Me and shadow a altered DNA fluffy he was a black with white/ shiny colored horns. So sharp that could kill a fluff with one hit a little deer tail and ears. Anyways back to the story were checking on the foals progress then someone or something specially smarty came running and said ooh is that babbehs ned enfi babbeh now. As a smarty got closer and closer to the foal as soon as he was about 5 in away he stopped and had a grin on his face. I was wisped and shadows ear show him what I taught you and what you do to Smarties. As I saw a shadow jump into the shadows and became a shadowy figure in the ground he moved it like lightning jumped up by the smarty in roundhouse kicked it and it hit the tree and went unconscious. The colt say Biggeshth brothher shave ush then the filly and colt started moving their front legs and that they want up. Then shadow started running over here and got in the little safe bag I took this sorry box. I grabbed the smarty by the tree do it in the bag whipped it a couple times in the butt it started crying huu huu huu no no hurt bestest smarty. I whacked it special lumps and smacked nose and said stop crying you disgusting piece of crap. As we got home I took off the foals and shadow and placed them. I said have fun shadow. He okay boyf- I mean daddeh. I told the smarty in the bag I got a real good surprise for you and the smarty room. The smarty said weally as he stopped his tears and started clapping I went to the dark room with him strapped him down and said you’re going to be an enfi stallion. Smarty said nu wan nu wan me not mare. I’ll give you a break I’m going to make shadows erection five times bigger so include you getting pain five times extreme pain as he goes in and out in and out. And I’ll whip you everyday you cry once here and I’ll whip you every time put your learn to like it. As a smarty starts to cry the end of chapter one.
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Pretty good, if English is not your first language this pretty good. If English is your first language I recommend reading over your dialogue.