The Abuseville Zoo was well known to the people who worked there. With a surprisingly large budget, thanks in no small part to allowing zoo patrons to feed live fluffies to some of the animals in exchange for a donation, the zoo was home to an impressive array of creatures. In point of fact, some patrons would even bring their own misbehaving fluffies and make good on promises to ‘feed you shitrats to the lions’ even if it gave the lions awful gas.
Pineapple sniffed the evening air. The sun had just finished setting, and it was time to put his plan into action. “Dummeh hewd wisten! It am timeie tu gu to da hewd new homeie, dat wand oba dewe!” The Smarty indicated toward the zoo, specifically at the south-east corner, which happened to contain both a small hole in the fence, and the combined insect/plant exhibits. Pineapple had smelled the delicious fruit that the zoo staff left out for the insects, and he would be damned if ‘da dummeh buggies’ got to eat even one apple slice more!
The heard of about twenty adults follow the smarty through a strangely convenient hole in the fence, and find themselves in the center of the insect/plant exhibits. “Pineappwe smeww nummy fwoot! Tuffies an Smawty gonna fin da nummies an bwing dem back to hewd. West ob hewd nee stay hewe!”
And so the smarty, along with two tuffies, one with his mare and foals, each head off in a different direction, following their noses blindly. The smarty is the first to find something- “Dewe one ob da dummeh buggies” he says, much louder than he realized. He had spotted an ant with its jaws locked onto a leaf, stiff as a board, and obviously dead. “Dummy Buggie teww Pineappwe wewe da fwoot nummies awe!” Pineapple shouted at the dead ant, seeing as no degree of obvious death can fool this smarty.
“WEWE AM DA NUMMIES? TEWW PINEAPPWE OW GIT WOWSTEST HEWTIES!” He shouted at the ant. The ant had the gall to remain dead and in doing so refused to answer.
“DUMMIE GIT SOWWY HOOFIES!” Pineapple shouted as he ‘punched’ the ant off of its leaf, before stomping it into paste on the ground where it fell.
Pineapple was promptly aware of a disgusting odor, and sniffing around realized it was coming from the dead ant, but this was solved by rubbing his hoof on some clean grass and licking it clean.
Meanwhile, The toughie called Orange was stomping his way through an army ant exhibit. “Dummeh buggies, take fowebah sweepies!” He ordered the ants as he stomped on them. At first there was one to stomp every few steps, then one every other step, then every step. “AWW DA WIDDWE DUMMIES NUM SOWWY HOOFIES!” Orange shouted with glee as he stomped away.
“Dewe a wot ob dese dummies!” He said as the army ants started arriving faster than he could stomp them. “SCREEE! Nu cwimb on Owange!” He shouted as the ants started swarming him. Even as they covered him and the ones below him started to dead lift the toughie and carry him towards the nest, Orange could feel them on his face. “NUU GO 'WAY!” He shouted, only for ants to swarm into his mouth as it opened. “NUUUUUUUU” He cried as the ants covered his eyes and streamed into his lungs through his open nostrils. It took Orange a very long time to die, eventually perishing as the ants dismembered him so he could fit in the nest’s narrow entrance.
Red, the other toughie followed his nose into an exhibit on carnivorous plants. “Dis way Speshul fwend! Wed smeww sweetie nummies!” He called to the mare trailing behind him. Autumn carried four foals on her auburn back fluff, and hurried to keep up with Red.
After a few more turns, they spotted delicious looking white flowers. “Wook Awtum! Pwetty flowew nummies!” Autumn rushed forward and they both busied themselves eating. It wasn’t long before the traps began to close on their hooves and legs. Red noticed first and freed himself. “Speshul fwen! Dese am meanie flowews!” But it was too late. Autumn could not free herself, and as she struggled, her foals were shaken from her back, themselves falling into the many waiting mouths of mature Venus Fly Traps. Even though the traps weren’t large enough to completely cover even the smallest of newborn foals, they held the foals and Autumn tightly, and started releasing enzymes to dissolve their meal.
As Red watched, Autumn’s expression of panic at being trapped quickly turned into one of terror and pain at being dissolved alive.
“Wed gunna get Smawty Pineappwe, he no wha tu do!” Red shouted as he turned and ran in a random direction, which was actually away from where they had left the herd. He quickly tripped and flailed his way into a large pitcher plant, which also started slowly dissolving him. The screams, howls and begging of Red and Autumn were very much enjoyed by zoo patrons over the next two days.
Back with the bulk of the herd, Pineapple had just managed to rejoin the group when something new… arrived. It began as barely perceivable whispers.
“mummah, sketti”
The herd looked around them, but the sound seemed to be coming from everywhere at once.
“mummah, sketti”
The fluffies could understand the sounds now, and asked the air around them things like, “Wewe babbeh? Fwuffy nu see babbeh.” and “Sketti? Wewe da sketties?”
“Mummah, Sketti”
The voices were very clear now, but still the fluffies could not find the source. A wave of tiny colorful beetles closed in from all sides.
“Wewe? Smawty nu see nuttin!” Pineapple shouted as the beetles climbed on the outermost fluffies.
“MUMMAH, SKETTI”
The sound was deafening, as it was being screeched by tiny fluffy colored beetles into the fluffies’s ears, growing ever louder as the beetles burrowed their way in.
“MUMMAH! SKETTI! MUMMAH! SKETTI! MUMMAH! SKETTI!”
Most of the herd ran for their lives, but the beetles could not be shaken off. Slowly they ate their way inside the fluffies, and over the course of the rest of the night, the fluffies ran desperately through the zoo trying to escape the words mummah and sketti that the beetles had learned to mimic to lure fluffies to them. Zoo staff were still finding them alive over a week later, hidden in corners and under stairs, paralyzed as the fluffy beetles consumed their insides while keeping them alive so their meat would not rot.
Only Pineapple the smarty was not consumed from within by the fluffy beetles. He ended up hiding behind the concession stand, where he found plenty of food to sustain himself. Over the coming days and weeks, however, new thoughts entered his mind. At first they were very soft and confused, initially making no sense to Pineapple whatsoever. Slowly though, they grew louder, and started using words that Pineapple understood.
Pineapple was delighted when the new thoughts introduced themselves as his new thinkie place friend, Cordyceps. Pineapple spent hours talking to his new friend, and as days went by, Cordyceps became louder and louder, and smarter and smarter.
One day Cordyceps told Pineapple that he should go and bite the top of the large tent that shaded the concession stand and dining tables.
“Nu, dat a ba’ idea, da angwy hoomans wood fin’ Pineappwe den.” He told his brain friend.
By this point, however, Cordyceps voice in Pineapple’s head was deafening and in absolute command.
“SMAWTY NU WAN!” Pineapple shouted as he walked, seemingly of his own accord, from his hiding place into the main food court, in plain view of the humans he had been hiding from. “PWEASE THINKIE PWACE FWEN! WET PINEAPPWE WUN 'WAY! NU WAN FOWEBAH NUM STWING!”
Even the zookeepers were amazed as they watched Pineapple, still seemingly of his own free will, struggle his way up onto one of the tables.
“THINKIE PWACE FWEND NU FWEND! AM MEANIE! WET SMAWTY GU! WET SMAWTY GU!” Tears streamed down Pineapple’s face as he turned his head sideways, and bit down on the rope that held one of the zoo’s advertisement covered helium balloons to earth. He screamed a wordless scream as his muscles bit so hard that his jaw shattered, locking forever onto the guide rope.
It took almost a week for Pineapple to die of dehydration, and he was fully aware and begging the fungus for his freedom the entire time.