Winter. Cold, bitterly dry and wind gusts that stung in ways most fluffies couldn’t ever describe. It had been a relatively mild one this year until the cold snap had brought in sheets of ice and snow covering everything overnight. Finding a warm place to settle in and ride out the cold in the alleys and hidden corners of Glennville was a loosing battle for many small families and herds of fluffies. If it wasn’t bigger opponents it was bigger herds or homeless humans fighting and winning for the scraps of society. For a white and blue maned earthy stallion leading a small herd of fifteen stallions and mares, had suffered a devastating loss when a homeless human gave his ten best tuffies forever sleepies. All for a dumpster full of fast food restaurant trash. Now he stood in a dirty alley with a herd of mostly mares now and their half grown foals, he enforced a no babbehs rule when the coldy times started to come. Something his daddeh taught him, he looked just like his daddeh the old smarty and that was why he called him bestest making sure he ate the most and grew very big and strong as a tuffy. But now his Daddeh was dead from the battle for the trash nummies and it was time for him to step up and take lead. One of the tuffies lost was an older survivor from another herd that lived in the big “woodsies” outside of town, of digging large nesties under fallen trees and eating nummies growing on bushes. Every spot in this town they could think to find had been occupied, weren’t big enough for all or got chased out by scary mean humans. It was settled in his mind, they were moving to the big woodsies but first, one last search for nummies till they found a new home. After declaring himself the new smarty he sent the nummy finders and anyone else old enough out to find whatever they could before the journey began. By the time the bright ball in the sky was at its highest peak most of the fluffies had gathered back together some hadn’t come back at all. What they had gathered was meager, a few half eaten bags of chips or the rock hard remains of a fast food burger and fries and not much else. Huddling together for what little warmth their collective bodies could provide each other they navigated the back alleys and walkways of Glennville until they got to the closest alley where with the woodsies in sight. But it wasn’t that easy, it never was for a fluffy, to reach this supposed safe haven they had to cross a fairly busy section of road.
-Aww da smaww fwuffs in da middew! Mummahs on da outside! Dummeh poopies an munstah go away!- The smarty shouted to the herd.
There was an adult brown mare and three juveniles none of them hers, rejects of the herd always living on its edge and off its filth. A brown and red maned earthy mare and colt and a yellow and light blue maned alicorn mare, all four far worse off than the rest of the herd, still followed behind the herd trying to keep up. The main group was hesitant at first many of the younger ones refused to budge as the smarty urged them to run across between long gaps between cars zooming by. He shouted and gave sorry hoofies to all that hesitated and at last got the herd moving but because of their hesitation the oncoming truck sped up.
-Wun dummehs! vwoom munstah coming!- The smarty hollered leading the herd.
The smarty made it first to the other sides soft cold grass as the older fluffs urged the younger ones on and to hurry up. More and more crossed by the bunch just as the truck struck and several were shit out of luck, their heads and bodies popping like a stomped grape. A splash of boo-boo juice across the smarty’s face and for a moment he lost his nerve and ran from the terrified and wounded herd, stopped only a few yards away and continued to shout. The lucky one in the middle were spared being crushed by the trucks tires, they screamed at the sight of their dead and mortally wounded frozen in place. But they had to move now or the oncoming car behind it would soon finish the rest, it was low enough to get even the ones in the middle. Its horn blared at them trying to scare them off the road as the driver didn’t want to mess up his paint job with blood or dent the bumper in any way. Well it worked and the rest ran past the piles of gore that once was their herd mates and family just as the car tires splashed more boo-boo juice on the stragglers, the poopy juveniles. The brown mare was last, she had been pushing the rest onward having been too scared to move and the car clipped her flank, ripping her in half. Not a soul gave her a second look or thought, glad to be rid of such a not pretty bad fluffy, save for the young rejects, she had taken them all in and cared for them when no one else would. They wept for her but still tried to keep up with the herd who were now down six fluffies, what little chance of survival they had depended on it.
At last the herd was safely on the other side, for the most part, now they quickly crossed the short field of soggy half snow covered grass to the safety of the woodsies. That’s what the smarty thought anyway, he was dead set in his line of thought though, he was the smarty, the bestest babbeh before that and that meant he was never wrong. Never, never,never, he has to be right, being the smarty made him so. The wind bitterly stung through their flimsy fluff as they ran and once they passed the border the wind wasn’t as bad with the trees providing some protection.
-Aww fwuffies wook fow big twee dat faww ova den fwuffies dig!- Ordered the smarty.
With newfound hope of a safe home and food soon after was enough to inspire the herd to march deeper into the woods. And so they marched on, the bare trees coated in snow gave the forest a haunting beauty even in the afternoon sun. Stopping only once to eat what little food they had brought the search for any fallen tree big enough to dig a nestie under had no success and the sun was starting to go down. Success! They found a very large tree that was toppled over and best of all there was already a hole dug out underneath it, what luck. Or so the smarty thought. First he had to see if it was safe and big enough to fit the whole herd and he looked to the little brown and red maned filly huddling with the alicorn mare.
-Dummeh poopie babbeh go in da howe an see if new nestie is big nuff! NAO!- The smarty shouted at the shivering filly.
-Buh-b-b-ut howe am su dawk an scawy in dewe…- The filly shivered.
-Nao! Ow ou be Smawty’s new enfie mawe!- Stomping a hoof into the snow.
With a muffled yelp the filly cowered before the smarty before he yelled again and she slowly started to slink her way to the hole under the tree. It certainly was dark and scary but she was more afraid of what the smarty would do, so, in she went. The sudden lack of light left her to rely on her nose and hooves to sniff and feel her way around, the walls were wide and high enough for her to stand but there was a heavy smell. What was it? It seemed familiar enough, she was certain she smelled it before but was different somehow. Like…A bawky munstah! She froze in place at the realization with one hoof resting on something soft and fuzzy then she heard the growl echo in the dark.
The herd stood in silence listening for anything they could from inside the hole with nothing but the wind to break the eerily quiet forest.
-SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!- The filly’s voice echoed from the hole.
The whole herd jumped and made scaredy poopies as the filly inside kept screaming and pleading that she wasn’t nummies and to give back her leggie. Then the barky monster came out, tall and sleek with red shiny fur, black foot fur, big poofy tail and a brown leggy in its teeth, it was the strangest barky monster they had ever seen. It dropped the leg to lick its lips at the feast that had wandered to its doorstep and was now spoiled for choice. The herd turned tail and ran back the way they came as the barky monster bit down on the neck of a straggling green mare giving the rest a chance to run away while it feasted. Oh did they run, they just kept going with nowhere to hide they ran past their old turning point down new unpaved snow until they were ready to drop. Panting out of breath they huddled in the growing darkness as best they could too cold to notice the rejects mixed in with them they laid down just as a wet heavy snowfall started.
By morning the snow had stopped and a shell had formed over the dwindling herd providing a natural igloo for them sparing all but a few from forever sleepies. The poopie colt and a pink filly were not so lucky, seemingly downed with frozen snoots full of slush, he could care less about the poopie but the filly’s death sent the smarty into a rage. She was one of his foals and as her mummah, a green and pink maned pegasus hugged her filly trying to hug her back to life, the smarty turned his anger to the shivering half starved alicorn. She had no idea what was going on, yawning and wondering what all the fuss was when she caught a hoofie to the side of her face. She tried her best to cover her face as the smarty hit her again and again yelling the whole time.
-Stupi munstah! Go foweva sweepies! Ou shouwd be gone an not Smawty’s babbeh! Hate’chu! Hate’chu!-
Tired and out of breath from hunger the smarty soon let up, he felt his tummy gurgle and ache he left the filly to weep in her own scaredy pee-pee and boo-boo juice. As a final insult to injury before he walked away he gave her what little sorry poopies he could muster on an empty tummy then looked to his herd. The smarty’s tummy wasn’t the only one empty and growing desperate for food and all they could find on their journey so far was snow and now there was something to eat at last. He stood over the cold dead poopie colt’s body and licked his drying lips then sank his teeth into his fluff, ripping a chunk off after a few hard pulls and chewed. There wasn’t much meat on him to begin with and what little there was was bitter and hinted of poopies but the smarty couldn’t bring himself to eat his own foal. The rest of the herd was shocked and horrified at the sight but with loudly growling bellies they soon started taking bites for them selves as the filly’s mother pleaded that her dead babbeh wasn’t nummies. After everyone got a few bites in there wasn’t much left of their former herd mates and the survivors were quick to move on from the grisly scene. Suddenly being so deep in the woods didn’t seem like such a good idea anymore but the simple task of following their tracks back out was impossible after the snowfall. So the smarty picked the clearest trail he could find and marched the shivering herd forward. They marched and they marched and they marched some more, no shelter nor food to be found and most of the day had been spent wandering the snow covered trail. Eventually the trail ended and the herd found themselves in an open clearing and in the distance they could see a large two story house with two large barns, the smarty had to take this place as his own. He wanted nummies, he wanted warmies, he wanted a soft nestie to sleep and he wanted it now and he didn’t care what he had to do to get it! Steeling himself against the wind and the bright midday sun shining off the snow into his eyes he led the herd on with the little alicorn limping along still bringing up the rear by a large gap. Chest deep in snow the smarty reached the back door porch and banged his hoofies over and over yelling at the top of his tiny little lungs.
-D-d-dummeh hooman o-o-pen doow! D-d-is am smawty wand nao!-
After a few moments of banging and shouting the door opened and a blonde fifty something old woman opened the door and looked at the shivering smarty.
-D-d-is am smawty’s wand n-nao! Give s-s-sketties an w-wawm hou-ACHOO!-housie ow g-get wostest Sowwy h-ho-hoofies an p-p-oopies! Stammered the half frozen fluffy.
The woman was looking like she was doing her damnedest to hold back hysterical laughter as she looked down at the shivering fluffy.
“(Pffft!) he he he Ahem. What herd dumbass?”
The smarty turned around and looked to his herd and found an empty trampled patch of snow and a trail of tracks leading to a large doghouse.
“Looks like they found Stalker’s doghouse and bailed on your ass.” The woman chuckled.
Giving the smarty a small punt to get him out the doorway she stepped out onto the snowy porch and shut the door behind her. Walking to the railing she stuck two fingers in her mouth and let out an ear shattering whistle and after a few moments a skinny figure stepped out of the smaller barn.
“Jake’s busy! What’cha need, Clara?” Shouted the man over the wind.
“We got company, Earl. Looking for a place to stay!” She shouted back. “Get your wranglers out here!”
The smarty watched as Earl made his way over with two barky monsters and a wingy pointy monster too and his heart practically stopped at the sight of them. Now thinking he had made a serious mistake as the tall skinny man stepped up on the porch now and now loomed over him.
“It’s your lucky day smart-ass.” Earl smile behind his giant mustache. “You made it to Skettiland.”
Now there was the magic word that erased his fear and even took some of the chill in his bones. Skettie-land, inside that big red barn must have been the paradise of fluffies everywhere and he found it. He. Found. It. Him, the bestest smarty ever and now he was going to enjoy sketties every day forever.
-D-d-d-dis am s-s-kettie-wand? But w-why dew m-munstahs hewe?- He asked through chattering teeth.
“They keep the other monsters and poopies who don’t deserve sketties and only let in the good fluffies.” His obviously sarcastic tone lost on the frozen fluffy. “Got any of them in the herd?”
-Smawty gif munstah wostest owwies an nu wet dem in skettie-wand!- Puffing himself up proudly.
“Well then we’re all settled, better get your herd out of Stalker’s doghouse. He don’t like fluffies in there.”
The smarty hopped down the steps and ran to the doghouse to tell them the good news almost ignoring the dog leering at the huddled up herd in his doghouse. There were only seven left by now but the news that they had found skettie-land made them forget how cold and tired they were but also of how hungry they were. Slowly, one at a time they exited the doghouse, making sure to give stalker a wide berth, they followed the smarty who followed Earl through the snow. The dogs followed the herd, making the herd nervous but Goblin lagged behind backtracking the herd’s trail he found the beaten and bloody yellow alicorn mare. She had stubbornly dragged herself along the trail long after the herd was out of sight until she collapsed halfway to the house. Too hurt and tired to carry on the cold wet ground was starting to take her when she felt her body lift off the snow but no hands were touching her. Barely able to open one blurry eye she saw something glowing and bobbing around as she felt her body move forward through the air. It felt so good to fly, she thought, at least one time before forever sleepies.
The smarty was so proud of himself for finding skettie-land and despite the cold her now carried himself with his chest puffed out, practically strutting as he led his herd. If any of them could read they would have noticed the painted sign on the barn that read “SkettiLand Fluffy Pest E&C”. The burst of warm air that escaped the barn when the door was slid open with bright light lighting up the dusky outdoors. The warmth alone made the herd rush blindly inside weeping with joy they basked in the warm air shaking off as much snow and water as they could. It was when the door slammed shut that they realized that something was very wrong here. The barn reeked of blood, fear and shit, one side had a huge walk in freezer door the other a long metal counter with sinks and racks of knives on the wall. The middle, a pen full of terrified fluffies begging for no forever sleepies, then the gate swung open and dogs behind them started growling.
“Get in.” Earl stated coldly.
-Buh… whewe am sketties?- The smarty asked looking around.
“Pfffttaahahahaaa! Your gonna BE the sketties, dumb ass. Herd 'em in boys.”
The dogs lunged snapping at them and they practically trampled their smarty as they ran away and right into the pen with the gate slamming shut behind them. Their new pen was separate from the other fluffies that begged for their lives and the smarty looked up at Earl confused.
“Welcome to quarantine, smarty. While you sit in quarantine for the next few days you get to sit and watch whats gonna happen to you. But first, time to get your shots.”
The whole SkettieLand crew was working to day and each grabbed a fluffy and jammed a syringe into their flanks pumping them full of drugs that burned as it went in. Mark, Jr. and Bill then reached into the other pen and took a fluffy by the scruff in each hand But Shannon and Candice only took one each and got to work. Jake swung open the walk in freezer stepping out, pulling a now empty meat wagon behind him.
“Man, you’re not gonna believe what marched up to your back door.” Earl laughed hunching over the pen.
The smarty wasn’t paying attention to the conversation the two were having he was transfixed on the people at the workstations even ignoring his newly sore flank. One fluffy was dropped in a double basin sink and the other was squeezed out over the second basin, wringing out every drop of poopies and pee-pees then, it began. He couldn’t see everything with their backs in the way but he saw enough. Knives were taken from the rack and all the fluffies screamed and begged, it all jumbling into noise he could barely make out then the knives were set down. He watched them make a hard effort to pull something in two directions and their arms whipped out, a screaming skinless fluffy in one hand and the skin in the other. The skinless fluffs were left on the table to scree as their skin was put on a coat hook and left to hang on a line overhead inside out. The fluffies were then laid on their backs with their heads over the sink and their head were swiftly chopped off and the two pieces were dumped in a meat wagon made from wagon parts and a steel water trough. The smarty didn’t realize that he was now sitting in a pool of his own scaredy poopies and pee-pees when he snapped to reality and looked up at the two men talking.
“Speaking of bad ideas, where’s that freaky little mutant of yours?” Jake asked looking around.
As if on cue the barn door slid open and Goblin walked in with the half frozen body the little alicorn mare floating next to him.
“Looks like he’s been cleaning up your backyard.” Earl said with a smug grin. “What’cha got for us, Goblin?”
-Gobwin find awicown. Got wots of owwies. Can Boss hewp hew?-
“(Sigh) Bring her here and I’ll see what we can do.” Holding out his hands.
The mare floated into Earl’s palms and the glow of Goblin’s horn faded as he looked up with almost pleading eyes. Leaving Goblin by the pen they took the battered filly to the butchering table feeling more like a block of ice than a living animal. Running her under some warm water in the sink to thaw her out some then started to give her a cursory exam.
“Well the leg’s not broken, probably a few fractured ribs.” Jake stated plainly running his fingers over the filly checking her reactions. “Maybe a concussion too.”
“Malnourished for sure, probably living off a diet of shit. A booster shot and a real meal with a few bandages and she should pull through, but I can’t keep her. She’s too pretty, she’ll end up starting fights over her between the others.” He whispered back.
“Others?!” He whispered back loudly. “What others?! I thought you only had him and the two mares?”
“Future plans in the works, don’t worry about it.”
“I swear to god if I end up loosing a chunk of me like you did I’m not coming to save your ass this time. Now as for her, our quotas are met, she too pretty for just meat and fluff and I doubt IT will forgive you for killing her.” Peeking over his shoulder while referencing Goblin.
“Hmmm… Sandy’s?”
“Yeah. Sandy’s.”
“I’ll take her in the morning till, then we’ll keep her in the kennel.”
The smarty sat sobbing at what he saw before him knowing that soon he would be next when several blasts of sorry poopies hit him from behind. Shaking off what he could he turned around his fear momentarily replace with anger then shock when he saw his entire herd with their asses aimed at him. Even his special friend.
-Smawty am dummeh!- Shouted the green and pink maned pegasus -Dis nu am skettie-wand! Dis am bad pwace! Nu wuv Smawty nu mow! PPBBBBBTTT!!- Sticking her tongue out at him.
Goblin sat next to the pen watching the backs of the two men as they discussed the filly’s fate when he herd the smarty start to beg for his life.
-pwease nice munstah, Smawty am good fwuffy. Pwease wet Smawty an hewd go. Pwomise to weave skettie-wand fowevah…sniff…huuu…-
-Did you just say…Smawty?- Slowly turning his head to gaze at the smarty through his left eye with a devious smile spreading over his face. -Ohhh dis gonna be fun.-
Goblin’s horn lit up and the smarty felt his body jerk off the ground and up over the pen’s fencing and was now floating inches from Goblin’s face. If he had any shit left in him the sinister smile on Goblin’s face would have made him drop the last of it.
-Boss? Gobwin want da smawty.-
“Yeah sure thing Gobby, as a matter of fact let’s learn something new. Wanna learn how to skin a smarty?”
Goblin’s face lit up and the smarty’s went so pale he practically turned white.
“Bring him to the table.”
Jake took the filly while giving both Earl and Goblin the stink eye and walked off while the floating smarty kicked and screeched, desperately trying to swim away from his fate. Jake walked off wrapping the still shivering filly in a towel and taking her away to treat her injuries with Goblin watching and nearly dropped the smarty.
-Am mawe otay boss? Can Gobwin keep?- Jumping up onto the butchers table and pinning the smarty down in front of him.
“I don’t think she’ll fit in well with your herd. But don’t worry I know a place where she’ll be happy. We’ll take her there tomorrow, okay?”
-Oh. otay.- Sounding a little crestfallen.
“Not every one you pick is gonna be a winner. Now cheer up, we’re about to have some fun. Alright I’ll start and you watch and follow. First we need to wash the shit outta his fluff. Time for a shower smart ass.” Grabbing the smarty by the neck with his metal hand.
Holding the smarty under the sink’s faucet he ran the cold water at full blast while using a long shower brush to scrub the fluff clean.
-Screeeee!! WAWA BAD FOW SMAWTY! Nu! NU! Nu wan sowwy stick bwushies! Hu hu huuu (glugblblblb KAFF CouGh Hack!)-
Holding his head under the running water he ran the hard stiff bristles over the smarty’s face and head. Roughly toweling him off then squeezing the shit out of him, Earl pinned him back onto the butchers block and took the smarty’s front left leggy in his metal hand. Plucking a hunting knife off a magnetic bar on the wall he flipped it to the gut hook side and sliced into the smarty’s leg just above his hoof. The smarty wailed, flailed and screamed as Earl worked the blade very slowly to show Goblin how to work it and where. When he finished the cut he took the other front leg in his left hand then held out the knife to Goblin.
“Alright bud, your turn. Go ahead, take it.”
The blade levitated out of his and and floated with its point straight up towards Goblin’s face a few inches from his nose then moved towards the smarty’s secured leg.
-Nu! Pwease nu mowe owwies! Smawty sowwy! Smawty sowwy! Nu know what do wong but neva do 'gain! PwomiscrEEEEEEEEEE!! Wostest hewties!-
The gut hook dug in the soft flesh, the cut wasn’t clean at first and instead of a ring around the wrist he over shot the first stroke and had to start again. It took four cuts and almost thirty seconds to do the job and the paint around Earl’s thumb sported a new scratch.
“That wasn’t very good, Goblin, and look, You scratched me.” Tapping a finger on his metal hand to point it out.
-Sowwy boss.-
“This is why we practice. Your strong, Goblin, very strong and that also means dangerous. You wouldn’t want to hurt Nugget or Lemon even by accident would you?”
-Nu! Gobwin neva do that!- The knife falling to the table.
“Then pay attention. Umm… Remember that connect the dots coloring book I gave you? Just picture those dots around his leg and think of the knife like the crayon you used to write in it. Now, try again. Dot to dot to dot.” Pointing at spots around the smarty’s back right ankle.
The blade picked up off the table as Earl took a tight grip on the next leg on the block as the knife got to work. the cuts were still straight lines but stopping at points in the flesh in an octagonal pattern the blade stopping to adjust before continuing on. The smarty was hoarse from screaming from a process that normally only took a minute or so to do was being agonizingly dragged out to teach Goblin the steps.
“Better, but still needs work. Alright last leg.” Grabbing last one. “Like drawing a circle.”
The smarty’s pleas and sobs fell on deaf ears and the blade slowly cut its way around in slow,slightly jerky motions but made a much cleaner cut this time.
“Alright this parts easier your going to make two slashes right from the left leg cut to his asshole and another from his right leg then slice off his tail.” Pointing from cut to knee to anus then holding both legs splayed.
-Nuhuhuuuhuuuu… Nu mowe owwies pwease… Nu take pwetty fwuff! Need fwuff fow keep wawscrEEEEEEEEEEEE!-
These cuts were quick going from knee to ass in seconds and repeated on the other side and Earl had to punch him in the face to get him to quiet down so he could keep lecturing.
“Don’t forget the tail. Good. Now we’re gonna pull. I’ll hold the skin you give the smarty a good hard pull.”
Digging his fingers in between the cuts he yanked the skin from the flesh pulling it off just enough to expose the muscle and waited for Goblin to go. The knife fell to the table and the raw flesh indented like fingers were grabbing it then stretched it out pulling more meat from skin as the smarty started separating from himself. With a fast, wet, sticky peeling noise the smarty was ripped clean of his fluff and now dangled upside down in the air letting out long muffled screams through his broken face. Earl took the inside out hide and put it on a wire coat hanger with the hook sticking through the mouth and hung it up on the line with the others.
“And that Goblin, is how you skin a smarty. Now we finish the job. See the cleaver on the wall?”
Goblin looked to the small meat cleaver that clung to the magnet bar then looked behind him to see Candice chop the head off her own skinned fluffy letting its head thunk into the metal sink. The cleaver on the wall pulled itself free as Earl plucked the smarty from the air and set him down with his head dangling over the sink looking at him with tear filled lidless eyes.
-Weeth hu moh hewteesth…hu huu… thmawhee thowwy… wan die.-
-Otay.-
The cleaver dropped catching the smarty at the jaw and chopping clean through with one stroke.
“Aim still needs work but still a clean cut.” Taking the head and body and dumping them in the meat wagon nearby. “Rinse those knives off before you hang them back up.”
The water turned on and the knives were waived under the stream till the blood was gone and then were stuck back to the magnet and Goblin hopped off the counter.
“We’ll practice more tomorrow, let’s go check on how Jake’s doing with that mare.”
Following Earl out the barn he paused at the quarantine pen to look at the trembling herd, some covered their eyes, others couldn’t look away. He grinned at them and said-
-See you next bwight time.-
And ran to catch up with Earl as he slid the barn door open.