it was a cool crisp morning in Glennville park, the sun just finished peaking over the horizon and the early morning joggers were making their rounds as others walked their pets. Mostly small dogs, the odd cat and a good numbers of fluffies. As a few flakes of snow began to fall Mr. and Mrs. Miller were walking their two fluffies, a mated couple of unicorns, the mare, yellow and blue maned, only a week pregnant. both wore matching little track suits to keep warm, his in blue with green trim they all kept to the side walk all the while being watched. From behind the tree trees and bushes dozens of random fluffies came rushing out swarming around the family clamoring for food and homes and friends.
-Nice wady gib fwuffy housie too?
-Need nummies fowe babbehs!
-Can fwuffy have housie too? Am soon mummah! Need nummies fow tummeh babbehs!
-Screeee!! Mummah hewp!
Some of the other mares had begun to pull at the tracksuits with their teeth trying to pull the thing off over her head but were zipped up and didn’t come off that way. with a quick yank of their harnesses the two pets flew up into the air and were snatched up mid-air and held closely to their owner’s chests.
-Soon mummah need cwoves too! cowdy times awe hewe!- A blue mare stamped at the womans foot with a desperate anger in her tone.
“You greedy little strays keep away from my Sunshine!”
she punted the mare scooping her up into the air and back first against a tree with a five foot drop to the ground, bones shattering on both impacts. they both started kicking at the annoyingly greedy ferals trampling three more before they ran away in terror, the blue crippled mare’s mate trying to help her drag her limp body away. She could only wheeze and weakly protest the hurties her mate gave her neck as he dragged her away by the tail inch by inch.
“I swear the park is getting worse every day. the ferals are everywhere.” The man complained
“The county should get someone to take care of this. there’s shit staring to pile up everywhere.”
-Daddeh pwease take Gumdwop home. nu wan wawkies nu mowe.
“Yeah let’s go home little buddy. now who do we call to file a complaint.” Digging out his phone.
In another part of the park near the playground a red unicorn with green mane stood before his herd as they clamored amongst themselves, huddled together for warmth from the biting cold of the wind. their makeshift nest of a massive pile of leaves the groundskeepers had made did little to help as the wind blew away large swaths of it with every gust. the white wawa had started falling from the sky a few times the last few bright times but now it was starting to stay where it landed, he needed to find someplace, anyplace to stay. One of the nummy finders had returned with a smile on his little brown face.
-Smawty! Smawty! Fwuffy find good nesties! Biggest nestie eva fo’ whole hewd!- Excitedly hopping up and down.
-Show hewd now. Nu can wait, too cowdy! Hewd! Fowwow da nummy findew!
The small herd of fifteen followed the smarty and nummy finder through the playground, past the basketball court and benches to the public bathroom. the doors swung both ways allowing easy access as the nummy finder held it open with his body letting the others scurry in from the cold. inside it wasn’t much warmer but no wind made it feel so much better, it didn’t take them long to start pulling the toilet paper from the gigantic spools to start a nest. pilling it all up in a corner under the sink the mummahs huddled together with their foals while the males carried in what few nummies they could find, mostly discarded plastic grocery bags full of dried leaves and trash bin scraps. They were just starting to get settled in when the door swung open, slamming against the wall scaring the literal shit from most of the herd.
“What the actual fuck?! You little shit rats are everywhere!” Growled the man at the door. “Can’t even take a piss without running into more shit rats!”
the smarty stood up and marched up to the man puffing out his cheeks and stamping his little hoof on the linoleum floor making tiny “pap pap pap” sounds.
-Dis am Smawty’s wand an nestie! weave now ow git wostest hoofies stompies an foweva sweepies!
Without a word the man kicked him like a soccer ball into the wall face first splattering blood and brains all over the herd. walking to the urinal he paused after unzipping his fly and walked back to the nest and relieved himself over the whole nest making sure to get them all.
-Nuuuu pee-pee wawa bad fow tummeh babbehs! why? why gif speciaw fwend foweva sweepies?- Cried a green Pegasus mare with a cluster a foals around her.
Zipping up he noticed a brown foal that would get kicked away from the are every time it tried to get near her. thinking to himself “Fuck it, I haven’t washed yet” he grabbed the mare by the mane and kicked open a stall door.
“Cuz you’re shit and this is where shit belongs!” Flipping her upside down by the tail.
Dropping her head first into the bowl the seat held her in place and her head under the water he barely got out of the stall in time before the shit started spraying out of her.
-hu huu am wostest nummy findew. bwout hewd to bad nestie.- Cried the little brown scout. -Nu wan gu back to num poopies 'gain.
“So this is your fault? well time for a second flush then.” Grabbing his tail.
Dunking him in another stall before he left he plucked every foal from the herd and put them up on the baby changing station table even the brown one, washed his hands and left. before the door stopped swinging the brown foal was already kicked over the edge while the others parents clamored underneath trying to reach them.
Back at Skettiland Trappers HQ things were busy, the concrete holding the main posts had dried, the wooden floor and walls were built and the two floors of fluffy pens were done. the winter barn for their live stock was nearly done, carpenters were getting started on the roof and Earl was taking a cutting torch to an old empty household propane tank. plumbers were installing waste chutes in the pens while Earl converted the tank into a giant still to turn the liquid waste into fertilizer. Jake walked out through the nearly completed doors, phone to one ear and a finger in the other to block out the noise and hung up after a minute.
“Earl, I’m takin your crawler and air drones and the new rig!” He shouted over the noise.
Earl waved him off not looking up from the job at hand and he walked off to the butcher barn and called for Jr., Mark and Shannon. They finished processing the fluffs they had already started on and gathered around him for new orders. Gathering up both the drones, the live trap with the pet detector add on and a few other odds and ends they may need, got in Jr.'s classic 2021 Bronco he had Earl convert to electric and drove off with a new trailer in tow.
the county had been getting multiple complaints on it’s public messaging board about the park being overrun with feral fluffy herds and the groundskeepers were told to call them in. Pulling up to the small garage/office for the groundskeepers tools they were already there waiting and they set up shop. unloading the live trap segments Jake and Jr. carried the segments for the shed and Shannon lugged a large spool of camo canvas over her shoulder and a keeper pulled a wagon of street sign stakes. The one drone that they still had from FluffCo. was zipping around overhead looking around for the largest herds they could spot, the best place so far seemed to be a small gap between the jungle gym and the pond. Mark started assembling the shed while Jr and the keeper began driving the stakes into the ground, this trap using cargo netting instead of chain-link segment as it was more pet friendly. Shannon zipped tied the netting to the stakes and drove U-shaped stakes into the ground to keep it secure, the entrance was the only chain-link panel with a one way door with an old airport metal detector wand on one side and a pet chip scanner on the other.
“Why are we doing this? Wont the winter do the work for us?” Shannon asked flipping her hammer in the air.
“Cause we’re being paid to.” Mark answered.
“And the bodies pile up and thaw an rot in the spring creating a health hazard for the public.” Added the keeper. “That and enough survive to next spring that it all starts again. so the county wants 'em out before the next big snow.”
as the wind calmed down the air started to smell like a spaghetti scented car freshener and fluffy sex as they threw the camo cloths over everything.
“Alright, listen up. live capture only at first. this is a public park and pet abductions by feral herds is common so once they’re checked for chips and collars then we process them in the portable grinder.” Jr. ordered. “Our pens are full so we’re not taking anything home unless it’s valuable.”
The trailer they had brought was the portable grinder he had spoken of, this unit was the first built of it’s type by FluffCo. a design Earl had licensed to them for their industrial sales to other exterminators. Relatively simple compared to it’s full sized counterpart, the left side, an internal conveyor with torch de-fluffer and grinding unit, the right, a freezer and plastic lined boxes.
Back at the public bathrooms the feral herd were still trying to reach their stranded foals the stranger had left on the baby changer station. The fallen brown orphaned foal long since trampled to death by the other parents more concerned for their prettier foals. the parents urged them to jump and they would catch them but they were too afraid to even try save one green pegasus mare who thought just maybe this once she could really fly. Mustering up what courage a fluffy could have she closed her eyes, took a step back and leapt over the edge while flapping her tiny wings as hard as she could.
“Oh god what is that smell!?” Shouted the groundskeeper as the door slammed open.
the sudden noise scared and distracted the herd and the little mare smacked face first into the hard linoleum floor, neck snapping on impact, flopping over backwards so its final shit covered her own head.
-BABBEH NUUUUUUU!! Mummah gif huggies an make bettew, mummah sowwy babbeh! am wostest mummah eva! hu hu hu!- A yellow unicorn cried scooping up her dead foal.
“Jesus Christ! I’ve gotta clean this up you little fuckers!”
“Calm down let’s just gather them up for now, worry about this later.” Mark said handing him a large burlap sack from a large cardboard box.
Mark swept the foals into the box while the groundskeeper pulled the dead ones out of the toilets then gathered up the rest tossing them all into the same bag then handed it off to the much larger Mark.
“C’mon let’s get this batch to the grinder then we’ll check the trap.”
Elsewhere in the part the small herd with the crippled dam had died not long ago and her special friend, a blue unicorn was still trying to wake her, nuzzling at her face with tear soaked eyes.
-Pwease wakie speciaw fwend hu hu… nee’ num nummies for tummeh…t-tummeh babbehs hu hu huuuuuuu!
-She foweva sweepy now fwend.- A red earthy put a hoof on his shoulder. -Need tu gu now. need find housie now ow hewd foweva sweepy too."
-Buh- but tummeh babbehs?
-Dem gone tu. time tu gu.
-Sniff…otay.
As the herd ate what was left of the dried leaves that was their nest huddling together for what little warmth they could share. From around the corner on the side walk came the little six wheeled drone rolling along towards them catching their attention. It pulled a sudden U-turn in front of them and stopped, it was pulling a small wagon full of a hot, steaming sketties. the smell was hypnotic by itself the thought of hot food in a cold belly made it irresistible. As they got closer to the almost sacred food the drone took off just fast enough to keep just out of reach the herd blindly followed eyes locked on target. the only one who didn’t follow was the blue uni who sat shivering trying to wake his special friend.
the herd chased after the drone back to the sidewalk and through the grassy field calling and crying out for the meany toy to stop. cold, tired and hungry the already slow fluffies were quickly slowing to a crawl, the drone rolled ahead and vanished through the live trap gate. the starving fluffies pressed on and barreled through the gate just as the drone drove out the shed side and the door shut.
-But… sk-sketties? whewe?- the red uni stammered crestfallen.
Elsewhere two smarties faced off with their respective herds shouted and blew raspberries back and forth at each other. the smarties, a yellow earthy and a green uni stared each other down through gritted teeth and scowling glares, they were fighting over the last relatively warm and sheltered spot left in the park. An old wooden playhouse, Yellow’s herd had Green’s outnumbered two to one but both were determined to claim the house or die in the cold. Green made the first move ramming his horn into the earthy’s left eye and with a deafening shriek both herds charged each other. Buzzing high above the melee the drone watched with a paintball gun mounted on its undercarriage, before the fight could get truly gruesome it opened fire. loud but small bangs with sparks bursting on the ground around the whole group scared the fight (amongst other things) right out of them all. now they all just fled together as the drone kept shooting at the sides of the herd forcing them into a tight group driving them forward in the desired direction.
“Is this even legal?” Shannon asked looking at the drone controller live feed.
“Real guns on civilian drones, no. paintball guns full of Hollywood grade pop-its, yes.” Jr. answered focusing on the feed.
“Pop-it?”
"You know, those little fireworks that are basically black powder wrapped in paper, throw 'em on the ground and it goes POP! FX guys use this same trick to make it look like bullets are bouncing off armor, it’s bright, loud and harmless. mostly. getting shot with a paintball gun on even medium power hurts like hell and leaves a nasty welt.
the drone continued to corral the two herds straight towards the front of the live trap the herds thinking it was just an oversized bush they couldn’t get in fast enough. the last few stragglers, a almost too pregnant to move and her mate pushing her along were through the gate with the exploding paintballs hot on their tails.
-Nu wet doow cwose!- Shouted a blue earthy as the couple barged through too late to stop them. -Fwuffin poopies!- he shouted as the gate dropped. -Stuckies stiww.
“Alright, that’s the bulk of them let’s see if we can find any stragglers. Should of brought Stalker or Odin with us.” Tossing the controls into the truck.
everyone got together and with sack and fishing net in hand everyone swept the park in a wide group poking, kicking and jabbing at every bush, trash can and tunnel of tires they came across. They even found the dead mare and her now frozen mate who was left behind by the herd for the sketties. stopping to watch a few straggling fluffies wander into the live trap some splashing from the pond had grabbed Jr’s attention. Strange, the biggest thing living in the two acre pond were frogs and they were all hibernating and any bird that swam were all south by now. standing at the ponds edge as still as a statue the answer came to him when a soggy blue maned green seafluff popped up with a curious look on it’s face.
-New daadeh fow fwuffy?- It asked as several more heads popped up.
“God dammit!”
-EEP! Bad wowdies!- All the heads diving back under.
“Hey guys, some asshole let their seafluffs loose in the pond!” Jr. shouted to the group. “Hey uh, Rick? right? you got a boat we could use?”
“An old wooden one with an outboard sure, but you’re gonna be all day with those dinky nets.”
“I know a trick from my time at fish and wildlife.” Shannon pipped up. “Just need the boat a couple of rakes something to use as a dragnet, the spare generator from the grinder and some jumper cables.”
“Got the volleyball nets in storage. that work?” Rick answered
“Perfect lets go.” Heading off to the garage.
“Alright while you two do that everyone else lets process the rest.” Jr. ordered slinging his sack of fluffies over his shoulder.
Shannon sat at the front of the old wooden boat the groundskeeper drove pulling at the little generator’s ripcord,the jumper cables attached to it dangled in the water. two rakes were clamped to the sides with the volleyball nets tied to them with rocks and ropes tied to the other ends to weigh them down. After a few more pulls the generator roared to life, cranking the idle speed up to full the boat moved forward and after a few seconds dozens of seafluffs began convulsing to the surface. the pond was barely seven feet at its deepest so the currant reached them all easily allowing them to be scooped into the nets. the babies were obviously too small to be kept in the net but most were immediately killed from the electricity the few that weren’t struggled to keep up with the boat. Often receiving a little jolt from the edges of the electrical field slowing them more, always calling for their mummahs regardless. about an hour of circling the pond, stopping twice to scoop up the foals in the hand nets the final laps netted almost fifty seafluffs and almost as many foals. using the ropes to fold over the nets sealing the fluffies in and they drove to shore.
Mark stood in the doorway of the live trap shed looking at the readout from the metal detector and chip reader. three hits from the metal detector and three from the chip reader, one of the detector hits turned out to be a fluffy with a small Swiss army knife corkscrew stuck it his back the other two were collared with tags.
“Alright before anyone else gets to go to skettiland I need the following fluffies: Peanut, Funkyboy and Sweety pie. they get to go next.” Reading from the chip readers list.
-But what 'bout Peanut’s speciaw fwiend?- Piped up a cream colored earthy mare with green mane. -Peanut am soon mummah an need daddeh fow babbeh’s.
“Special friends can go with you too.” Reaching down to pick her and a red uni next to her up.
Funkboy, an almost neon green and blue maned pegasus had a blue and green maned uni feral as a mate. Sweetie pie, a red and white maned unicorn was with a blue and yellow maned feral earthy, had several weanlings around her, four talkie babies on her back and looked pregnant again already. when he finally got all the lost pets and their new families into the carriers he locked them in the shed safe and sheltered then grabbed a sack, stuffed it with fluffies and marched off to the grinder.
Down by the grinder Jr. had an assembly line, some of them stood round a large garbage can squeezing as much shit out as possible from the fluffies before dropping them into the chute. You could watch through an open shutter on the side as the fluff was burned off each fluffy before being dropped into the actual grinder itself. the ground chuck plopped out from a pull out dispenser hose into a lined box on a built in fold out table. Each hand caught fluff was also scanned for chips and they only got one hit, the dead mare they fished out of the toilets. Jr. grumbled to himself looking at the screen, there was a three hundred dollar reward for her safe return, so much for that. maybe he could still get something if she has any foals, a remaining piece of a lost pet. taking the body to the box of foals he dangled her head over the edge of the box.
“Alright, who’s mother is this?”
Three foals stood up on their hind legs begging for milkies and attention from their dead mother, having been a full 24 hours stuck on the changing table and now a box. there was a green pegasus mare identical to her mother, a blue uni colt, and red pegasus mare, who were put into a carrier with their mother. they attempted to nurse but found her milk had already gone rancid and Jr. had to grab a loose can of sketti milk and a multi headed nipple to make sure they didn’t die just yet. not while in his custody at least, the rest of the foals were tossed in the grinder without a second thought. they filled half the freezer side after they got done with the seafluffs it was two thirds. loading up all the carriers they would leave the live trap out for a few more days just to be sure and drove back to HQ there the carriers were divided up and driven home. Jr. got Peanut, sweetie pie, and the dead mare who’s chip registered her name as Mimi. Mark got all the ones with collars and Funkyboy with their mates as well.
Peanut’s House.
Jr. knocked on the front door with carrier in hand and a forty-something woman answered.
“Hello Mrs. Miller? My name is Jake Coleson with Skettiland elimination and control. Do you own a cream colored fluffy named Peanut?”
“Why yes. you found her?”
“Her and one other.” Holding up the carrier.
-Mummah?
“Who is that and why the hell are you pregnant!? I told you no babies!”
-Pwease mummah wet Peanut keep speshaw fwend. need speshaw fwend fow tummeh babbehs an famiwy.
“Ma’am before we continue could you please place your thumbprint here to confirm with the registry that your pet has been returned and transfer the appropriate funds.” Holding out a tablet.
Almost ignoring him she pressed her thumb to the screen then opened the carrier and grabbed the red uni stallion by the scruff of his neck. with her free hand she latched onto both his no-no stick and lumps and giving them a hard twist, tore them free from his body all in view of Peanut. his screams were cut short when she shoved his severed appendages into his mouth lumps first lodging them in place. gagging, pawing at his throat uselessly and kicking wildly Peanut was forced to watch the light slowly fade from his eyes, soon falling limp. hurling the body out past her front yard and into the street the looked into the carrier at Peanut who cowered and shat herself at the fury in her mummah’s eyes. grabbed by the scruff of the neck she was hauled out of the carrier but before she could finish the typical bad uppies routine she was punched in the gut so hard all four of her half formed foals shot out her special place, dangling mid-air by their cords. while she struggled to breathe again her mummah wrapped the cords around her fist and ripped them loose and threw them into the yard.
“Now I gotta hose off the stoop you are in so much trouble missy! Thank you for bringing her back.” Shutting the door in Jr.'s face.
Mimi’s House
“Hello Ms. Katt I regret to inform you that your fluffy Mimi was found today drowned in a public toilet with a small herd of ferals, these three foals have identified her as their mother.” Holding up the carrier.
“Oh my poor baby!” Exclaimed the twenty something blonde woman with sadness. “I knew I should have had her fixed when she was a foal. well I’m not gonna make that mistake again. You three are getting fixed ASAP!”
"We understand the conditions of her return specified alive but unfortunately that wasn’t possible. Holding out the tablet. “We understand if you want to refuse payment in the forms options and the foals as well.”
“No no, I’ll take them but I’m only paying a quarter of the reward. You can do whatever with the body.”
“You’ll find that option here ma’am.” Pointing it out.
Sweetie pie’s House
Knocking on the door a grumpy looking thirty year old man opened it seeing Jake holding two carriers and a tablet stuffed under his arm.
“Hello, Mr. Wayne? I’m Jake Coleson with Skettiland elimination and control. you reported a red unicorn named Sweety pie missing two months ago?” Holding up the right carrier.
“You found her!? That’s great!.. What the hell’s in the other carrier?”
“The family she’s started since her disappearance.”
Mr. Wayne looked into the second carrier and saw the little blue stallion surrounded by foals and was immediately afraid at the mere sight of him.
“YOU!” He practically growl/roared at the sight of him. I should a killed you when I caught you poking around my backyard fence! You stole my prized breeding mare and ruined… what is that? ten? fifteen? of her pedigree rated eggs with your worthless garbage sperm! These Foals are worthless! Worthless!"
In a fit of rage he grabbed the carrier out of Jr.'s hand and started shaking it hard up and down, side to side while Jr. tried to snatch it back.
“Sir, please don’t do that I have to clean that out!” Getting a grip on the handle again.
“I’ll slip ya an extra fifty then.”
“Have at it.” Letting go.
Putting the carrier on it’s back he opened the door pulling out the stallion by the tail and drew a folding knife from his pocket. the stallion had multiple broken legs by now and was covered in blood and shit from the many now crushed foals inside.
-Speshaw fwend haf hewties! Pwease daddeh nu gif huwties to speshaw fwend! Babbehs need daddeh fow huggies and wuv and gwow big an stwong!- Sweetie pie pleaded through the bars.
-Fwuffy haf wostest hewties! (Kaff cough!) nee huggies and
A sudden punch to the gut shut him up quickly then with the same hand Mr. Wayne took the knife and stuck it in the stallion’s ass. he dragged the blade slowly up, bifurcating his dick and balls along the way and up to his rib cage, screaming and wheezing the whole way. reaching into the carrier he grabbed the broken and dying foals by the fistful and cramming them into their father’s open belly, drowning them in the blood and viscera, weakly chirping for mummah.
-Nuuuu! Babbehs! Pwease daddeh nu gif babbehs foweva sweepies! Dey fow huggies an wuv! need mummah! Mummah need babbehs! Pwease wet mummah keep babbehs dis time! Pweeheheheheheeeeesssss hu hu huuuuu… tummeh babbehs need daddeh…
“What? Was? That?”
Sweetie pie’s little hooves slapped over her muzzle knowing she just said the worst thing possible and now she was about to pay an even heavier price. her carrier door was opened and Mr. Wayne’s fist wrapped around her throat, pulling her out and dangled her over the stallion’s open gut. taking the blade he carefully slid it into her special place and after a small poke amniotic fluid started to trickle out. A quick jab to her belly sent five half formed foals squirting out and into the stallion’s gut with the afterbirth covering them along with, well, you know by now. a flick of the wrist cut the cords while Sweetie pie tried to breath and scream at the same time, eyes bulging with her tongue handing out, desperately trying to reach for her foals.
“You. Are never. Leaving. The house. Again.” Bringing her face to face with him. “No more walkies. No more playing in the back yard. Or leaving the safe room. EVER!”
“Sir, if you’re finished laying down the law, here’s a wet nap.” holding up that and the tablet. “Could you please put your thumbprint here to confirm with the registry that your pet has been returned alive?”
“Hm? Oh! sorry, I almost forgot you were here. Certainly.”
Wiping off his hand the best he could he put his thumb on the pad then fished out his wallet and slid Jr. two twenties and a ten then offered his another forty to take the bodies with him. he would have taken them for free cause of public heath and safety reasons but hey, he wasn’t gonna say anything. getting a plastic garbage bag from the truck he shoveled the foul mess in and left it in the cargo area so it could be incinerated all the while listening to Sweetie pie being beaten with a sorry stick through an open window.
“I swear you put so much as a hoof out of line again I’ll have all your eggs taken and use em in surrogates and leave you in the gutter pillowed!” Mr. Wayne shouted.
Surrogates… not a bad idea to get our designer fluffs numbers up for the spring Jr. thought to himself. Mare number ten was on her third litter after two rounds of stillbirths, he’d have to run it by Earl to see if it was a good idea. putting his truck in gear he drove off back to HQ.
