be Sammy, a female boxer
no, not the kind who punch other woman
you’re a boxer dog.
your daddy is Bill. he’s a nice man who pets you and gives you treats
you like to cuddle up with Bill at night when he watches his picture box
you love Bill and he loves you.
you have a yard to go out and explore.
sometimes you smell all sorts of neat things like cats or squirrels or raccoons
you get bored sometimes, though. Bill plays the ball game and the flying disk game every day but sometimes he’s too tired
if you don’t get to play you get wired and it takes you
forever to come down.
today is one of those days
Bill put you out to make pee and poo but he fell asleep inside the house
now you’re stuck outside and you’re bored out of your mind
you keep eyeing the fence. it’s only a few feet high
you’re a lean, muscled fine-ass bitch.
fence. fine-ass bitch. fence. fine-ass bitch.
fuck it.
you easily scale the fence and jump down on the other side
it’s the back neighor’s yard. you don’t see him much…
he’s much older than Bill.
sniff around. Squirrel, chipmunk, mouse.
this sucks.
hm… looks like activity just up ahead. gotta be careful of the human’s vehicles, though
you trot out of the neighbor’s yard, sniffing along the way
car here, human there. you’re not that tall so it’s easy to lay low
no point in getting in trouble if you don’t have to
sniff sniff
some sort of alley down here… and food. you love food.
you know some of the smells… this one is Italian. Bill loves Italian.
this one is Chinese. you remember sharing Chinese spare ribs with Bill.
you start to drool. that’s when you smell something… odd.
the hell is that. slightly reminiscent of cat… and dog. and… rabbit? and… what the hell is that strong smell?
then you hear voices. you quickly duck behind a trash can. don’t want to get in trouble.
you see a human standing over… something. what is that?
it looks like a fluffy dog… but not a dog. its face is all wrong. and it has no claws on its feet.
and it’s orange - HOW IS IT ORANGE?
it talks like a human! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SEEING?
you remember when you got into Bill’s special magic plant bag. you saw all sorts of colors and things all day long
this isn’t the same. this is just… bizarre.
a mean-looking human wearing a hat crooked and with its pants falling down is yelling and slapping at the orange thing
it’s crying and trying to get away but it doesn’t move very fast
“Come on, bitch… beg me for your life, yo! Fuckin beg me!”
“pwease nu huwt fwuffy! nu huwt babehs!”
“Fuckin do whatevah I want! Fuckin filthy piece a shit!”
you can now see that a couple of smaller animals cling to this orange one’s pelt.
one is purple and the other yellow
the human grabs the purple one, which starts chirping. sounds like a baby squirrel you saw fall out of its nest.
“pwease nu huwt babeh!”
“But you gotta pay the toll, bitch! Haw haw!”
the mean human slams the little baby against the wall, making a blood stain.
it falls to the ground, one tiny leg quivering but otherwise it looks dead
“nuuuuuuuuuuu! babeh pwease wake up! mumma hewe!”
the orange thing tries to hug the little one but the mean human kicks it away
it actually lands near you. you sniff it. yeah, cat, dog, rabbit, and something else. the hell are these things?
“Gimme… gimme the other one. GIMME IT!”
the mean human slaps the orange thing in the mouth and grabs the yellow baby.
it starts screaming for its mother… and sounds like a human, too. freaky.
“mama! mama! hewp! hewp!”
this time the mean human takes a sharp-looking thing from his pocket.
you’ve seen Bill use something like that when he makes food
is this human going to make food out of the little yellow thing?
he plunges the sharp shiny thing into the backside of the yellow thing. it screeches and howls.
then he pulls out the sharp thing and plunges it in again. the little yellow baby is shuddering, moving its tiny legs rapidly
it screeches inhumanly and cries
“mamaaaaaaaaa! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! huwties! poopie pwace huwties! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”
god, that hurts your ears
finally, the mean human throws the yellow thing at the ground. it splatters like the purple one did
“nuuuuuuuuu! meanie hooman kiwll babehs! why kiwll babehs!”
“You’re next, cunt! Haw haw!”
the human picks up the orange thing by her tail and is about to plunge the shiny thing in her naughty place.
this ain’t gonna be good.
suddenly, someone steps out in front of him and slams a milk crate into his head.
“OW! WHAT THE FUCK! WHO THE FUCK…”
“You reave fruffy pony arone!”
what the hell is a fruffy pony?
“It ain’t none of your business, gook!”
“Bullshit it ain’t our business! We hear you torture rittle babies all through restaurant! People call police!”
you hear sirens getting close. you sometimes hear that noise when human cars make other human cars stop in front of your house
“Oh fuck… I gotta…”
“You no go anywhere!”
a couple of other Chinese people join this guy. both of them hold huge shiny sharp things
the mean human with his pants falling down doesn’t move. then you see one of the black uniform men come outside
“Torturing fluffies, huh? That what a real man does? That make you a gangsta?”
“It is what it is, yo…”
WHACK the black uniform man slaps the guy, knocking his crooked hat off
“You’re gonna learn a whole new meaning of pain and respect when you get fucked in the ass in County. You’re under arrest.”
“You can’t arrest me for this! This is bullshit! They ain’t even real animals!”
the guy continues to complain as the black uniform man drags him inside, followed by the Chinese people
the first one picks up the orange thing and carries her inside, petting her
“We get you nice home. You want yummy noodle?”
“but… babeh… need babeh… yuu say noodle?”
you step out from behind your hiding place to investigate.
there’s still one little baby left… it was hiding under a big green metal thing
its eyes, wide and wet with tears, look up at you in terror.
its bottom lip quivers.
this one is lime green with a white mane. it has a tiny pair of wings.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE THINGS? ponies? you’ve heard the word before but never saw one.
the tiny baby, not even the size of a squirrel, lays shuddering on the ground
woof
“eeeeeee! bad munsta huwt babeh!”
how rude. that was quite the polite way to say hello.
woof woof?
“chirp chirp! mama! mama! hewp!”
this isn’t working.
all right… let’s see what happens if…
you carefully pluck out the baby from under the green thing. it keeps chirping for its mother
you instinctively know how to pick up the baby. you may be a fine-ass bitch but you’re still a girl.
you carefully lay the baby down on a soft tuft of grass and start licking it clean, despite its protests
"chirp! mama hewp! chirp! munsta got babeh! chirp!
it doesn’t taste horrible… in fact some of the grease from the Chinese place makes it rather tasty
you finally finish cleaning the baby and look at it
woof
it looks up at you, blinking its eyes.
“whewe mama?”
woof! bark!
the little green thing looks at you curiously.
well, now you’re responsible for it.
you carefully pick it up and find your way back home.
the baby complains most of the way but finally relents.
you carefully scale your fence again, making sure the baby is safe in your jaws
you lay down on the back porch and plop the baby next to you.
it waddles around a little and finally climbs on your side, nuzzling into your fur
you give it a few more licks and settle down until Bill wakes up
the little thing babbles to itself
“wan miwlk. new fwen? mama… mama… chirp”
you hear a noise at the back door. it’s Bill! you don’t want to get up and disturb baby, though…
“Sorry, Sammy… I must have been more tired than I thought. Come on in. Sammy… come. Come!”
woof!
“What have you got there?”
wurf! bark!
it’s so obvious. you feel silly having to explain it.
the baby had actually fallen asleep for a little while. it opens its eyes and peeps.
“Look at the little baby! Where did you find it, huh?”
Bill carefully picks up the baby, rubbing its chin and then its belly.
he peeks between its legs.
“It’s a little boy! Where’s your mother, huh? Can you talk?”
“chirp mama gone. men take!”
its bottom lip starts to quiver again. Bill gives it a hug
“Aww… it’s okay, little guy! You want food? You hungry?”
“Miwlk? Nummies?”
“Yeah, let’s get you some milk.”
you look up at Bill expectantly.
wurf!
“Oh! My mistake. Here you go, ma’am.”
Bill carefully places the little green baby on your back to carry inside.
“He’s your responsibility, Sammy.”
well, of course he is.
you are a fine-ass bitch, after all. and today you got to be a mom, too.
“baby wuv mama!”
*woof!"
and you do.
