“A few days ago, we ran an episode of the program Fluffies 101 in which we insinuated that Poonicorns are not actual Alicorns. We are deeply regretful for the hurtful and slanderous manner in which we have acted. The noble Poonicorn truly is an Alicorn and is deserving of due respect from all fluffies, especially other Alicorns.”
“Jeff, what the enf is dis?”
Wucifer, Jeff’s giant, freakishly intelligent Black and Red Maned Alicorn, crossed his hooves in annoyance. Jeff Laird had been the CEO of Hasbio, back when Hasbio existed, and a freak like Wucifer wasn’t something anyone had anticipated. A freak, especially after Jeff tattooed that Pentagram Booty Mark on him. Fucking edgy shit. Nice.
Then again, there was a lot of shit Hasbio never anticipated.
“This? This is CYA.”
“See-eye-ayy?”
"Cover your ass. See, a lot of really rich freaks like Bill Foalfucher love the idea of “Fancy fluffies.”
“Wike me?”
Jeff laughed “Oh god no.” Bill would fucking despise Wucifer. He was in that weird cult that thought humans were the Gods of Fluffies, and a fluffy like Wucifer, that could potentially fight back against or even outthink a human, was blasphemy.
“Fancy” Fluffies are horrifically inbred and fucked up in some hillarious, horrifying way that pisses in the mouth of God and good taste. This appeals to people with lots of money and very very small penises, like Bill."
“Wucifer hab boy an giwl no-no’s.” The Great Dane-sized shitrat said proudly.“Wucifer can gu enf demsewf.” The fluffy… grinned? Fluffies don’t grin.
A joke. A decent dirty joke, from a Fluffy. What the hell is this thing I’ve adopted?
“Bu sewios nao. Why hooman wan fwuffy dat poopies wif thinky-pwace?”
“Because they’re twisted assholes who have never been told no in their life. See, they get a kick out of making a freakishly deformed lesser creature humiliate themselves for their own amusement. And they can use their money to hurt Fluff TV for not playing along with the joke.”
Wucifer turned that thought around in his abnormally smart (for a fluffy) head of his.
Hoomans made fluffies not fo huggies and wub, but fo poopies and heehees. Wucifer waited fo Jeff to go do his hooman fingies, an den tuwned to de human teebee fo hooman stowies.
Today, Wucifer would finawy figga out hao to use hoomin wittabox.
Bonus: WIP of the “satanic” uberfluffy when Jeff first found him.
Edit: When I say “supersmart” I usually mean like “Booperino level.”