03997 & 03998
Smarty friend therapy
Be a student working part time at the local fluffy pony shelter
Every day you register entries and adoptions the later outnumbering the fore
The number of fluffy ponies at the shelter is slowly growing but it somehow regulates itself
Main explanation is that only a few from the entries are in good enough shape to be given for adoption
Infection, internal injuries, fluff rot and the like take their toll on strays that die only a few days after being registered
Every now and then the smarty friend issue has to be faced
The vast majority of smarties never reach the shelter as those who pick them up just kill them outright
When they do however you have to personally put them down, shelter policy
As annoying as they may be killing a smarty friend is not one bit easier than putting any other fluffy to sleep
One day not one but two smarty friends are delivered, an elderly lady picked them put them in a cardboard box and brought them to you thinking sheâs doing right
When you look inside the box you can see a white fluffy unicorn with a curly green mane and a black unicorn with a dark red flowing mane and tail
Apparently theyâre to busy bickering between themselves to threaten you
âFwuffy must obey or smawty giff big owies!â says the white one
âSiwwy fwuffy is bad fwuffy I smawty!â replies the black one
Suddenly you have an idea and donât register those two, no one would ask for them either.
When your shift ends you take the now smelly box, apparently the two smarties threw a âbad poopiesâ fight in there. You sigh and take them home with you.
You were lucky you never unpacked and so it takes less than half an hour to empty the spare room your flat has
That room has no sockets no furniture and the window is stuck and canât be opened so this makes it the perfect safe room
Once all is clear you go to the box and pick the black unicorn by the scruff of the neck, as you suspected is covered in feces
âWha? Dum hoomin weave smawty oâ smawty giff biggest owies!â It angrily spurts at you
You bop it in the nose as you do with normal fluffies who need to be disciplined but this one tries to bite you and blows raspberries with a look of intense hate in itâs eyes
Oh well it will hate you even more after what youâre going to do to it.
You go to the bathroom and without releasing it you press it against the side of the bathtub whilst you grab the shower and turn the water on
You begin showering carefully all the fluff avoiding the face area while the unicorn keeps squirming under your grasp now genuinely terrified âsmawty no wan wawa! Wet go smawty!â
Once youâre finished cleaning the fluff you clean itâs face with a wet towel and begin carefully drying with the hairdryer at minimum speed while the fluffy whimpers and sobs. Looks like you found an effective way of threatening it without actual bodily harm.
Finish drying the fluffy and discover this particular smarty is actually a mare, then take her to the safe room you just emptied leaving her sobbing still terrified from the watery experience.
Take the remaining unicorn and clean it thoroughly repeating the same process and getting the same terrified result in the end. This one tho looks to be a stallion
Leave the stallion in the safe room with the other one and clear your throat to get their attention
Two sets of watery eyes are now fixed at you hateful but fearful and you know your audience is ready âAny fluffy making bad poopies in the floor or in the other fluffy gets more water!â
A loud gasp comes from the two smarties and the mare comes trotting to you and bucks you in shins âbad hoomin stupid hoomin go âway of giff ouchies!â
You simply grab her by the scruff of the neck again, take her to the bathroom and turn the water on the sound of it being enough to turn the aggressive squirming smarty into a trembling sobbing pile of fluff.
Once youâre back at the safe room you leave her in the floor and announce âif you try to give ouchies to me you get water too!â with a firm stance and your best angry glare
Place some newspapers in one corner and continue with your rules âPoopies go in this cornerâ it will have to do until you get a proper litterbox.
You go on and finish establishing your authority âGood fluffies do what I say bad fluffies get water, understood?â
This time itâs the white stallion who tries to dispute you. ââOu dum munsta smawty no scawed!â but when you try to grab him he almost immediately turns to a set of apologies âSmawty sowwy smawty dun wan wawa smawty be good fwuffy!â
âUnderstood thenâ you say as you leave the room and close the door. Oh boy, what have you got yourself into?
You still have some time in the afternoon so you go get some basic fluffy equipment: a litterbox, a drinking bottle, and some cheap toys.
When you get back home, not an hour after you left, you hear angry sounds from the safe room and with a resigned sigh you head there.
You stop at the door and try to hear whatâs going on.
ââOu no smawty ou stoopid fluffyâ shouts the white stallion âI smawty âou no smawty I gif bad poopies!â retorts the mare.
Upon hearing that you storm into the room, almost shouting âBAD FLUFFIES GET WATER!â As a result both of them cover their eyes with their front hooves and start trembling and whimperingYou drop the bags you were carrying and explain in a more composed way âIf youâre good fluffies, you wonât get bad water,â crouching down so they can hear you clearly.
âSmawty be good fwuffyâ the mare says as the stallion nods
You set the litterbox in the designated-as-poopies corner and the standing drinking bottle on the opposite end, then take two identical blue plastic balls out and a set of even wooden blocks.
âThese are your toys,â you explain. âYou have to share them as good fluffies.â
The two fluffies look at each other as if the meaning of the word âshareâ was lost to them and you take your chance to bait them.
âIf you play together like good fluffies you will have spaghetti for dinner.â
You leave the room grinning slightly as you hear them already fighting over spaghetti. âSmawty wiww get aww the sketties!â ââOu no smawty âou dumâ fwuffy smawty wiww get sketties!âAfter their first night at your place you have to make some changes to the safe room. The whole place was smeared in fecal matter so you had to clean it up and give the two smarties another go in the water, this time not as careful as the first time.
You leave the two smarties in the broom closet as you line the walls and floor in the safe room with vinyl for cleaning ease and put the fluffies back when youâre done, carefully reminding them what happens to bad fluffies and leave for work.
When you get back they are still fighting but your home smells OK so you go to the safe room with a bag of fluffy kibble you just purchasedThe stallion is the first to react to your presence and blows raspberries at you while the mare takes the verbal initiative âdum hoomin no give wawa to smawty ow smawty gif owies!â she says, lacking some of her previous conviction.
You look at the two of them and calmly explain. âI brought you food. I mean, nummies,â while you place a small amount of kibble in the centre of the room, divide it in two smaller piles, and then tell them to eat.
While the couple guzzles down the food you brought you realize you havenât named them yet
Decide to keep it simple and when they finish eating you take a solemn stance âwell fluffies today youâll get your namesâ you say with a clear voice in hopes to avoid some smarty retort
âYour name will be Horusâ you say while pointing to the white stallion âand yours will be Kaliâ you tell the black mare
âHowus got best name Howus smawty Kawi bad fwuffyâ Horus begins âWies! Kawi bestest name Howus siwwy!â
Your work done, you leave them alone and plan on your next move, unsure if this will ever work.
(Thanks to Cheesey, Dark and Lordanubis for the proofreading ^^)
04207
Smarty friend therapy: Sorry box
Be a student working part time at the local fluffy pony shelter
Barely a month ago you took home two smarty friends that otherwise would have been put down as per shelter policy.You want to see if they can be ârehabilitatedâ and able to act like regular fluffies once again.
The white stallion, named Horus, and the black unicorn mare, Kali, are a constant pain to deal with.You accomplished a great deal of progress in barely a month, that progress being mostly limiting their loud fights to daytime when youâre not around, and having them use the litterbox, but also minor changes such as not being referred to as âdumbâ every single time they speak to you.
Baby steps.
During said month you checked as many sources about fluffy pony behaviour as you could find.Despite your work in the shelter, the finer points of fluffy behavioural psychology remain a mystery to you.
But nothing is of use really. When it comes to smarty friends, theyâre treated as a severe annoyance at best.
What you need is a better discipline device because using the shower on them costs you time to dry them up and clogs the drain badly.Not to mention sending the wrong message about hygiene.
After browsing endless websites and forums full with torture practices and devices, what catches your eye is what fluffy owners call a âsorry box.â
The sorry box is apparently a small cage so tight the fluffy can barely move inside it, and so dark the fluffy canât see anything outside it and feels lonely and miserable as a result. Kinda like solitary confinement for fluffies.
The box is a punishment in itself but at least with no physical harm done to the offending fluffy so you download a guide from fluffycare.com
During the weekend you spend most of the time building the sorry box as per the instructions in sturdy plywood, lacquering the inside no splinters can hurt the fluffy and to protect the wood from accidental wetness.
Add the finishing touches, drilling breathing holes in the sides and at the top.
As you look at your finished work, your heart stops in your chest: that damned sorry box is even bigger than the cages at the shelter, no wonder you never heard of it before!
With that thought in mind you place the sorry box in the broom closet because there it will be darker, and it will muffle the protests of any fluffy inside of it.
A regular fluffy would be loud enough. Horus and Kali treat it like an elevated art form.
Having your âdisciplinary deviceâ in place, you decide to take another step in smarty fluffy socialization: letting them out of the safe room and into the rest of the house.
Go to the safe room and explain as clearly as you can the situation:
âBoth of you will be able to go outside the safe room and into the rest of the house,â giving them a second to understand and continue with your explanation.
âThe rules are the same as in the safe room: no fighting, no breaking anything, and always do as youâre told.â
As you finish your sentence Horus stomps on the floor with his forehooves and declares âHowus do what Howus wants! Howus smawty!â
You take your chance at Horusâ retort and reply.
âIf a fluffy breaks the rules it is a bad fluffy and will be put in the sorry boxâ you say in a calm way.
âWhaâ sowwy box?â asks Kali with a wary voice.
âA sorry box is where bad fluffies go to be alone in the dark until I decide they can go out.â
Having answered, you move away from the open door that leads from the safe room to the rest of your house.
Rushing through the opening Horus is the first to go out and run about, shouting âThis Howus place now!â but you let that slip, heâs a smarty friend after all and you guess he canât resist saying that kind of thing yet.
You then see that Kali stopped shy of the door and is listening intently.
âDonât you wanna go out too?â
She seems to be ignoring you but then she speaks in a low tone âIf munstas they get stupit Howus.â
âBut there are no monsters there, this is my houseâ you reply
âThen stupit Howus be safe and is safe to come outâ she explains to you as if speaking to a toddler wondering how stupid you can be for not understanding such basic safety precautions.
Looking puzzled at an actual smart decision coming from one of the smarties, you hear a loud crash coming from the dinning room
âMUNSTA!â cries Kali and she tries to hide in her blankets as best as she can while you go out to check what happened.
At the dining room the image of Horus entangled in a power cord and your laptop lying on the floor greets you.
Whatâs more, Horus is bucking at the laptop with all his fluffy might while shouting âBAD MUNSTA NO GET HOWUS! GIF OWWIES!â
Oh, that is it!
You grab Horus by the scruff of the neck as he cries âNuuuuuuuuu wet Howus go!â and you do your best to control your building rage and not stomp on the guy, only managing to repeat âbad fluffy BAD fluffy!â
Horus is frantically wriggling but your grip is firm (too firm in fact, as you will notice later), and he only manages to hurt himself at every move.
âYOU-you-y-y-you!â you stutter at the fluffy whilst your face turns red and your eyes bulge.
âFwufy sowwy fwuffy be gud fwuffy wet fwuffy go pwease!â the now pathetic smarty manages to say.
âSo NOW youâre just FLUFFY? No more of that Horus smarty shit?!â You shout at him as you shake his frail body at each word. âYouâre a bad fluffy; a really BAD fluffy and you know where bad fluffies go!â you finish as you walk to the broom closet
âFwuffy sowy fwuffy be gud stawp owwies pwease!â the white stallion manages to say sobbing hard and tears matting his fluff âOh too late smartass!â you retort and open the closet and remove the lid of the sorry box.
You cram the fluffy little body in the sorry box and his eyes go wide before crying like you never seen before in a fluffy but your anger is peaking and you slam the lid shut as he tried to escape, leaving Horus alone.
You sit on the couch, panting and intoxicated with rage adrenaline, trying to regain your breath when you notice the laptop still lying on the floor
You stand up and grab it just to notice the screen is completely broken, probably from when Horus was kicking it.
Putting it on the table, you check how bad it is on the inside.
The screen will not work, the CPU wonât start, you canât hear the hard drive, and the battery plug is torn and most likely useless.
âHow the fuck Iâm supposed to pay for a new one?!â you shout to no one in particular.
After about an hour or two of helplessly trying to get the thing to work and ranting loudly you get so frustrated with the broken laptop you leave the room, anger replaced by frustration.
Thatâs when you go by the still open door in the safe room and hear a whimper, and see a mass of black blankets shaking.
Go there remove the blankets and see Kali sobbing and covering her eyes with her front hooves.
âNuuu shouty munstaâ go âway!â she says, at the same instant you feel a sting of guilt.
âItâs me Kali. Itâs safe here. There are no monsters.â you try to tell her in the most calmed voice you can manage at the moment.
She opens her big purple eyes and looks around, clearly not trusting you.
âWhewe stupit Howus?â she says in her normal voice once more
The realization hits you like a freight train.
âOH SHIT!â
Kali flinches at your interjection.
You stumble and run to the broom closet, open the door and stop right there, looking at the sorry box and hearing the most subtle sobbing coming from the inside.
âHorus⌠noâŚâ
Quickly remove the lid startling the fluffy inside and you can see with horror that his face and most of his fluffy chest is matted in a pink hue no doubt from nosebleed.
Fearing internal injuries, you reach out to grab Horus, but heâs so terrified and is shaking so wildly you dare not touch him.
âHorusâŚâ you call him softly. âHooman munsta go âwayâŚâ he says in a crying broken voice that breaks your heart
âHorus, pleaseâŚâ you keep saying as you finally grab him gently to get him out of the box. âIâm no longer angry Horus.â You try to justify yourself.
Neither you nor Horus is convinced.
âHooman munsta gif owwies!â he screeches wriggling wildly trying to run away and as you feel guilty enough you let go of him just to see him limp in circles keeping his left hind leg aloof
Seeing that the guy wonât stop you pick him up, ignoring his protests, and put him on the table next to the broken laptop and check for injuries.
So far just some fluff torn from the scruff of his neck and no bleeding that you can see, but that leg worries you.
You put the now whimpering Horus back into the safe room atop his blankets and leave fully immersed into a guilt trip.
Fuck man, you where trying to help these fluffies, not abuse them!
And now they think youâre a monster.
You might be.
