“Here you are Mr. Hamburg, a custom dummy.”
Dick Hamburg was a retired ventriloquist who lived in one of the first cities that Hasbio introduced Fluffy Ponies. It was also one of the first cities that the prototypes of the PETA incident discovered and settled in the alleyways and under bridges.
One day, a Fluffy mother and her five foals tapped on Dick’s door.
“Pwease nice mistah, mummah hab nu miwkies fow babbehs. Nee’ numies fow miwkies.”
The sight was so hart breaking. A hungry green mother with a yellow mane dirty with her even hungrier children. There was a black and brown earth, a green one of a different shade of its mother, a red unicorn, and a sky blue pegasus. The least the retired man could do is give it some food. He even considered taking them in as a substitute for his recently departed cat, Lisa… that is, until it continued to talk.
“An’ Mummah awso nee’ wawm howsie an’ sketties an’ huggies an’ wub an’ fun toysies an’ wittah box fow gud poopies an’ Fwuffy TeeBee an’ speshaw fwen an-“
Dick tuned out of the list of things it wanted wandering whether it was a good idea or not. But then he thought of a brilliant idea, she wanted a ‘special friend’, he’ll just make one and toy around with them. From what he understood about these creatures, that had the vocabulary of a 5 year old and the intelligence of a gold fish. She’d never figure out it would be fake and neither would the foals.
“You know what? Come on in, this will be your new home.”
“Nyu Howsie?! Fow Mummah an’ babbehs?!”
“Yep, you can stay and feed your babies.”
“Fank ‘ou, nyu daddeh! Mummah wub! Cum, babbehs, Mummah fin’ nyu howsie.”
The foals chirped and cheeped happily as they weakly wobbled into the kitchen. Dick put two bowls out, put cat food in one water in the other and gave it to the mare and let it eat while he looked for Lisa’s old litter box. He readied it for the fluffy mother and her foals and told her, “This is your litter box. You and your babies will use the bathroom ONLY in there. I hope you already know that.”
“Yus, daddeh, Mummah know gud poopies gu in witta box.”
“Good, make sure your babies go there too. You all will stay in the kitchen until I come back from an errand.”
“Otay, daddeh, Mummah an’ babbehs wai’ fow daddeh.”
And with that, Dick put up a cat gate so they won’t go outside the kitchen and left the house alone with the mare and her chirping foals.
Back to the present, Dick Hamburg had ordered a custom dummy that looked like a yellow fluffy stallion with an orange mane. The idea was he would use the dummy as an indirect punishment to bad behavior. He would pretend to be a smarty and demand things from the fluffies such as their fair share of food, their toys or if they’ve been really bad, sex. He’ll figure that part out later. He stopped by a Fluff Mart and bought ‘Stallion Pheromone’ perfume so they would be completely convinced that it was a stallion.
Dick got out of his car, grabbed the case with his new dummy and entered his house not expecting the stench that came out once he opened the door.
“Daddeh,” the green mare cried, “Mummah sowwy, twied to make gud poopies in witta box, bu’ den mummah feww ou’ ov witta box an’… Huu huuu, nu smeww pwetty.”
Dick took a good look around his kitchen and saw litter flinched across the floor and in the food and water bowls There was loud chirping coming from the biggest hill of litter. She must have accidentally buried one of her foals.
“Mummah sowwy daddeh, nu mean to make mess wiff witta box an’ poopies.”
‘Wow, she’s so stupid, she was more worried about the mess than her own children, I might use this thing sooner than I thought.’
Dick unearthed the chirping unicorn and black foals that were buried in the litter and they waddled to their mother crying. She sang her Mummah song to them and they hugged her back as Dick cleaned the kitchen and opened the cat gate.
“Do you have a name by chance?” He asked the mare.
“Mummah am Fwuffy, nu hab namsie.”
“Okay, how about… Sour Apple”
“Sowapaw, wub namsie!”
“Good, now then, you’re all still dirty so I’m going to give each of you a bath.”
Sour Apple started crying, “Nuuuu, nu meanie wawa! Wawa gib speshaw fwen foweba sweepies! Huuu huuu!” Well, that explains what happened to the father. Must have drowned somewhere after knocking her up.
“Okay, relax, this is GOOD water, it will make you clean and warm.”
“Gud wawa? Nu gib foweba sweepies?”
“No, good water won’t give ‘forever sleepies.’”
“O-otay, Daddeh, Sowapaw gu tu gud wawa.”
Dick picked Sour Apple up with the foals in a smaller, empty bowl and took them to the bath to clean them. He was careful not to get the soap too close to her face or else she wouldn’t be the only thing he’d have to clean up. The water was warm enough to even bring comfort to the mare and the foals were pretty quiet until it was their turn for a wash. Of course they were easier and hugged his thumb while the filth was being scrubbed off.
“There, isn’t that better? Now that you’re all clean.”
“Yus Daddeh, Sowapaw an’ babbehs smeww pwetty nao.”
She ‘Coo’d’ and followed Dick to an spare room. “Now I don’t have any fluffy toys or beds, but I am letting you have some of my cats old things. I’ll move your food and litter box in here as well, so you better keep this room clean. I will only do maintenance here once a month other than to clean your litter box.”
“Otay, daddeh, Sowapaw an’ babbehs be bestes fwuffies fow bestes Daddeh!”
“I know you will,” he replied quietly anxious to prepare his new dummy for their reckoning when they mess up. Not ‘if’, ‘when’. That’s the problem with the prototypes. They aren’t perfect which makes them more like real pets and less like the ‘perfect bio toy’ to replace real animals.
Dick set up a black outfit that covered his entire body head to toe and next to it the Stallion pheromone. And was about to take the smarty dummy before hearing “SCREEEEEEE MEOWY MUNSTAH!!!”
“Sigh, should I explain to her that the furniture and toys were made for a cat? …Naaahhhh, this will give me an excuse to put this into practice. Besides, she probably made a mess in there already, so this will be punishment.”
With the black outfit on, the smell of a stallion strong on him and dummy on hand, he kicked the door down and shouted with a spot on smarty impression, “Dummeh Mawe, nu yew win’ in smawty howsie!”
Dick was met with exactly what he predicted, a mess. Sour Apple had backed up into her own shit and the earth foals were hugging one another in their own shit and piss and the unicorn and pegasus were pissing themselves waddling to their mother for comfort from all the yelling and cat smell. “Bu’ dis am Daddeh howsie, an’ daddeh gib safe woom tu-“
“Nu!!” Dick swinged one of its legs across Sour Apple’s face making her cry and the foals that weren’t hugging their mother were wading to her after the wack.
“Dis Smawty housie, ou’hab to be quiet and nu make bad poopies an’ peepees ow smawty gib owies to dummeh mawe an’ chiwpeh babbehs!”
“Sowwy Smawty, nu mean to make bad poopies.”
“Dummeh babbehs make bad poopies tu! Smawty gib sowwy hoofies to bad babbehs!”
“Nu, smawty! Am onwy chiwpeh babbehs, nu know how to make gud poopies yet.”
“Den Smawty gib ‘ou Wowses stompies fow dem!”
“ Nu, pwease Smawty, Sowapaw sowwy!”
“Nu cawe, gib dummeh mawe Wowses hoofies stompies”
And Dick took his thumb from his free hand and jammed it into Sour Apple’s sides, back, head and right-back leg.
“Screeee, owies! Huu huuu! Wowses owies eba! Nu mowe pwease!”
“Woops.”
“SCREEEEE! Weggie, nuuu!”
Dick accidentally applied too much pressure on her back leg and cracked it. Luckily not broken, but she’ll definitely feel it for a good month.
“Dummeh mawe nu make bad poopies nu mowe!”
“Otay, Smawty! Pwease nu mowe huwties!”
“An nu yewwin’, yewwin’ huwts Daddeh an’ Smawty heaw pwaces!”
Yus, Smawty, pwomise be gud fwuffy, nu mowe yewwing!”
“Gud, Smawty nu wan be hewe ‘gain, dem Smawty gib wowses stompies to dummeh babbehs nest.”
“Nuuuu huuu huuu, nu huwt babbehs.”
And with that, dick left the room, took a shower to remove the smell of a stallion off of him then returned to the room with new clothes on to ask Sour Apple what happened.
“S-Sowapaw smeww meowy munstah, meowy munstah num bwue pointy babbeh! Sowapaw made scawy poopies and yeww, den bad smawty come and teww Sowapaw nu make yewwin’ den gib wowses owies, den Smawty say gib wowses stompies to babbehs if come back. Huu Huu, nee’ huggies fow huwties gu ‘way!”
“Okay, okay, come here,” dick picked up Sour Apple with a towel to avoid her shit/piss-smoked lower half and gently hugged her. “Daddeh,” she whimpered, “nu smeww pwetty, can hab gud wawa ‘gain?”
“Now Sour Apple, I already told you. Other than your litter box, I will only clean you and your room only once every month.”
“Bu’ daddeh-“
“No buts- you have to learn to keep yourselves clean and your room, understand?”
“O… otay daddeh, nu smeww pwetty, bu’ wiww wait ‘tiww cwean time.”
“Good, now you can start by cleaning your foals, they don’t smell pretty either. And remember, the Smarty will come back if you are a bad fluffy.”
“Sowapaw be gud fwuffy nao,” she whimpered. Dick put her down next to her chirping, crying foals and she immediately got to work (much to her own dismay), she may even eat everything in order to keep it clean enough to stay. The Idea is funny, but revolting to watch, so Dick left them in the safe room pleased with how well the dummy smarty worked. He almost couldn’t wait for her to screw up again…