“HEWP! HEWP! FWUFFY AM STUCKIES! HEWP!!”
You are Smarty, the best and smartest of smarties, and right now you’re hunting down one of your dummy mares. You can hear her shouting but it sounds really far away no matter where you are.
“SMAWTY! UP HEWE! SAVE FWUFFY!!”
Oh, there she is. The orange mare has her hooves pressed up against the glass of a big blinky box. You had seen humans play with it before but couldn’t figure out what it was for.
“Wha’ yu doin’ in dewe, dummeh??” You asked.
“Dewe am babbehs in here!” She pointed with her hoof to somewhere you couldn’t see.
“Nu am Smawty babbeh, nu am hewd babbeh, wai cawe?”
She sighed angrily. “Am BABBEH! Am BESTEST ting!”
“Den gwab babbeh an git owt!”
“Nu can!” She pointed down to the little flappy door at the bottom. “Doow am meanie! Nu wet owt!”
You sat back on your hooves, searching your massive intellect for the solution to this problem. What did the humans do? How did they interact with this thing? You’d seen them play with the thingies up on top, and then take stuff out of the flappy door at the bottom. You looked around a found a small crate nearby and trotted over to it.
“NU WEABE FWUFFY!” the mare cried, pounding her hooves against the glass.
“SHADDUP! SMAWTY AM WOWKIN’.”
Pushing the crate up against the machine you were able to hop up on it and look over the small shelf at the top.
The mare sat in a pile of sparkly rocks, surrounded by little tubes containing tiny foals. You’d seen these before, there were machines that would spit out a baby in a tube like that when humans gave it money. Not something you cared about, there were much better ways of making babies in your opinion.
Atop the shelf was a large black stick and a big red button. You’d watched the humans play with these, and put together it had something to do with getting things out of the machine. You pushed on the stick with one hoof and slammed the nearby button with your other hoof. You puffed your cheeks, grunting with exertion as you did your best to free her.
After you stopped for breath, you could see nothing had changed.
“Smawty, nu am pwaytime! Fwuffy nee-”
“SMAWTY SAID SHADDUP!” you snapped back at her. Stupid mare. You leaned back on the crate, looking the machine over. There had to be a way to get the machine to give her back.
Further down, under the little shelf with the controls was a blinky light attached to some sort of box. You had seen the humans interact with it before. You poked it with your hoof, but it didn’t do anything. You saw them put something in it, but what?
That was it! Money! Humans had that money thing, they gave money and then got whatever they wanted! But where would you get money?
It was at that moment that you could feel yourself being watched.
Turning slowly you saw a very large man in white not-fluff. He had a very scary look on his face, you cowered for just a moment before remembering that you were the best and strongest smarty!
“Yu! Hooman! Gib Smawty munnies su can get dummeh mawe!”
The man blinked at you slowly, his scowl not changing.
You groaned, you just had to end up with a dummy human! “Put munnies in dewe, dummeh!” you shouted, pointing at the little box.
The man shrugged, and pulled a bit of plastic out of his pocket. You opened your mouth to yell at him again but stopped as the machine made a happy noise when the plastic card touched it.
He gestured to the controls and you pushed on the stick, watching a big grabby claw swing to the side as you did. When you stopped, it stopped. How interesting. You might be able to use this to grab the mare!
You swung the claw towards her, and she screamed and cowered.
“STAY STIWW DUMMEH. SMAWTY GWAB YU!” you shouted, slamming your hoof into the button.
The claw opened and dropped, landing just in front of her. It closed fruitlessly, raising up slowly and moving over to the corner by the flappy door where it opened and dropped all the nothing you grabbed. It was mocking you!
“DUMMEH GWABBY CWAH! SMAWTY WAN GWAB MAWE!” you pounded your hooves against the controls but the claw ignored you, swinging gently in place.
The man behind you touched the card to the box again, and stepped to the side of the machine. You pushed the stick again and it moved, now under your control again. You swung it over to the mare, and the man made a gesture at you. It took you a second to parse, but when you pushed the stick back he gave you a thumbs up.
You slammed your hoof down on the button again, and the claw dropped again, landing cleanly around the mare. She yelped as it picked her up, struggling.
“HOWD STIWW!!” you snapped, and she froze as the claw carried her over to the corner. She dropped with a yelp down to the flappy door.
The man walked over and opened it for her, pulling her out gently and setting her on the pavement next to the machine.
“Dewe, Smawty wescue dummeh mawe.” You turned to jump off the crate.
“Nu! Nee’ babbeh!!” She cried, pointing at the machine again.
Ugh, mares! You rolled your eyes and turned back to the controls as the man tapped his card to the box again. “Wha babbeh mawe wan?”
“Pweety bwue babbeh!”
You saw a blue foal in its tube dead center of the machine and navigated the claw towards it. The man waved you back a little, then a little more before giving you another thumbs up.
You slammed your hoof down on the button and the claw dropped, grabbing the tube cleanly. You watched as it carried the foal over to the corner and dropped it.
The man grabbed it out of the bin and opened the tube, pulling the chirping foal out and handing it to the mare.
“Tankoo! Gun’ be bestest mummah!” The mare beamed at you. “Smawty suuuuuu smawt! Smawtew dan meanie masheen!”
You smiled, letting her praise wash over you. Turning to the man. “Tankoo fo’ munnies, dummeh.”
The man gave you a small wave and stood in the alley as you and your mare returned to your herd with a hell of a story to tell.