It was Starfire’s 17th birthday party, and she was so, so, so happy! All of her friends had pitched in to make her birthday perfect- from the traditional Tamaranean-style decorations to the delicious Glorkan brain-cake, everything had gone better than she could have imagined. After a long day of joyous celebrations, her guests began to leave one-by-one, and when the last had said goodbye, Kori retired to her room and relaxed on her big purple beanbag to admire all of her presents… A brand new Kord game system from her best friend Dick, an authentic parademon hand from her mentor Diana Prince, a cute purple bathing suit from Mr. Ralph Dibny, and so much more! She felt warm inside when she thought about just people care for her. She was just about to doze off, exhausted from her long day, when suddenly- there was one more guest! On her room’s balcony no less! It was… Kal-El, Superman!
Starfire jumped up and excitedly opened the glass door, flying up to greet the Kryptonian. “Ah, The Superman, you have arrived!”
The boyscout smiled, barely able to hide the huge present behind his cape. “Happy Birthday, Kori… Sorry I was late. I hope this makes up for it.”
He hovered into Star’s room and sat the large crate on the ground. “I can’t stay very long, but I hope you like it. I know how it feels to be homesick, too.”
With that, Kal-El flew back out of the Titans Tower, and up into the air, towards the other side of the country. Star was left to open the crate herself. She could hear a heavy panting from within… what was it…? A puppy? A little man? Her huge green eyes literally glittering with anticipation, she unlocked the crate’s door and let it creak open. From the darkness of the box waddled an obese, pink-furred, black-eyed horse-hamster hybrid, it’s ass smeared with shit. Huffing, it looked up at the teen alien and asked, “Heffhgh… Nyu homesie…? Awe yuu… Nyu mummah…?”
Starfire literally could not fucking believe her eyes. It was a real Tamaranian Fla’Fee!!! She was shocked, in a stupor, nearly drooling- until she let out a super-cute “Squuueeeeee~” and grabbed up the wretched creature, “Joyous day!”, she cheered, “My very own Fla’Fee! Thank you, Superman! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!!”
She held it tight, flying around the room in ecstatic figure-eights, too excited to notice the pig-horse trying to writhe away from her, spewing liquid shit, and screeching about “bad uppies.”
—
Being a selfless teen hero, Starfire didn’t mind cleaning after her Fla’Fee. He was practically a baby, after all! In the following days, she learned how to care for the whining, pink fluff-thing. She took him for “walkies” (1-minute journeys from Starfire’s Room to the Titan Tower’s living room), bought him lots of “toysies” (expensive, abstract rubber shapes that Fla’Fee paid no attention to), “blankies” (made from an expensive super-soft alien wool grunted to not bruise his sensitive skin), “nummies” (an expensive milky gooey slop imported from another planet), etc… She was the platonic ideal of a Fla’Fee owner!
—
Like most Fla’Fees, Starfire’s had severe separation anxiety, and would start wailing if he couldn’t follow her wherever she went. One night, she had joined Raven for a movie, and her fat eyesore of a pet tagged along, flopping down on the living room floor. Raven scrutinized Fla’Fee as he loudly sucked his soft hoof. Shhlrkshhlrkshhhlrk… He had been going at it for at least 30 minutes now, and it was driving her insane. Star didn’t seem to notice. The goth girl asked, “Star… I’ve seen other animals from Tamaran. How did that… thing, survive…?”
The aliens eyes lit up. She loved talking about her home planet! “You see, Friend-Raven, Fla’Fees are not wild animals! Tamaran’s beasts are too violent to be domesticated- In their stead, we have biological toys! I have been of the wanting for one since I was a child, but Komand’r was allergic and- Ow!”
Kori was interrupted by a pain in her lower leg. Fla’Fee was biting her leg! When he had caught her attention, the wretch puffed his cheeks and squealed, “Fwa’Fee suuuu hungwy!!! Huffheghh… Wan nummies! Nao!!!”
Raven decided that she truly hated this thing. Starfire reached down to give her ear scratches, before getting up to make him “nummies”. He huffed as he waddled behind her.
—
With great effort, the pig-horse swung his fat hoof at his food bowl, sending it flying and spreading his Diet Nutrition Goo across the kitchen floor. “Nu wan’ dat!! Fwa’Fee nee skettis!!!”
Sketti…? Why would a Fla’Fee crave the Italian noodle product?, Star wondered. Cleaning his mess gave her time to think on it. Ah! He must mean Tamaranean flarm-worms!!! A befitting delicacy!
Star had a box of them left in the cabinet that was labeled specifically for her and her gross alien food that shouldn’t touch anything from Earth. They were dry and hibernating, nestled side-by-side in long, brittle strands. She set a pot of glarked water to boiling, and dumped them all in. The flarm-worms slowly began to awaken, writhing, copulating, eating each other in the hot water. The smell made Star’s stomach growl~! She hadn’t had flarm-worms in so long, but her Fla’Fee came first!
With a proud smile on her face, Starfire presented the bowl of lovingly prepared flarm-worms to her Fla’Fee. He sniffed at the worms, his fat babyface twisting in confusion and disgust… This wasn’t skettis. A raging tantrum overcame him. “NU WAN ICKIE WOWMMIES! WAN SKETTIS! REEEE…!!! WAN SKETTIS!”
Fla’Fee stomped his hooves, squealed, sobbed, and at last, lifted his tail to cover the Tamaranean delicacy with a spew of shit. All Starfire could do was watch in despair. The pink, fat thing screeched as she cleaned his mess, ignored all attempts to console him, and only relaxed after being presented with a bowl of fresh microwaved Chef Boyardee. Star couldn’t suppress a frown as her Fla’Fee buried his face in the red tomato-slop.
—
“PWEASE, PWEASE, PWEASE NU LEAFE FWA’FEE WIT’ UGWY WITCHIE!! NUUUU!!! PWEASE MUMMAH, PWEASE!!”
“She… Friend-Raven is not ugly! She is nice!!!”, Starfire reassured her horrible, smelly, fat, obese, terrible pet, “You will be okay with her for a few days… I have not been able to leave the tower since my birth celebration!”
Fla’Fee didn’t care about Starfire’s personal life. He kept crying and pounding his hooves, and whining “nuuuuu…”. Star looked to her Friend-Raven, “You are certain you do not mind…? You will take care of him…?”
“Go ahead with the rest of the team, Star. I’ll keep an eye on him… Promise.”
In spite of her grim ways, Raven was a great comfort to Starfire, and she knew she could always trust her friend to keep a promise. She hugged the gloomy goth before setting out on her first adventure in weeks. “Thank you, Friend-Raven… I will miss you… And I will miss you too, Fla’Fee! Be on the behavior of nice~!”
—
Fla’Fee was not on the behavior of nice. He was being a dick. “UGWY! HATECHU UGWY!!! WAN MUMMAH! WAN MUMMAH!!!”
“Calm down. Your mom won’t be back for a while.”
This did not calm Fla’Fee. His sagging, heavy face grimaced harder. “HATECHUUUUU!!! REEEEEE!!! WAN NUMMIES!!! WAN MUMMAH!!! WAN ENFIES!!! WAN NUMMIES!!! REEEEEE!!!”
Raven stared down at the pink blob as he stomped, shat, writhed in the shit, pissed, screamed, puked, got a nose bleed, shat again, and slipped in the fluids beneath his feet, making him wail out a long, grating, “HUUUUHUUUUUHUUUUUUU!!!”
Raven decided it would be best if she went to the roof to meditate, and left this, thing, alone to calm down. As the elevator crawled to the rooftop, she wondered, What the hell are ‘enfies’?
—
As the cool sea breeze blew over her body, Raven pondered over Fla’Fee. This thing was ruining Star’s life, but she was too hopelessly in love with him to realize it! What could Raven do? Pacify him with a lobotomy spell? Mute him by teleporting his vocal cords to another dimension? Replace him with a dog and hope Star wouldn’t notice?
Rachel Roth searched her inner darkness for a solution, before it occurred to her that she had left her bedroom door open hours earlier.
—
Her spell book was torn to shreds, and, predictably, smeared with shit. The chalk pentagram on her floor was destroyed by streams of piss. Her black candles were all half-eaten. The entire time she was meditating, Fla’Fee was defiling the “ugwy witchie”’s sanctum. He didn’t even notice when she walked in on him hunched over a tattered stuffed bunny that she had kept hidden under her bed. “Enf~ Enf~ Enf~ Hehehehgghh… Guuuud feews~”
A demonic rage overtook her. A black, slimy tentacle emerged from her bedroom floor, seizing the obese fluffy, squeezing him. “HUUUHUU!!! WET FWA’FEE GU, UGWY WITCHIE!!! WAN-heff- MA’E-heff- MOWE-heff- ENFIES!!! WAN MA’E MOWE ENFIES!!! GIB BUNNIE BACK!!!”
Her eyes were a crimson red. “That bunny was one of the last things I had to remember my mom, you little-”
“NU CAWE!!! AM TEWWIN’ FWA’FEE’S MUMMAH HOW MEANIE UGWY WITCHIE IS!!! Huffheffhh… MUMMAH GONNA BE SUUU MAD ATCHUU!!!”
His voice was like teeth on a chalkboard. A sadistic impulse entered Raven’s mind. “Hmmph… Then tell her about this, retard.”
Another tentacle spawned from the void and writhed it’s way into Fla’Fee’s asshole. He began to shreik, but was silenced by a third clamping itself over his mouth, tiny sub-tentacles raping his nostrils. Fat tears ran down his fat face as the 2nd tentacle inflicted untold amounts of damage on his bowels, carving them out with each thrust and flick. Raven threw her head back, laughing hysterically, “You stupid, raped piece of shit! Take it, bitch! Take it all!!!”
The brutal assrape continued until Raven was bored of it. That is, when Fla’Fee stopped wiggling and crying. The two violating tentacles recessed back into the void, and the first threw the pig-thing down to the floor. He sobbed. Calmer now, Raven began to levitate and a dark haze enveloped the room- Her spellbook was rebinded. The shit and piss was purged from that plain of existence. Her candles were regurgitated and reformed. Her bunny plushy, though… The bunny couldn’t be unraped. She was still mad about that.
Raven strutted over to the heaving, traumatized Fla’Fee, and kicked him over onto his back. His balls sagged down to the floor, hiding his nearly-prolapsed shithole. She raised her heels-
“P- pwease… Ugwy witchie… N- nu mowe… Fla’Fee wiww be guu… Ughhuffug… Nu teww mummah… Pwease…”
And brought them down with a satisfying crunch~
“SCREEEEEEEEEEE!!!”
—
Star had had such a wonderful adventure, but she missed Fla’Fee sooo much! She couldn’t wait to be with her fuzzy punk friend again! When she finally got back to the tower, she was surprised that Fla’Fee wasn’t stomping, or demanding sketti… He simply trotted over to her, nuzzled her leg, and said “Fla’Fee missed you mummah…” in his cutest baby voice.
The alien teen was perplexed. She looked to Raven, relaxing on the couch nearby. “Friend-Raven…”, she asked, “What did you do to Fla’Fee? He is behaving so strangely…”
“Oh, don’t worry. I read online that Fla’Fees need to be neutered just like Earth pets. I took him to a, uhmm… Space veterinarian. To do that.”, she lied.
“Friend-Raven… That was so kind of you!” She flew over to hug her friend, squeezing her closely. “I am overjoyed that you care for Fla’Fee just as I do!”
Raven gently removed her friend. “Heh… Thanks, Star. I taught him a cute trick too. Watch this.”
Raven snapped her fingers, and the fat hamster-horse quickly waddled in front of the couch, and managed to heave himself onto his hindlegs. “Watch this…”, Raven snarked.
Fwa’Fee wiggled his body, waved his front hooves, and pathetically sang to his audience. “Fwa’Fee dancie… Fla’Fee suu dancie… Wub dancie… Huffegh… Doo doo doo… Dancie Fwa’Fee…”
As Star watched the horrible display, she felt something activated in the deepest recesses of her primal alien mind. Something inescapable. Something ancient. Something deep within all sentient creatures. She was overcome by Cute Aggression.