Chapter 5: The Cold Damp
At long last the weary, dehydrated and emotionally devastated herd found their way to a small tunnel that ended in a heap of broken old pipes, crumbled brickwork and scattered pieces of debris. Evidently at some point in the past, the wall had collapsed, but either nobody had noticed or nobody had cared.
What the HERD noticed, however, was that one of the pipes protruding downwards from the ceiling was dripping what looked like clear, delicious, nourishing water!
Although Smarty hadnât spotted it until the others pointed it out, he still claimed it was he who found it, and insisted on being the first one to take a drink, which he did by sitting under the leaking pipe with his mouth open, letting the water land directly on his dry tongue.
Smarty then proceeded to have his fill of water, then continue to drink some more simply because he wanted to, and he felt like he deserved it. When one of the herd complained, he delivered a swift hoof to the offenderâs head, but moved on regardless, as heâd had enough.
And so, one by one, the herd drank at the leaking pipe, finally having found a source of clean water, and only having lost four of their group in the process.
And with that, they lay down to sleep in a fluff-pile, with Smarty once again jabbing and prodding his way to the warm, cosy centre, where he immediately fell asleep after his tiring day of thinking so much about so many things.
Smarty awoke some time later, with a funny feeling in his tummy. It felt like he needed to go peepees, but it couldnât be that. He hadnât drank THAT much water after all! So he ignored it, and went back to sleep. He had been having a very intelligent dream all about colors, and he was eager to continue it!
But the funny feeling in his tummy wouldnât leave him alone. Smarty tried to ignore it, but it kept insisting he pay attention to it.
Then, suddenly, it happened.
Smarty felt a hot stream of peepee burst out of his no-nos, soaking the rest of the herd.
And, in the process, scaring them awake.
âWHA?!â
âSMEWWY WAWAS!â
âMUNSTAH!â
The cries sounded as the herd began scrambling, but being one of many pillows in a stack of pillows doesnât make one very swift, especially after only just waking up. And inevitably, the rest of the herd began releasing their bowels too. Within seconds the fluff-pile transformed into a pack of shrieking, stinking, flailing fluffies all desperately trying to escape from the torrents of shit and piss flying everywhere, while also contributing to the foul downpour in their blind panic.
By the end every fluffy was soaking wet and had gradually turned a murky shade of brown. Almost every single one of them looked alike by now, a mottled brown color from constant splashing of filthy water from the sewerâs many tunnels and pipes. They were already struggling to tell each other apart, and their senses of smell were completely overwhelmed by the constant scent of urine and feces.
âHEWD! WISTEN TO SMAWTY!â Smarty declared, he himself having gone from a vibrant, luxurious green to a foul murky swamp-water brown. âSmawty say we nu stay hewe! Smeww wike peepees and poopies!â
The herd all nodded in agreement, but secretly Smarty knew it was all their fault anyway. After all, heâd just been sleeping! Then someone had started peepee-ing on everyone else! It wasnât Smarty though, obviously! Smarty wasnât some dummy baby who made peepees all over himself! Definitely not!!!
âWhewe we gu, Smawty?â One of the herd asked, snapping Smarty out of his internal defence plea.
"Uh⌠we gu⌠uh⌠fowwawds!" Smarty declared, triumphantly leading the way âforwardsâ. But that didnât last long, as Smarty had to make a choice between left or right. Although, all he did to chose was look to the left, at which point that became âforwardsâ, and so on they went.
And so it went as Smarty led the group down one tunnel, then another, then the next, then another⌠the herd began to recognise some specific parts as they walked (some certain bricks, some broken pipes, some particular stains), but didnât dare suggest Smarty was leading them in circles. Doing so would result in big owies for the one foolish enough to dare say Smarty was wrong!
Smarty, however, wasnât even paying attention to what he was doing. He was caught up in a very important thought⌠specifically about the special-places that mares had. Ooh, how he loved those, maybe even more than spaghetti! âŚbut really? Hm, maybe not, spaghetti was really good after allâŚ
As Smarty walked, he dropped a single turd from his deeply stained rear, but kept walking without breaking stride. Indeed the entire herd had been doing the same since entering the sewer, since it already smelled like a big litterbox anyway. Smarty himself hadnât even noticed it, but the rest of the herd were at least wise enough to step around it.
Smarty, however, was not wise enough to do that, as he led the herd around the 16th left turn, completing thier 4th circle of the same location, and stepped directly into his own mess.
âEWWW! POOPIES!â He squeaked, being snapped out of his VERY important thoughts about⌠well, he couldnât remember anymore, but they were very important for sure!
The herd halted as Smarty flailed his hoof wildly, flicking off what he could of the poopies that covered it⌠seemingly not realising that his entire body was covered, head to toe, in piss and shit stains alike.
âSmawty, whewe we goinâ?â One of the herd asked, bringing Smarty back to reality, while gently prodding him to explain why they had circled the same area four times over.
âWe, uh⌠we⌠uhâŚâ Smarty paused. What was he doing again? He wasnât quite sure. Wait, who was he again? And what was a âSmartyâ? And wha- OH YEAH! Now he remembered!
âWe gu⌠uh⌠dis way!â Smarty said, turning on the spot⌠and coming face to face with a brick wall with a pipe jutting out of it.
âWe gu⌠dat wayâŚ?â One of the herd asked, unsure. Smarty huffed at the moron, how was the answer not obvious?!
âYus, dummeh! We gu⌠hewe!â Smarty said, pointing a hoof at the pipe. The herd looked at it. The pipe was set low in the wall, easy enough for a fluffy pony to reach, but they werenât sure of how big it was exactly. Of course, fluffies were incapable of any kind of mathematics, but they werenât entirely sure if they would be small enough to fit.
âSmawty⌠awe yoo suwe?â Limpy asked, nervously. âNu suwe if we fid in dah pipeyâŚâ
âShaddup Wimpy dummeh!â Smarty yelled at the crippled moron. âSmawty say we fid! We AWW fid! Pipey BIG! Big enough fow AWW of hewd! AWW at ONCE!â
The herd werenât sure, but Smarty seemed very confident about itâŚ
âBuh dah pipey wook too smawwâŚâ Limpy mumbled, nervously. âNo suwe can fidâŚâ
The rest of the herd mumbled in agreement. The pipe DID look very small, come to think of itâŚ
Smarty huffed again.
âDah pipey big enuff! Big enuff fow THWEE fwuffehs at once!â Smarty insisted. He was pretty sure that was accurate at least.
âBuh⌠buh wad if fwuffehs get STUCKIES?!â A tiny foal peeped from itâs mamaâs back. âWha if gu in buh nu gu back owt?!â
The herd began babbling in fear. The baby was right, what if they got trapped?!
Smarty, however, had had enough.
He stepped forwards and snatched up the annoying foal in his mouth, fighting the urge to vomit from the taste of the foalâs feces-covered fur. He turned, flicking his head to one side and released the foal, launching it through the air. It sailed with an âEEPâ until it landed with a âplonkâ directly in the pipe.
âSEE?!â Smarty snapped at the others. âSEE BABBEH?! BABBEH FID! SO HEWD AWW FID! SMAWTY TEWW YOO SO, DUMMEHS!â
The herd still wasnât convinced, but the babyâs mother hadnât even been listening. All she knew was that one of her three babies was no longer where it belonged, and that had to be rectified!
She charged towards, dashing past Smarty as fast as her tiny legs could carry her, in the process dropping her other two foals, and launched herself into the pipe.
And then, with a quiet âthoonkâ, she went still.
She was wedged inside the pipe, her fuzzy body keeping her stuck where she was, her front legs jammed up against her torso and her rear legs hanging in empty space, neither end able to gain any purchase against the pipeâs metal surface.
âHewp! Hewp mummah!â She babbled, her voice faintly reaching the herd after travelling through her dense, matted fur.
âWha dummeh say?!â Smarty yelled at the mareâs frantically kicking rear.
âMummah stuckies! Meany pipe nu wet mummah gu!â
âWHA DUMMEH SAY?!â Smarty yelled again. He hated having to repeat himself, but the stupid mama wasnât being loud enough!
Inside the pipe, the mama had begun to cry. Directly in front of her, her foal was crawling towards her, confusion in itâs face.
âMummah, why shouties?â Baby asked. âBabbeh nu wike pipey, why mummah nu move?â
âMUMMAH STUCKIES! HEWP MUMMAH!â She screamed, thrashing as much as her plump, fluffy could do inside the constricting grip of the pipe (that is to say, barely at all).
Meanwhile, on the other side, Smarty was getting more and more pissed at the mama.
The stupid dummy stupid had jumped into the pipe, okay, fine⌠but why wasnât she moving?! The pipe was OBVIOUSLY big enough, because Smarty had said so! And Smarty was never wrong about anything!
So why was the dummy mama REFUSING to move?!
âDUMMEH WISTEN TO SMAWTY!â Smarty yelled, giving a firm hoof to the mamaâs twitching rear. âDUMMEH MAMA MOVE! SMAWTY NEEâ GET THROUGH PIPEY!â
âMummah nu can move!â Came the tearful reply, but again, passing through the matrix of thick, shit-clumped fur made it almost impossible to make out.
âDUMMEH MOVE WIGHT NAO, OWE SMAWTY GIB HUWTIES!â Smarty threatened. He was in no mood for this stupid dummy stupidy dummity⌠STUFF!
Back inside the pipe, mamaâs baby had begun to cry too, having followed Smartyâs logic. Obviously baby could fit in the pipe⌠so that meant mama could too! But now mama was in the pipe, but wasnât moving! Why?!
âBabbeh wan owd!â Baby cried, tears pouring down his face. âBabbeh miss hewd! Babbeh miss bwuddah nâ sissy! Babbeh nu wike pipey! Huhuhu!â
Mama, however, was no better.
âHuhu, mummah nu can move, babbeh! Pwease wisten! Mummah stuckies!â
âBuh⌠buh pipey BIG!â Baby said, looking around and marvelling at the huge space he had inside the pipe. âPipey SUUU big mummah! Mummah nu can be stuckies! Mummah move nao! PWEASE!â
âMUMMAH NU CAN MOVE, BABBEH!â
âMUMMAH WYINâ! MUMMAH MOVE NAO! NAO NAO NAO!â
Back on the outside, things were no better. The herd were getting antsy, and the mamaâs two dropped foals were also following the Smartyâs thinking.
Mama wasnât coming out of the pipe? Why? And why had she left her babies behind? Didnât she love them anymore? Were they bad babies?
The two foals began to cry, as Smarty suddenly jabbed the mareâs rear.
âSMAWTY WAWN YOO, DUMMEH MAMA! NAO MOVE!â He snapped. Mamaâs legs wriggled and twitched desperately, but she didnât move at all.
âMUMMAH NU CAN MOVE!â Came the reply, once again muffled to the point of going completely unheard.
âMOVE NAO!â Smarty yelled, jabbing at mamaâs rear again, his horn sinking into her soft skin.
âEEP! MUMMAH NU CAN MOVE! PWEASE WISTEN! MUMMAH STUCKIES! STUCKIES IN PIPEY! HEWP!â She wailed and cried.
âMUMMAH WYINâ! MUMMAH NU STUCKIES! MUMMAH MOVE NAO, DUMMEH MAMA!â Her baby yelled at her, stamping at her face with his tiny hooves.
Another jab from behind, from the Smartyâs horn, this time breaking the skin and drawing blood. Mama let out a shriek, and lost complete control.
The stress, the pressure, the fear and the anger all broke loose, as did her bowels, and mama let out a torrent of shit.
(Un)fortunately Smarty had been stepping back to charge forwards with another jab, meaning he went untouched⌠but mamaâs two foals were nowhere near as lucky. The blast caught them both, soaking them in lumpy turds and urine.
Their tiny minds couldnât take it.
First mama had left them behind, then mama had jumped in the pipe and not moved, and now mama was POOPY-ING on them!
âWA-A-AH! HATE MUMMAH! HATE HATE HATE!â
âMUMMAH WOWST MUMMAH! HUHUHU!â
Smarty looked at the mess in front of him. Two shit-covered foals crying in anguish, a dummy mare that wasnât budging from the pipe with turds all over her rear, and one of her babies inside with her, probably having the time of itâs lifeâŚ
Smarty decided he was done with it all.
âFINE! Dummeh mama wub pipey! DUMMEH MAMA STAY IN PIPEY!â Smarty yelled, turning and bucking backwards with his hooves, landing them firmly on the mamaâs rear and jamming her deeper and deeper into the pipe. He finally stopped as he began to pant for breath, and saw that the mareâs rear legs were now jammed in the pipe with her too. If she had had any hope of escaping, it was long gone now.
âCâmon hewd!â Smarty yelled between breaths. âWe goinâ! Weave dummeh mama behinâ!â
Smarty turned and trudged a way, still breathing heavily, while the rest of the herd paused, looking at the stuck mare in the pipe. She sure seemed like she wasnât having any fun⌠but Smarty must be right, rightâŚ? And she had made poopies on her babies too, who had currently regressed to chirping and squeaking like newborn foals, their eyes and mouths filled with so much poopies they couldnât see at all, and could barely even breathe.
No, surely Smarty was right, and mama was a bad mama⌠but that didnât stop every single one of them from feeling a stab of guilt as they turned and walked away, leaving the mama behind with one foal trapped in the pipe with her, and a pair slowly suffocating under a heap of her turds.
Smarty led the herd down another path that, to the untrained eye, would seem random, but was obviously a very clear and deliberate route Smarty had planned out in-depth.
Obviously.
The herd took another turn and found themselves in a dead end like before, but with no monster nummies, no drippy pipes for water⌠nothing. Just a dead end.
Well⌠not nothing. The small corridor was full of swept around trash. Twigs, scraps of paper, old candy bar wrappers that had been washed away, even a few small bones. And right in the centre of it all, there was a large cluster of sticks, old leaves and bits of string, all tightly bound together into a large cluster.
âSmawty, wha dat?â One of the herd whispered, only for Smarty to violently buck them in the face.
âSHADDUP DUMMEH!â Smarty roared, causing the cluster to twitch slightly. âSee what dummeh do?! DUMMEH WAKE UP DA FINGY!â Smarty shouted, readying himself for another buckâŚ
When something else moved.
The entire herd watched as a small black-grey head popped out of the cluster, a pair of tiny, black, bead-like eyes peeping out at them. The thing sniffed slightly, then hopped out of the cluster entirely, revealing itâs full form. Four legs, a sleek greyish-black coat, a long pink tail, and a pair of big, sharp teeth.
A rat.
It looked at the herd out of curiosity, as if trying to work out what these stinking, babbling creatures were. Meanwhile, the fluffies were doing the same thing. They had never seen a rat before, it looked almost cute⌠but itâs teeth were so big⌠was it some kind of monster? They couldnât tell.
But Smarty had already decided for them all.
âDummeh munstah!â Smarty yelled, stomping towards the rat. âDis Smawty wand nao! WEABE!â
The rat sniffed the air again, itâs unblinking black eyes staring at the Smarty.
âDummeh munstah wisten to Smawty!â Smarty demanded, stomping his shit-smeared hooves on the ground. âWeabe NAO! Dis SMAWTY WAND!â
Again, the rat didnât react. It just stared at the Smarty, and the rest of the herd, while the herd stared at it.
The herd still werenât sure if they could trust it, but Smarty seemed to have the situation well in hand. And even if not⌠there was only one rat! The entire remaining herd could handle one rat, surely.
But for every rat you see, there are at least a hundred that you donât.