You are a fluffy foal, a blue earthie with a teal mane, and you are followed by a monster. You have no idea how long it’s been following you. It seems like it’s always been there. Solid red, fluffy sized, and always smiling. Your first memories were seeing it over the shoulder of your delighted mother as you opened your eyes for the first time. Its dark eyes stared into yours and paralyzed you with fear. It just… watched. Stared.
Your family can’t see it. You tried to show them but it somehow hides from them every time they look. You can’t hide from it, it always finds you. It is your monster, one made just for you.
You try to ignore it.
You were chasing your sister around the box you lived in when you heard it speak for the first time. A game of huggy tag, your pale green sister was so much faster than you but you were still confident you could catch her. Until.
You will never catch her.
You skidded to a stop, the low voice filling your body with ice cold fear. Your monster stood at the end of the box, watching as it always does. It’s mouth didn’t open as it spoke, it just… smiled.
She is fast. You are slow. Give up.
“Babbeh… Babbeh nu swow…”
You are. She has wings. You do not. She is fast. You are slow. Give up.
“Bwuddah?” You sister turned back. “Bwuddah hab huwties?”
You gulped. “N-nu. Babbeh am… tiwed.” You hadn’t ever caught her, and it was right, she did have wings. Her wings must make her fast.
“…Otay, Babbeh pway wif sissies.” She skipped over to where your other two sisters were playing.
You laid down on the other side of the box, as far from the smiling monster as you could get. Why did you think you could catch her? She was the fastest of your siblings. Maybe your other no wingie sister would be better to chase.
She is also too fast. You are slow. You will never win.
Or not. The monster was right, you were by far the slowest. Chasing games would just make you sad.
The monster spoke to you often, telling you things you didn’t want to hear. It was always right though.
Your siblings found you boring, you were never any good at the games they wanted to play so you never joined in. Sometimes the monster would tell you secret things they said about you. They hated you. So you kept your distance.
Your daddeh never wanted to play with you. He said it was because he was too tired after getting nummies all day but the monster told you he just didn’t like you. He had other fluffies he played with all day instead of you. Because you were a bad fluffy.
Your mummah… well she asked you what was wrong one day and you told her about what the monster said but it just made her cry. You told her it was a bad dream you had and pretended that the hugs made it better. So selfish. The monster told you. You made your mother cry because you are selfish. You never think about anyone but yourself.
You tried to put on a happy face for them, but your mummah still called you saddie-babbeh. It became Saddie when she named you and your siblings. She wanted to call you Useless. She’s just being nice.
You tried to be as helpful as you could. There wasn’t much a small foal could do, but you always made sure your siblings ate first and you cleaned up their messes. As soon as you were big enough you insisted on helping your daddeh find nummies. Your mother objected, but daddeh agreed with you.
“Wet Saddie hewp.” He said. “Mabbeh make wess sad.”
He didn’t know you deserved to be sad. He didn’t know what a bad baby you were, the horrible things you would think about doing to them. And, selfishly, you thought maybe your monster would stay behind with them.
You were wrong.
You could feel it as you followed your daddeh’s directions out of the building you called home. You could see it blending in with the red door you exited. It was everywhere you looked, smiling. Staring. Whispering.
You will find nothing. Your effort is wasted.
You had to try. Your family depended on you.
Then waste away.
Outside was terrifying, no amount of stories from your parents could have prepared you for the vastness of it. The sky was wide and blue as your mane, and felt like it could fall on you at any moment. You scurried to the place your daddeh told you about, the big green boxes. There would be nothing there, but you were going to follow his directions.
A smell caught your attention, a white, flat box lay against the side. It smelled heavenly. A word you had never heard before crossed your mind; sketti! You nudged the box open with some effort, and inside were three triangles of sketti. Your mouth watered, you had only ever eaten your mummah’s milk and the worst bits of the food your daddeh brought home, as that was more than you deserved. You leaned forward to take a bite when the monster spoke.
Selfish. Once again, only thinking of yourself. Enjoy your treat while your family starves.
Right. You had a job to do. You pressed the box closed, looking back at the big square building. It was a long way for a small fluffy to travel, especially with a box twice your size. With a deep breath you bit down on a corner of the cardboard and began to pull.
The bright ball was low in the sky by the time you managed to fit the box through the green door. It was very narrow, you barely fit. You thought about getting your daddeh to help but lazy fluffies like you didn’t deserve help. He works hard enough.
You scooted your burden to your box home, and called out to your family. “Saddie hab nummies!”
Self centered. Do you need attention for every little thing you do?
You swallowed, embarrassed, and waited for your family to come out.
You waited for quite a while before calling out again. “… Mummah? Daddeh? Saddie am back.” You tried to pull the cardboard open but there didn’t seem to be an opening anymore. You walked around the box, sniffing. The box didn’t smell like your family at all, as if they had never been here. You managed to stand on your hind legs, finding an opening in the box. Looking in you found…
Nothing.
“Mummah?! Daddeh?!” You jumped down and spun around, looking for them in the darkness.
They abandoned you.
“NU! MUMMAH! DADDEH! SISSIES!! WHEW AM YU?!”
Stop. They don’t want you. They took the chance to leave while they could.
You curled on the hard concrete floor, sobbing. The monster stood over you, smiling as it always did.
Stupid. Selfish. A mercy they didn’t abandon you sooner.
“Mummah…”
She doesn’t love you. You don’t deserve love. Look at you. Useless, worthless, crying on the ground.
“Munstah… am wite. Saddie… bad fwuffy.”
