“Candy jingleheimer, Jamie Largo, Jamari Floyd and Rith Sayavong. I am quite frankly embarrassed by your blatant disregard of Ned’s safety protocols. You four are adults ! he should not have had to provide sleeping bags, tents, water, food and other bare necessities for this trip , Let alone keep reminding you not to wonder away from camp!-“
Rith chuckles .
“Come on Jill it’s not that serious-“
Jill cuts him off.
“ I wasn’t finished speaking,you fucking imbecile!”
You are Joey Portnoy .
You have never seen Jill this angry before.
Jamie starts putting her finger in Jill’s face.
“You will not talk down to MY team like this, you uneducated Bio -“
Jill grabs her finger.
“Dig the shit out of your ears because I’m only saying this once.
YOU ARE NEVER TO PUT YOUR GOD DAMN FINGER IN MY FACE AGAIN! I am not a fluffy to be scolded and YOU WILL NOT TREAT ME AS SUCH! ARE WE CLEAR!?”
Jamie gulps.
“Y…yes Mam.”
Jill’s expression softens as she releases her grip on Jamie’s finger.
“Okie dokie now that we’re on the same page , Mr Kerr would like to introduce himself .”
Burgess steps forward, dressed in a camp Maureen jumpsuit.
On his shoulder is a strange looking bird with a large head housing 2 spherical dark brown eyes with matching irises , a short but broad beak the tip of which could just barely be seen poking out from beneath its mix of grey, white,burgundy and black feathers.
Burgess begins speaking in his very low , yet silky smooth patois accent.
“I am Burgess Kerr, I will be joining Ned and Jill as your escort during this expedition. “
You see Candy’s face turning red as burgess speaks. She begins trying to hide it behind the upturned collar of her lab coat, unintentionally drawing more attention to herself in the process.
Burgess calmly and professionally addresses her.
“Ms. Jingleheimer, is everything alright? You seem to be showing signs of overheating, perhaps you should get some water and rest in the shade for a while.”
Candy’s pupils widen as Burgess addresses her directly.
“O…oh I’m fine! Just dandy! No need to worry, please continUE-(muffled squealing).”
Burgess places his large hand on her forehead.
“My apologies Ms Jingleheimer as a former nurse my reflexes just took over. You don’t seem to have a fever but I would still recommend you wear a wide brim hat moving forward.”
Burgess removes his hand from her forehead and resumes his explanation.
“This is Jowalis (points to the bird on his shoulder) he will be acting as our security alarm , say hello Jowalis .”
Jowalis opens his wide beak in a manner resembling a muppet .
What comes forth from his gullet is a hauntingly eerie (WHOOP) .
if you didn’t know better you would swear it was a sound effect from Scooby Doo mixed with the croaking of a frog.
Burgess continues .
“Full disclosure, I am a fluffy abuser.
That being said I do not partake in my personal hobbies while on the clock or in the presence of others who have apprehensions towards such activities. I will not interfere with your research nor will I harm any fluffy’s you may have with you or acquire in the future. If you treat them like pets I will do so in kind. I completely understand if some of you find myself and my hobbies to be distasteful , you have that right. All I ask is that we keep things professional.”
Yourself and research team return to work collecting data and filling out reports.
Suddenly Jamari starts berating Candy , over what exactly you are unsure.
You approach and try to figure out what’s going on.
“All right you two, what’s this all about?”
Jamari points at something in Candy’s hands.
“Candy? What do you have?.”
Candy places it on the ground so you can get a better look.
Looking up at you from the ground is A small chartreuse and cinnamon colored Pegasus foal barely able to walk due to a club hoof.
You look at Candy in disbelief.
“Candy….please tell me that isn’t one of the fluffies from site 2G….”
Candy begins to tear up.
“S…she was so scared of being offered as a sacrifice by the other fluffies, I’m s… “
Something changes about her demeanor mid sentence.
“No… I’m not apologizing because I don’t regret it…D…do what you need to do but I’m keeping pixie regardless.”
Candy picks the foal back up and awaits your scolding.
“(Sigh) Jamari please excuse myself and Candy …. We need to have a chat with the professor on how to proceed.”
During the video conference Candy is
Waiting to be Chewed out by professor Garfunkel.
In physical characteristics professor Moishe Garfunkel could best be described as the living incarnation of every Jewish stereotype contained within a single human vessel. His shoulder length,curly white hair framed his gaunt, angular facial features and seamlessly converged with his bushy white beard.
The man’s shnoz was abhorrently long with a slight hook, his eyebrows so bushy that they cast a shadow over his eyes.
professor Garfunkel speaks in a tired almost hoarse manner.
“Ms Jingleheimer. This is very unlike you to interfere with individual specimens. I understand that the cruelty of nature can be disheartening to witness, but for the sake of accurate data collection we must only be observers.”
Candy holds Pixie close to her chest.
“From an academic standpoint I accept that I am in the wrong in this situation, that being said I have witnesses that result of what happens to fluffies sent into the building, we have witnesses the tracks and den of whatever did this.
Mr Jackson even saw the creature multiple times while on patrol. Whatever it is has no interest in the fluffies as a source of nourishment.
This fluffy ran away from the site of her own volition and made it to our camp.
I will not send her back just die. If that makes me unfit to be an observer ,so be it.
Professor Garfunkel removes his wire frame coke bottle glasses and massages his forehead using his pointer , middle finger and thumb .
“I see your unwavering commitment to protect her. Though I do admire your resolve, your actions here whether they be Intentional or not ,have affected your groups data today and thus it must be considered invalid . You are hereby stripped of your field researcher position and put on go-fer work until further notice. I will however be lenient and consider the reports prior to this incident as uncontaminated…. This is a curtesy that will not be given again, understood?”
Candy drys her tears .
“Understood professor.”
The video call ends and you turn to Candy.
“ ran away from the site of her own volition and made it to our camp? Seriously!? That’s the worst lie I’ve ever heard!”
Candy looks you dead in the eyes.
“That wasn’t a lie Joey.”
Candy shows you the underside of Pixie’s club hoof ,it shows clear signs of prolonged friction burns.
Pixie pipes up.
“(Chirp! Chirp!)Mummah picksee weggies hab wowstest huwties nu touchie!”
Candy takes pixie to the RV to receive first aid.
Burgess carefully disinfects the leg then wraps it in a bandage.
All the while explaining to her in fluffy terms the process so she won’t be afraid.
“It takes time for the human magic to work , so make sure mummah helps you stay off of it.”
Pixie chirps and wags her little tail.
“Tanku nice mistah .”
Burgess smiles looking over at Candy.
“bring her back once a day so I can change the bandages.”
Candy’s face turns red again.
“Su…sure! Once a day, got it!”
“Oh I see your still having trouble with the heat, (digs through backpack)
Here, I know it’s not the most aesthetically pleasing design but this should keep you cool .”
Burgess hands Candy a wide brim tangerine cowboy hat with a neon green lanyard.
“Thank you I love it!”
Candy puts the hat on .
Jowalis lets out a (WHOOP) .
You giggle seeing the birds goofy expression.
“By the way, is Jowalis some kind of biotoy? I’ve never seen a bird quite like him.”
Burgess chuckles.
“He’s a funny looking bird so I understand the confusion, he’s a Great Potoo I picked him up while stationed in Brazil . Word of advice if you ever plan on going south of the border don’t take your fluffies.”
You nervously ask the question.
“Oh…Why’s that?”
Burgess instructs Candy to cover pixies ears.
“Here in the states you could classify fluffy abuse is a hobby.
Once you cross that border into Mexico it becomes an Olympic sport, the further south you go the more intense it gets and by the time you reach Brazil Skinderella becomes the accepted norm.”
