The Industrial Fluffy Market, and it's Consiquences [By Biorb_McBiorb]

[Biorb_Biorb]

You are a foal.

You don’t know what color you are yet, but you feel warm, and that feels good enough right now. When i say, you don’t know what color you are yet, it isn’t because your blind, or defective. You simply do not know.

You do know you have wings, as you can feel them buzz with each small gulp of milk you consume.

It is dark. You hate the dark. But the scent and warmth are enough to drive the fear away.

And the Milk ain’t half bad neither.

What you assume is your mother, produces milk, her miwky-pwace is strange and feels off, but not enough for you to care.

Your warm. You have Miwk, and you are safe.

If you could see your surrounding, or hear the muffled, anguished cries of the breeding-mares that lined the walls of the factory you were born in, you would be very afraid.

You were born into a massive Fluffy breeding mill, one of the few left in America… Sadly, it was considered one of the worst, in terms of care and upkeep. Only the bare minimum to make sure your mother, as well as the countless other mares were kept alive.

The Stallions were far worse off. As they were fed the bare minimum, and sometimes the trash foals that the two to three shit-factories produced…

The only upside to your birth, is that you are actually being sent away, by truck, or plane, or even by boat, to God knows where. There you will most likely be adopted, as you may not know it, but you are a Pastel Pink Pegasus, with great genes.

You were born not even Three days before you were separated from your brothers and sisters. The lucky ones, were nearby, in separate holding crates, also being fed.

The unlucky ones, were tossed back to their father, and quickly devoured. You never heard their cheeps, or their pained cries as your father, a prime breeding stud, gnawed and chewed into them, greedily devouring the siblings…

Thankfully, your destiny was much brighter than the poor unwanted shit foals. You were destined for love, and a loving family, at least, for a while…

A family that would take care of you, love you, and even let you acquire a mate.

He would be named Spearmint, and coincidentally, he would be purchased from the same mill.

Coincidentally, you would catch a familiar scent from him, one that you didn’t think was possible.

The familiar scent of your mother…

No… More than that…
The familiar scent of…

Family…

Sadly… He would not catch the scent…

He would blame you for the incestuous foals deformities…

You would only be able to watch as your mate, a distant relative, born from the same mother, stomped, killed, and forced you-… to eat the foals…

You would be found by your owners, and blamed…

Your Human Mummah, would curse you, and beat you, crying all the while you were just trying to explain that it wasn’t your doing.

You would be tossed to the street…

You would be hit by an oncoming car, hidden by the overwhelming sound of rain…

You never saw Spearmint’s face, or how he smiled as the life left you body… As he was taken into the home you were cared for, loved in, and nurtured…

Thankfully, you were one of the better off foals… You were destined for love, and a loving family…

At least…

For a little while…

[BFM101]

“Oh look, our mare is suffering from a bad pregnancy, surely this must be a difficult and emotional time for her……

Let’s beat the shit outta her.”

Bunch of two-faced shitstains there. One trip to the vet would’ve saved them the pain. But why do I get the feeling this lot are anti-vaxxers too?

[Biorb_Biorb]

it wasn’t necessarily a bad pregnancy, more of…

“I can’t wait to see ou-OH DEAR GOD SHES EATING THEM, SHES FUCKING EATING THEM!!!”

[BFM101]

Slightly more understandable, especially given shock value, but still a dick move.

If only there was some way to ask a Fluffy why it’s acting out of character, but I suppose logic doesn’t exist in the Fluffy world.

[Zetsumi]

Spearmint sounds like a duplicitous little cunt. Perhaps he lied to the owners, earning himself a reputation as a good fluffy and turning them against her: ‘Hoomin, wun qwik, speciaw fwiend am NUMMING babbehs, Speawmint teww her no to, bu she no wisten!’
Or perhaps, with how prolific tales of bad mothers are, they were all too quick to leap to the wrong conclusion after noticing the deformities in what was left of the foals. And there’s just as many stories of said bad mothers lying or blaming others for their actions.
The story does describe them as a loving family for a time, so it’s probably safe to assume they weren’t negligent or abusive normally, and made a bad or ill-informed decision in the heat of the moment.
You’d probably be pretty shocked too if you found your dog or cat eating its own newborn litter. At least enough for a smack to chase it away from them in the hopes some were still alive. While it sounds like they took it a little further than that, anger and disgust isn’t that unreasonable a reaction.
Also, considering the fluffy had good colours and wings, perhaps their main interest in her was as casual breeders. Doesn’t make the reaction any less of an overreaction, but it would explain why it was so extreme, watching their plans for a side income go up in smoke.
Either way, I usually find it’s more fun to speculate about these kind of plot points rather than just condemning them, unless the author is explicitly trying to build them up as amoral or flawed characters.

[Zetsumi]

Yeah, that was kinda what I assumed. But you gotta keep in mind readers don’t have all the information you do. Something I find helpful is going back over my own stuff with a notepad open amd making dot points of what info I have given the readers, helps get me thinking in terms of what they do and don’t know, and from there I can fill in extra information as necessary.
In any other story, I’d have suggested either fleshing out the owners motivations a little more, but this is obviously supposed to be from the fluffy’s POV and the lack of information is a consequence of that. In which case, something you might have considered would be to make a point of the fluffy struggling to understand the shift in their attitude, perhaps wondering if she was really to blame after all. Something like this could acknowledge them going from loving owners to abusive so the readers don’t find it odd or jarring, while keeping the ‘feel’ of the fluffy not really being smart or observant enough to understand their motives or emotions, and the general tragic tone.
I feel obligated to add a disclaimer since not all people love feedback the way I do, and I’m unfamiliar with the general attitude towards it here. I’m not trying to tell you how to write, nor criticizing what you’ve done by any means. Just trying to offer ideas that work for me, that you may or may not find helpful. If they are helpful, fantastic, if not, then ignore them.