HASBIO Products & Pets review
March 5, 1986
Feeling down with the weather changes? Difficulty adjusting to the Second Californian Regime? Toxic ash from the ruins of New York causing issues? If you’ve said yes to any of these, it’s my sincere recommendation that you go out and buy yourself some HASBIO products.
Life isn’t easy, we can all admit to that. After the American colonization of Russia, things never quite went back the same, did they? But if anything has stayed stable, it’s been HASBIO. Thank the stars that they won the right to be the singular, legal vendor for Designer Pets.
As always, I’m thankful to the owners of the Nevada Sun for letting me occupy space in their newspaper here, giving me this opportunity to share my love of HASBIO with the world.
Now, let’s take a look at what HASBIO has on the market.
FLUFFIES
Twinkle Eyes
A bit disappointing, if we’re being honest here! Twinkle Eyes as far as I can tell seem to just be a downgraded rehash of the earlier Space Ponies released by HASBIO. They aren’t inherently bad in of themselves as a breed. But with all the amazing stuff we get from HASBIO, this just was a bit sore. Especially considering that they have the same design flaw with their unique eyes that the space ponies do.
Otherwise? These are still gorgeous Fluffies. Their more serious ailment can be bred out while retaining their unique features as well.
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Pros
Typically Resistant to development of most syndromes.
Beautiful, gemstone like eyes.
Unicorns are capable of more interesting ‘magic’ displays (while still being fluffy-safe). -
Cons
Can become depressed easily.
Lose their “twinkly” eyes when depressed.
Become blind when depressed. -
Special Feature
Intuitive and enjoy some “easy” puzzles. -
Genes
Co-dominant
Flutter Ponies
An extremely Unusual species of Fluffy, though, are they any more unusual than sea ponies? I suppose what makes them so strange is their insectoid details.
First off, these fluffies are all “wingie friends”, however, rather than the typical fluffy wings…these fluffies sport a set of butterfly-esque wings! They also thrive in warm and hot environments, contrasting the normal Fluffy preference for more mild weather.
Now onto the negative. These Fluffies typically prefer to be around other Flutter Ponies and will shun other fluffy types. Normally this isn’t too bad and can be trained out… But be careful, if left unchecked it can manifest as “Monsterism” against other Fluffy types.
Flutter Ponies have the most potential as “Show Fluffies”.
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Pros
Beautiful butterfly wings
Tend to be vibrant and pastel colours generally.
Good in warm climates
Great as show ponies -
Cons
Prone to “monsterism” with other fluffy types.
Can easily develop Smarty & Helpie syndrome.
Can become easily sick in cold weather.
Special feature can distress other fluffies. -
Special feature
By flapping their wings they can cause other Fluffies to fall down or be “blown over”. Other Fluffy types tend to interpret this feature as them producing a “big wind”. -
Genes
Dominant.
PRODUCTS
Sorry dolls
This will be especially interesting to residents of Second California.
Picture this. It’s seven AM. I’ve just let my fluffy out of their Safe Room and turned on “TEEBEE” for the little bugger, Sesame Street. I set out their breakfast kibble on the floor. I’ve also left my oatmeal out on the table. Like an idiot. An Idiot that’s told their precious little monster over and over again to leave Daddy’s food alone.
I’m making my morning tea when I hear a loud CRASH coming from the living room. Inspecting the noise reveals that my Fluffy has, yet again, tried to steal some of my food.
And yet again, in the process of doing so, knocked over my dish and shattered it.
I cannot tell you how many times that little orange unicorn had broken my fine china. It didn’t matter how many times I told him to leave my ‘nummies’ alone, he’s insistent on eating my food.
Then Hasbro saved my dishes, with the Sorry Doll.
He’s a small, squat little guy, roughly human shaped and sporting a happy smile. You switch on his voice box, tell your naughty fluffy he’s being watched by your friend, then leave the two alone.
The moment your fluff moves or speaks to the doll, the Sorry Doll immediately responds back with a variety of phrases that remind your fluffy they’re in trouble. The Sorry Doll will periodically grunt, growl and yell as well.
The beauty of the Sorry doll is he’s a combination of Elf on the Shelf and Furby. The longer you leave him with your Fluffy, the more effective.
You’ll only ever need to truly “use” him once. Afterwards, simply putting him up where a Fluffy can see will be enough to coerce them into proper conduct.
I stuck my Fluffy with him for an entire night. The next morning when I opened the Safe Room, my little buddy broke down in tears. He hadn’t slept at all.
“Fwuffy Sawwyyyy! Pwease dun’ leave with bad fwiend. Fwuffy sowwy! Nuuhhh…! Nuhh more sowwy daww pwease!”
He proceeded to not only apologize for breaking all my plates, but confessed to breaking the vase that held my mother’s ashes, convinced that the Sorry Doll knew and was going to tell me anyway.
After some correction with a Sorry Stick, and much tears, I can happily say that my Fluffy won’t even LOOK at my dishes anymore.
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Pros
Extremely effective in behavior modification
Low Maintenance ‘Sorry’ tool.
Long battery life for the voice box. -
Cons
Only suitable for older Fluffies.
Can cause some Fluffies to be permanently scared of all soft dolls.
Well, that’s it for this edition of Product & Pet Review! I hope you consider investing into these Pets & Products.
Remember, if any of these interested you like they did for me, always be sure to buy from a HASBIO approved vendor.
And as always, May the lord bless our hearts and homes with happy, healthy Fluffies.
