Thank you strangers by (that1hugboxer)

You are Duncan, you received an extraordinary gift yesterday, the most beautiful alicorn chirpy you have ever seen . The purest white fluff the beginnings of a rose gold mane and instead of heart shaped hoof pads they were fleur de Lis .

Today you for the first time ever are using social media, or rather you are recording a thank you video for all the people who supported you in one of your darkest moments and are having Zoey upload it.

The video starts.

“H…hello everyone, I am Duncan Accutron. I apologize for the awkwardness . I’m not really a social media person. I was informed by a group of close friends that a video detailing A…A…A rather cruel series of orchestrated events was posted online for the world to see.

Drupal the green fluffy in the video, w…was a companion to my other fluffies.but most of all he was the closest thing Little Odis here (Zoey points camera at Odis happily cooing while sitting in the chest mounted baby carrier) had to a best friend. I…I still can’t believe he’s really gone.
I know a lot of people don’t understand my attachment to fluffies. I was raised to treat my pets as not just family but as my own children. So to see Drupal killed in such a way hurt me on an indescribable level.

Like I said before I’m not a social media person, so to hear that people who I’d never even met saw me at my most vulnerable and thought enough of a random stranger to put together care package is mind blowing to say the least. I had only interacted with Ms Duc on one occasion prior to receiving the care package. N…None of you will ever truly understand the impact you have had on my life. The words needed to convey it are too numerous for a single lifetime. Thank you! From the bottom of my heart and soul, Thank you! (Zoey turns the camera to the alicorn foal)
I still feel unworthy of being her dad . I struggled in choosing a name Trpimira, Oksana, Sila, Gabi , Mokosh ,the list goes on. But I finally decided on Zofie . Zofie was the name of my great grandmother and I can think of no greater way to honor her legacy. I don’t know how to close out this video .so once again thank you all from the bottom of my heart”

“And… Done!”

Zoey gives you the signal that the video is over.

You take a deep breath.

“That’s enough social media for an entire lifetime.”

Zoey smiles.

“I’m kind of shocked you didn’t bring up Femi or Jane.”

“Well Zoey, Ive forgiven them and I’m ready to just move on with my life.”

Zoey’s jaw drops.

“You… you forgave them!? After everything that they did to you!?”

You turn to Zoey.

“Anger and unforgiveness only erode the vessel that contains them.”

Zoey looks down at the camera and realizes it’s still recording.

Zoey chuckles.

“Is something funny Zoey? “

“Oh it’s internet humor you wouldn’t understand “

End of video




Duncan is far, far more forgiving than I would be. If someone hanged my cat, I’d be on death row.


Forgiveness doesn’t always mean you have to be best friends with the person you forgive. A vast majority of the time forgiveness means letting go of revenge for the sake of not being brought down to their level. Duncan lost his shit during the events of beware of fluffy parts 2 & 3 and Canary Dance part 1. Duncan had his revenge and it brought him nothing but bitterness to the point when Vicky Zoey’s sister noted in a later story how remarkably calm he was for having killed somebody. Duncan responded with “nothing of value was lost “.

We all have things that we state “I’d be on death row if this happened “ . Putting morality and legality aside . Taking a life out of revenge rather then as an act of preserving another life that can’t protect like biting into what you believe to be cake with chocolate frosting only to realize it’s corn bread covered in chocolate frosting. They both taste same initially but once you get to the cornbread. Your like “I regret everything that led me to this moment”

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Both my ex-spouses murdered my cats to spite me. That doesn’t even get into the events that gave me childhood-onset PTSD. I don’t forget, and if someone pushes me to the point that forgiveness is necessary, it’s no longer possible.

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I get where you’re coming from , my mother and I finally got away from my stepdad who was the main inspiration for both Femi and Jain. In fact he was as bad as them both put together. He didn’t hang my pet he secretly snuck fatty human food into my dogs food bowl despite us telling him hundreds of times not to . The result was a dog that vomited and shit itself nearly every day until finally dying of old age. He gaslit me and my mother into thinking we were crazy/ needy for telling him not to clean the house with bleach because it triggered my mom’s sarcoidosis .
The second dog I got . I checked the food bowl before letting him eat it. My stepdad then “fell” on my dog causing him to have chronic pain in the spot people usually pet him. My dad proceeded to let people pet him in that area and nearly got us evicted from our apartment. All of this happened while I was attending college for my gunsmithing degree and it significantly my grades .eventually had to move and purchase a house, have my grandmother move in with us so we could split the cost four ways. He then gaslit me into burning a 20+ years worth collection of games,consoles, DVDs and memorabilia. Then proceeded to become even worse . Causing me to have a mental breakdown because the things I used to cope with were now a pile of ash. My mom kicks him out and 3 days before Christmas he has his lawyer sent us a document demanding we sell the house and give him half the money. I hate my stepdad more than I’ve hated anyone else in my entire life. But I Forgive him. Forgiveness in this context is letting go of all the things I rightfully feel he owes me so I can cut him from my life like the cancer he is. I’m not going to talk to him ever again,I’m not singing around the campfire with him.
The life sized Boba fett cardboard standee that he intentionally left out in the rain. The limited edition toys r us holographic yoda promotional revenge of the sith action figure unopened that was also left out in the rain along with my collection of light sabers (I was able to save a few but the rest were ruined)The yugioh cards that he stepped on while I was s going through them in my room (I specifically told him not to come in my room while I was talking to him through my open bedroom door. And he came in and made sure to step on as many as possible) the plastic box that the card the cards were in that he nearly cut his foot open with while “tripping” (stomping on out of spite and claiming it was an accident . I was able to recover a majority of them but the ones I couldn’t had extrem sentimental value as they were given to me by my childhood friend Joey .)

The things I burned because he gaslit me into thinking it would help make him a better father to me/ husband to my mother (the consoles themselves are all us models. Most games are us releases as well with one exception though some games and attachments specify us because the Japanese versions are easily confused due to them being chronologically released and marketed out of order depending on if you live in Japan or the rest of the world aside. Aside from one Super Nintendo game that was an import Everything is the North American version. All were fully functional before I burned them aside from little Nemo dream master.)

2x Nintendo entertainment systems one complete in box and the other having been modified with new pin connectors. 2 Nintendo zappers one original gray and the other the later orange variant. 4 standard nes controllers. An NES advantage controller. The following nes games: werewolf the last warrior, the original gold cartridge legend of Zelda, the magic of Scheherazade, little Nemo’ dream master ,the guardian legend. Mario brothers arcade port, 8 eyes, castlevania 1 , super Mario brothers 1, super Mario brothers 3, Double dribble, micro machines RC racing . Ghost busters, Pac-Man the gray cartridge version, super contra, ghosts and goblins, side pocket, lunar pool, the Mario 1 and duck Hunt multi cart, Trojan, Othello,

A 3rd party Super Nintendo console with av cable support, 2 controllers. The following games: an Etsy reproduction copy of earthbound, a copy of UN squadron, a copy of super Mario world, a copy of pretty fighter(a Japanese import game that works because the 3rd party Super Nintendo console is not region locked this is also why the reproduction copy of earthbound works), a copy of battle clash( I didn’t have the Super Nintendo super scope at the time so I couldn’t play it but I was saving up to get one)

An ice blue Nintendo 64 with 1 matching controller, a memory expansion pack and the following games: hey you pikachu (the microphone went missing long before I ever met him so it’s really just the cartridge itself), the legend of Zelda ocarina of time (specifically the version that has the original crescent moon insignia on the mirror shield as opposed to the slightly later release that changed the insignia to a different symbol to appease the Muslim population.), the legend of Zelda majoras mask ( the gold cartridge with the holographic label), castlevania 64 (not the more expensive legacy of darkness which is a sequel to the above mentioned castlevania 64), star fox 64, Scooby-Doo classic creep capers , Mario 64, Spider-Man 64, rocket robot on wheels, turok the dinosaur hunter, super smash brothers, banjo kazooie , banjo tooie , Pokemon stadium 1(the us release) , Pokemon stadium 2(the us release), Pokemon snap, Donkey Kong 64 and one more game I can’t remember the name off the top of my head.

A black GameCube with one controller, a gameboy player attachment with functional disc required to use the attachment ( the disc was a complete copy with the instruction manual and case ), a memory card (animal crossing label variant us model). The following games: the legend of Zelda wind waker complete with original case and manual, sonic riders complete with original manual and case, Billy Hatcher and the giant egg complete aside from manual, Naruto clash of ninja complete aside from manual .

2 wii consoles both were original white versions . The following attachments/accessories :two regular wii remotes , two nunchucks, one wii classic controller gamepad that plugged into the nunchuck slot on the Wii remote, two racing wheel attachments , a limited edition legend of Zelda skyward sword gold Wii remote and a Wii themed storage tower. The following games: Star Wars the force unleashed complete with manual, one piece unlimited adventure us copy complete with manual, wii play (2006 the one with the cow racing mini game), the legend of Zelda skyward sword collectors edition with the gold wii remote complete with manual and bonus game soundtrack disc, Dragon ball z budokai tenkaichi 2 and a few other games i can’t remember.

Sega genesis
1 model 1 sega genesis with 2 controllers.

1 sega genesis clone console (for playing region locked games and reproduction cartridges)

The following games: troubleshooters 2 vintage ( Etsy reproduction cartridge with English translation .as the 2nd troubleshooters game was not released in North America), Aladdin, sonic 1, castlevania bloodlines , alien 3, animaniacs , spider man, Ms pack man, magic school bus and Adam’s family.

I owned a sega Dreamcast controller and was planning on purchasing the console at a later date

PlayStation 1 (I owned a ps2 that could play ps1 games) I owned the following games: a reproduction copy of shadow tower (the site no longer exists so i will unfortunately have to purchase the exceeding more expensive original game ( people will try to sell you a broken copy of this game for $100 make sure to check the listing description or ask for proof that it works from the seller before buying), Tomba complete with box and manual, bushido blade disk only, Doom complete with manual (yes the PlayStation 1 version of doom is vastly different from all other ports so I indeed own different versions of the same game sometimes) ,grand terismo complete double discs and manual, crash bandicoot 3 pack with the first 2 crash bandicoot game and the racing game all complete in box included manuals and the cardboard sleeve to hold all 3 game cases, quake 2 no manual but did come with a case, tomb raider no manual but did have a case, black dawn complete in box with manual.

PlayStation 2

2 play station 2s both slim models. 2?controllers, 2 ps2 memory cards, 1 PlayStation 1 memory card (for saving ps1 games ) and the following games: rumble rose complete with box and manual specifically a blockbuster copy, red ninja end of honor complete box and manual, ico complete box and manual, iridium runners complete box and manual, kingsfield the ancient city ( the longest hunt I ever went on to find a game. Nearly half a decade to find a copy) disc only, sly cooper and the thievius racoonus, stars bounty hunter collector’s edition complete with manual, kingdom hearts 1 complete with manual, kingdom hearts 2 complete with manual,
R-type final complete with manual, Citizen kabuto case no manual, grim grimoire complete case and manual,the nightmare before Christmas complete with manual, metal arms glitch in the system, ratchet and clank complete with manual, ratchet and clank up your arsenal complete with manual, ratchet and clank going commando complete with manual, ratchet deadlocked disk only, Kameo: Elements of Power disk only , (several more I can’t remember off the top of my head)


I got a new ps4 but I am still missing the following games:dragons crown pro the metal case version complete with cards and case sleeve, metal gear solid 5 ground zero, metal gear solid 5 the phantom pain, dark souls 3, sekiro , 7 days to die, an additional copy of bloodborn (as a backup), curse of the white witch, ghost of Tsushima, soul caliber 6 sealed and unopened, Doom 2016, (I was saving up for armored core 6 fires of rubicon but then I was gaslit into burning my things before I got the chance to buy it)

The following Original Xbox games (I no longer had the original Xbox console due to it short circuiting. Though I could still play a majority of them on my Xbox 360 , I kept the ones I couldn’t play on the Xbox 360 out of nostalgia ): shadow the hedgehog original disc with game stop replacement case no manual, whiplash complete aside from manual, Star Wars knights of the old republic 1 complete aside from manual, Star Wars knights of the old republic 2 the Sith Lords complete aside from manual, Pixar’s cars complete aside from manual, prisoner of war complete aside from Manual, mercenaries playground of destruction complete aside from manual, deus ex invisible war complete with manual, advent rising complete with manual, Swat complete with manual , brute force complete with manual, dead or alive ultimate complete with manual , halo 1 complete with manual, halo 2 metal case edition complete with bonus disk, Azurik: rise of perathia complete with manual,counter-strike complete with manual,soulcaliber 2 complete with manual(disk no longer worked), sudeki complete with manual (i am unsure if I am confusing this with a different game but I will put a note next to the game if I find it edit the game was Kameo: Elements of Power on Xbox 360)

1 Xbox 360 original white console with 2 wireless white controllers , a wired GameStop brand controller , a memory brick for the original white console (or whatever the thing that plugs into the top of the console is called) an Xbox 360 themed storage tower a halo 3 themed backpack and the following games: fallout new Vegas the version with the DLC discs complete aside from manual, fallout 3 the version with the DLC discs complete aside front manual, bullet witch complete with manual and poster, rumble roses double x complete aside from manual, the metal gear solid HD collection complete with manual, gears of war 1 complete with manual,
gears of war 2 complete with manual, gears of war 3 complete with manual, otomedius excellent complete with manual , castlevania lords of shadow complete with manual, death smiles disc with GameStop replacement case no manual, dark souls 1 complete aside from manual, dark souls 2 collectors edition with steel case soundtrack and card stock sleeve, perfect dark complete aside from manual, eat lead complete aside from manual, war hammer 40k space marine complete with manual, X-men origin wolverine uncaged edition complete aside from Manual , El shaddai ascension of the metatron complete with manual, sneak king complete with manual, eternal sonata complete with manual, Doom 3 BFG edition ( comes with the first 3 doom games and their DLCs ), darkstar one (disk only) , army of two complete aside from manual, bioshock 1 complete with manual, bioshock 2 complete with manual, bioshock infinite complete no manual, battlefield bad company, no manual and a GameStop case with original cover insert, just cause complete no manual, way of the samurai 3 us version complete with manual, saints row the 3rd complete with manual, elder scrolls oblivion complete with manual and map, elder scrolls Skyrim complete with manual, dragon ballz ultimate tenkaichi, 99 knights GameStop box no manual, halo 3 complete with manual, halo3 odst complete with manual,halo reach complete with manual, red faction guerilla complete with manual, GUN, red dead redemption, ghostbusters, L.A. noire,Legendary, Dynasty warriors Gundam 3 complete aside from manual,dragon age origins complete with manual , wolfenstien complete with manual,Turok complete with manual , perfect dark zero complete with manual, mass effect 1 complete with manual, mass effect 2 complete with manual,brink complete aside from manual ,crackdown complete with manual,

Ds games ( I had a 3ds which also played regularly ds games): steal princess complete original box manual and reversible box art sleeves , Dungeon maker, full metal alchemist dual sympathy, scourge hive complete aside from manual, Pokemon diamond (reproduction cartridge) , Pokemon pearl (reproduction cartridge), Pokemon platinum (reproduction cartridge),
Orcs and elves, steel horizons, the world ends with you, chrono trigger, dragon quest monster joker yugioh 5ds world championship reverse of Arcadia , super princess peach, the legend of kage

3ds ( I will not be counting the digital games I bought for my 3Ds because the virtual e-shop is no longer assessable but I had around ten games so in exchange I would like to request a copy of grabbed by the goolies on original Xbox)

1 aqua blue 3DS system with charger and charging station,
A legend of Zelda majoras mask theme carrying case, and the following games: Pokemon alpha sapphire complete with box no manual Pokemon sun, Pokemon moon, Pokemon ultra moon, code of princess complete box and manual, street fighter 4,mega man legacy collection complete with 3ds wallpaper /home menu theme code and stickers, majoras mask remake with box, one piece romance dawn with box ( specifically the second printing not the first printing) a never opened double disk soundtrack deluxe edition of senran kagura 2 deep crimson, starfox 64 3D (a port of the Nintendo 64 game that can be played on the go)


I had an original gameboy complete with battery cover and link cable port cover. (The gameboy itself had a non functional screen though I had planned to get it repaired, I had an original gameboy advance that could play gameboy, gameboy color and gameboy advance games)
The games are as follows: Pokemon blue version, heiankyo alien, solar striker, ninja gaidan shadow, the hunt for red October, attack of the killer tomatoes .

Gameboy color games are as follows: buzz lightyear of star command, speedy Gonzales , Scooby-Doo classic creep capers (yes the gameboy color version is different from the Nintendo 64 version.), Tom and Jerry mouse hunt, Pokemon silver version.

Gameboy advance. I owned an indigo gameboy advance in near perfect condition with link cables/ carrying case and worm lights. The games are as follows: castlevania circle of the moon, castlevania double pack, golden sun, yoshi’s island, pitfall , street fighter 2 turbo, spyro season of ice, Danny phantom ultimate enemy.

Atari 2600 . I owed an Atari 2600 jr console wth both standard and paddle controllers. The games are as follows: tapper, jawbreaker, name this game (literally that’s the title), crossbow, asteroids, missile command, demons to diamonds, berserk, pole position, Superman, maze craze , river raid, donkey Kong,squeeze box, Pac-Man, pitfall, galaxian, space invaders, warlords, pele soccer,basketball, boxing, yar’s revenge, vanguard, astroblast, star voyager,

Nintendo switch
I owed an original switch with docking station ,a set of red and blue joycons with mild stick drift a black officially licensed pro controller , a micro SD card with a lot of storage and the following games (I am not including digital games because i can just redownload them once I get my switch): the legend of Zelda breath of the wild, the legend of Zelda links awakening , super Mario odyssey (and two other games I can’t remember the names of at the moment)

Computer (a vast majority of my computer games are on steam so I could re download them, the caveat being that steam has stopped supporting windows 7 so I’ll have to work that out later)

The physical computer games I owned were the following: space bunnies must die, Diablo 2 the battle chest edition, doom 2 in a doom 1 shareware box, civilization 2, the Oregon Trail, rise rise of nations rise of legends

DVDs/blue rays

I had numerous DVDs and blue ray copies of movies and shows including but not limited to the following: Scooby doo on zombie island, Scooby doo and the reluctance werewolf, the complete Scooby doo where are you series complete with cardboard mystery machine cardboard box, the complete first season of dragon ball z , mushishi the complete series, Solti ray the complete series, full metal alchemist season 1, samurai jack the complete series (the individual box set releases before the series was given its final season), Star Wars clone wars 2003 volumes one and 2, cowboy bebop the complete series, cowboy bebop the movie, steam boy, the original Star Wars trilogy the silver box release, Star Wars complete prequel trilogy, the Indiana jones trilogy, ghost in the shell 2, ghost in the shell live action, Star Trek the wrath of khan, meta bots the complete series, yugioh pyramid of light , yugioh dark side dimension,lupin the third series 1, lupin the third castle of caliastro, the wind rises, mouse hunt, the league of extraordinary gentlemen, night at the museum, Pokémon 4ever , Pokémon heroes, Pokemon spell of the unown, reading rainbow, Godzilla showa era collection, Godzilla original black and white movie 2 disk set, Godzilla vs King Kong (the original one with people in suits) , Godzilla destroy all monsters, Godzilla vs mothra, mothra /the giant claw/ 20 million miles from earth combo disk, chowder the complete series, Naruto land of snow, Naruto the complete series, Naruto blood prison, Godzilla 2000 complete animated series, utawarerumono the complete series,the hobbit trilogy, the land before time, the prince of Egypt, the original pink panther movies , SpongeBob movie (and many many more I can’t think of right now)

Manga : a complete set of the MÄR manga all 15 volumes , a complete set of the rurouni kenshin manga all 28 volumes , Drifters all 7 currently released manga volumes, fruits basket all 23 manga volumes, wallflower all 36 manga volumes , guren Lagann volume 1 of the manga, black cat manga all 20 volumes, mushishi manga volume 1 , lone wolf and cub omnibus collection all 6 volumes, berserk volume 1 , elemental galade manga volumes 1 though 8 (only 8 volumes were translated into English), wolf children (and several more I can’t think of off the top of my head)

Books (there are so many I can’t even remember them all)

Clothes (dozens of anime themed hoodies and shirts.)

Memorabilia: a statue of sakura from street fighter new in box , a statue of luffy , stickers of sabo ace and luffy , a one piece throw pillow, a one piece cook book, several Star Wars blasters and lightsabers, a bulbasaur plushie, a disk organizer for loose discs, a shit ton of magic the gathering , yugioh and Pokemon cards along with deck boxes card sleeves play mat’s and accessories such as an original duel disk from the first season of yugioh and other things that I can’t remember individually.

All the swords he ruined by using copper cleaning solution on

All of my artwork that he threw away and told me that I simply “lost”

All the times he bought me my favorite junk food to try and sabotage my diet

All the food that he ate when he wasn’t even hungry just so no one else could have any .

None of these things are going to be brought back to me by saying I don’t forgive him . There comes a point where we have to move on and to be honest I don’t want to but for sake of my future I have to

I’m sorry for such a long drawn out comment


My ex-husband raped me up to three times a day, for years. I couldn’t escape without losing my medical insurance. That’s not even the worst thing I suffered from him alone. Do you want more, or can I stop and not spend the night in active flashback?

As I said, when a situation is bad enough to require forgiveness, it’s no longer an option.


My heart sank reading this. My mom stayed with my stepdad for a similar reason. The things I lost were both a physical and mental escape for me. It was my escape plan. If I held on to them I could sell them and finally get myself and my mother out of the hell that was living with me in my stepdad. I couldn’t store cash in my room because he would steal it, I couldn’t save it in a bank because he had access to all of our accounts. My stepdad had no idea the value of video games so I created a sort of safety net. About two months before we moved from the apartment my stepdad had a G I bleed. It was only myself and him home at the time. I wanted so bad to just let him die But I talked myself into calling an ambulance. And after that he seemed like a changed man we bonded more than we ever had before and I began to trust him. And then once he had sufficiently earned my trust he convinced me burned the entire collection and less than a week later he was back to being an asshole and I had just burned 14 years worth of preparation. And now I felt truly trapped. I nearly lost my mind after that. I kept pretending everything was fine. I lasted about two months after that and one day I finally lost all control and broke down crying in my car . I blamed myself for trapping myself and my mother in a never ending cycle of abuse. From my perspective being the bigger man got me and my mom nothing but pain. I can’t even begin to imagine what you went through. But trust me I know what it’s like to be trapped because you can’t make it financially on your own. It will take you places, make you say and do things to cover for the people who are abusing you.all in an attempt to make it through today hoping tomorrow will somehow be better. It’s not enough that they abuse you . You have to spend what little mental energy you have left to pretend everything is ok. You feel stupid because you believed the lie that they actually loved you. And you simply don’t want to wake up anymore. And then after all that. People expect you to forgive and move on. I’m not going to beat around the bush with the answer. Escaping your abuser is placing the key in the keyhole of your shackles. Forgiving them is turning the key. They might not deserve to be forgiven but you certainly deserve to be unshackled.


Ive always wondered why some people can forgive someone who has done something so horrible that they really deserve to be completely wiped from existence on every level. I’m starting to see that different people have different definitions of the word “forgive”. That1hugboxer, your description of letting go of anything you feel he owes you so that you can move on, as your definition, makes it easier for me to understand.

The version of forgiveness i was raised with meant “let go of all feelings of having been wronged, completely vindicating the one who hurt you, and embrace that person as if their crime has been erased by your act of forgiveness.” So if my brother broke something of mine, i was expected to forgive him meaning i was expected to treat his “i’m sorry” as if it turned back time and undid whatever he had done, leaving him blameless. That was so that the family could go back to normal without a lot of underlying grudge building up to explode later. I could forgive that way with minor wrongs, especially if he really was sorry he did some trivial thing that made teenage me have a drama fit.

The stuff that gave me CPSTD was unforgivable to me. By my definition, that means I will never be able to look at that person again as if they hadnt harmed me, and start the relationship over accordingly. I dont have it in me do contribute to a miscarriage of justice. But i can do what that1hugboxer described; I can cancel any debt the person owes me, and any expectations i have of their actions or emotions toward me, and then move on with the piece of mind that releasing that brought me. But i dont call that"forgiveness". I call it “discarding”. I throw the whole person in the metaphorical trash, wipe their name from my memory by refusing to think of it, and they are booted out of my life. Theyre still guilty and I’ll never trust or care for them again, but they dont get to live in my head or affect my life anymore. They are trash that went to the bin and got carted off to the dump. Good riddance.


The type of forgiveness you describe is the type of forgiveness the narcissistic monsters, neglectful parents, or abusive people expect from people. I was always expected to forgive and forget and let go and just be cheery and happy about it and just trust people again like nothing happenned, because life is about forgiveness. And all it achieved was managing to break me in many places.

I think we lack a better term for it. “Let go of hate and desire for revenge that cloud the rest of your life” doesn’t sound like a good way of describing it concisely. But this is what I’m trying to do with my parents. I need to let go of these things, because otherwise they will stay in my life, and they will continue wrecking it more and more, their tiny voices in my head.

That said, I was able to finally move on from this, and slowly nearing the end of my 30s, I’d say hell, it’s about time. They took enough from me as it is.

That doesn’t mean I will be happy for them. Or will let anyone back in my life after they fucked up so badly. I can forgive, I could forgive them. I think human capability for forgiveness is unlimited. But I’m choosing not to forgive, it is on my terms, they’re cut out of my life like a rancid cancerous growth and it’s not because this is beyond my ability to forgive. It’s my choice, and now that I moved on, moved away from their reach, now that they cannot try to hurt me again, I can do the thing they would hate me do the most - be in control and choose myself over them.

That doesn’t mean I will ever forget. It’s a lesson for me to learn and remember, while healing the wounds and accepting that past cannot be changed, but the future can. Still, it doesn’t mean I won’t take a chance to rub it in their faces if an option ever occurs without me taking a detour in my life. If we ever bump into each other, if there’s ever an option to rub salt into their wounds, I will. But never again an interaction with them will happen at my expense in any way.


It’s a very powerful story, and the comments here are just as powerful. I’m terribly sorry for the things you all have gone through and I’m incredibly glad for you all and proud of you all for being able to heal in whatever amounts you have healed so far. Nobody deserves to live in fear or questioning their own sanity or value as a person like this. I’m happy we can meet here, at the end of the dark tunnel, and I’m hoping it’ll inspire others who still struggle to keep fighting and to not lose hope.


Yup, acting as though things never happened is the “forgiveness” I know. I can leave things behind, but never, ever forgive.


This. My family [literally] beat into me that “forgiveness” means absolving them of wrongdoing to the point where, [exaggerated example, not literal experience] if my father had, every day for years, said ‘pull my finger’ and, upon having his finger pulled, decked me across the face, “forgiveness” meant not only acting as though he’d never hit me, but if presented his finger & told to pull, I’d better grin & do it as if I had no idea what was coming. Or else.

It’s almost like the word “forgiveness” is itself a trigger for me. I get panic attacks and PTSD flares, badly, when people tell me I need to forgive him. I have not, can not, and will not “forgive”.

But I’m 100% with Duncan—holding onto rage & resentment just destroys you from the inside. I still talk about my past, insofar as… it happened, that is indeed a thing that happened to me… But the pain, the rage, the resentment… that’s all gone. I feel nothing towards him, nothing at all. I don’t need him to suffer or want him unhappy. That’s mental energy and emotional bandwidth he doesn’t deserve.

I feel that way about being told to promise. My ex-wife demanded that I promise to do/not do the random, obscure, and sometimes impossible things. If I messed up, she deliberately triggered my PTSD until I hurt myself. Meanwhile, her promises were tissue thin, and less durable than wet toilet paper. I told her that once. It did not end well.

Trauma survivors high five and hug circle. :sparkling_heart:

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I don’t know her, but I still feel like you’re insulting toilet paper companies here.

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Really, I am. Their products at the least have a positive impact on humanity.

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