“Alright Laredo, come on and give it your best shot!” The small, tan fluffy charged forwards, ramming his head against the punch mitt his daddy held firm. “HWAA!” Laredo’s daddy smiled widely. “Atta boy, one more time!”
Laredo smiled excitedly. “Otay daddeh!” He trotted back a few steps before running forwards, his hoofpads making “platt, platt, platt” against the rubberized pads of the makeshift gyms floor. He jumped just before impacting the mitt, his head thwacking against his Daddy’s gloved hand.
Laredo’s daddy smiled even bigger. “Good hit champ! You okay?” Laredo stumbled a bit, dazed. “Wawedo am fine daddeh, jus’ a wittwe bit dissy!” His daddy reached over with his ungloved hand and gave him a playful mane ruffling. “Good work so far, go take a break, get some water, we are working on hoof strikes next!”
“Otay daddeh!” Laredo trotted over to the rest area, drinking deeply from the water bowl and sprawling out on the cool rubber. He loved playing with his daddeh, even if he didn’t know what they were doing. His daddeh called it training, but Laredo had already been potty trained.
His Daddy found him back when he was just a little baby. Daddy told him he saved him from the meanie barkie munstahs, but all Laredo could remember was his mummah’s screams, and a rumbling snarl. His Daddy proudly showed off scars from saving him, calling them badges of honor. His Daddy motioned him back over. “Alright Laredo, come on back, its time to practice hoof strikes!”
Laredo trotted back up and began to square up against the tiny punching bag his Daddy bought for him. “Alright buddy, I want you to hit it with the double back hoof strike, alright?” The pony nodded. “Yush, dubble back hoofsie stwike!” His Daddy gave the bag a smack to start it swaying. “Alright, now hit it when its in range.”
Laredo squared up, watching the small cartoon dog face that his Daddy had painted on it rock back and forth over his shoulder. “HWAAAOOOF!” The wind rushed out of Laredo as he missed the bag by a hair, falling flat on his stomach. Daddy rushed over and helped him up. “You okay buddy?” Laredo began to tear up, his lip beginning to curl. “OWWIES!”
“Oh shit come here little man.” Laredo’s Daddy picked him up and held the pony as the fluffy cried. “You’re alright, I got you.” Laredo’ sniffled. “Daddeh, why Wawedo haf to twain?” His Daddy pet his head softly. “Its cause one day you are going to need to be strong for me, like I was strong for you.”
Laredo looked at him curiously. “Why Daddeh nee’ Wawedo be stwong fo’ him? Daddeh am stwong aweady.” His Daddy laughed, a big laugh that shook Laredo’s entire body. “I’ll need you to be strong in ways I can’t be. Now lets try the double hoof strike again.”
Daddy set the punching bag swinging again with a push and set Laredo down. “Alright buddy, aim for the monster!” Laredo wiped the remaining tears from his eyes and squared up once again. “Awight Daddeh, Wawedo be stwong fo’ ‘ou!”
Laredo watched the bag sway back and forth, the barkie munstah taunting him with each swing. Tensing, he waited until the bag was swinging towards him and struck, his hoofpads smacking into the bag with a loud bang. “ATTA BOY!” His daddy smiled big as ever. “Alright, lets get ten more of those in then its time for dinner!”
Laredo was out playing in his Daddy’s big yard. His daddeh had said it was a ‘rest day’ and so the fluffy was just out playing with his favorite ball. He squared up, then bucked it hard, sending it flying across the yard with a loud ‘PING!’ The noise was the reason he liked it so much.
As Laredo played, he heard a rustling in the bushes by the fence, and looked over just in time to see a purple unicorn crawl out from under the shrubbery. “Hewwo?” The purple stallion shook a few leaves from his fluff, looking over at Laredo with disinterest. “Dis am smawty wand naow. ‘Ou can go.”
Laredo stared in shock at the audacious little unicorn as the stallion walked around the edge of the yard, sniffing. Finding a suitable spot, the stallion squatted and began to take a shit, an act that was outrageous enough to shock Laredo back to his senses. “NU! Dat nu am wittah box!” The purple stallion looked back with disdain.
“Dis am smawties wand nao, smawty make poopies whewe he wan too!” As if to prove a point the smarty squatted over and took another shit, Laredo staring at him in horror. “NU! DIS AM DADDEHS HOUSIE!”
The smarty trotted over and stood in front of Laredo. “Dis am smawty’s wand nao, not ‘ouw poopie daddeh’s wand. Now weave ow go foweba sweepies.” Laredo was so shocked by the utter audacity of the unicorn he didn’t see the hoof coming towards him and connecting with the side of his head.
The blow sent Laredo stumbling, the earthie shaking his head, now angry. “’Ou am MEANIE FWUFFY! GO WAY!” The smarty tossed its grayish mane back. “Ou nu can make fwuffy. Dis am smawties wand naow.” The smarty then made a critical error, turning his back on the angry earthie.
Laredo’s charge knocked the stallion over, the two ponies now struggling against each other, flailing hooves occasionally connecting with their mark. “STOOPID DUMMEH FWUFFY!” the smarty screamed, a flailing hoofpad connecting with Laredo’s head. Laredo barely flinched. None of the smarty’s blows had any real power behind them, the training taps he got from training with his Daddy stung much worse.
Standing to his feet, Laredo lined up a kick and landed it square on the purple unicorn’s jaw, the smarty falling over and crying. “OWWIES! DUMMEH FWUFFY HUWT SMAWTY!” The smarty scrambled to his feet, huffing angrily through tears. “DUMMY FWUFFY! SMAWtY GIB ‘OU WOWSTEST HUWTIES!” The smarty screamed as he ran towards Laredo, easily getting sidestepped by the tawny pony.
Laredo watched as the pony stumbled and tripped, running straight into the thick fence and managing to wedge its horn into a gap in the fence slats. Laredo quick dislodged it with a heavy hoofpad to the side of the smarties head. He followed it with another three blows, each rocking the smaller smarty’s body as the unicorn began to cry. “DUMMY FWUFFY! DIS AM DADDEHS HOUSIE!” Laredo screamed at the now sobbing pony.
Turning his back on the sobbing purple unicorn, Laredo made his way towards the door to make his way inside and get the attention of his daddeh. “HRAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Looking over his shoulder, Laredo watched as the unicorn charged towards him, horn lowered.
Laredo tensed his body and waited. At the last second, he lifted his back legs off the ground and bucked the smarty directly in his face, the impact of the stallions hooves audibly cracking some of the smarties teeth, the unicorn screaming in agony.
At this moment Laredo’s Daddy walked out of the house to check on the commotion. “Whats going on here?” Laredo turned to face his Daddy, huffing with exertion. “Meanie fwuffy twy and steaw housie!” Laredo’s Daddy smiled. “You did well, Laredo. But there’s one more thing you have to do.”
Laredo looked at his Daddy inquisitively. “What Wawedo nee’ do Daddeh?”
“Laredo, you need to give him forever sleepies.”
Laredo looked at his Daddy with a mixture of horror and disbelief. “Buh Daddy, fwuffies nu’ wakesies fwom foweva sweepies!” His Daddy looked at him sternly. “He is obviously a meanie fluffy, and needs to go forever sleepies.”
Laredo looked at the still writing body of the fluffy. “Buh… Buh how fwuffy gib foweva sweepies?” Laredo’s Daddy walked over, quickly restraining the still writhing fluffy and pinning it on its stomach. “Come here Laredo.” The pony walked over, still unsure of the current turn of events. “Place your hoofs right here,” he pointed to a spot at the base of the smarties neck. “And press down with all of your strength.”
“Buh Daddeh-” Laredo began, quickly cut off by his Daddy. “Laredo, be strong for me. I need you to do this.” Laredo hesitantly put his hooves on the base of the unicorns neck, the stallion switching from screaming to a whimper. “Buh Dadd-”
“Laredo. Be strong for Daddy.”
CRACK
It had been many forevers since Laredo gave his first fluffy forever sleepies. It wasn’t the last. Every time a fluffy would come out from the bushes, it would be a meanie fluffy that needed forever sleepies. And Laredo got better and better each time. Pretty soon he didn’t even need his Daddy’s help to give them, his Daddy coming out one day to find Laredo sunning himself next to the corpse of a pegasus.
His Daddy was very proud of him, rewarding him with sketties for dinner every time he gave a meanie forever sleepies. One night, as Laredo was eating his victory meal, his Daddy came in and sat down on the floor next to him.
“Laredo, you’ve always been a very good fluffy for me. I am so proud of you. But tonight, I need you to be more brave and strong than ever.” Laredo looked up from his meal, slurping the mouthful of sketties he was eating. “Otay Daddeh! Wawedo be bwavest an’ stwongest fwuffy evah fow Daddy!” the stallion said, somewhat confused but always ready to be of use to his daddy.
His meal finished, Laredo was put into his carrier and placed in his Daddy’s metal munstah, and the two of them drove out of the suburban neighborhood and out into the rural countryside, Laredo taking a nap as the two drove.
They pulled off the main highway and down a confusing jumble of country roads, coming to a stop in front of a rundown ranch house, surrounded by a decaying and broken fence along which around a dozen cars were parked. Parking in an open spot, Laredo’s Daddy lifted his carrier out of the car and the two made their way towards a large barn in the back, screams and cheers emanating from within.
A tall, thin man in a pair of overalls and cowboy boots made his way over, throwing his arms around Laredo’s Daddy. “Reggie! I was beginning to think you had chickened out.” Laredo’s Daddy chuckled. “Come on Cain, cut me some slack, I took three wrong turns on the way here since those drunkards went sign poaching” Cain gave him a playful clap on the back. He then leaned over, looking into the carrier to see Laredo. “So I hear you’re our brave little fluffy of the night!” Laredo puffed his chest out. “Wawedo am bwave fwuffy!”
“I’ll bet” Cain smiled warmly, turning to Laredo’s Daddy. “No drugs?” Laredo’s Daddy scoffed. “You insult me. Nothing but diet and exercise. And of course a few extra curricular activities, but mostly diet and exercise. So whats the wager exactly?”
Cain smiled again, “If he survives one minute, or ol’ Rat backs off, you win. Anything else and I get to buy that new truck I’ve had my eyes on. Deal?” Laredo’s Daddy nodded, reaching out a hand to Cain. “Deal” The two men shook hands, slightly jostling the carrier.
“Alright, I’ll go let the boys know that the main attraction is ready, you can give Laredo here a pep talk or whatever.” Laredo’s Daddy put the carrier on the ground, retrieving Laredo from inside and placing him on the ground. “Alright buddy, are you ready to make me proud?” Laredo nodded enthusiastically.
“Okay, lets get you in the ring!” Laredo’s Daddy carried him into the barn to raucous drunken applause and cheers from a very drunk crowd. Cain stood on an inverted washbasin, smiling at the crowd. “Here we have Laaaareeedooooooooo! Laredo was trained by Reggie over here into a real killing machine over a painstaking process that took over half a year!” The crowd cheered even louder, Laredo puffing out his chest with pride. Laredo’s daddy set him down inside the main centerpiece of the building, a ring made of plywood and two-by-fours nailed around the large barn’s support columns.
Laredo’s bravado was gone the moment his hoofs made contact with the bloody floor of the ring. Looking around, he saw the source. Lying around the ring in various states of death were around ten fluffies, colors and types indistinguishable due to the amount of blood and gore coating their bodies. “Laredo!” His Daddy called from the side of the ring. “Be brave for me Laredo!”
Laredo nodded at his Daddy. “Bwave fow Daddeh.” Laredo took a ready position. “And now, his opponent. The fan favorite, and the most vicious animal I have ever had the displeasure of walking every morning, the one, the only, RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOG!”
The cage on the other end of the ring was opened, and a small black mass, only around three quarters Laredo’s size burst forth, racing towards the fluffy and stopping only when the leash snapped back, the chihuahau’s harness straining to contain the furious little dog. “Laredo needs to survive one full minute in the ring to win. Are we ready to RUMBLE!” Laredo squared himself up as the countdown began.
“53 seconds.” Reggie looked at the mangled corpse of Laredo with disappointment. “Damn, really thought he had it in him.” Cain walked over and gave Reggie a slap on the back. “Don’t matter how much power those hoof pads pack, they ain’t worth shit against claws and fangs, ‘specially not when Ratdog gets angry. Was a fair fight. Well as fair as a fight between a plush toy and a dog can get.” Reggie sat on one of the old patio chairs that surrounded the ring. “Fuck. Well that’s eight months down the drain.” Cain smiled as he counted up the night’s bets. “Hey, least he did better than his mom.”
“Not a hard bar to surpass when she gave birth as she had her throat torn out. Thought he would do better with all the training I had him do. Fuck, you know how hard it was to find those Hellgremlin cases? For all the news you’d think they would be on every street corner but nooooo, I had to pay a guy fifty bucks for each one.”
Cain pulled up a chair and tucked the roll of bills into his pocket. “Alright, that’s ten grand you owe me now.” As Reggie reached for his pocket, the two of them heard a faint noise, looking out towards the street to see a herd of fluffies chattering as they made their way under the broken fence that surrounded Cain’s ranch house.
A dirty blue mare made her way over to the two men, a host of sleeping foals nestled in her dirty blue fluff. “Hewwo nice mistahs, be nyu daddehs?” Reggie smiled at the mare, reaching over and picking up a turquoise foal much to the protests of the mother. “NU! Babbeh am tu smaww fow upsies!” Petting it’s small, soft head, Reggie felt the nub of a horn almost hidden by its fluff.
Reggie turned to Cain with a smile. “Double or nothing on a unicorn.” Cain smiled, reaching over and unlatching the cages, releasing a horde of barking hounds on the now screaming herd.
