Good -yawn- morning, dear readers.
So, I’ve just had a very busy night.
First thing, I moved the kids and our non-powered fluffies to June’s place in the UK.
The other side of the Atlantic should be far away enough to keep them safe from Mr. Coffeebreak, right?
June doesn’t mind taking care of them until we sort this out, and Greebo volunteered to stand guard over them.
In fluffy form. He’s saving his human form to surprise Mr. Coffeebreak with it.
But Vanessa probably knows about that, so odds are she warned Mr. Coffeebreak about it.
That’s assuming she knows they’ve been moved to June’s house, Niv.
And if she does, she’s got a Nazi Omega to send after them.
Which is why Alpha’s family, Prometheus, Erwin and Cecil will also be standing guard.
Vic’s builder friends will be continuing the work in Las Vegas without Alpha’s family until they get back. They don’t mind, they love building.
They already built a bar based on one they built in their homeworld. It’s made of gold brick, it’s got a big gold golem head on top, it’s completely gaudy, so it’ll fit in perfectly with the rest of Vegas.
Kinda wondering where they’re getting all those resources, though.
Seriously, how much gold did they use to build that place?
We’ve also been searching that facility in Germany.
That Nazi Omega fuck left a hell of a mess behind, but we found some interesting stuff.
There was a crashed spaceship in one room, and an Arkaydian corpse being kept on ice. A big machine in another room, we don’t know what it does, but it’s apparently connected to the entire facility.
Maybe it’s a generator of some kind?
We also found a secret escape tunnel, so now we know how they escaped the facility.
We also found a car that had been reported stolen near the facility. The owner was using the restroom at a gas station, and when he walked out, his car was gone.
So he was very grateful to get it back.
The security footage from the gas station showed Vanessa and Argyrum, and the Hig picking the lock, so we think it hotwired the car too.
It can probably just ooze into locks like the Rubber Band can.
Weirdly, Vanessa was holding something that looked like a basketball.
The footage was kind of fuzzy. It’s an old camera.
So right now, it’s just me, Judy, Marley, Piccolo, Snowball and Mallow in the apartment.
I’m in the kitchen, brewing up some of Victor’s coffee, Marley watching the pot fill from the table.
“It am kinna kwai-et hewe nao.”
“I know, Mar. It’s just until we sort this shit out.”
Because it’s not just Coffeebreak we’ve gotta worry about.
We need to track down Vanessa and her pals soon. Before that group gets any bigger.
I dunno who else they could recruit, Cal.
Look, we didn’t know a damn thing about Projekt Schatten.
What if there’s a bunch more people like him frozen in a bunker or something?
I mean, if the Nazis could make one Omega Class super soldier, they could make more, right?
Yeah, but then they would have won, right–
And how do you think Vanessa learned about that facility?
Argyrum told her somehow? I dunno HOW, exactly, I don’t think that thing can talk.
But ignoring the logistics of Argyrum communicating with Vanessa, how do you think it knew?
Hans told it, obviously. But I don’t see what-- oh, now I get it.
And as for how Hans knew…
He worked in that facility.
And we know he’s dabbled in genetics before.
So he probably had a hand in Projekt Schatten too.
What if he told Argyrum how to make Omegas?
I was sure that this shit was done with after Vulcanus died. That machine the Gurus built won’t work without him, right? Because it was tapping into his power.
Exactly. How the fuck did the Nazis pull that off without tapping into Vulcanus’ power?
Maybe they DID use his power. He was still alive back then.
Yeah, but I’m pretty sure those morons would have gotten greedy and woken him up.
So the Earth would probably be a blackened crisp like Gooroo’s homeworld if they were using Vulcanus’ power to make Omegas.
Or just outright destroyed, like all those other planets Vulcanus destroyed.
So maybe Schatten is the only Omega Class they made, and maybe he isn’t.
The point is, there is a chance that Vanessa knows how to create Omega Classes now.
And she’s evil, crazy, and stupid enough to create an army of them.
So we need to find her before she does that.
Otherwise, everyone’s fucked.
Judy walks in, looking as tired as I do right now, our other three superpowered fluffies following her inside.
“I hate this, Cal. The place is so quiet without the others around.”
“Dat am wut Mawwey sed.”
I smile at Judy, pouring her a mug of coffee. I know exactly how she likes it, and I know which mug is her favorite.
Yes, that’s leopard print too. That place Victor got his apron made also does mugs.
“But the kids are safe. Our other fluffies are safe too. We’ve got the second strongest witch in the world and several Omegas worth of power protecting them.”
“Annie’s pissed, you know.”
Snowball looks up at Judy.
“Wut wuz Annee duin wen Demetew van-isht, mummah?”
I hand Judy the mug, and she gratefully takes a sip.
“Thanks, hun. She was taking Sorcie to the movies, Snowball. You know Annie doesn’t like movies and plays, but she does like spending time with her granddaughter, so she did it for her.”
“Dat am big of Annee, Snowbaww gutta say.”
Piccolo and Mallow waddle over to me.
“Su wut nao, daddeh?”
“Du Mawwoh gutta stawp twain-in wif miss Mun-woh, gwampa?”
“Of course not, Mal. If Mr. Coffeebreak shows up again, I give you permission to drop a lightning bolt on his crazy ass. Maybe some electroshock therapy is what his crazy ass needs.”
“Mawwoh nu haf guttun tu wite-nin bowts yet.”
“Oh. Well soak him, then I’ll electrocute him. When Ms. Munroe is done with you, I think me and Mar will be training with you.”
I kneel down, petting Mallow, and the others quickly join in, not wanting to be left out.
“It’ll be fun, right?”
“Yus, gwampa.”
Word of advice, dear readers.
If you have multiple fluffies, and you want to pet and/or hug one of them…
Be prepared to pet and/or hug all of them.
Seriously, petting a fluffy is to other fluffies what the sound of a can opener is to cats.
Like a fuckin’ magnet. Swear to God. Even if they’re in another room, they just know.
Speaking of magnets, do you think we’ll ever meet an X-Positive with magnetism powers? Because that would be so Pringles.
Pringles, Niv?
Yeah! Where yo curleh mustache at, Fi?
I have no idea what you’re talking about, and I don’t think I want to know.
The short version, Fi…
Is that I need to imagine a meme jar.
Probably one the size of, say, an imaginary mattress.
…How about I just pay imaginary rent, instead?
Meanwhile, elsewhere in the city, in the abandoned building once serving as Tyrone Beck’s fluffy brothel, Mr. Coffeebreak lays low, grooming himself in the bathroom.
He’s changed out of the Flufftopia uniform he was wearing, back into his expensive suit, which he stashed here when he started working at the store.
It was never meant to last long. Mr. Coffeebreak is good at faking affection for fluffies, but in truth, doesn’t care about them one bit.
The same goes for humans. The only humans who Mr. Coffeebreak values are those who are paying him to kill someone, those he’s being paid to kill, and those who help him kill someone. And even then, that care expires when the job is done.
Ultimately, Mr. Coffeebreak is only looking out for Mr. Coffeebreak.
And he barely spends the vast sums he’s paid to kill people. All he really needs money for is food, clothes, and weapons. His only hobby, as Victor said, is thinking of ways to kill anthropomorphic personifications, and other such supposedly unkillable beings.
Mr. Coffeebreak is an assassin in heart and soul. He considers killing to be his calling, what he was put on this Earth to do.
And his life’s ambition is to go down in history as the greatest killer who ever walked the Earth.
This is why he charges so much for his services. Because he wants the most challenging jobs, the jobs other assassins have failed to carry out, the jobs his clients are desperate to see done.
That makes it more fun, after all.
This is also why he refuses to take jobs to kill fluffies.
It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy killing fluffies. He’s never been caught doing it, after all.
But it’s just not a challenge.
He’d probably accept if Vanessa offered a bonus for Marley, however.
Especially after Marley pushed him off a roof.
Mr. Coffeebreak’s mind is like a shattered mirror: a beautiful, wonderful thing of many colors, glittering and sparkling and shimmering…
But, one must not forget, also irreparably broken.
“Korkea’s gonna be on guard from now on. But honestly? I wanted him to know I’m coming.”
He grins maliciously.
“Because it’ll be all the more sweeter when I kill him anyway.”
Meanwhile, on El Padrino’s island, Hans stands before a large machine with his currently unnamed group.
They’re still workshopping names. A name for the group will make them a proper team.
The six members of the Meister-Roboter line are still in the same place. They haven’t moved an inch.
Because they haven’t been activated yet.
The two assistant robots are elsewhere, occupied with an important task.
Vanessa eyes the machine.
“So this is what’s going to power those robots, Hans?”
Hans nods.
“Indeed, Vanessa. We’ll need more power than this pitiful island has to offer in order to fuel our entire army.”
Demeter’s pure green eyes linger on one part of the machine. A vertical glass tube, currently with a gap in the middle.
“So how does it work? What’s that tube for?”
“That is where the, ah, core will go. The same core that powered my old workplace. That facility’s running on backup power now.”
“But how did you get the core out of there?”
“Argyrum smuggled it out. It’s harmful to organic beings, but, well, Argyrum is made of metal…”
Schatten shrugs.
“I could have retrieved it, Doctor. Right from under Herr Korkea’s nose, just like the witch.”
“I wouldn’t have risked it, Projekt Schatten. The ChaotiX has most likely claimed custody of the facility so they can pick it clean.”
Vanessa grits her teeth.
“Just like they stole my fucking space station…”
“We can get it back, Vanessa. And we can rename it, too.”
“Really, the Snowflake? I know it looks a bit like a snowflake, but still!”
“Yes, now please focus. Argyrum, the core, please.”
Argyrum slithers over to a table, wrapping a tendril around a metal canister, opening it, and tipping it over.
A glowing gemstone is dropped out onto the table.
An octagonal red gemstone.
Hans smiles as he picks it up.
“There’s a funny story behind how the Power-Kristall came into the Nazis’ possession. A spaceship crash-landed in Germany early in the war. The pilot died on impact. Their corpse is somewhere in the Stahlberg-Eierkopf Einrichtung. An Arkaydian, I believe.”
“The Stahlberg-Eierkopf…”
“Yes, Gerald and I were in charge at that facility. Ah, I miss Gerald. I wanted to build a Stahlkörper for him too, but it would have tipped Hitler off. Hitler thought I was building the Stahlkörper for him, after all, and why would he need two?”
Vanessa eyes the gem.
“So you used that thing to power the facility?”
“Right again, Vanessa. The potential output is like nothing on Earth. We were planning to build a network so we could power the entire Third Reich with it. Alas, those plans never came to fruition. But we found other uses for the power we siphoned from it. Such as you, Projekt Schatten.”
Schatten scoffs.
“And the Allies thought they were the good guys. They’re still dependent on fossil fuels, and their puppet masters don’t care how much damage it inflicts on the environment, because it profits those filthy k–”
“I have told you again and again to refrain from antisemitic remarks, Projekt Schatten. But that’s hardly your fault. You were conditioned that way, and it’s the one sticking point. However, you are right. If our old boss had won, the entire world would be lit up by this little gem. Instead, it will power our empire.”
By now, it should be obvious that Hans has no idea whatsoever what he is actually holding in his hand.
Or how lucky everyone is that a certain someone was asleep until very recently, and thus never discovered its presence on Earth.
If Hans did know, it would be a very bad thing.
“I still think we should call ourselves the Fourth Reich.”
“And I told you that Nazism is an outdated, inaccurate, and completely idiotic ideology. A thing of the past. A dinosaur. But again, it’s not your fault that you were conditioned to believe in Nazism so strongly. We’re working on that.”
Hans walks over to the machine, the gem in hand.
He places it in the tube, and the gem floats in one place, the tube closing.
“You are going to want to step back, people. Get behind the blast shield.”
“Just one question, Hans. If you knew about that power source all along, why didn’t the demon Hans take it? He went to that facility to siphon power from Schatten, right? That gem could have helped the Inhuman Alliance.”
“According to Argyrum, he was planning to retrieve it after the attack on Korkea’s city. He didn’t want to risk it falling into the ChaotiX’s hands. Not after they got the Omega Drives and the Omega Core. Now please, get behind the blast shield.”
Everyone save Hans and Schatten does so.
“Und Sie, Projekt Schatten.”
“I’m not scared, Doctor.”
“Just get behind the damn blast shield.”
Schatten obliges, but not without some grumbling.
“Wunderbar. Now, without further ado…”
Hans fiddles with a control panel, and the gem starts glowing brighter, the light filling the entire tube.
Then the lights in the room turn red too.
“Now we’re at the tricky part, people…”
Hans grins, still working at the panel.
“Wirelessly transmitting the power to all of our forces. We couldn’t do things like that last time. We didn’t have the technology. But let’s start with the closest ones.”
The six robots’ eyes start glowing red, the exact same shade as the light coming from the gem.
They all turn towards Hans, awaiting orders.
As the rest of the group starts clapping, Hans holds a finger up at them.
“Don’t start popping the champagne yet. We still have a lot more robots who need some juice.”
Argyrum shifts to humanoid form, turning to Hans.
“Hmm? Where are all the other robots, you ask?”
Argyrum nods.
“Oh, they’re around…”
Meanwhile, just outside the drug palace, in the same field where a helicopter once ferried El Padrino away from this island for good, the two assistant robots examine rows and rows of other robots, all currently unactivated and lying on the grass.
One row is robot crabs. Another row, robot bees. A third row is robot ladybugs.
In fact, all of the robots seem to be based on various animals.
If you were expecting them to be painted in various lurid color schemes, however, you are in for a letdown, because they’re all the same shade of dark grey as the two assistant robots and the Meister-Roboter line.
Hans values function over form, especially with this many robots.
Suddenly, all of the unactivated robots’ eyes start glowing red. They get up, the robot bees floating into the air, along with a row of robot bats.
Hans’ group approaches, having exited the palace, Hans leading the way in his flying contraption with a big smile on his face, the Meister-Roboter line following the group.
He spreads his arms wide, and all of the robots obediently turn to face him.
“Ah… my babies. It’s good to see all of you up and about.”
FZZZT
He chuckles, and as his appearance shifts to demonic Ivo, so does his voice.
“Soon, it’ll be time to unleash Hell.”
