“I know I should have probably gotten a foal from you, but Todd really wanted one of those super smart ones, and I know you don’t work with those for some reason -”
“That is because they are little terrorists.” Loretta snaps, cutting her sister off mid-sentence. “I do not negotiate with terrorists.”
“I think that’s a bit harsh, Letty. He is kinda ugly, but Todd really likes him! Plus he was nowhere near as expensive as the ones you sell. They’re like two peas in a pod.”
That would be because your child has the temperament of a smarty with thumbs.
Loretta does not say this however, she opts to click her tongue disapprovingly. Melissa makes a sound of annoyance at her sister’s clear disdain of her choice.
“The price tag is for their designer genetics and their temperament. The people who buy from me know exactly what they are getting. They want a well-socialized fluffy with no risks of developing either bitch mare, or smarty syndrome -”
“But why don’t people want the smart ones?” Melissa cries. “Aren’t they the ones who learn the fastest? The ones who can help your kid with their homework? A smart fluffy for a smart kid, why else would they be called smarty?”
“You know what Melissa? You’re right. Why wouldn’t someone want a smart fluffy? How about you keep me in the loop on how his adjustment goes.” And with that, Loretta hung up the phone. She had better things to do than try and argue with her half-sister, and if she were being honest, Melissa would do whatever she wanted to do anyways. She suffered from an extreme case of being the last born and unfortunately, that followed her into adulthood. Fuck. Her own husband even hated fluffies, and yet his wife was steamrolling his comfort just so their child could have a new toy.
A new toy she would likely end up inheriting once Todd got bored of the little shitstain. Oh well. Loretta has a friend who would love to get her hands on another smarty.
–
Loretta stared numbly at her phone which was ringing once more. The obnoxious ringtone told her that it was Melissa calling her. It goes to voicemail. She calls again, and again. It was around call number ten, before Loretta finally picked up the phone, and her sister sounded beyond frantic, her voice spilling into the microphone before Loretta even had a chance to greet her.
“You have to come get him! He’s ruining my house!”
Loretta blinks and resists asking if it was her son or the fluffy, that needed to be removed from the premise.
“He won’t use the litter box, he sits there screaming, and I mean he is yelling so loud that we can hear him in the basement when he is on the second floor, for ‘skettis’. He chases after our small dogs and bites them! Sure, it doesn’t cause injury, but they’re terrified of him! Todd barely does anything with him anymore and - “
“WAN’ GUUD FEEWS NAOW! DUMMEH HOOMAN, CHUCKY WAN GUUD FEEWS!!!”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING SHITRAT!” There comes a loud screech as the fluffy known as Chucky is clearly kicked, but instead of screaming about how hurt he is, he turns his attention to attacking Melissa, who’s screaming at the top of her lungs while she tries to fend off the overly aggressive fluffy.
Loretta bites back a laugh as she holds the phone away from her ear. Her sister was so loud that she could hear everything clearly despite putting the phone on the table. She resumes her chore of cleaning the dishes as Melissa belted out demand after demand. Once her sister had finally stopped, and all Loretta could hear was her heavy breathing, did she finally respond.
“I thought you wanted a smart fluffy.”
“Really? You’re gonna do this right fucking now?”
“I don’t really have anything better to do, and you’re the one calling me for help with a stallion who is in a full blown smarty temper tantrum.”
“Fuck you. Fine. I should have listened and gotten a foal from you -”
“I would not have given you a foal in the first place.” Loretta interrupts.
“Whatever, and because I didn’t listen, I’m stuck with this fucking retarded shitpig who is terrorizing me. I swear he’s fucking doing it for fun! I don’t know what the fuck Hasbio was smoking when making these fucking freaks of nature! Hugs and love my ass! He’s a mons - CHUCKY WHAT THE FUCK?! NO! YOU CAN’T FUCKING RAPE THE DOGS - “
The line clicks just as Loretta loses her composure. She laughs a deep belly laugh, tears pooling in the corners of her eyes as a small bit of karma finally caught up to Melissa. It didn’t take long before her phone was ringing again, and Loretta waited till the last possible ring before picking up.
“Please! I need you to come take him! He’s terrorizing us!!!” Melissa sobs.
“And what use do you think I have for a smarty?”
“I don’t know! Just fucking take him! Please!! PLEASE!” Melissa is babbling incoherently at this point. Loretta sighs.
“What condition is he in?”
“What? I don’t see why that matters…” Melissa mutters, her tone changing suddenly, and Loretta raises a brow. “I’m just gonna send you a photo…”
And send a photo she did. Loretta is instantly met with a scowling face from a rather mean looking blue fluffy with an orange mane. He was a unicorn with a destroyed horn and a blind eye - how there was so much anger in that lame eye, Loretta didn’t know, but it was there. Patches of his blue fluff were torn off, and the scarring on his front right leg reminded her of Freddy Kruegar. The right side of his face was heavily scarred, and if Loretta had to guess, little Todd was to blame for all the damage.
“Sure, he’s a little worse for wear, but he’s still perfectly healthy, as you could hear earlier. I really think you’d do a good job with him and if there’s anyone who could whip him into shape, it’d be you!”
“How old is he?”
“A year and a half. He doesn’t seem to want a family or any babies, so I don’t know if you could really make use of him but - “
“Lindsay will take him once I give him the all-clear.”
“Lindsay?! Not that fucking freak! You know she will just kill him, right?”
“Melissa. I’m pretty sure Todd was going to kill him eventually. Why does it matter what happens to him if he’s no longer your problem?”
Melissa clicks her tongue, but she doesn’t argue further. “You’ll come get him tonight, then?”
“Yeah, why not. Make sure Todd has said his goodbye. You know I don’t do well with tears.”
–
Todd had not said goodbye by the time Loretta had pulled up. He was sitting on the steps of the front porch, wailing dramatically while he held a fluffy who was tolerating the contact, at the very least. Melissa was doing her best to comfort her spawn, and Loretta debated turning around and going right back home. Once more, her half-sister did not listen and felt the need to make everything far more complicated than it needed to be. Now she was going to have to pry the fluffy from her ten-year-old nephew’s arms because there was no way in hell that he would let him go without a fight.
Loretta steps out of the car, and waves to her nephew, who glares back at her. Melissa had probably told him about what was going to happen, and he looked ready to throw down. Over a smarty.
Oh, how she wanted to laugh at the sheer absurdity of this entire situation.
“You can’t have him. He’s my friend till the end!” Todd spits at her. Loretta raises her hands to show she is no threat, as her half-sister comes barreling out the front door.
“Oh thank God you’re here. Todd, give Chucky to Auntie Letty.”
“NO. HE’S MY FRIEND TILL THE END!!!” Todd screams.
Loretta carefully made her way over to where the preteen was sitting. She looks at him with a curious glint in her gaze, before crouching down to make direct eye contact with him.
“Here’s the thing, Todd: this is the end. Your mom has called me because Chucky - “
At this moment, the fluffy known as Chucky decided to pipe up: “Aww my fwiends caww me Chucky.”
Loretta scowls. “Because Chucky here has been a naughty boy. I’ve been told he hasn’t been using his litter box, he is attacking your dogs. In fact, I heard him raping your dogs earlier - “
A high-pitched, angry shriek punctuates the air and Loretta is given a look that would have killed her had looks been fatal. She smirks as her half-sister slaps her hands over her son’s ears, but not before he asks the question that would certainly stop his mother’s heart from beating all together. Or at least, that would have be funny if it happened.
“Huh? Chucky did what to the dogs? Mom, what’s rape?”
With Todd distracted by chanting out “Mom, tell me what rape is!”, Loretta is able to pry Chucky away from him. The fluffy cries out, reaching his legs towards Todd, who pays him no heed. He is far too interested in why his mother had just turned fifty shades redder in under ten seconds.
The fluffy turns his attention to Loretta, who looks down at him in annoyance.
“Hewwo nice wady! Fwuffy am namesie Chucky! Chucky wiww be yo’ bestest fwiend untiw da end! Chucky am a guud guy!!”
A sudden realization dawns upon Loretta.
“Hey Todd, where did you get the name Chucky from?”
Her nephew stops his chanting, looking over at his aunt like she was one of the stupidest people he had ever seen.
“The Chucky movies, duh! I taught him all of the taglines. He’s pretty retarded, so it took some work, but we got there - “
Melissa’s hand has found the outer shell of her son’s ear and she drags him into the house. She makes a ‘call me’ motion as she begins to scold Todd over his language and Loretta immediately decides that she isn’t going to do that. She looks back at Chucky, who hasn’t stopped looking at her once he realizes that Todd has practically abandoned him.
“Aww my fwiends caww me Chucky!” he parrots again.
“Yeah… no. That’s not going to happen, because I’m not your friend, Charles.”
The art, as per usual, is done by the lovely @FluffyChimera.
well she learn the hard way and her son isnt helpin too.
That will never happen. Ever.