Hello to all you humans and fluffies out there! I’m your host Richard Dickson and welcome back to FluffNews, the most informative channel on FluffTV! I hope you have all had a great valentines day yesterday full of “huggies, wub, and heart happies!” We start off todays stories with the continuation of a mystery we covered 3 days ago!
I’m sure you all remember the mysterious fluffy named Woogoo. Woogoo mysteriously appeared 3 days ago in an old couples bedroom one morning giving the old couple the fright of their lives when they saw a blue fluffy pony rolling a can of deodorant around and exclaiming “Woogoo wub nyu toysie!”
The fluffy apparently had no clue where it had came from or how it ended up in the bedroom and claimed to think it was around 2 years old and also talked of faint memories of having an owner. There was no sign of a break in or of the strange little fluffy anywhere else in the house.
We wish we could tell you the answer to this mystery but due to unfortunate circumstances we cannot. Whilst waiting to be tested at the local DNA testing center on Wednesday morning Woogoo began rollling around in his fluffy carrier as it sat on the counter. Sadly, this caused the carrier to fall onto its side and slip off of the counter, slamming onto the floor. Woogoo died almost immediately of a cracked skull upon impact with the floor despite resuscitation efforts. With living fluffies, their DNA can be used to identify where they were “manufactured.” Usually its places like FluffMart Inc. or Pownee Farms, however if they are feral there will just be “Unknown Location.”
Due to a coding issue when fluffies are deceased this will not work, the manufacturing location will just be replaced with an error. Frustratingly, every other DNA identification feature works with deceased fluffies except for the one that would be key at identifying where “Woogoo” came from.
I regret to inform you, dear viewers, that we also have more unfortunate news. If any cuddly widdle fwuffys are getting too many heart hurties from todays news, please turn the channel to something more happy.
On the 13th of February, two fluffies named Star and Cloudy were snatched out of a fluffy playpen at a local park. This evening the deceased body of Cloudy, the blue colored, white maned pegasus mare was found dead in an alleyway on the other side of town. A dog walker noticed a fluffy pony tail sticking out of a black trash bag and went to investigate. Inside he found Cloudy covered in bruises and with a deep gash across her throat. There also appeared to be laceration marks from some kind of sorry stick all over the poor mares back. Also inside the bag were two crumpled sheets of notebook paper. One of the sheets was blank and one of them had a strange symbol drawn on it. The symbol was drawn in black sharpie and appeared to be a capital T with a small pentagon above it. The meaning of this symbol is unknown.
The one other thing in the bag was the strangest. A small brown chirpy foal was lying dead at the bottom of the bag. The foal was an earthie and appeared to be very young, none of its teeth were fully in yet and it had no mane development.
You are probably thinking “Well it was probably Cloudy’s foal?” Wrong.
Both of the fluffies were brought back to a DNA testing lab and their DNA showed that they were infact not related. The poor little babbeh was only 3 hours, 59 minutes, and 10 seconds old when it was killed. Oddly enough, the foals cause of death was revealed to be drowning but when the foal was found it’s fur was dry. Cloudy’s cause of death was from the slit in her throat and an X-Ray of her leg showed that her back left leg was broken.
Unfortunately we will have to end this episode of FluffNews on a sad note. As always, I’m your host Richard Dickson and this has been the FluffNews for today.
