You are Duncan, your cousin is staying with you for a little while. Štěpán is a few years older than you and because his great grandparents adopted you, the familial relationship has you technically being his uncle,but you act more like cousins.
Štěpán walks into the house and gives you a bear hug.
“Cousin! It has been too long!”
Your speech pattern shifts when you are around your Czech relatives.
“Life is good Štěpán! Come! Make yourself at home!”
“Duncan! Tell me , how is little Maya doing !?”
Your cheerful expression shifts to one of sadness.
“Cousin… Maya is no longer with us.”
“Duncan…. Apologies I have dumpling in throat. “(Having a dumpling in your throat is the Czech equivalent of being speechless)
You put your hand on Štěpán’s shoulder.
“She is in better place.”
Odis coos.
Štěpán looks down at Odis.
“Oh my goodness! Who is this!?”
You smile.
“This is Odis.”
Štěpán picks him up and holds him like a newborn baby.
“Cousin my heart. It is melting.”
You motion for Štěpán to follow you.
“Come meet other fluffies.”
You gather all of your fluffies inside.
“Everyone! This is cousin Štěpán! He stay with us for little while!”
Štěpán looks at Queequeg.
“Cousin this is not fluffy. This is Doberman!”
You chuckle.
“He is like friendly bear.”
Atlas waddles up to Štěpán.
“Hewwo nice mistah!”
Štěpán looks over Atlas.”
“Cousin is this one smarty?”
“ Atwas nu am smawty nu mowe.”
You look shocked.
“Štěpán how did you know?”
“It is ….intuition.”
“My apologies cousin. Jelly, Jam and Galatea are shy. Trantor has refused to leave Drupals grave. The only two left are the milk mare and Zofie.”
Štěpán’s eyes widen.
“Z…Zofie!?”
You show Štěpán to the safe room.
There you find little Zofie covered in her own poop crying while the milk mare ignores her.
“What the hell! I told you to watch and take care of her! You couldn’t do that for 15 minutes!?”
The mare huffs.
“Daddeh say mummah get pwetty babbeh. Buh daddeh wie. Mummah onwy get dummeh ugwy munsta babbeh”
You pick up Zofie who’s almost hoarse from crying.
“Oh my dear sweet little Zofie. I didn’t mean to leave you with such a bad mother.”
You wipe Zofie’s bottom and feed her some milk.
“And as for you!…”
You turn around ready to chew the mare out. Only to find Štěpán holding the mare by her neck fat.
“Cousin…I deal with cow.”
The mare cries out for you.
“Daddeh! sabe mummah fwom meanie mistah!”
You look at Štěpán.
“No dismemberment, no death, no crippling and no psychological impairment.”
Štěpán smirks.
“Understood cousin.”
Switch perspective, you are Štěpán.
You leave the safe room with the milk mare all the while she cries for her daddy to save her.
“It is too late to be regretting your decisions now.”
You take the mare to a deli shop and purchase a smoked summer sausage . On the way home the mare can’t help but ask what it is.
“Is very good try some.”
You cut a nickel sized piece of the summer sausage and give it to her.
“Dis am gud nummies!”
You smirk evilly .
“It’s made of bad fluffy mothers.”
The mare turns pale.
“Did you not know? The worse a fluffy mother is the better they taste. In fact best tasting fluffy mothers are ones who don’t take care of babies especially ones with wings and horn.”
The mare is in disbelief.
“N…nu twue. NU TWUE!”
“Did you not taste the deliciousness yourself?”
“Nu wan be nummies!”
“Only way bad fluffy mother stops tasting good is if they become good fluffy mother.”
You take a bite out of the smoked summer sausage .
“It too late for this one. But you still have time.”
As soon as you got home the mare became extremely loving and affectionate towards Zofie . Perhaps her reasons were entirely selfish but the results were the same and in the end you got a good laugh out of it . And if the mare ever started acting out again . All you had to do was remind her how good bad fluffy mothers taste.
