Fluffies from all over the forest had gathered to the Peace Rock. It was a landmark in the forest, the most special-est place for miles around. It was an unspoken law in the forest that the Peace Rock was a safe zone, any fluffy within sight of the rock was not allowed to harm any of their fluffy kin. So it was the perfect place for meetings.
The fluffy clans of the forest had gathered here to discuss important matters. The Smarty Friends of each herd eyed each other suspiciously, flanked by each of their toughies. The mares and foals held back, hiding in the bushes and behind trees. There was an air of tension. Every fluffy knew the law of the forest, but there was always a chance that one particularly stupid fluffy would do something rash and start a fight.
They were all waiting for someone. A wizened, elderly fluffy hobbled to the stump at the base of the Peace Rock, and looked across the three herds. His name was Mr Rogers, he was the elder fluffy of the forest. Despite not belonging to any of the herds, they all respected him. After all, he was old! Fluffies usually NEVER reached geriatric age. Any fluffy knew that being old meant that he was the smartest Fluffy of all. And he was the nicest Fluffy to boot. Any Fluffy that dared to hurt him would only end up facing the wrath of every other Fluffy in the forest.
“Otay… Is evewy fwuffy hewe? Mistah Rogews gon du woll caww.” Mr Rogers said loudly. He broke into a fit of coughing. After all, he was a little hoarse.
“Da Tofu Hewd of da grove.”
A white Smarty Friend with green hair stood forward. “Tofu hewd am hewe, Mistah Rogews.”
“Dummeh Tofu.” growled a grey Toughie from behind him. Tofu whirled around, glaring.
“Bwudda, dis am Peace Wock! Nu fight! How many times am Tofu haf tell Twuck?!” he snapped.
Truck snorted and pawed at the ground. If he were Smarty, he’d be a MUCH better one than his dummeh brother. Behind him with the other mares, Truck’s special friend Cherry stuck her tongue out at Tofu.
“Pwease nu confwict at Peace Wock, sowt it out at Hewd Tewwitowy.” Mr Rodgers scolded.
Tofu’s ears flattened against this head in embarrassment. “Sowwy, Mistah Rogews…”
“Otay movin on, Da Wiver Hewd of da big wawa pwace.” Mr Rodgers called out.
No response.
“Hey… whewe’s Pewwy?” Mr Rodgers asked, looking around in confusion.
A teal bowl fluffy with orange hair waddled from his herd at speed. “SOWWY! SOWWY, PEWWY AM WATE! Babbeh got stuckie in puddwe! Had to hewp!” he gasped, panting and huffing.
Mr Rodgers nodded, satisfied. “Oh, thewe yu awe Pewwy. Otay… Da Amazon Hewd of da wocky pwace.”
" Hippowyta am hewe!" A female Smarty Friend bellowed. Hippolyta was the head of an all female Fluffy herd. They were the biggest, scariest herd in the forest. Rumour had it that Hippolyta and the other mares in her herd were once held as breeding slaves by the herd’s stallions, until Hippolyta taught her fellow mates how to fight dirty, with pointy sticks, heavy rocks and other tools of fluffy torture. And a diet of steroids. They rose up and brutally slaughtered every last one of their stallion oppressors, establishing themselves as a mare only herd.
Understandably the other two herds were scared shitless of them. Literally.
“Otay, tank yu. Now, evewy fwuffy am hewe, Fwuffies am weady for meeting.” Mr Rodgers coughed.
“EVEWY FWUFFY AM FUKKING EXPWODING!” Perry screamed. “Meanie hoomin gibing bowl Fwuffies FOREBAH SWEEPIES HUU HUUU!!!”
“Hippowyta wost sevewal bwave souls… Bwanchie weapons nu wowk!”
“Tofu saw meanie hoomin stwap wed expwode-y stick to soon Mummah! Soon Mummah an innocent chirpie- babbehs got wowstest buwnie huwties… Tofu am faiwure… Huuuuuu…”
A chorus of wailing huu huus erupted from each herd. Everybody knew somebody who got blown up. A human had entered their woods and was strapping sticks of dynamite to hapless Fluffies and setting it off. The casualties were enormous, and none of the Fluffies knew why it was happening.
“OWDER, OWDER! MISTAH WODGERS CAWWS FOW OWDER!” Mr Rodgers called out, trying to be heard over the cacophony.
“Mistah Rogews kno how dangewous hoomins awe… Dey buiwt Skettiwand… Spwead wies about how it was pwace of happies… Nu huwties, wewe evewyfwuff was safies fwom munstahs an tummeh owies and forebah sweepies… But it twap fow fwuffykind! Cwevewand am forebah sweepies pwace for many many many many Fwuffies! Dey get buwnie huwties an white munstahs kiww dem! And da hoomins kiww Fwuffies with boomie weapons! Fwuffy nevah twust hoomins evah again!”
The Fluffies all whinnied in agreement, stomping their hooves.
“Mistah Rogews thinked dat hoomins nu botha Fwuffies if Fwuffies hid faw faw away fwom dem… Das why Fwuffy Hewds wive hewe! Nu invadin hoomin nesties or eatin Hoomin mummies. Dat make hoomins gib forebah sweepies to Fwuffies.” he hung his head sadly. “But dat nu stop hoomins… Dey still wook fow us, an gib wowstest hurties… Eben tho we nu do anyting to dem… Mistah Rogews think dat Fwuffies have to weave fowest an hide some otha pwace. Maybe den Fwuffies get peace…”
The crowd of Fluffies gasped.
“Bu… Bu… Bowl Fwuffies hab soon mummahs! Soon mummahs nu make jouwney! It dangewous!” Perry exclaimed.
“An dis fowest nu hab pwedators.” Tofu argued. “Safe pwace am hewe!”
“Why showd Fwuffies weave homesie?! Dummeh hoomins get angy when Fwuffies invade dere homesies, yet dey invade FWUFFIES homesie! Dey hypocwite!” Hippolyta shouted.
“FWUFFIES! PWEASE WISTEN! Nu wan Hewds tu go forebah sweepies! It onwy way!” Mr Rodgers pleaded.
The Fluffies started arguing amongst themselves, dozens of screaming childlike voices drowning out Mr Rodgers.
SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAACH
The Fluffies winced in pain at the loud sound, some covering their ears. All heads turned towards the source of the horrible scratching sound.
A pink pointy Fluffy was dragging her horn across the Peace Rock, stopping all conversations in her tracks. The three herds quietened, staring at the mysterious fluffy that dared to scratch their big rock. Their fluff bristled in fear as they spotted the culprit. It was no pointy Fluffy… It was a munstah.
Slushie chewed a leaf stem in her mouth, as she stared back, unphased. “Fwuffies kno Swushie, kno how Swushie earns a wivin’. Swushie catch dis Hoomin fow Fwuffies, but it nu gon be easy. Bad Hoomin. Not wike goin’ down to da weafy pwace an searchin’ for nummies. Dis hoomin, kill whole Fwuffie hewds. A wittle shakin, a wittle buwnie huwties, down Fwuffies go. An Fwuffies gotta do it qwick. Gotta being back da peace. Dat put all Fwuffies wifestywe back tu nowmal.”
She started chewing on the rest of the leaf. "Not gon be pweasant. Swushie vawue Swushie’s necky place a wot mowe dan a few nummies, Smawty Fwiends. Swushie find Hoomin for bewwy nummies, but Swushie catch Hoomin an kiww Hoomin fow skettis. Fwuffies gotta make up Fwuffies Think Places. Gon stay awive or gon play cheap? Hav to weave fowest, find otha homesie? Swushie nu wan otha Fwuffy hewp, nu nyu fwends. Dere too manies Fwuffies in dis fowest. Skettis fow Swushie. For dat yu get da head, da weggies, da whowe damn thingie.
“T-tank tu vewy much, m-munst— Mistah Rogews mean Swushie.” Mr Rodgers stammered. “Fwuffies will… uh, thinks abouts it.”
“Ewder Fwuffy. Smarty Fwends. Mawes an stawwions.” Slushie nodded. The herds backed away from her as she made her exit.
Tofu felt dizzy. “Tofu… Tofu kno dat Fwuffy. Dat Fwuffy… Dat Fwuffy fight hoomins! Dat Fwuffy got magic! Nu Hoomin can kiww dat Fwuffy! Dat Fwuffy’s Babbeh turn Twuck intu Twicycwe!”
“DUMMEH BWUDDA! SHADDUP!” Truck yelled. It was only then that the rest of the herds noticed that he had a leggy missing.
“Bu… Nu Fwuffy can gib hoomins forebah sweepies. An dis hoomin hab boom stick!” Hippolyta argued.
“If Swushie go forebah sweepies den dat mean hewds don wose skettis.” Perry reasoned.
The Fluffies murmured amongst each other. That was true…
“An Hewds nu hab to weave if Hoomin go forebah sweepies.” Tofu gasped.
After a while the herds came to a consensus. Tofu, Perry, Hippolyta and Mr Rodgers met Slushie under a large tree at the edge of the forest. Slushie was doing knife practice with Chocolate, teaching him now to slash the bark properly. Tofu suddenly realised that perhaps that was how Truck lost his leggy.
“Hewwo!” Slushie said cheerfully. “Fwuffies bwing sketti?”
“Swushie onwy get Sketti if Swushie kiwws Hoomin.” Tofu said firmly.
Slushie looked briefly disappointed, but shrugged it off. “Faiw enuff.”
“How Swushie gon kiww Hoomin?” Hippolyta asked suspiciously.
“Swushie got dibine pwotection fwom Moon Mummah.” Slushie said honestly.
The four other Fluffies stared at her as if she went crazy. Coo coo. Had a few screws lose. Etcetera.
“Wut.”
“Swushie met Moon Mummah. Moon Mummah angy dat hoomins hab “”“hubwis””" becawse hoomins nu awwowed tu make nyu animaws. Onwy gods awwoved to make nyu animaws. Moon Mummah towd Swushie to get vengeance an dewiber dibine sowwy-stick."
“Swushie cwazy.” Perry sighed.
As if on cue, Chocolate stabbed Slushie. The other Fluffies went SCREEEEE! Perry fainted on the spot. The moon marking on Slushie’s forehead glowed bright blue and the wound magically healed instantly.
“Swushie Otay!” Slushie beamed, hopping up and down to show how okay she was.
Mr Rodgers let out a few scardy poopies.
“Swushie gon kiww Hoomin. Bye bye!” She said, cheerfully skipping off.
It took half a bwight time to find the Hoomin. Slushie spotted him in a campsite. The human looked big and scary, just like the other Fluffies had told him. Several sticks of dynamite were laying beside his tent and he appeared to be roasting a dead fluffy over the fire.
Slushie couldn’t hold it back. Some sickie wawas left her mouth. She did it discreetly in the bush. Yep. He had all the makings of an abuser. The kind of people she hid away from in the city. The fluffy killers. Slushie thinked her little thinker hard. She had a job to do. She was getting paid in skettis. Actually, the skettis were for Chocolate, she didn’t mind giving them to him. Slushie snorted, and put on her best “innocent trusting Fluffy” act. She didn’t have any bait after all.
She was the bait.
“Mummah wuv Babbeh, Babbeh wuv mummah, get wots of nummies, gwow big an stwong!” she trilled, nonchalantly strolling out into the open field. The hoomin watched her like a hawk. It gave her scardies, but she shook them off.
“Pawdon, nice mistah, got nummies for Swushie?” she asked innocently.
“No I don’t have “nummies” you little shit rat.”
“Wude. Das nu nice, cawwing peopwe bad namesies. Did Hoomin mummah nu teach Hoomin powiteness?”
“Why should I care if I hurt the feelings of some shit rat?”
“Otay otay. Swushie gon twy dipwomacy.” Swushie got question."
The hoomin scoffed. This Fluffy was going to be dead meat in a few moments anyway, he figured it wouldn’t hurt to listen to whatever baby talk drivel she was about to spew out.
“Why huwt Fwuffies? Fwuffies in da fowest nu go neaw Hoomin homesies. Nu steaw Hoomin nummies. Nu do bad poopsies on Hoomin nestie. Nu steaw Hoomin housies. Fwuffies wan homesies an Hoomin mummehs an daddies, hugsies an nummies, das natuwal fow evewyfwuff. Bu da fowest Fwuffies dat wive hewe undewstand dat not evewy Fwuffy get dose thingies. An dey nu mind. Dey got gwassie an bewwy nummies, planty nesties. Fwuffies just twyin tu wive wife. Fwuffies nu botha hoomins, why hoomins gib forebah sweepies to Fwuffies hewe? Yu botha Fwuffies.”
“Why? Because you shit rats are not natural. You’re just some freak toy made to sell to kids and be broken. Who cares if somebody breaks a toy?”
Slushie tried to process what she had been told. “Bu… Bu toysies nu hab babbehs, or need nummies, sweepies, wawa… Toysies nu get sickies, toysies nu have fwuff an wed owie wawas… An toysies nu speak ow hab thoughts!”
“Whatever. It’s fun watching you shit rats get mutilated and there’s no law stopping me from doing so.”
Slushie suddenly felt something be tied around her waist. She looked down, and there it was. The boom sticks. Whelp. This was it. Slushie was going to be blown up into bloody chunks. Diplomacy didn’t do jack shit. And with diplomacy out the window, Slushie got to tell him what she REALLY felt.
“Yu sickie fukk. Asshowe. Swushie hope yu buwn. Hope yu hurt footsies on Wego bwocks. An Swushie hope Hoomin gets wowstest owies forebah.”
“You know, you really sound pathetic saying all that in a baby voice.” The hoomin lit the match and lit the fuse.
Slushie had to fight all her urges not to run and go SCREEE. The fire was burning into her fluff. It was agonising. She didn’t want to give the hoomin any satisfaction. She just stood and glared at him. The hoomin chuckled and sat back on his log, expecting to watch the shit rat explode.
What he wasn’t expecting, was a kamikaze.
“YIPPEE KAY YAY, MUMMAHFUKKEW!” Slushie screamed as she took a running jump and landed her full weight on his chest. Slushie put on her cutest face and gave him a BIIIIIG hug.
“WHAT THE FU-”
KABOOM!
The forest shook with the force of the explosion. Birds scattered from the trees as chunks of flesh, bone fragments and pink fluff went in every direction.
Forest Fluffies who had gathered to watch started wailing for their lost comrade.
“Dat… Dat’s da bwavest Fwuffy Mistah Rogews evah saw…” the elder Fluffy said mournfully.
“Fwuffies wost da bestest sowdier…” Hippolyta sighed, lowering he head in respect.
“HUUUU HUUUU HUUUUUUUUUUUUUU” Perry sobbed, giving Tofu biggest sad hugsies as the more stoic Fluffy stood there awkwardly.
“Wai Pewwy cwying?” Slushie asked, approaching them from behind.
Perry abandoned Tofu and turned to bear hug Slushie instead. “Da Munstah Fwuffy expwoded! Munstah Fwuffy sab every Fwuffy! HUUUU HUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!”
Mister Rogers, Tofu and Hippolyta’s jaw dropped. They took a step back, frozen in fear.
“Wha… Why fwends gu away? Pewwy need emotionaw support hewe!” Perry asked, confused. It took him five seconds to realise who he was hugging.
Perry leapt an inch in the air and fell backwards in pure shock. “WHA- HOW SWUSHIE NU FOREBAH SWEEPIES! SWUSHIE EXPWODED!”
“Swushie got bettah.” Slushie shrugged.
Mr Rodgers approached the fluffy that he was 95% sure was a ghost. “Swushie… Kiww hoomin???”
“Swushie kiww hoomin.” She responded, rolling a fragmented skull towards them. “Sketti pwease an tank yu.”
Perry fainted again.
Mister Rogers turned to the other two Smarty Friends. “Gib Swushie Sketti.”
A single strand of pasta was laid out on the grass before Slushie. Slushie stared at it. “Wat dis?”
“Sketti.” Mr Rodgers replied. “Mistah Rogews sowwy, fowest fwuffies nu hab wots of sketti. Is onwy Sketti Fwuffies find.”
Slushie sighed. It would be rude not to accept it. It’s just that exploding hurts like a bitch, so a little more compensation would have been nice. “Tank yu, Swushie appweciate Sketti.”
