“Hu-hu-hu, pwease daddeh, wet owt of sowwy-boksy, nu mean make poopies on cawpet… an’ on wawws… an’ on staiws… an’ on pway-stayshun-fibe… an’-”
“I’m sorry, Dewy, but I told you what’d happen if you disobeyed me again.” Bryce said, turning the steering-wheel as the car drifted to the left, sliding into it’s parking spot at the side of the bridge.
“Buh… buh nu MEAN to! Jus’ hab… hab big poopies an’ nu get to wittah-boks in time…”
“Dewy, you projectile-shat all over the TV cabinet, then dragged your ass all across the lounge… all because I told you that you weren’t allowed a treat. Even by tantrum standards, that’s a bit fucking much.”
“Buh… buh am a gud fwuffeh! Wet owt nao?”
“No, Dewy. You’re going to be punished like you deserve, and I’m gonna make sure you never forget this for as long as you live.”
Bryce unbuckled his seat-belt and clambered out of the car, slamming his door shut which drew the eye of the person he had come to meet.
“Bryce! You made it!”
“Sure I did, Josh! Wouldn’t miss this for the world, not after what I’ve got planned for today!”
He went to the back of his car and hauled out a tatty old cardboard box, with ‘SORRY BOX’ written across it in sprawling black marker ink.
“Hu-hu-hu… Dewy a gud fwuffeh… pwease wet owt nao… pwease…?” A voice mewled from inside the box. Bryce hadn’t heard him say ‘sorry’ even once, which only made him more determined to go through with his planned punishment.
“What’cha got there?” Josh asked, cocking an eyebrow at the sight of the box. Bryce dumped the box on the ground, causing it to produce an ‘OOF! Owies…’
Bryce ripped off the length of tape that was holding the lid closed, and opened the flaps.
“This is lil’ Mt. Dew, or ‘Dewy’ for short.” He said, lifting the neon green tear-soaked fluffy-pony out of his sorry-box, a large brown stain still heavily visible all across his rear.
“Why’s he here?”
“Well, in simple terms, he’s been a very bad fluffy,” Dewy cringed at hearing this. “And he’s got to be punished.”
“And you brought him here? Why?” Josh asked. Bryce smiled, and pointed at the apparatus Josh had already setup on the edge of the bridge. Josh glanced at it, then back at Dewy… then his eyes widened as he realised what Bryce was thinking, and smirked.
“Oh, Bryce, this is so going on Youtube!”
Several minutes later, everything was ready.
Josh had found a large rock by the side of the road, about the same width and length as Dewy but very flat, and still heavy enough for gravity to do it’s job.
With the rock ready, they had placed Dewy on top of it with his legs stretched out, then wrapped a length of strong tape over his back, down his side, under the rock and up the other side again, then repeated the process several times, leaving the rock securely fixed to Dewy’s belly.
He wasn’t in any pain, but he definitely wasn’t comfortable either.
“Otay, Dewy on wocky nao, punishment obah? Hab tweatsies nao?” He asked hopefully. Josh and Bryce glanced at each other, then at the still-waiting equipment next to their car, and smirked at each other.
“No way in fuck, little man.” Josh said, grabbing a length of elastic cord with a carabiner clip fitted to one end. Bryce held rock-Dewy in the air as Josh manoeuvred himself around, wrapping the cord around Dewy several times before cliping it to itself with the carabiner.
As they worked, a woman walked up to the bridge from around the tree-laden corner, caught sight of them and immediately flew into a rage, striding up to them as fast as she could.
“What the fuck are you doing to that poor animal?!” She shrieked, rolling up her sleeves as she approached. Dewy’s face lit up, at last he was saved!
“Relax, it’s just a fluffy pony.” Josh replied. Immediately, the woman’s demeanour changed.
“Oh, never mind then. Sorry to bother you both.”
And with that she continued walking, shattering Dewy’s hopes of salvation.
“Okay, I think we’re ready.” Josh said, fixing the other end of the cord to one of the bridge’s concrete posts that served as a fence. Approximately 100 feet below them was a surging river, as deep as it was wide, a mottled mixture of murky brown water with grayish-white froth as it crashed through under the bridge.
Bryce carried Dewy over to the edge of the bridge, as he, Dewy and Josh looked down over the edge to the murky water far, far, far below.
“Eep! Highsies! Nu wike highsies! Pwease wet Dewy down nao!”
“No, Dewy. This is your punishment.” Bryce said, pushing Dewy’s rock halfway over the edge so he began to very slowly tip forwards.
"This… is Sorry-Downsies!"
Dewy tipped forwards, seeing the whole world rotate around him until he was directly facing the water far below him… and then he began to fall, feeling the wind rushing past his fluff, his relatively lightweight body carried down faster than normal by the heavy rock he was attached to, the bungee cord whipping noisily behind him as he fell. Dewy opened his mouth to shriek, but the sound was lost as he rapidly sped downwards, plummeting faster and faster with every second…
After what seemed like both an eternity, yet also not possibly long enough, Dewy saw the water rushing up to face him. He tried to scream ‘PWEASE NU HUWTIES DEWY, WAWA’, but only got so far as ‘P-’ before he crashed into the surface of the river, his body vanishing into the murky depths in an instant.
He was gone for a moment as the bungee cord was stretched to it’s limit… then it retracted, pulling Dewy back up. After only five seconds in the water, he broke through the surface again, being pulled back up with another crash, his neon green fluff now a filthy shade of vomit, and his voice no longer capable of speaking, only producing warbling, gurgling screams of slight pain and absolute terror, as the rushing feeling never ceased and the horrible cold of the water soaked into his sensitive body.
He rose several feet into the air again, rising from the surface of the water, then held in the air for a moment… before tipping backwards and falling again. Once more he attempted to scream, but couldn’t produce even a single syllable before vanishing under the water’s surface again.
High above, on the bridge, Josh and Bryce were watching with satisfied smiles on their faces. They watched Dewy bob in and out of the water a few more times, noting each time he fell back in faster than before, and finally decided to call it a day before Dewy suffered any fatal damage.
Working together they both grabbed the bungee cord and began pulling it up, hand-over-hand, hauling the soaking wet fluffy pony back up to the top of the bridge.
It took several minutes, but before long they had Dewy back with them. He was spluttering and coughing, spitting up mouthfuls of filthy river-water, and shivered relentlessly from both the cold and the terror of what he just went through… but he was alive.
“How was that, Dewy? Have fun?”
“N-n-n-n-n-n-n-” He whimpered, staring fixedly into space, teeth chattering violently as he struggled to produce even a singular word.
“Wanna go for another ride?” Bryce asked, picking up the wet rock once more.
“N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-” Dewy chattered, still staring ahead but with noticably wider eyes now.
Bryce put the rock down again on the bridge wall and grabbed Dewy’s head, forcing him to look his owner in the eyes.
“Dewy, if you ever piss me off again, you’re gonna get Sorry-Downsies from the freeway overpass… during rush-hour. Got it?”
“Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-”
Bryce let go and set about unhooking Dewy from the cord, while Josh pulled out a pocket-knife to cut off the tape. Minutes later, they dumped the violently shaking fluffy back into the sorry-box and closed the flaps over again, sealing them up once more with the tape.
“Bryce, that was one of the best things I’ve ever seen.” Josh said as he packed up his bungee gear. Neither of them had even used it themselves like they had originally planned to, the excitement of screwing with Dewy had been enough instead.
“Yeah, that’s why I got a fluffy pony in the first place.” Bryce said. “I read that they’re a whole new kind of ‘extreme’ on their own, and god strike me down if they’re not exactly that and a bag of chips.”
“Might have to get one of my own…” Josh said, falling deep into thought.
Just how many other extreme sports could be improved with fluffy ponies…?