Sorry Poopies [by miaorr]

Poopies

“Huey!”

You snorted awake from the voice of your brother and looked over at him where he sat comfortably leaned back in his lawn chair. Grinning at you and wiggling the empty bottle in his hand you knew the gesture all too well. Out of beer.

“Yeah yeah, keep ya shirt on. Imma get sum. Ya want more?”

Turning your gaze to your other brother you recived the same grin and a nod. You got up from your chair, stumbled and nearly toppled over as your legs weren’t as steady as you expected them to be. Despite your little nap you were still clearly affected by the beer you, Dewey and Louie had been drinking all afternoon. Yes, you were triplets. Yes, you were named after Donald Duck’s bloody nephews. No, it wasn’t funny and yes, you all had heard all of the jokes about it before.

Dusk had arrived and with it a nice cool breeze. Good thing you all had put on sunblock before heading out into the garden earlier in the day or you’d all be as red as a bunch of boiled lobster by now. The barbeque had been great and you’d gotten praise from your parents for the food. Once they and your little sister had waved farewell and begun their drive home the brotherly beer fest had begun. Being an adult, sort of, was kinda great really. Even though you were all at uni by now sharing a house wasn’t shabby at all. Some got really fed up with being close to their look-alikes at all times but you, Dewey and Louie prefered each others company.

Stumbling towards the house you felt your stomach began to gurgle, the unmistaken sound of your digestive system letting you know that something you had consumed earlier was disagreeing with you. Just a few more steps and you could scurry to the loo but then it happened…

“Dummeh hooman! Dis am smarty wand nao! Gib sketti, toysies an’ enfie mawes ow smarty gib sowwey hoofsies!”

Turning to your left you had a bit of a stumble before steadying yourself and there, just as you figured there would be, was a whole herd of those miniature horse like creatures.

“Fookin’ fluffies… Get outta mah place, ya fookin’ twats!”

Several in the herd who’d trotted into the garden behind their leder nearly jumped back in shock at your choice of words. They may have been feral but foul language was still something of a taboo deeply rooted in their programming. The smarty huffed, puffed and stomped his hoof before going off again.

DIS AM SMARTY WAND NAO! GIB SKETTIES, TOYSIES AN’ ENFIE MAWES, DUMMEH HOOMAN!

You heard the creaking of the lawn chairs as your brothers turned to see how you’d deal with the fluffy infestation. Always leave it to big bro seemed to be a common rule for the younger two. Feeling yet another gurgle from your stomach your intoxicated mind had a brilliant idea. If your sober mind would agree in the morning was doubtful but that was hours away from even being considered. With a snort and a smirk you looked at the enraged little fucker who dared trespass where it didn’t belong.

“No. Get ya arse outta mah garden or Imma give ya sorry poopsies.”

The looks on the faces of the entire herd was hilarious but the one on the smarty was priceless. It looked stunned as if it never occured to it that a human could toss any fluffy threat right back at it. Sniggers from behind you was a telltale sign that Dewey and Louie found the whole situation as entertaining as any Saturday Night Live sketch.

“… wha… nuuh… NUH! DUMMEH! DIS AM SMARTY WAND NAO! GIB SMARTY SKETTIS AN’ TOYSIES OW SMARTY GIB SOWWEY HOOFSIES!

“Suit yourself, ya fookin’ wanker.”

As yet another gurgle from your stomach turned into a growl you spun around, dropped your pants and stuck your arse out at the smarty and opened the flood gates so to speak as you howled the words no fluffy would ever want to hear in their general direction.

SORRY POOOOOOOPIIIIIEEES!!!

A cacophony of screes, huu-huus, scawy, poopeh munstah and other blabbering was heard from behind you accompanied by the sound of fluffies scurrying away as fast as their stubby little legs could carry them. Letting out a sigh of relief you looked over your shoulder seeing the waste that had vacated your bowels and what looked like a pair of eyes in the midst of the pile. Snorting amused you heard your brothers howl with laughter so you turned to them, gave them two thumbs up and flashed a big grin before waddling back to the house to clean up and grab some more beer. Unbeknownst to you Dewey had managed to catch the whole thing on his phone. It wasn’t long until you were famous on youtube and the crowning jewel of the video was the aftermath where a pile of dung waddled out of the garden huu-huuing, chirping, peeping and crying for its mother.

Years later an ethologist who’d gotten to know and study a herd of fluffies was told the story of da smarty an’ da poopeh munstah, a moral anecdote passed down through generations to teach the younglings that even a smarty should never make demands of humans because that could go very wrong. Several snorts from the older younglings and “Onwy babbehs think dat stowy am weaw” had the young scholar browsing youtube on their tablet knowing that story rung a bell. Shaking their head they glance at the wannabe toughies before they spoke.

“No, that is not true. I’ve heard it too many forever since. Here. Let me show you.”

Putting the video in fullscreen mode they placed the tablet for all the fluffies gathered to see. There, in full view, was your drunken arse giving a smarty a taste of a fluffies own medicine for being a dummeh. Among the ones watching the video years later there were scary poops, pees and numerous hiccups, huu-huus and scawy. Once again your drunken decision lead to the fluffy moral anecdote of da smarty an’ da poopeh munstah picked up pace and spread like wildfire among the ferals and even reached the ears of the domesticated ones. This was not quite the legacy you thought you’d leave behind but it was one few humans could rival. It would seem your intoxicated mind did come up with a brilliant idea after all.

21 Likes

I blame insomnia and sleep-deprevation for this one. :sweat_smile:

8 Likes

This made me chuckle and I can’t stop. Soon this’ll turn the chuckles into a laugh.

4 Likes

You thank insomnia, I’m sure. Darn autocorrect made you seem ungrateful :wink:

5 Likes

Yay! :grin:

2 Likes

It jumped me when I least expected it. Was supposed to be a drawn comic but there seems to be a faulty wire between my brain and my hand. Now if only I could figure out how to add a thumbnail I made while I was at it. :hmm:

Edit: Figured it out! :grin:

4 Likes

It’s great he will never forget what happened he is now a fluffy folklore

2 Likes

He’s a living legend for better and for worse. But at least it did what he hoped - no more fluffies in his garden. :smirk:

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This is hilarious! Yes very unique. Well done.

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Thank you. The mind comes up with interesting things when you least expect it. :smiley:

Amazing😂

Thank you. I suspect quite a few would do something similar if they were drunk as a skunk and fluffies strutted into their backyard making demands. :troll:

1 Like