Tenderloin helps a new friend learn manners.
“So it’s a hundred for an hour? Seems steep.”
Christ. Always negotiating. “It is what it is. Trust me, you don’t want more.” He scoffs. Rude asshole. “I’m not saying I want more, I’m saying that’s way more expensive than your service is worth.”
“Whatever. Have fun with your daughter’s smarty. I’m sure it’ll never try to shit in her mouth.” I turn back to my kitchen and turn the stove on while I fill a pot with water. No time for this asshole.
“Fine. If you can promise he won’t be permanently damaged.” He can’t see me grin. “Of course. That’s why it’s expensive.”
“Daddeh? Dewe nyu fwuffy in Tendewwoin woom. Wai nyu fwuffy hewe?” The intruder stood across from Tenderloin, puffing his cheeks. “Nu ignowe Pwince Jeffwy! Dummeh tuffy bettew gu get nummies fow smawty!” The sawed off little shit had committed a grave error without realizing it.
“Onwy daddeh am smawty.”
“Huh? Wat dummeh say?”
Tenderloin stood. Only now did his foe truly understand the size of him. He was easily two to three times bigger.
Tenderloin spoke softly.
“Onwy. Daddeh. Am smawty.” His half awake eyes are nonetheless locked on the quickly wilting violet of a fluffy in front of him. He stomped to emphasize his point.
The intruder was scared, but had to put on a brave face. “Nu…nu cawe! Ou daddeh am dummeh! Pwince Jeffwy am smawty! Du wat Pwince Jeffwy say ow Pwince Jeffwy gib bigges huwties!” Tenderloin laughs. Not a chuckle, but a deep belly laugh.
“HAHAHAHA!”
“Nu make Tendewwoin waff. Jus hab nummies. If waff tu hawd wiww make bad poopies.” His voice was eerily calm. The smarty misread this as weakness. "Am dummeh poopeh tendewwoin scawedy? Nu wowwy. Smawty pwotec ou, dummeh enfie fwen!" There was a small waver. A flaw in his voice that betrayed that thing Tenderloin craved.
Fear.
“Ou fink am enfie fwen?” The Smarty was caught off guard. He’d expected anger or something. Maybe even hurties that he could call his daddeh to save him from. This? This made no sense.
“Uhhhh suwe, big dummeh am…am Pwince Jeffwy nyu enfie fwend!” He puffed his cheeks and chest to look big. Tenderloin just laughed again. “Tendewwoin nu am enfie fwend. Tendewwoin show ou.”
Tenderloin trundled over to the food bowls where Enfie Friend had just started eating. He didn’t even warn him this time, just grabbed him by the tail and drug him away from the food. “Nuuuuuu Kithofew hungeeee… Hab huwtieth fwum nu nummieth…” He wept quietly and kicked his back legs impotently. His only remaining limbs and they can’t even reach the ground.
Tenderloin dropped his enfie friend in front of his guest. “Dat am enfie fwen.” The other fluffy looked horrified. “Wat…wai…” It didn’t compute. He’d heard of munstahs being mean to fluffies, but he’s never seen a fluffy so broken down! It gave him heart hurties just to look. He approached to give huggies before being kicked in the snout.
“Owwies!”
“Shaddup. Dummeh nu pway wif Tendewwoin enfie toy. Am onwy fo Tendewwoin.”
"But dat nu am enfie toy! Dat am fwuffy!"
Tenderloin snorts. “Nu. Tendewwoin am fwuffy. Hab aww Tendewwoin pawts. Hab see pwaces, heaw an smeww pwaces, hab aww teefies, aw weggies, bof speciaw wumps, an bigges’ nunus.” At that last one, he puts his hoof on the back of enfie friend’s head and forces him to kiss the ground. Enfie friend starts sobbing and wiggling his stumpies impotently.
Tenderloin mounts him quick. He’s making a point, not having fun. Daddy brings dummehs like this around sometimes so Tenderloin can make sure they understand their place. He can’t hurt them, but he can scare them. The enfie friend’s huuhuus are pulsing with each “enf” from Tenderloin, who has not stopped unblinking eye contact with Prince Jeffery.
“Ou wike dis? Dis watchu wan? Ou wan be big tough fwuffy wike Tendewwoin? Nu way. Tendewwoin mess ou up. Tendewwoin du fings dat dummeh babbeh fwuffy onwy hab scawy sweepy pitchews bout.” He could feel the climax coming as Prince Jeffrey whined incoherently.
“GUD FEEEWS!” Tenderloin busted and let everyone know. The enfie friend was openly crying now, huuhuus and everything. Prince Jeffrey appeared to have been startled out of his smartiness and shuffles his way to the broken husk of a fluffy before him. “It otay, Pwince Jeffwy gif huggies fow make bettew.”
On “better,” Tenderloin kicked the enfie friend over into his back. Prince Jeffrey tumbled back in fear. The sad, backlegged fluffy was helpless to right himself. God. He even still had his lumps. Must be hell. Prince Jeffrey had never been less sure about whether he was a smarty. But it was a passing thought replaced by absolute concrete knowledge that he wasn’t.
“Dummie enfie fwiend. Tu bwoken. Poopie pwace nu am tite nu mowe.” He stomps on the enfie friend’s genitals three times until they’re pulverized. He’s shrieking in agony and Prince Jeffrey is scrambling backwards in fear. "Nuuu! Tuu scawy! Daddeh! Daddeh!" Then, with one last stomp, Tenderloin crushed his enfie friend’s windpipe.
His sobbing was replaced by a harsh slurping sound interrupted by gurgling as he tried desperately to expel fluid from his lungs. Tenderloin grabbed his scalp in his teeth and drug the quickly expiring toy to the other fluffy. “Tendewwoin toysie am bwoke.” He said with a deadpan tone after dropping the twitching, struggling heap in front of him. “Ou gonna git nyu enfie toy fow Tendewwoin?” He took a step forward.
“Ow du Tendewwoin?”
At this moment all pretense was dropped. Prince Jeffrey made a beeline for the babygate blocking the exist. “Pwease! Pwease! Daddeh hewp! Babbeh in twubbwe! Daddeh’s wittwe Jeffy nee hewp! Nu wan be smawtie nu mowe!”
Within seconds his owner was at the door and scooped him up. “There there buddy, you’ll be okay. Daddy’s got you.” He sobbed. “Jeffy am su sowwy was…was…was su meanies tu daddeh. Nebba wan be smawty nu mowe! Nu wan gif huwties ow bad huggies!” The man walked out, sharing a nod of “Okay, point taken” with the man he’d paid.
Tenderloin had gone back to bed. Making dummehs smart is hard work. “Daddeh!” he yelled, “Enfie fwend bwoken! Gu get nyu enfie fwend fow Tendewwoin!”