn’t take long. Sparkle had already fully bonded with me. It was deeply attached to me and now viewed me as its loving caretaker and protector. It’s mind was no doubt probably filled with primitive images of a cozy and cute new home with a safe room full of toys and games. To be betrayed of its trust would break its heart.
I’m gonna enjoy the fuck out of this.
“I love you too, Sparkle. You’re my special Fluffy. And special Fluffies get special treats. How would you like something to eat?” Sparkle hopped in the air several times. “Yay! Yay! Spawkwe gon’ get special nummies! Spawkwe gon’ get special nummies! Wuv yu daddeh!” I stood back up and opened up the walk-in. “If you want a special treat then you have to be a good Fluffy and be patient. I’m going to whip something up for you. Maybe you can sing me a song while I get it ready. Do you like to sing, Sparkle?” Sparkle was very excited to get to sing. “Spawkwe wuv tu sing! Meanie gween Smawty nebah wet Spawkwe sing. Okay, hewe Spawkwe gu!”.
Sparkle began to perform the worst version of ‘Jingle Bell Rock’ I’ve ever heard. It was horrendously off tune, off pitch, off key, off everything. This combined with its already irritating as fuck high pitched voice assaulted my ears and made them ring, inevitably giving me a headache.
“Jingwe beww, jingwe beww, jingwe beww wock, jingwe bewws chime in jingwe beww time, snowin’ an’ bwowin’ up bushews of fun
nao dah jingwe hop has begun!!!”
I quickly spread my ingredients I grabbed on the prep counter. I started with a portioned 2 ounces of spaghetti noodles in ⅙ pan and quickly chopped up a concoction of 3 ounces of jalapeño peppers, 2 ounces of banana peppers, and 3 ounces of green peppers into a fine chopped up pile. I combined that with a generous glob of our homemade spaghetti sauce and roughly 20 shakes from the Tabasco bottle all together over the spaghetti noodles and placed it on one of the small, porcelain salad plates. I finished it off with a big sprinkle of sugar over the top to easily fool Sparkle’s sense of smell.
And a sprinkle of our in house shredded parmesan too, because why not?
“Jingwe beww, jingwe beww, jingwe beww wock, jingwe bewws chime in jingwe beww time, dancin’ an’ pwancin’ in jingwe beww squawe, in dah fwosty aiw!!!”
Lastly, I took the juice in the jalapeño jar and put a fuck ton of sugar to it. I gave it a good hard swish and shake until the mixture was well diluted and poured it into a crème brûlée dish. I interrupted Sparkle’s song and set the meal down on the floor in front of it. “Alright, Sparkle. This is some of daddy’s special spaghetti made with love! Every time you take a bite, just think about how much I love you, little buddy. And to drink, I gave you some green Kool-aid with extra sugar. So, do you like it? I hope it’s enough for you.”
Sparkle gasped and stood up and bounced on its hind legs, flopping around its front legs limply as a display of happy dancies. “WOW DADDEH!!! Spawkwe gon get sketties! Spawkwe gon’ get sketties! Spawkwe gon’ get sketties! Thank yu su much daddeh! Spawkwe du dancie fow daddeh cos’ Spawkwe wuv daddeh su much! Hehehe!” Sparkle plopped back down on all fours. Thick, disgusting globs of drool were pouring out of its mouth. Its eyes were all lit up, locked in on the spaghetti. As Sparkle opened its mouth, big stringy strands of salvia stretched across its pink gums.
Sparkle made these cute little ‘nom’ and ‘homp’ sounds as it messily started to devour the spaghetti. It ate with its eyes happily closed, its tail wagging. Its cheeks kept puffing up with huge bites as it quickly chewed. I’d said it ate from the spicy pile of slop for barely 30 seconds. The reaction wasn’t immediate at first. Sparkle stopped eating and started panting. It hung its tongue outside its mouth.
“Ha…hawt! Hawt! Daddeh, hewp! Sketties am tu hawt! haf haf Skreee!!! Mouthies hab burnies!! Mouthies su haf haf burnies!!! Huuu!! Huuu!!! Su many burnies huwties!!” Sparkle started to freak out and run around frantically in a circle. Its eyes became extremely bloodshot and capilated, and it almost involuntarily hung its tongue limply out the side of its mouth. Sparkle screamed and cried the entire time.
“Hawt! Tu hawt! Huuu-huuu-huuu!! haf Burnies! Nee wa-wa su bad! haf Whewe wa-wa!! Nee wa-wa daddeh!!!” Sparkle was starting to dissociate from the intense pain in its mouth caused by the capsaicin effect and slipped on the half eaten plate of spicy spaghetti slop. It was so fucking hilarious the way it instantly face planted. Sparkle slipped face first into the linoleum and made a loud squeaky toy sound, like one a little puppy would chew and throw around. This only made it cry harder. If only little Sparkle knew that I was about to vent months of frustration from work and school in one terrible experience, all with a completely pointless endgame. My F.C.U.P window was already closed.
This was just for me.
I put both my hands on my cheeks like fucking Mac in Home Alone and spoke in a caring and fatherly tone. “Oh no! It’s okay, Sparkle! Just drink your Kool-Aid and the burning will go away! Daddy loves you!” Sparkle struggled back onto its hoof caps. Its fluff was caked in spaghetti sauce and its face was starting to become slightly puffy from the capsaicin. Disgusting mucus ran from both its nostrils. “Huuu! Hawt! haf Huuu–huu-huuu! sniiiiif Spawkwe nee Koow-Waid! Tu hawt! haf Nee dwink Koow-Waid an’ make mouthies burnies gu way! Thank yu su much haf fow helpin’ Spawkwe, daddeh. Huu-huuu, Spawkwe wuv yu daddeh.”
Still in a great deal of pain with a seemingly endless supply of tears pouring out its eyes, Sparkle quickly shuffled over to the crème brûlée dish full of jalapeño juice. It flopped its cute, little, pink tongue into the center of its lips and started to loudly lap up the green liquid. After a few big gulps Sparkle started to scream loudly. Not cry, or talk, or beg for its mother. Just screamed.
“SCRRREEEEEEEEEE!!!”
I could see the inside of Sparkle’s mouth from the screaming and its gums and tongue were swollen red. Sparkle sort of flopped over onto its side and kept screaming and loudly crying. Its eyes were pure beat red tomatoes now and its face was swollen.
“Hawt!..hawt!..wa-wa! haf haf…mouthie hawt!..wa-wa!..sniiiif snort cough…haawwt!!”
Sparkle shot out streams of gross red-orange diarrhea that consisted of stomach lining, blood, and feces. It loudly splattered against the floor as Sparkle continued to cry.
“Son of a bitch, Sparkle! I just moped!”
“Hawt…haf su hawt…daddeh…sniiif…why Koow-Waid du dis……hawt…haf nee huggies daddeh…nee wa-wa….”
I grabbed Sparkle by the scruff on the nape of its neck. It started to scream and flail its legs and shot out more diarrhea. I held the crème brûlée dish in place with one hand and with the other I held Sparkle’s head under the jalapeño juice. A wild mass of bubbles escaped from its mouth. Sparkle was thrashing, squirming, trying with every muscle in its tiny body to escape the agonizing pain, but I didn’t let it escape until the last possible moment.
I didn’t give Sparkle much time to take a breath. Right as I felt its body was about to go limp and involuntarily breathe jalapeño juice into its lungs I pulled Sparkle up out of the liquid. It ugly gasped and gagged violently before taking in a huge breath and then coughing. Sparkle flopped back onto its side again. Its face was grotesquely swollen now, its mouth completely blistered on every inch of gums, its eyes blood red.
“SCREEEEEE!!! cough haf HAWT!!! HAWT!!! sniiiiif HAWT!!! WOWSTEST BUWNIES DADDEH!!! cough HUGGIES!!! WA-WA!!!”
What a pathetic display. Sparkle was completely immobilized and in traumatic pain laying on its side. It was endlessly crying and sobbing. The fluff around its anus and parts of its tail were caked in thick, heavy, feces. “Jesus, Sparkle. What a mess. I don’t know what’s worse, you or the floor you shit all over.”
“Wa-wa……haf…wa-wa….haf…nee wa-wa……haf”
“Oh, you want some water to wash down your spaghetti? Well, every good meal needs a good beverage.”
Using my thumb and pointer finger I firmly pinched the corners of Sparkle’s mouth. It started scuffling its heart shaped hoof caps backwards against the linoleum, desperately trying to pull away. Slowly I tipped the crème brûlée dish up into its mouth pouring down the spicy green liquid straight into its esophagus. Sparkle sputtered and spit, tried to pull its head away and close its mouth as more and more went down. Its screams came out only as wet, gagging gargles. It angled its lower eyelids sharply as tears practically gushed out.
Almost immediately Sparkle’s body rejected the liquid and shot out a very long and extremely watery diarrhea spray that was a thin and clear reddish-brown, practically nothing but blood and shit mixed with jalapeño juice. Unlike the nasty chunky mess it made before, this liquid filth flowed over the floor like water and quickly spread out in a spiderweb fashion.
“HHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAWWWTTTT!!!”
I never heard a Fluffy cry out like that. It was painfully high pitched and Sparkle held it for as long as its tiny lungs could. Sparkle flopped face first on the ground and started to rapidly hyperventilate.
“Buwnies! haf Buwnies! haf Buwnies! haf Buwnies! haf Buwnies! haf Buwnies! haf Buwnies!”
“Just fan-fucking-tastic, Sparkle. I could forgive you for shitting on the floor once. I understand sometimes Fluffies have accidents. But twice? Is this really how you say thank you after I gave you homemade spaghetti? After I offered to take you home and buy you lots of toys?”
Sparkle may have been incapacitated but it sure as shit was still fully conscious. The inside of the little stink chimney’s mind must have been a bigger hell than the physical one it was in. In a great and desperate haste it got back on its hoof caps. Its swollen face was gradually starting to partially cover its eyes.
“Nuuuu!! haf Spawkwe sowwie haf daddeh! haf Nu mean tu make bad poopies! haf Meanie Koow-Waid gib haf Spawkwe haf wowest tummeh huwties haf an’ mouthie buwnies! It jus come owt, daddeh! haf Pwease bweev Spawkwe daddeh, nu mean tu! haf Pwease don’t take haf Spawkwe howse an’ toysies way! haf Huuu-huuuu-hu-hu!! haf Spawkwe wewwy sowwie, ahhhhuhuhu! haf Su much huwties ahhh-hu-hu-huuu! haf”
The floor was completely covered in shit now. Sparkle tracked shitty heart shaped hoof prints everywhere and the smell was finally starting to waft into my nose. It was a horrible, acidic smell that made my stomach wince.
“Spawkwe du haf bestest sowwie dancie fow daddeh! sniiif haf”
Sparkle proceeded to stand on its hind legs, bouncing on its plantigrade knees, and do fast and frantic dancie, flopping its front legs painfully and erratically. It was crying non-stop the entire time, whimpering and sniffling.
“Wook at Spawkwe’s haf Sowwie Dancie! Pwease daddeh, haf wook! Am daddeh wookin’?! Pwease wook! haf Spawkwe doin’ Spawkwe’s bestest dancie! haf Pwease nu take howse! Pwease nu make Spawkwe gu back tu greenie meanie Smawty!! Pwease! haf”
I bent down, and using my thumb and pointer again, flicked Sparkle right on the snout. It’s peach skin recoiled and wrinkled on impact. Sparkle collapsed backward onto its back as a thin trail of blood streamed out of it’s left nostril.
“Smeww pwace huwties!”
“Stop your pathetic fucking dancie, litte buddy. You really think dancie is going to clean all this shit up!? Can you even smell how awful it is? I’m not taking you home unless you EAT every last little mushy spec of crap. Daddy still loves you now, but I won’t love you anymore if you make me mop this up.”
Sparkle was squirming on its back.
“Nuuu!!! Huu-huuuu! Pwease haf nu make Spawkwe num da poopies! Huu-huuu! Wai daddeh su meanie? haf Dis nawt how daddeh sposha show wuv! Aaaahhhhhhhuuuuuu-huhuhu!”
I’ll admit, I was starting to get tired of the act. These shitrats always test my patience. I grabbed Sparkle by the throat.
Hard.
I held it up to my eyes, staring back into Sparkle’s. As the teal colored Fluffy gagged and choked a little dribble of shit tinkled out of its ass onto my shoe. I squeezed its neck harder.
“I swear to fucking god Sparkle, you are going to eat your shit or I’ll squish your eyeballs out!!” I motherfucking LeBron James slam dunked the shitrat back onto the ground, right into one of the biggest and mushyest turd puddle. Sparkle landed with a loud splat.
Sparkle just laid there and cried loudly. “N……nu!! Spawkwe wan keep see pwace! sniff Can Spawkwe du anyting uddah dan dat?” I can’t believe I actually even did this. With my bare hand I grabbed a thick lump of the shit between my fingers and shoved it into Sparkle’s mouth. It was still warm, and felt tacky and so fucking mushy. I almost made myself puke just thinking about it.
Sparkle gagged a few times before starting to chew. It sobbed violently as it ground up the shit between its teeth and finally swallowed.
“How does it taste, little buddy?” Sparkle dry heaved. “Poopies taste wowest nu pwetty, daddeh. Nu wike! Hu-hu-huuu!”
“Good, good. Keep eating. I have to wash my hands, little buddy. Don’t think I can’t see you just because my back is turned.” Sparkle only sobbed in response and trotted over to the next pile with its head hung low.
Five minutes passed as Sparkle ate. I stood firmly with my arms crossed, never letting it leave my sight. I guess the shit had a sort of milk-like effect on its mouth, coating the inside and absorbing the remaining capsaicin. Even the swelling went down. I don’t really think that made Sparkle feel any better though.
I have to admit I was impressed it ate it all. Sparkle’s stomach was bulging out as it flopped over, sick and disgusted. It made a cute little burp.
“eeerp Uuuughhhhh. Spawkwe nu feew pwetty. Nee….nee huggies dat make ebewythin’ betteh. Tummeh hab huwties.” I only tapped my foot impatiently. “Aren’t you forgetting something?” I said as I pointed to the watery lake of jalapeño juice diarrhea. It had spread out far across the floor and made several branches. A very tiny stream had managed to reach the floor drain. But that, obviously, wasn’t getting Sparkle off the hook.
“Pwease, pwetty pwease, daddeh. Nu mow num poopies. Spawkwe jus’ wan gu home and watch teebee on soft pwetty bwankie.” Hey, don’t ever say I’m a completely heartless bastard. Sparkle had ate enough. I guess it was begrudgingly time to put on the act again. I gently rubbed the top of Sparkle’s head with my thumb, which made it start to coo.
“Alright, alright. Daddy is sorry he yelled, okay?” Sparkle started to grunt and thrust its front legs forward. Knowing what it wanted, I started to rub its chest. Sparkle clutched its front legs around my hand and tightly cuddled it. So cute.
"sniif It otay, Daddeh. Spawkwe fogib yu fow yellin’. Daddeh onwy yellin’ cos Spawkwe made accidental poopies and make Spawkwe num dem.
Happies, saddies, angies, scawies. Does jus’ mean Daddeh has a hawt, buuurp wike Spawkwe!
Spawkwe promise tu du betteh an du no mow bad poopies!! An’ mouthie nu buwnies nu mow eithah. Can…can we gu home?"
“Well, yes. But we have to clean up the last bad poopie. Will you help me? Good Fluffies help Daddy clean up, you know.”
Sparkle awkwardly stumbled back on its feet, its stomach still full of its own shit. “Otay, Daddeh. Spawkwe wiww hewp. But Spawkwe nu feew gud. Tu many poopies in tummeh.”
That’s all I needed to hear. I open palm grabbed Sparkle like a sponge.
“Wah? Nu! Dis not hewpin’! Dis huwtin’ Spawkwe! Daddeh, stohp!”
I turned on the hot water faucet in the middle sink and held Sparkle under for a few seconds. It was hot, but nowhere near hot enough to scald it or myself.
“NUUU!!! NUUU WAN HAWT WA-WA!!! DIS NOT HEWPIN’!”
Once Sparkle was completely soaked, I tightly squeezed it, to wring out at much water from its fluff as I could. Not particularly paying attention, I squeezed its bulging stomach causing Sparkle to vomit all over my hand.
BLLLAAARRRGGHHH!!! SICKIES WA-WA! HUUUU-HUUU-HUU-HUUU! STOP DADDEH!"
At least it wasn’t shit again.
I threw Sparkle in my dry hand as I washed away the chunky green-brown vomit. “Alright little buddy, let’s get to work.” Completely ignoring all its pleads to be let go and put down, I swallowed my pride and got down on one knee as I used Sparkle to mop up the very watery feces. It’s once extremely vibrant and beautiful teal fluff soaked it up just like mop bristles, and held the liquid quite well.
“Nuu!! Dis not wah Fwuffies am fow! Stop Daddeh!! Spawkwe not fow cweansies! Hewp! Hewp! Sabe Spawkwe!”
I had a good routine down, making a few passes over the puddle, rinsing and wringing out Sparkle in the hot water, repete until complete. It barely took a few minutes to clean it all up. I had no idea these shitrats had such good saturation in their fluff.
"NU FEEW PWETTY! NU FEEW PWEETY! NU FEEW PWETTY!!!
Holy shit, million dollar idea. Pillowed little fucker on a stick could be a great mop!
I’m getting off topic again.
I wrung out Sparkle one last time. A small sprig of steam from the hot water rose off Sparkle’s back. I gently set it back down on its hoofs. Sparkle instinctually shook like a dog to try and dry off.
“Wow, Sparkle! You did a great job! You cleaned up the shit and even shined up the floor a little!”
Sparkle started bawling loudly. “Huu! Huu-huuuuu-hu-hu!! Wai did Daddeh du dat tu Spawkwe! Huuuuuuuuuu-hu-hu-hu! Su meanie and Daddeh nu eben wisten wen’ Spawkwe said dat nu wah Fwuffie am sposa be fow!!! Meanie Daddeh! Meanie Daddeh!! Huuuuuuuuuuuu-huuuuuuuuu-hu-hu-hu! Spawkwe nu wan be fow cweansies! Nu wan hab poopies in fwuff! Jus! Wan! Gu! Hooooooooooooome!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuhuhuhu-huuu!!”
“Nu mow! Nu mow cweansies! Nu mow make Spawkwe num buwnies sketties!!! Daddeh keep sayin’ we gon gu home but nebah du! Huuu-huuuu!!!”
Holy shit man, Sparkle was having a major tantrum. It was laying on the floor, stomping all its legs up and down in both saddnes and anger.
“Did you just fucking say I’m a meanie?”
“Wes! Cos Daddeh am meanie! Smawty nebah make Spawkwe du dat! Not eben when Spawkwe nu find nummies fow hewd!”
“Dumbass.”
“Wah…wah?”
“That’s your fucking name now, Dumbass. And you’re not coming home with me either. I will not raise a total brat shithead like you. You get to stay here, Dumbass, forever. And all you ever get to do is be my ‘cweansies’. Your toys will be your own shit and your food will be spicy slop. Hope you’re proud, Dumbass. If you would have helped and not threw a fit I was just about to take us both home. Too bad. I think I’ll take the green Smarty from your herd home instead and give him all your toys.”
Sparkle’s pupils shrank down to the size of a pea.
“NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHUUUUUHUHUHUHUHU!!! NUUUU! SPAWKWE AM SU SOWWIE! HUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! SOWWIE SOWWIE SOWWIE!!! PWEASE DADDEH NU!!!”
I grabbed Sparkle by the scuff of its neck and lifted it off the ground. The five fingers of my right hand found a perfect, fist shapped place to park on Sparkle’s cheek. I punched the shitrat, hard. Several cute little teeth and blood splattered out onto to floor with a tink tink tink.
“MOUTHIES HAB HUWTIES!”
Just then, as anyone with a brain could guess, Sparkle urinated. The warm stream of piss trickled out from the thin modesty fluff over its crotch and tinkled on to the linoleum.
“Oh nu. Pwease nu Daddeh don’t. Spawkwe sweaw it am accident an’ nu bad peepees. Spawkwe hab scawies and huwties, nu can hewp it. Pwease Daddeh. Don’t.” It said through a mouth of busted and missing teeth.
I didn’t say a word. I slammed Sparkle down into the piss puddle mouth first, splattering more blood and teeth. I roughly and painfully dragged Sparkle over it until all the piss soaked into its fluff. Sparkle looked completely defeated and miserable.
“WAAAAAAAAHUHUHUHUHU!”
God, I’m so fucking sick of hearing that crying.
I picked Sparkle back up, this time upside down by its tail.
“SKREEEEEEE!!! NU HUWTIES SPAWKWE PWETTY TAIW!! SKREEEEEEEE!” It was sputtering blood out of it’s mouth as it talked now. I clumsily reached underneath the prep table and grabbed a cutting board. I put Sparkle down on it. It tried to run away.
“Nu wan dis! Nu wan dis! Spawkwe sowwie! Nee wun way! Nu wan get mow huwties!”
Oh, how convenient. All the knives are all stored right there on the side of the prep table. Oh, I totally didn’t put Sparkle there on purpose. I quickly grabbed a serrated knife as Sparkle tried to scuttle away. It was leaving a piss trail behind it as it tried to get away.
“Too slow, Dumbass!” I stabbed the knife down into the cutting board, pinning Sparkle’s red colored tail to it. It had become so dank and soggy it was easily held in place by the blade and tangled around it and wouldn’t slip out. It continued to try and run, pulling on its tail and causing great pain.
“Nuuu!!! Not Spawkwe’s pwetty taiw! Nu am Dumbass!!”
Sparkle kept running a few more seconds before running out of breath. It collapsed on its front legs to catch its breath.
And so, it begins.
I grabbed Sparkle by its neck scruff and pulled hard. At first, just a few of the tail hairs snapped or tugged out. But then the skin around Sparkle’s ass where it’s tail grew from began to stretch and wrinkle. I pulled harder.
“SKRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
Sparkle stuck its tongue out as it screamed. Within seconds, I heard an absolutely vile, wet, snap as the flesh started to rip away from the muscle underneath. With one last tug there was a sound simular to ripping a white printer paper sheet in half and a square patch of flesh ripped off Sparkle. It still had the teal fluff attached and more importantly it had the tail attached too.
“SKRRRRREEEEEEEEE!!! SKREEEEE!!! WAI DADDEH TAKE SPAWKWE PWETTY TAIW!!! WOWSTEST TAIW HUWTIES!! SKREEE!!!”
Sparkle cried hysterically as it looked back over its shoulder to see its tail still stuck to the cutting board a few inches away. The square wound bled profusely and the various muscles of Sparkle’s flank were visibly stretching and contracting, a disgusting sight.
“Nee wun way! Nee wun way!”
Sparkle tried to get back on its front legs but the pain was too much and it collapsed on its chest again. Sparkle started dragging itself forward using its hoof caps to painfully grip the stainless steel. A small, solid turd slid out of it’s now fully exposed asshole and plopped on the prep table.
“Do you ever stop shitting, Dumbass?”
I put on a clear laytex food industry glove off the box mounted on the wall and grabbed the turd. It was surprisingly dense. I smeared the turd into the exposed patch of muscle and rubbed it in like a scalp massage.
“SCREEEEE!! POOPIES MAKE HUWTIES WOWSTEST THAN WOWSTEST!!”
That put an end to the crawling. I dragged the crying shitrat back onto the cutting board on its back. To my surprise Sparkle put up a fight, wildly flailing its front legs at me to keep away.
“Haychu!! Haychu, Daddeh!!! Meanie wowest Daddeh!! Nebah showd hab asked yu fow nummies!! Haychuuuuuuuuhuhuhuhu!!! Wai Daddeh! Wai du dis! Spawkwe onwy wan luv yu!!!”
“Dumbass. Dumbass Dumbass Dumbass Dumbass That’s what you are, Dumbass!! Now shut the fuck up!”
I grabbed one of Sparkle’s front legs in my fist. It began to pound rapidly against my fist with the other as it pissed all over it self.
“Wet gu, Daddeh! Wet gu!”
I twisted the leg around in a 180, as far as I could twist my arm around. It cracked like it was nothing. It’s heart shaped hoof cap was now upside down, with the two rounded bits downwards and the point facing me, the flesh painfully spiraled around it like the threads on a screw. I readjusted my arm and twisted again, and again, Sparkle desperately banging against my hand still the whole time with tears pooling on the table around its head and urine trailling over its stomach and and onto its left flank. With one last twist the flesh snapped in individual strands and threads, the muscles tearing into jagged ripped ends, sprigs of teal fluff flying in the air, blood squirting against my shirt. The wound barely bled after from the Fluffies natural low blood pressure.
“SCREEEE!! Not Spawkwe’s weggie!! Nuuuu!! Nuuuuhuhuhuhu!! Spawkwe nee weggy to wun and play wiff pwetty special fwend!!”
“Did I hear that right? You have a special friend, Dumbass?”
“DAT NOT SPAWKWE NAME!!!”
I back handed Sparkle with its own severed leg, somehow not knocking anymore teeth out.
“Do you have a special friend, yes or no?”
“Spawkwe jus wan see pwace Pinkie Yewwow gain’. Smawty say Pinkie Yewwow is da next tu get hab tummeh babbehs with special fwend and Spawkwe am special fwend. An…an…an Spawkwe gon’ be waaaaaay betteh daddeh than yu, stupie meanie hoomin Daddeh!!!”
“Yeah fucking right.”
Sparkle whimpered, and plopped out a lump of shit on the cutting board.
“Jesus Chrysler!!! Stop fucking shitting!!!”
Sparkle looked at me, right in my eyes. It narrowed its upper eyelids, puffed it’s cheeks, and grunted. Four more turds slid out its ass with a stinking, wet, plop. Four little mistakes it’ll regret.
“Oh, that’s how you wanna fucking play, huh Dumbass?”
“AM NOT FWUCKIN’ CAWWED DUMBASS!!!”
Sparkle gasped, and instinctually put its still attached front leg over its mouth.
“Oh nu! Spawkwe bwoke da numbah won wuwe a Fwuffy am nebbah sposa break. Spawkwe jus swowe! Huuu–huuuhuuuuu!!! Spawkwe bad!!! Huu–huuu!!! Onwy bad Fwuffie sweaw! Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuu-huhuhu!!”
Damn, I’ve never heard a Fluffy say ‘fuck’ before, not even a Smarty or a Toughie. Did I piss Sparkle off so bad it broke its own bioprogramming? That has to be a abuser world record or something.
“How could you, Dumbass? Daddy never swears, not once, unlike you. You are VERY bad! Very, very, bad! Bad Fluffies that say the no-no F word get the worstest punishment.”
“Buh…daddeh awweady say sniff dah nu-nu eff wowd a buncha–”
This thing needs to just seriously stop talking. Thank God I still had my glove on. I grabbed the four thick turds that Sparkle so defiantly slithered out and mashed them together into one big mass. As Sparkle was mid-sentence I shoved the shit mound far into its mouth.
“----dah nu-nu eff wowd a buncha— MMMMFFFMF!!!”
The wad of crap was so big Sparkle couldn’t close its mouth. The rounded wad stuck out past its lips at least half an inch. Sparkle gagged and choked horrendously as globs shit infused drool rolled out the corner of its mouth. Fluffies are so good at emoteing with their eyes. Sparkle’s lower lids were covering half its eyes wile its uppers was angled at a very sad and soft downwards angle. Tears streamed endlessly and snot poured from both nostrils.
“MMHHFHFHH! MMMHHUUU-MHHUU-HUUM! MHUU! MFFHH!”
Back to work.
Sparkle stopped struggling and trying to wiggle away off the cutting board. It kept clutching at its mouth and throat with its one remaining front leg. No doubt the shit was slowly liquidating and melting down its gullet. I wasn’t taking any chances though. I tossed the ripped off skin patch with Sparkle’s tail still sticking out of it and tossed it into the trash can. Though still gagging on its own shit, Sparkle saw this and reached out with its one leg in a pathetic attempt to stop it from disappearing forever.
“MHWEMTY MHAIW!!! ack gag”
I lifted the serrated blade up high and stabbed it down into Sparkle’s left hind leg, piercing all the way through the bone and tissue and sticking into the board, pinning Sparkle down in place for good. It let out a muffled agonized scream and blood oozed out the cut.
Sparkle couldn’t stop pissing and shitting. Piss was starting to run off the prep table and drip onto the floor. It had somehow already created a sizable shit pile stacked up right below its asshole. These things must produce waste out of literally nothing.
“Now, I think you said something about having a special friend, is that right Dumbass? Pinky Yellow was it? Well I’m going to make sure you can never make a single tummy baby with them again. Bet you can’t wait to find out what I’m going to do to you.”
A single, round turd rolled out its asshole. It’s iris shrunk again. As I walked past Sparkle to grab the crème brûlée torch sitting on the far end of the room, near the slicer, I noticed it was clenching and straining its jaw against the mass of shit, trying desperately to chew and swallow it. I set the torch down right in-between it’s legs. Sparkle started to frantically shake its head left and right, as if trying to say “No”.
In actuality it was not some special culinary tool, just a simple butane micro torch from Harbor Freight that could be cracked to a maximum of 2,000 degrees Fahrenheit.
“MHHMHHFF!! MMMFF!” mumbled Sparkle.
The smell of Sparkle’s steaming turds sliding out its ass was horrendously vile. I couldn’t keep working in those conditions. I clicked the torch on and turned the gas valve to the fullest. The flame was a loud, blue cone that roared and droned. I could feel the heat rising and flowing over my arm.
Damn, was it fucking hot.
First we had to clean the area. Sparkle just kept shitting and crying nonstop, little dense Tootsie Roll turds piling up on the cutting board. Using a new, clean glove I roughly smashed and grinded them into the Sparkle’s bleeding stump that I had twisted its leg off of. The pain and vile infection of feces entering the bloodstream caused Sparkle to violently thrash and attempt to pull away from the serrated knife pinning it down, causing more traumatic internal lacerations around its leg muscles and tendons.
“MMMMHHFFMFFF!! MHHHUUU-MHHUUU-MH-MHU!!”
Now to stop the shit once and for all. I grabbed the running torch and held the flame directly up against Sparkle’s puckered and filthy asshole. Immediately the surrounding fluff burnt away and the little peach colored hole started to crackle and sizzle. The asshole charred like a good hot dog on the grill and looked so painful, even I couldn’t help but pucker a little.
Sparkle clenched its jaw and screamed, flailing and squirming uncontrollably. The big shit wad was compacted between its few remaining teeth, squeezing between them like Play-Dough until finally Sparkle was able to uncomfortably swallow it in a big gulp that bulged out its neck as it traveled downwards.
“POOPIE PWACE WOWSTEST BUWNIES!!! SKREEEEEEEE!!! SKREEE!!! BUWNIES!!! PWEASE STOP HUWTIES POOPIE PWACE, DADDEH!! NEE POOPIE PWACE TU MAKE GOOD POOPIES IN WITTAH BAWCKS!!!”
The smell was awful, a combination of burnt shit, burnt hair, and burnt flesh. I clenched my fist, tried to hold it back, but I couldn’t. The smell was too much. I projectile vomited onto Sparkle, splattering its face and chest with gross light brown pulp.
“BLEEEGH!! NU WAN DADDEH SICKIES WA-WA!! HUUUUUUUUUUUU!! HUUUUU!”
I clicked off the torch. I had been burning Sparkle’s asshole for nearly two minutes straight. It was completely cauterized shut, nothing was ever coming out of it again.
"Wai nu can make poopies?! Huwties! Poopies inside nu come out and gib huwties! Wah Daddeh du tu Spawkwe poopie pwace?! Wah du? Wai Spawkwe nu can make huwties poopies? Huuuuuuuuu!! Huuuuuuuu!! Huhhuhuhuhu! Su much buwnies an’ huwties in Spawkwe poopie pwace!!!
Spawkwe sowwie fow make bad poopies on da fwoow! Pwease wet Spawkwe make poopies gain’! Nebah make bad poopie gain!"
I smacked the burnt little charred hole with my finger tips, making it ripple and bleed but still holding its seal tightly.
“SKREEEEEEE!!!”
I leaned in over Sparkle, looking down into its bloodshot eyes. “You really promise to never make a bad poopy again? Because only bad Fluffies break a promise, Dumbass. And if you break your promises, I’ll hurt you more.”
Sparkle was sucking on its remaining front hoof cap, drooling and crying profusely. It said nothing, only nodding yes and making a pathetic and sad “mmm hhhhh” sound with its throat.
“OK then Dumbass, I’ll let you take a dump again.”
I ripped the blade out its hind leg that was pinning it down. The laceration was so deep and wide I could see the marrow inside the bone. It made an upward spray of blood. In a swift motion, I rammed the knife with my full force into the cauterized asshole. It easily stabbed through and punctured into Sparkle’s large intestinal wall. Immediately a stream of high pressure liquid shit and blood seeped out from around the blade, splattering me and causing me to puke again, this time directly into Sparkle’s eyes. I used my fist to wipe my lips off as Sparkle screamed bloody murder.
“SKREEEEEEEE!!! DAT NAH WAH SPAWKWE WANED! WOWSTEST BUWNIES HUWTIES POOPIES EBAH!!! NU CAN SEE-PWACE! NU CAN SEE-PWACE! SICKIES WA-WA GIB DARKIES!!”
Suddenly realizing it wasn’t immobilized, and half blinded, Sparkle agonizingly rolled over and frantically started scuttling its three little short and stumpy legs. It knocked the cutting board onto the floor with a great crash and its hoof caps made a scratching sound against the stainless steel prep table top. The handle of the knife was still sticking out of it’s ass and dragging behind it leaving a trail of blood and shit. Sparkle kept going until ran straight off the prep table, landing face first with a nice splatter of blood and mucus.
“Ahhhhhuhuhuhu! Aaaaaaahhhhhhuhuhu! Hhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuhuhuhu!!! Mummah! Wan muuuuummmaah huuuuuhuuu!!”
Good God Damn, what an absolutely pathetic display. Sparkle was completely broken, tightly curled up like a shrimp sucking its hoof cap and crying endlessly. A puddle of bright yellow piss pooled underneath it and little spurts of diarrhea sputtered out from the sides of the knife up its ass.
“Stop fucking crying.” I said as I grabbed its neck scruff and used Sparkle as a rag to mop its own piss up again. Even after everything that fluff was still absorbent. Sparkle didn’t have the strength to say or do anything anymore. It just kept sobbing and crying and sucking its hoof cap.
Time to end this.
“Like I said, Dumbass, your special friend Pinky Yellow will never have a single tummy baby, at least not any with you anyway.” I slammed Sparkle back onto the prep table. It didn’t try to resist anymore. Occasionally it muttered “mummah” between its sobbing.
It was still sucking that damn hoof cap, not paying attention to me at all. I pried the hoof cap out of its shit stained gums leaving a nasty trail of sticky saliva. Sparkle just looked at me as I held the little peach colored, heart shaped, squishy pad between my index, pointer, and thumb. Just looked at me with those eyes, those glassy purple irises, and just looked absolutely defeated.
“Pwease don’t, Daddeh. Jus’…pwease nu mow. Wet Spawkwe sweepies. Spawkwe su weak and tiwed. Spawkwe miss Smawty and special fwend. Spawkwe miss hewd……Spawkwe miss nice and good Daddeh dat pwomised to gib luv and toysies.”
Damn. That almost made me feel bad. As I thought about what I’ve done, I realized this was a highly destructive invasive species that destroyed almost every biome it inhabited and caused nothing but havoc.
“Fuck off with you pitty plea.”
I used my three fingers to squeeze the hoof cap. Hard. Immediately Sparkle started to scream and convulse in pain and agony as the hoof cap swelled up bigger and bigger like a balloon as I squeezed it. At first, the leathery cartilage-keratin biocomposite formed a small crack, dripping lots of blood until eventually a few more cracks appeared and then finally, pop.
It literally made a loud pop sound as the hoof cap exploded. It showered out blood and some kind of odd pink colored mass that rained down onto Sparkle’s chest fluff.
“SCRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! HOOFIES WOWSTEST HUWTIES!!! WAI DADDEH TAKE PWETTY HOOFIES WAY’!!! HUWTIES HUWTIES HUWTIES HUWTIES!!! NU CAN TAKE HUWTIES ANYMOWE! NU CAN TAKE IT! MAKE IT STOP!!! MAKE THE HUWTIES STOPPPPPPhhgfhfghfgg pppppffftthh”
Sparkle’s head flopped limply to the side and its eyes lay half closed as it passed out from pain. I could see its chest rising and falling and its nostrils flailing, so it was alive.
Barely.
It was time for my finishing act. On the corner of the prep table was a little device called an Edlund 11100 Old Reliable. It was a commercial kitchen can opener, a near universal design that practically every restaurant had. The operation was simple. A large metal bar with a very sharp pointed tip sits in a little truss I guess you could call it, and it’s all just done using friction. You lift up the bar, put the can under it, and slam it down hard. A little hand crank on the top of the bar spins the can to open it.
Like all colts, Sparkle’s penis and testicles were covered by a dense patch of fluff called the modesty fluff. I definitely needed another glove for this. I parted the modesty fluff away down the middle to reveal Sparkle’s genitals and slid the passed out stink chimney into position.
I splayed its two hind legs apart as far as they would go. The only way I could get Sparkle’s balls lined up was to pull the knife out of its ass, as it was in the way. I quickly pulled it, the serrated end tearing more flesh on its exit.
That certainly woke it back up. Sparkle screamed, a scream I had been hearing all night. Blood flowed out its damaged asshole like a river.
I thought for sure it was going to try and struggle again, but perhaps the septic shock and traumatic fecal infections flowing through its insides had sapped its energy. Sparkle’s eyes were turning a noticeable pale green.
"Wah…nu! NU!! Wai Daddeh touchin’ Spawkwe special wumps? Stop!! Dats pwivate!!! Dats pwivate!! Wah Daddeh doin’ tu special wumps? gasp NU!!! NUUU HUWTIES SPECIAL WUMPS!!! STOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!
SPAWKWE NEE SPECIAL WUMPS TU MAKE TUMMEH BABBEHS WIF PINKIE YEWWOW!!!" PWEASE DADDEH!!! STOOOOOOOOOP! STOOOOP!
SMAWTY!!! SABE SPAWKWE!!! GIB DADDEH MEANIE POOPIES!!! GIB DADDEH STOMPIES AND BITIES!! SPAWKWE NEBAH CAWW YU MEANIES GAIN’!!! HUUUUHUUUUUHUUUU!!! PWEASE STOP DADDEH!!!"
“Shut up!” I stabbed the shitty, bloody knife into the horrifying hole left by the blown out hoof cap until the handle was touching fluff. The knife’s tip didn’t break through the skin, but was leaving a pointy triangular bump rising out from Sparkle’s plantigrade knee.
Sparkle started to scream a type of scream no abuser has ever recorded, be it on video, audio recording, not even in abuse fiction. It was a single, ear splitting high pitched note that caused a small spider web fracture to form in one of the lenses of my eyeglasses.
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhh haf haf haf haf haf haf haf”
I took my eyeglasses off and inspected the damaged lense. I took a deep sigh, and slipped them over the collar of my t-shirt.
I pinched the tip of one of Sparkle’s cute little floppy ears and lifted it up. I pressed my lips right up to the peach skin all while Sparkle was still hyperventilating from indescribable pain. I took a deep, deep, breath.
“SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPP!!!”
I held out the “u” in “up” for as long as my lungs could exhale. Just as I ran out of breath there was another loud pop, and a thick and pulpy splatter of pink and purple goo splattered my face, activating my bloodlust like that old Xbox 360 game ‘Wet’ when the chick would get blood on her face and go on a rampage.
Sparkle’s pupils shrank down so small it was practically the size of the period at the end of the sentence. Thick blood oozed out its destroyed ear like it was a red pizza sauce.
"SKREEE! SKREE!!! SKREE!!!
NU HEAWIN’ FWAPPY!! SPAWKWE CAN NU HEAWIN’ FWAPPY NU MOWE! WAH DADDEH DU TU HEAWIN’ FWAPPY!!!
SU HUWTIES!
HOW SPAWKWE GON WISTEN TU MUMMAH SINGIN’ TU SPAWKWE ANY MOW!!!
HUWTIES!
H…H….HAYCHU! sniffle HAYCHU! HAYCHU! sob sniffle HAYCHU! HAYCHU! HAYCHU! HAYCHU DADDEH! sob HAYCHU!!!"
Sparkle started to sob and cry hysterically, it banged its legs like a toddler, it wailed and weeped, starting pissing like a lawn sprinkler and bubbling out shitty, bloody farts.
I finally flopped Sparkle’s two little balls on the base plate of the can opener attached to the prep table. They were, well, they were testicles. Small and saggy, very wrinkly and with several small blue veins under the peach skin. They dangled just slightly off the table and directly under the razor sharp point.
I lifted the bar up.
“N…sob nuu…sob nuuu sniffle pwease….sob Spawkwe nu can see-pwace.”
Sparkle weakly and limply threw its front leg over its closed eyes.
“Jus….sniiiif sob jus…sniff JUS’ FWUCKIN’ DU IT! JUS FWUCKIN’ HUWTIES SPAWKWE SPECIAL WUMPS! SPAWKWE NU CAWE BOUT ANYTING ANYMOWE!! SPAWKWE WAN DIE!!! SPAWKWE JUS’ WAN DIE!!! SPAWKWE NU WAN FEEW ANYTING ANYMOWE EBAH GAIN! JUS’ GIB SPAWKWE FOWEVEW SWEEPIES!!! WAN DIE!!!”
I slammed the bar down.
We normally would never do that without a can under it because it could damage the blade on the point.
But I didn’t care, I just smiled and laughed.
As the blade came down it landed perfectly center on the left testicle, piercing it and pinning it to the base plate and slightly flattening it out. Immediately Sparkle projectile vomited a very thick and long stream of green pulp all over itself. One big goopy chunk hung off its lower lip and the rest covered its entire chest and legs. Sparkle’s eyes started to roll back into its head and its mouth hung agape, gritty with fresh vomit and old shit.
I grabbed the shitrat by the main and started pulling. Sparkle screamed and screamed and screamed as I kept pulling it farther and farther down the prep table. It’s nuts were stretching like fucking rubber, still pinned down by the can opener and all the while making a Loony Toons-esk stretchy elastic sound. I managed to get a whole one foot of distance before Sparkle’s scrotum ripped off its body in a bloody display. The flesh tore unevenly, leavy a small bloody flap of wrinkly scrotum skin dangling off the bleeding open cavity between Sparkle’s legs.
Sparkle vomited more.
“…waaaannnnn diiiiiieeeee……gurgle vomit uuuuuugggghhhhhh…”
Sparkle’s penis dangled limply over the open wound. It was very small with a greasy foreskin. I gave it several painful flicks on the head in rapid succession. Sparkle screamed and vomited more, almost passing out.
I pulled the mutilated nutsack from the can opener blade and shoved them into Sparkle’s gaping mouth. It could only gargle and gag weakly, with one low-effort and limp flop of one of its legs against the table. I used my hand to grind Sparkle’s jaw and massage its neck, forcing Sparkle to chew and swallow its own balls. Thick blood and pink tissue dripped from between its remaining teeth.
Time to clean up.
It took just shy of 45 minutes to clean all the viscera up, wash the knife and cutting board, and put everything away. I made sure to pay for the food ingredients I used and most importantly, disinfect everything.
Sparkle squealed violently as I grabbed and picked it up by its penis. It wailed as I carried it out the door, the disgusting, greasy penis clenched between my fist, stretching far down from Sparkle’s body weight.
I threw a dirty, pizza sauce and flour covered apron I stole onto the backseat of my car and slammed Sparkle down on it.
Sparkle hate vroom-vroom monsters.
But this vroom-vroom monster have a soft bed inside in the back.
I guess thats not so scary.
Daddy is the real monster.
Sparkle’s special lumps were in Sparkle’s tummy and are gone forever now.
Sparkle’s hear flappy no work.
See-place hurts.
Leggys hurt.
Mouthy hurts.
Everything hurts.
And it’s all Daddy’s fault.
Daddy gave Sparkle the worstest hurties of Sparkle’s entire life.
Hate Daddy.
Sparkle so sorry Sparkle thought Smarty was a meanie. Smarty always protected Sparkle, even if Smarty always called Sparkle Dumbass instead of a pretty name.
Daddy is Dumbass and Sparkle hates him.
Wish Sparkle knew where Daddys vroom-vroom monster was going.
“Hey Dumbass, where is your herd? Hey, can you hear me asshole? Where the fuck do you live?”
“What?”
“WHERE IS YOUR FUCKING HERD? WHERE DID YOU WALK FROM?”
Why is Daddy always yelling at Sparkle?
“Why Daddy care? Is Daddy going to hurt Smarty?”
“No, I’m taking you back home. That’s what you want, right?”
“Home? Daddy mean…back to herd? Back to Smarty and Momma? Back to Pinky Yellow?”
“Yes, retard. If you don’t tell me where it is now I’m kicking you in a fucking curb and washing my hands of you for good.”
“Smarty say that herd is in place called ‘Highland Park’, but Sparkle doesn’t know what that means.”
“We’re minutes away from there, just shut the fuck up, and you get to see Pinky Yellow again.”
“Really”
“Yes.”
“…thank you Daddy, for not giving Sparkle forever sleepies and taking Sparkle back to herd.”
“Shut up, dumbass.”
The vroom-vroom monster stopped growling. Sparkle smell….home?
Daddy got out of vroom-vroom monster from the scary opening leggy.
Then Daddy open the scary leggy by Sparkle. Now it really smell like home.
Daddy grabbed Sparkle by the no-no stick again! So hurty! Sparkle started having sad wa-wa again.
But then Sparkle hear flappy something that Sparkle never thought would give Sparkle bestest happies.
"What? Hey! Hey, dummy human! What you are doing? You BETTER have some nummies for Smarty’s herd or else! Smarty will give you the worstest bad poopies ever! Not even care that you are a human either! So either give nummies, or get lost you big dumbass!
What………what is dummy human holding? Show Smarty now what human is holding or get stompies and bad poopies! Right now!! Now!!"
Daddy tossed Sparkle onto the black rockie. It was so hurties when Sparkle hit the black rockie.
But then Sparkle see Smarty standing there and then Smarty see Sparkle and then Smarty started having sad wa-wa and having sadies and heart hurties.
“Here you go shitrat, this is your nummy finder! It didn’t find any food, either. I know where your herd is now. If you ever send one of your pastel colored fuckfaces to my restaurant again, I’m personally coming here and shoving a spatula up your ass sideways. Have fun together!”
Sparkle never saw Daddy again after that. Daddy got inside vroom-vroom monster and went away into the darkies.
Hate Daddy so much.
Smarty started to give huggies to Sparkle and told the whole herd to come over and help give huggies.
“No! No, no, no! What happened to you, Dumbass?! Where leggy? Why heary flappy have boo-boo juice coming out of it?”
“Daddy did this to Dumbass. Dumbass was just asking for nummies like Smarty told Dumbass to do. Daddy…Daddy lied! Daddy said Daddy was going to take Dumbass back to Daddy’s house with lots of toys! But only gave worstest hurties!!”
Then Sparkle see-place Special Friend Pinky Yellow running over. Sparkle couldn’t help it, just start having sad wa-wa and more sad wa-wa and more sad wa-wa when Sparkle see Pinky Yellow have worstest heart hurties.
“NOOOO! Special Friend! What happened to Teal Red! No, no, get out of way Smarty, let Pinky Yellow give huggies to Teal Red Special Friend too!!”
Smarty didn’t even give Pinky Yellow a punchie for yelling at Smarty like that. Smarty just moved over and let Pinky Yellow give Sparkle huggies too. Sparkle felt all the sad wa-wa coming out of Smarty and Pinky Yellow’s see places falling on Sparkle’s tummy.
“Why aren’t the huggies working? Pinky Yellow is too stupie, not giving enough huggies like Smarty! Give more! Why wont Dumbass’s hurties go away!”
Sparkle feels so sleepy. Hurties are kind of going away now. It makes Sparkle feel kind of happies.
“GASP WHAT DID THE STUPIE HUMAN DO TO DUMBASS’S SPECIAL LUMPS! OH NO! SPECIAL LUMPS ARE GONE! Smarty is so so sorry that happened, Dumbass!”
Pinky Yellow tried to give Sparkle’s special lumps huggies but just gave hurties instead. Sparkle couldn’t help from screaming and made Pinky Yellow have even worse heart hurties!
“Please no sad wa-wa, Pinky Yellow. Dumbass know that was accident.”
Sparkle knew that Sparkle was about to take forever sleepies. Smarty showed everyfluff in herd what happens if a Fluffy gets too many hurties one time. They go forever sleepies
“S…Smarty. Special Friend. The huggies no work. Spar…Dumbass have too many hurties. Gonna go forever sleepies. Dumbass no can help it. Thank you so much for trying to make Dumbass hurties go away!”
Sparkle really hate seeing the whole herd make sad wa-wa. They all trying so hard to give bestest huggies to Sparkle.
This all Daddy’s fault.
“No! No! No! Dumbass is only nummy finder in the whole herd! Smarty can’t find nummies, Smarty have to keep herd safe!”
“Really really really wish Dumbass momma was here. Wish Dumbass momma didn’t get eaten by vroom-vroom monster.”
Smarty put Smarty’s hoofie on Dumbass. Though Smarty was giving stompies! But Smarty giving weird huggies instead. Talkie huggies.
“It okay, Dumbass. Gonna be with your momma soon. She will give you forever huggies! Smarty promise! Dumbass…Dumbass was terrible, stoopie nummy finder! But Dumbass was a really good Fluffy though. Smarty mean that!”
And then everfluff just have sad wa-wa for awhile, including Dumbass.
“Smarty. Dumbass about to go forward sleepies now. Can Dumbass ask one thing first before Dumbass go away in forever sleepies?”
“What do you want to ask Smarty, Dumbass?”
“Can Dumbass namie not be Dumbass? Can Dumbass be called Sparkle?”
“Smarty love you, Sparkle. Whole herd love you, Sparkle. We will all miss you so much, Sparkle! Please! Please don’t go forever sleepies!”
“…Sparkle love you too Smarty. Love you so much Pinky Yellow Special Friend”
Sparkle have big smile as Sparkle go forever sleepies. Heart have hurties, but happies too.
So darkies, no like.
So cold too, no like.
No.
Like.
This.
"Sparkle? Sparkle no! Sparkle need to wake up and make talkies still!
Sparkle!!!"
