Mr. Adams presents: the Pillows breed
by Oculus and Pillows
Illustrated by Pillows
The following is a transcript given by Ms Caird, creator of the Pillows breed. This interview is part of the narrative of Chapter 11 of the Sam Adams Guide.
So tell us a little about yourself. When did you join Hasbio?
I worked as an independent contractor in 20XX and was hired for a genetic scientist position a year later at Hasbio’s main headquarters in the US.
How long were you with Hasbio?
I was there for roughly two years.
What attracted you to Hasbio?
I did some small work for their parent company, Hasbro for their pony lines as a small-time food scientist. When Hasbio was launched, I was shown a few small-time contracts which interested me and when I was given the chance to score a long-term contract, I went for it. Fluffies, even in the beginning, always interested me. They’re the closest thing we have to real-life chimeras. A creature that is a sum of a dozen other things.
Why is the name of the breed Pillows?
Well, when I got started, I got assigned designation PLL. It’s not uncommon for us–, well, I mean, them, to use it as a starting point. Explains why some poor bastard got stuck with AID.
But you can’t pronounce P-L-L. I thought about calling my strain ‘Pills’ or ‘Pulls’ but I don’t have to work in marketing to tell you that you can’t sell ‘Pills’ to kids. Then I remembered pillow fluffs. ‘Pillows’ fluffies wasn’t a trademarked term yet so I took it. I figured, hey, free advertising, right?
No one told me until it was approved and far too late to take back.
Would you believe me if I told you that I truly didn’t know about pillowing until I had the name?
(audience laughs)
Of course, I had heard the phrase ‘pillow fluffies’ in passing but I didn’t know what the term had meant. In my mind I imagined those, what were they… Those stuffed animals you could turn into a pillow? I thought it was just a cutesy name for a stuffed animal.
Do you have any idea why so many genetic engineers and/or their respective breeds have such weird names? I can understand Carpdimes, Buwwitoes and Marcusmaximuses, but names like FierceDeityLynx, Black-Dragon-Blood, AIDS and MEH are really kinda kooky.
From what I’ve heard, back in the beginning, getting a brand-name was fairly easy. You listed which ones you wanted and you would probably get one of them. Then Hasbio realized how much bank they were sitting on and started copyrighting all the good ones. Plumps, puffies, softies, fuzzies, plushies, cushions, you name it, they took it.
Eventually, I guess the higher ups just got tired of the fighting over trademarks and just started assigning people letters. I was technically ‘P-L-L-OS’–, the Pillows Strain Overseer.
Some people started using the letters as a backronym. You know, assigning a phrase to a bunch of letters. DBK is Dirt biker, FOF is foal out four, BDB is black dragon blood.
Others, like KMEB, MEH and AIDs leaned into it. AIDs especially. Poor guy got the luck of the draw but what could you do?
How familiar are you with some of the older genetic engineers who were at Hasbio? For the record, we’re still trying to understand the work of the people who created the KMEB, Meh and Coalheart breeds.
I was coming in as they were on their way out. I didn’t have much contact with them but I really respected their work. The most contact I ever had was a positive appraisal from KMEB on one of my genetic sequences, I think.
People keep saying that there were a lot of scandals associated with Hasbio. Why would that be the case?
There were. Many of the Hasbro subsidiaries had issues, whether it be infighting or outside influence. Seemed there wasn’t a day that went by where there wasn’t some kind of HR meeting or passive aggressive memo being handed out.
I think due to the nature of the work, Hasbio had it the worst, especially after the Cleveland incident.
What made you leave Hasbio? People cite the scandals but we’re trying to understand what those scandals are.
A lot of the higher-ups were, somewhat understandable, unsatisfied with the specimens that were being produced. After a few of my own specimens were exterminated, I took a leave of absence, during which I had a bit of run in with a stapling gun and injured my hand. Around then, I put in my resignation. I didn’t see the point of going back.
What is your opinion of the rise of independent breeders who have developed fluffies ever since they have gained rights as semi-sentient animals? Whats your opinion of the more rural/farm based approach to fluffies that genetic engineers like Carpdime have started employing?
I don’t know how to feel about it. On one hand, it keeps certain fluff lines alive while still maintaining at least some form of consistency with the breeds. Pillows were originally designed to be completely unable to thrive without human interference.
It seemed not to last, however. I’ve heard reports of small herds of Pillows currently living within forests without any human presence.
With Hasbio now gone, do you see yourself joining any new corporation that may fill Hasbio’s place, or will you work independent? For reference, Carpdime and Muffin have described themselves as ex-Hasbio employees who are now working independently.
If I was given a more flexible contract, I could see myself working under another corp. Pillows were meant to be somewhat open-source, if you excuse the outdated term.
How do you feel about the sudden destruction of Hasbio? Along with the sudden erasure of all the genetic patents, including yours?
Ms Caird is silent
