You’re Dulce, smarties smarty to even smart! You are helping daddeh cook because he is a dummy dum dum!
“Daddeh! Daddeh! Stawp beawtin the cweam! It gun be buttew!”
“I KNOW! Fuck!”
"DADDEH! DUN OPEN THE CANNIES YET! DEY GUNNA SPWODE!
“THEY’RE COLD ALREADY!”
"Daddeh, stawp mixin! Fwuffy gunna come owt dummy! Yuh nee tuh fowd the eggies!
“FOLD? WHAT THE FUCK DOES FOLDING EGGS EVEN MEAN? THEY ARE BEATEN EGGS!”
“Claud, the thing is right, you also don’t put all the eggs at once, you have fold them slowly in the flour or you’ll lose the air bubbles and it won’t rise, let me show you.”
“Smawty towd yuh!”
“Ma’am, can we just finish this one and put it in the frige? It’s cooled enough already.”
“Yus! Smawty wan be best biwthday nummies! Gun make aww deh smaww daddies an mummas suh happy! Dulce be bestest smawty cake!”
You’re delighted as daddy takes you out of the rack, you feel your loaf shape sliding out of the mold with no problems, but you can’t turn your neck to see it’s brown splendor!
“Smawty nee miwwow tuh see pwetty woaf boddie!”
“Since you’ve tried to help, I’ll let you see yourself on the phone, here.”
You don’t know what a phone is, but mummah places a mirror that let’s you see your pretty self!
You get scared as they cut you nearly in half.
You giggle as they spread dulce de leche all over your insides.
You marvel as they spread more of it on your sides.
You’re amazed as they pipe pretty swirling swirls of chocolate flavored whipped cream over your back.
You squee as they top each one with maraschino cherries.
You scream with glee as you’re given a pretty dulce de leche mane with wafer, sticks and a cherry hat.
After it’s done they take you to the fridge with the other finished fluffy pastries.
“Hewwo dummies, wook at smawtie! Am gunna be bestest suwpwise biwthday cake eber!”
They stop their conversations and look at you, impressed by your awesomeness.
“huuuu Wemon an babbies gunna be tea nummies fow owd wadies, huuuu nuh wan be owd wadies nummies! Wan be suwpwise biwthday cake fow making widwe mummah ow daddeh happy tuh!”
The distress in the lemon angel food cake’s voice causes the thirty-five chirpycakes of various flavors surrounding her to wake up and cry.
“chirp chirp chirp chirp”
“chirp chirp chirp chirp”
“chirp chirp chirp chirp”
“chirp chirp chirp chirp”…
“uuuh Dunut am bagew uur fwuffy gun be bagew an be nummies urrr bwothas am Dunut be bestest bagews.”
“Dummy bagew nuh be bwutha!”
“Fwuffies nuh be bagews stuppy fwuffy! Bagew nuh gud nummies!”
“Dummy stuppy bwotha! Nuh one wike bagew! Stuppy poopie nummies! Bestest babbies am weaw downut!”
And so the bakers dozen donuts bully the bagel fluffy to tears.
“Pwettysew nuh bewive smawtie, smawty wook wike big poopies! Jus cawse smawtie am fat nummies nuh mean am gud nummies! Pwettysew thinks smawtie am gunna be wowk pawtie cake! Gunna be nummy fow bowing big daddies in swities an ties!”
“Take backsies! Smawtie gunna be speshaw biwthday cake! Bakew mummah say so!”
…
One by one the confection fluffies are all taken out to be delivered, only Dulce the smarty and Dunut the bagel remain, it’s almost time to close, you leave bagel there, Claud’s failure can still be eaten with coffee even if it can’t be sold.
Dulce is indeed going to be a special birthday cake, for your son’s birthday, the fluffy cake is humming inside the cake box as you ring the doorbell.
…
You’re finally out of the box! You look and see a big daddy, but you can’t hear any happy children, you look around, there are no decorations, no one exept the man putting you in the table, he has a baby blue dress shirt and he smells of cigarettes and alcohol, his face is red and sweaty.
He puts his hands above your head and takes out your cherry hat!
“Stuppy daddeh! Nuh weady tuh num yet! Nee sing happy biwthday! Whewe am smaww daddies an mummahs? Whewe am pawtie?”
“There’s only me buddy.” The human says as he destroys your pretty mane with one of your own wafers!
“screeeeeee nuh num smawty befowe happy biwthday! Hewp! Hewp! Meanie numming fwuffy without pewmiwshom!”
Taking big dollops of the dessert in each bite, he eats your whole creamy hair until you can’t feel anything over your head anymore!
“You’re mine, I can eat you anytime I want.”
“Buh biwthday cake am fow smaww humin!”
“I said that to, but mom still made you for me, so that’s it, but don’t worry, I won’t eat you alone, I’ll let you sleep in the fridge and share you with the guys at work tomorrow mor”
“SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”