The Hellkites of Harper valley by(that1hugboxer)

This is a continuation of Hasbio safari incident report 1 by (that1hugboxer)

You are Joey Portnoy.

You arrive at Vanderholt farm early in the morning chugging down your coffee with the ferocity and grace of an inebriated toucan.

You notice all the farm hands are on high alert as they ushered both yourself and Jill into the main house.

There Vicky Vanderholt informs you that a colossal bat fluffy attacked a member of your research team.

“It swooped down from the sky and peeled the roof of her car off like a tin of spam.”

You look at Vicky confused.

“ batfluffs don’t get anywhere near big enough to do that.”

A loud screech I heard somewhere outside. Followed by a very very loud series of gunshots.

You gulp.
“How big are we talking?”

Vicky places a 12 gauge shotgun on the table.

“ double aught buckshot is just bruising them.”

Your eyes widen .

“Them… as in plural?”

One of the farmhands comes in the room.

Vicky looks up at him .

“Yes Pablo?”

Pablo smiles nervously.

“We got one.”

Vicky lets out a sigh of relief.

“Fantastic ! Tell me what finally killed it?”

“It took a freaking 8 gauge loaded with quintuple aught buckshot .”

Vicky’s expression changes to one of concern.

You look at both of them.

“What’s wrong? We know what works now, so just use more of that. Problem solved.”

Pablo shakes his head.

“8 gauge ammunition hasn’t been commercially available for hunting in the united states since 1918. The only way to get it is to either make your own or buy the industrial grade stuff used for mining. The only reason we even have an 8 gauge shotgun is because old Mr Vanderholt used to Do big game hunting in Africa and Asia.”

You nervously ask the obvious next question.

“How much ammunition do you have?”

Pablo holds up 2 figures.

You laugh nervously.

“And how many of those things are out there?”

Vicky chimes in .

“Excluding the dead one… 4 “

You begin to sweat .

“Oh! Wow that’s… very much not good, Fucking terrible one could say.”

You hear the stares creaking behind you.

You turn around and see Zoey carrying a huge gun.

Vicky chuckles .

“Never thought I would actually be happy to see that damned thing . “

Zoey sticks out her tongue .

“Just so you know . I’ve been stockpiling ammo.”

You look at the massive rifle in sheer disbelief.

“What the hell is that thing ?”

Zoey’s eyes light up with a mischievous enthusiasm.

“This is my Christian firearms 4 bore rifle , her name is
Materna .”

You look at her confused.

“4 bore?”

Zoey starts laughing uncontrollably.

“4 bore is 25.4 millimeters or Roughly 100 caliber.”

Nice. Personally, my idea was to find a punt gun. But I like yours better. Incidentally, how many shots from a KS-23 (rifled 23mm shotgun) would it take to kill one of these things?

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Imagine trying to hit a plane sized bat with a punt gun . You would need a specialized swivel mount to have any chance of hitting it. I’m not saying it wouldn’t work , I’m saying setting everything up would be very difficult, in this situation. Love the idea though and I think building something like that would be very useful to have on standby

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Reloads punt gun

“Why is the jaws theme playing?”

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I kind of want them to just randomly have a flak gun 88mm cannon on hand for no particular reason other than hasbios f*** ups becoming a problem.


Its “the company’s flak gun “

Because the difference between personal ownership and company equipment is a felony.

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Remember it’s only a felony if it’s in your name

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But would that fire fast enough? Might need to go with a quad Bofors instead if speed is a concern.

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Then you have people asking stupid questions like “oh my God why are you shooting a quad Bofors At 8 in the morning !?”

Or “why is your farm overrun with Batfluffs the size of a small airplane!?”

Or my personal favorite “Dear God!!! It’s eating my leg, why is this happening to me???”

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