Canned foals don’t get to have a nice life, at least not most of them.
Born in industrial mills under mass production techniques that would be forbidden on any “real” animals due to laws against cruelty these foals never see their parents, sometimes never even see the inside of a can as many are discarded for having the wrong colors according the the ever shifting marketing trends. One day aqua foals are all the rage, others they are so worthless they go straight to the grinder with brown “poopeh” foals and any other foals that have birth defects or are considered too runt-y or weak to survive the canning process. Still nobody wants a machine full of brown and dead foals.
Foal-in-a-can machines were the hot new thing when first released. But at the end it turned out to be just another fad. Nowadays units are mostly fill with foals sold for $5 which you could find in Fluffmart for as low as $1. You can’t beat the convenience, you can find these vending machines nearly anywhere, and needless to say abusers love them specially since they don’t get blacklisted like at normal fluffy stores. Although canned foals tend to not be as lively as properly reared foals, and so many people see them as even more disposable than even normal fluffies are. And also abusers tend to be disappointed more often than not at how canned foals tend to accept their fate far easier than other fluffies do.
Not all Foal-in-a-can machines are the same. Fancier ones with better foals are normally found inside malls. You have different tiers all the way to the crappiest ones you might see outside a gas station. These machines are often beat up and the HVAC sometimes fails leaving around 100 foals to either cook or freeze to death depending on the season. As such these are most often stocked with the most basic colors and get discounted rather quickly to move as many units as possible.
On one of these machines a dull yellow earthie colt lays inside one of the 80 cans remaining inside. He still has some of the cheap GMO miwkies inside the reservoir so at least he’s not hungry. He is however already a bit uncomfortable with the amount of poopies inside him. Despite all the methylcellulose put in the miwkies the fact is he’s supposed to be bought within the week else the risk of intestinal rupture increases. He might also pop the cork in his ass and maybe even drown in his own shit.
But today he’s lucky, a man who was looking for a yellow foal in exactly that unpopular shade bought him. He didn’t look as an abuser at all.
He is in fact a scientist.
“Babbeh am su happeh!” the colt said inside its can as the scientist drove him to his new home. Because his car was an EV there were no scary sounds.
“Babbeh wuvs good no-vroom munstah!”
The new home turned out to be a laboratory. Still it was well lit and not at all like the scary dark basement of the kind of abusers that bought their victims at the same vending machine this yellow foal came from.
“Hey Gustavo, found the foal in that same shade of yellow we need” - said James
“Great! where did you find it?”
“You’re not gonna believe it: one of those foal-in-a-can machines, check it” he said as he gently brought up the can with the foal inside.
Art by @Carpdime
“Took me 2 days, most other machines had brighter shades of yellow but this is the same as the unit”
“Yep, good thing we didn’t have to buy a normal one, you know what Dr. Neil said, we need a foal that has walked as little as possible”
“Heh yeah, it was either this or raising one in a leg hold or something”
“Still I don’t know why it had to be the same shade as the unit beside familiarity”
“I guess painting the unit would’ve been more expensive than the foal”
“Good point, anyway lets take a look at it”
Both men moved to the nearby desk. James carefully tip the can following the release instructions printed on the miwkies reservoir. Slowly he let the foal slide down into the surface.
“Easy there buddy!”
To this the foal immediately reacted as it was programmed to.
“Babbeh namsie am Buddy? wuv nyu namsie daddeh!”
“What? ok alright, Buddy it is”
“You don’t think it will be a problem?”
“Well we have to give it a name, and I doubt it can remember a serial number”
“Point taken, anyway lets begin, its already starting to walk, we need it fresh”
As such Buddy was put in a 3D printed holder that unlike regular fluffy holders it didn’t just immobilize its legs but its entire body. He felt a nasty sting.
“OWIES! WOWEST OWIES!”
“Gus get a rubber band or something”
Immediately Gustavo put a band around Buddy’s muzzle to keep it quiet.
The sting was a small syringe full of muscle relaxants as they needed the foal to be as still as possible. They couldn’t knock him out with anesthesia as the fluffy had to be awake during the process.
WIIIIIIIIIIIIZ
A scary sound, high frequency, something moving too fast.
A small surgical robot arm with a high-speed diamond blade.
Buddy felt the pain around its tiny head, but couldnt see what was happening.
“Alright lets place the electrodes”
The robot arm changed its blade tool for one that looked like the neddle of a sewing machine.
Buddy felt something tapping its head but there was no pain.
The robot arm moved away and Buddy simply faited.
“Its it dead?”
“Nah just knocked out I guess, lets proceed”
Buddy had the weirdest dream ever. He dreamed about the noises he heard as a newborn sliding down the teflon coated funnel of the industrial fluffy mill, the cries of its mummah he would never see. The sounds of conveyor belts, of rejected foals screaming as they were tossed into garbage bags, of the canning machines.
He dreamed about his time in the vending machines. About the sun shining on the window. About the vroom munstahs going around giving him and the other foals the worst scaries.
And then…he woke up.
He was not in pain, he was not back in the can either.
He was on a white tile floor.
In front of him were many hoomins, some in white lab coats, other just wearing their casual clothes.
He recognized his daddehs James and Gustavo. For a moment he wondered if he had been a bad fluffy since they gave him all those hurties.
But then…
“Alright, Sophie disable the locks”
A short woman with a small laptop tapped some commands on the Ubuntu terminal.
Suddenly Buddy felt rising up, he was standing on his weggies like he never could inside the cramped plastic can.
Gustavo then squatted a bit.
“Hey…Buddy? can you walk towards me?”
“Otay”
And he did, with no issues whatsoever.
Many of the humans gasped.
“Amazing! it did so on the first try!”-said an older man in a suit.
“Yep, the deep learning algorithms on the previous iterations got the neural paths just right”
“The previous one was a mess tho”
“Well it couldn’t get used to it, too much experience waddling around, that’s why we went for a canned one, these foals barely move at all inside those things”
As the humans kept talking weird things buddy started looking around, then just walked.
“Let it roam” said an older lady.
Buddy went around the room. He could hear some weird sounds while he walked, reminded him of the sounds the vending machine made as it collected a can from the many rows. But he didn’t care, he was happy to finally being out of that horrible can, finally being able to walk around as much as he liked, and finally having not just one but two daddehs! and many hoomins who were so impressed with him! he must be the bestest babbeh evah!
Then he noticed the hoomins weren’t as big as before, and he was so tall! was he a big fluffy now?
His weggies were so long and thin but same color as before. He wondered if that’s how it was supposed to be as he had never seen an adult fluffy.
But he was happy, he was never hungry or cold or too hot. He was never tired and could play with bawws and other toysies for hours and hours!. And best of all he didn’t feel like doing poopies all the time like inside the can.
One day Gustavo put something on top of him.
“Alright buddy, see this blue block? try to grab it”
Buddy tried to use its front weggies but as he brought them forward he lost his balance and almost felt against the floor.
"“Huu huu!”
“No, see, try to grab it without your weggies”
"“Huh? how Buddy du dad daddeh?”
“Let’s see…can you feel this?”
Buddy saw Gustavo’s arm reaching out for his back, then felt as he was touching his…mane? tail? another weggie? what was it?
"“Wa am dat?!”
“Ok try to move what you just felt, think hard!”
"“O-otay”
Buddy concentrated as much as he could, he heard some noisies and then suddenly he saw a long yellow thing, same color as him, moving above its head.
“Wu-wat am dat! mu-munstah?!”
“Not a monster Buddy, its just your arm”
"“Awm? wat am awm?” he said not even being able to comprehend as the concept had not being programmed in its brain by Hasbio. And why would they? after all fluffies didn’t have arms, didn’t even had hands!.
By focusing in his “awm” Buddy was able to move it forwards and backwards, then from side to side.
"“Wook! awmsie wowking!”
“Good job Buddy, now try to grab the block”
Buddy moved his arm towards the blockie in Gustavo’s hand, he poked it with the triangular end. Then suddenly it opened! like a mouthie! and in a minute or so he managed to close it again!
He reached for the blokie again and this time was able to grab it.
“Sophie get the rest of the team, they have to see this!”
Less than an hour later the room was full of other humans looking at buddy stacking blockies with its new arm.
“Unbelievable, how can he do it?”
“It’s the neuroplasticity of its brain, once it sensed the arm it was able to get used to it as if it was always there”
“But how its this possible? its an extremity it never had”
“We’re still working on that”
Buddy didn’t pay attention, he was too focused on making the tallest tower of blockies ever made by a fluffy.
As days went by Buddy was left to roam the labs on his own. He would go from room to room greeting the humans there, up and down the stairs. He even learned to open doors by grabbing the handle and pulling with its arm to the amazement of all the scientists and engineers there.
Eventually he was allowed to go outside, first under supervision and then on his own, as in any case the labs were on a campus outside the city and Buddy had a GPS not unlike the ones sold for dogs, cats and even fluffies. If he got too far some hoomins who were friends with his daddehs would come pick him up and bring him back to the big housie.
And then one day in autumm while walking near some trees he saw it.
A small herd of fluffies, some feral, other ex-domestics or strays.
Buddy couldn’t contain his excitement, it was the first time he saw other fluffies since he was inside that vending machine, and even then he had never played with other fluffies, never had huggies let alone speshul huggies.
“Fwends!” he yelled.
And when he did the other fluffies stood still as they saw Buddy not waddling but running towards them at an incredibly speed for a fluffy. They weren’t even able to react in time before Buddy simple stopped before them, standing far above the rest.
At this Buddy was confused, were these babbehs? No, there were many foals among the fluffies, these were adults, but why was he so tall?
"“Mebeh Buddy am biggest fwuffy evah!” was what he thought.
Suddenly the herd’s smarty a red unicorn stepped forward.
"“MUNSTAH! WEAVE HEWD!”
"“Munstah? wewe?!” said a frightened buddy, his vision rotating around looking for anything suspicious.
“U AM MUNSTAH!” said a cyan earthie tuffie
“Am Buddy!” he said in a cheerful tone
The herd was still paralized, they didn’t move as the munstah was so fast they knew they couldn’t outrun it.
“Pwease nu huwt mummah!” said an orange pegasus mare with 6 small foals in its back.
“Am dose babbehs? Buddy wuv babbehs!” he said, then suddenly with amazing speed he moved his arm and grabbed a pink filly with a lavender tail.
“NU! BABBEH!” screamed a grey unicorn, the speshul fwend of the mare.
“MUMAAAAH! EEEEEEEEEEEE!”
Buddy brought the crying filly up close to look at her.
“Babbeh am pwetty! buh why babbeh cwyin?”
“MUNSTAH GIB BABBEH BAK!” said another tuffie as it gave he trying to stomp on Buddy’s long hard legs. He didn’t do anything but bruise his leatherette-like hoofs on the hard edges of Buddy’s legs.
“Nu am munstah! am Buddy! have housie and daddehs and many fwends!” said the fluffy, starting to get angry at the accusations
As the filly kept screaming the smarty turned around and lifted his filthy tail.
“MUNSTAH WEAVE OR BIG SOWWIEST POOPIES!”
“Nu! nu wan poopies!” said Buddy and by sheer reflex he knocked the smarty with his arm in a swift motion.
SMASH
“SCREEEEE!” yelled the smarty as Buddy’s arm connected with his ribcage, bones breaking as the force sent him flying a few meters through the air until he hit the ground.
“BABBEH!” - yelled the mare
At this Buddy brought his arm into view and could see the filly limp and silent, its head hanging by the skin as the impact against the smarty disconnected it from the tiny spine.
“Huuuhu! Buddy nu mean tu huwt babbeh!”
“WOWEST MUNSTAH KIWW BABBEH! HATECHU!” yelled the tuffy
“HEWD ATTACK!” said the smarty as it was rising back, blood pouring out of its nose.
The herd surrounded Buddy and began attacking him to no effect. His body was too high, his legs were harder than their bones. Some fluffies began to give him sorry poopies while yelling “munstah fwuffy!” at him.
Buddy, the bestest fluffy, the biggest fluffy, the fluffy everyone was amazed with, how could he be a munstah?
No, he wasn’t a munstah, he told to himself these fluffies were the munstahs, these tiny filthy fluffies were munstahs, not him! They were probably trying to get into his housie too! and harm his daddehs!.
“NU CALL BUDDY MUNSTAH YOU STOOPI FWUFFIES!” he said as he stood on his hind legs, loud noises coming from his joints, and brought his front legs down with amazing force on the fluffies below.
The left leg smashed the light blue earthie tuffie’s head, brains pouring out of its collapsed skull. A brown pegasus on next to him got impalled on the right leg.
“Dummeh! wet gu!” said Buddy as he shaked his leg, the brown pegasus screaming bloody murder as its intestines were coming loose through the hole.
“EEEEEEEE! TUMMEH SKETTIES! NUUUUU!” it yelled
With a kick it finally got lose, the brown pegasus pathetically laying there, bloody guts cacked in dirt, taking its last breaths as the lights went out.
Buddy tossed the corpse of the filly go just to bring his arm down and grab a young green unicorn mare by the neck faster than any fluffy could move.
“ACK! cant…bweaties”
He began swinging her around smashing her into other fluffies
“NU AM MUNSTAH! NU AM MUNSTAH!”
He stomped on the foals below reducing them to a red pulp. He kicked adults with such force the blunt trauma killed them or left them with fatal internal bleeding and bones shattered to bits or poking out through their skin. He grabbed colt and fillies with his arm and sent them flying against the trees with such force they exploded on impact.
Eventually the entire herd was dead, none were able to escape as Buddy could move faster than any fluffy without ever getting tired.
“HEWP! HEWP! MUNSTAH WAN NUM SOON MUMMAH!” -yelled a bloated purple dam as it uselessly wiggled its legs trying to find traction, calling for a herd that was no longer alive.
STOMP! STOMP! - it could hear the sound of Buddy’s long solid legs getting near.
Looming over the hopeless mare was Buddy’s frame covered in fluffy blood.
“BUDDY SEZ NU-AM-MUNSTAH!” -voice so strong it came out a bit distorted from the drivers
STOMP!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
As Buddy trampled over the dam’s left leg and shoulder his arm grabbed both rear legs.
And he began pulling…
REEEEEEEEEEEE!
“NU AM MUNSTAH!”
PW-EASE STAAAAAAPH! EEEEEEEEEE!
“NU AM MUNSTAH!”
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
RIIIIIIIIIIIIP!
Buddy tore the dam in two pieces, guts spilling down first, then the uterus broke open like a baloon and a sudden splash of steaming amniotic fluid was followed by 6 fuzzy foals only a few days from being born.
Only immediate care and placing them on an incubator could save these chirpy foals.
STOMP!
STOMP!
But Buddy instead flattened the foals into little more than red shallow pits in the soft dirt bellow.
“U am the munstahs…” he said before going back to the labs.
Daddeh James was shocked when he saw Buddy covered in fluffy blood and hairs. He was cleaned by a lab tech as the other scientists looked at the footage of the massacre. Some were concerned about Buddy’s sudden “inhumanity” towards other fluffies. But one of the guys from the business development area saw it more as an opportunity than a problem, not a bug but a feature that could be implemented in other units.
Things went back to normal, for a while.
However eventually Buddy began to feel tired, he was having trouble getting up, not like his body was failing him, rather it was his mind. He was getting erratic, his speech slurred but not as a ‘derped’ fluffy would.
Rather one with a degenerating brain.
“Well seems the neural degradation wont stop” -said Gustavo
“Really? even with the stem cells gel?”
“Yep, seems those foals got liquefied for nothing, there’s no stopping this”
“Shouldn’t we disable the control pod? I mean the main unit isn’t that big but you saw that footage, it could still kick you hard in the nuts if it gets crazy enough, and with dementia…”
“I know James, make the call then we will disconnect it”
Buddy didn’t understand anything, his brain fog was so bad he couldn’t even tell if this was real or just a dream.
“Cut local control, enabling remote”
Suddenly his body began to move without him thinking. He walked up a small ramp that brought him up a table full of tools and other things.
He could hear the sound of an electric screwdriver.
“Huh! nu wike!”-he thought, but the voice didn’t come out, he couldn’t hear it this time as that circuit wasn’t connected anymore.
“Removing the pod”
Now Buddy was in the air, in daddeh Gustavo’s right hand.
“Daddeh? B-buddy am babbeh agen? g-gib huggies?”
The words were again only on Buddy’s head. Gustavo turned the pod around for a quick inspection.
“See any filtration on the base?”
“Nope, the seals are intact, I’ll ask the techs to check for any outside contamination of the chamber but I doubt they’ll find any”-replied James
“Alright lets put the main unit back into storage then”
And while saying this Gustavo left Buddy on the table behind him, next to a plastic box labelled for neural pod cleanup and refurbishing. As he stood there he could see his body: an old but still working yellow quadruped robot.
These dog-like robots are mass produced and commonplace these days, mostly used for things like basic surveillance, monitoring buildings and depots, and ground deliveries in places where drones are not allowed to fly.
“Whu, wat am happenin?”-Buddy says again with no voice outside its brain, his vision getting more blurry as the lack of power to the pod means the air pump its no longer providing oxygen to his brain, the small onboard battery only meant to last a couple minutes.
“n…nu…nu w…wi…ke”
A small OLED screen on the pod unit turned on with the message “LIFE FUNCTIONS TERMINATED”
In a few hours the pod would be opened by a undergrad working as a lab tech. He would toss the tiny fluffy brain inside into a bag full of liquid. Later on another tech would cut the brain into thin slices to find out exactly what caused it to stop working properly.
Buddy’s entire video and neural feedback from the massacre was downloaded to a server farm that used the information to train AIs.
Art by @Fluffus
Art by @Booperino
This would then be used to equip a new generation of autonomous fluffy control units: quadruped robots that would go around identifying stray and feral fluffies then destroy them, no need for complicated thermal camera arrays and poison tanks like flying fluffycontrol drones have, able to work completely on their own and even do some basic cleanup after the job is done.
The End
