the SkettiLand trappers; on shift with Earl -the meta trap. (creeper)

A trembling red earthy sat with its legs snugly stuffed into PVC pipes bolted to a carnival stand, his intestine had been pulled out his ass. the end of it was tied to a hand crank with a pair of rollers pinching it flat, the crank was spun faster and faster, the little wretch could feel the bad poopies build up inside until…

  • b-bad…Poobbbllllaaaarrggggggllll!!!

the torrent of shit the spewed from his mouth splattered over a bright yellow and red target lighting up a large WINNER sign

“See? It’s like that game where you spray the water in the clowns mouth and inflate the balloon till it pops. Only with…” Earl gestured to the new game. “Set up four or five and away you go! So, we gotta winner?”

“Yeah it’s great, how’d you come up with it?” Jimmie asked pulling up elbow length plastic gloves.

“Jake told me bout this crazy ass thing a customer did a few weeks back. I also got this idea about using fluffies in a giant pinball game. ya stuff the little fuck in a giant hamster ball and-”

“I get it and i’m interested, the east corner is still empty and that could fill it nicely, send me an estimate later. But, uh, lets put a fish bowl over their heads instead, i don’t wanna hose this thing off every five minutes. uh, while you’re here, could you look at the track motor for the target shooter game?”

“Brilliant, and yeah sure.”

opening the panel to the game it was a quick literal three repair, a severed fluffy leg was caught in the gears. locking the panel back up his phone went off, the live cam showed trap 15 had a heard of feral fluffies waiting so he hit the button and headed to his van. he whistled and Odin came running from the far side of the building and climbed in, he checked the hitch on the small trailer he had today and headed out. Traps 10 through 25 surrounded Conners’ corn fields, a tempting lure to lots of animals but fluffies and wild hogs did the most damage so the traps were often filled with small herds and single family units, mom, dad, and a mess of foals. backing the trailer up to the traps hidden doors and prepped the ramp when he made his way to the back. looking over the fencing he stopped dead in his tracks and stared down at a single blue monochrome stallion, looking up at his. silent. staring. Earl looked at the number above the sheds inner doors, number 15, then back to the fluffy. moving to the back gate it was shut and locked, the latch made from a seat belt buckle, he pressed the button with his thumb and lifted the gate. almost immediately a pair of blue tentacles whipped out grabbing his leg and pulling him in the trap, what greeted him was something he only thought rumor.

  • you, Earl Coleson, have made quite the living off the pain and blood of so many innocent creatures, so we’re going to have a little talk. but first…

the fluffy had changed in that instant it had four long spindly tentacles it’s head sat on a long wavy neck and long sharp teeth looking almost as deadly as the scorpion tail growing out its back, while doubling in size. the tail reared back ready to strike, coming down with lightning speed but Earl was skinny and swift as well getting his torso out of the way just in time. he grabbed the taser out of his pocket and jammed it into the tail, it shrieked spasm-ed letting go of his leg so he scrambled over the fencing, but only got one leg over before the tentacles wrapped his torso.

  • oh no you don’t human! you’re gonna learn what it fe–hnnAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!

Odin had leapt over the other side of the fencing and bit down on the base of the creature’s neck freeing Earl just enough to slip free and over the fencing. Bolting to the sliding door he threw it open and grabbed a cattle prod in one hand and a mason jar of gas in the other.

“LET GO OF MY DOG YOU FUCKING META FREAK!” Jamming the creature in the side with the prod.

the creature dropped Odin who was being strangled and fell to the ground staggering to get up and keep fighting.

“ODIN! VAN! NOW!”

the old Lab/Shepard ran out the gate to the van, as soon as he was out Earl chucked the gas at the creature letting the sparks of the prod ignite it. Stabbing the prod deep into the creature’s burning side he left it on and ran for the van sliding door, not bothering to close it, he floored the pedal. the trailer tore the doors from the trap as it burned.

Earl had heard of the metas before, like the plague the fluffies had brought they had also introduced the world to mutants. you had the jellenheimer of course, those weren’t so bad, then there was those weird ass things borne of fluffy shit parasites and other x factors, those were disgusting. but then there was the meta, thankfully the rarest, human smart shape shifters with supposed assorted psychic powers and a chip on their shoulder about their parent species, the fluffies, treatment. he had heard stories about ex-abusers who had run afoul of these things and were only allowed to survive fatal injuries if they had promised to mend their ways. only then did the meta heals their wounds and let them go, those that went back on their word soon vanished and now one had Earl in his cross-hairs. pealing out onto the main street, nearly rolling the trailer in the process he was barely a quarter mile down the road before his van suddenly jolted to the side and Odin started barking at the back doors.

“Aaaaahh fuck me!” looking into his passenger side mirror.

The meta had caught up, burnt and pissed off with a broken cattle prod in its side it rode the trailer climbing up to the open panel door. frantically pulling his phone from his breast pocket he swore some more when he saw the shattered screen and began mashing the button on his dash to connect the van radio to his phone.

ding ding, error. device not found.

“Come on you piece of shit, do what i built you to do!” Slamming his fist on the dash

ding ding, connected.

"Call Jake!

ding ding calling Jake… ring …ring… ring

“Hey Earl, what’s up? I Just got to you place to pick up the extra-”

“shutupandlistenyouneedtogettomygunsafeandgrabmyAA-12’swiththefireroundsthere’sametaonmyasschashingmehome!!!” his words a near incoherent streak of panic.

“Dude what the fuck you say? a meta? HAH! you been getting into the magic mushrooms again? I warned you ab-”

“GUNS!! NOW!! META!!!”

  • SCREEEEERAAAAAAAHHHH!! - it’s head sticking through the side door.

“Jesus Criiiiiii-” the phone cutting out.

“Earl, what the fuck was that?! Earl? EARL!.. Shit!”

barreling through his cousin’s front door nearly knocking it from it’s hinges and to the back room for the gun safes, Earl had three, one for legit hunting and the other two were toys and prototypes. unlocking the middle safe he grabbed two AA-12 assault shotguns, Earl used for competitive shooting and two drum mags. Earl had painted the hazard and fire hazard logos on each and ran for the door.

“Jesus Chriiiiiiiiiist!!!” Earl screamed as the scorpion tail destroyed his dash.

  • Fuck it! I’m just gonna kill you, you pain in the AAAAARRRRRRSSSSCCRREEEEEEEEE!!!

Earl had grabbed a pistol taser from a cup holder and shot the meta in the face with it, it’s grip faltering it lashed out with its tentacles. they wrapped around Earl again pinning him to his seat still trying to keep the van straight, thankfully his arms were still free. he jammed the end of the taser into the tentacles around his chest giving himself a good zap as well the van swerved briefly bucking the meta off again. in the distance he could see his house and his cousin’s truck and a semi-truck in the oncoming lane, he checked his mirrors and to his dismay, the meta, crawling up his driver side on the trailer. he could see Jake come running out his front door as he clipped on his seat belt then wrenched the steering wheel to the right swinging the trailer into the front of the semi-truck. the impact was like a bomb had gone off, ripping the trailer from the van as it was whipped around balancing on two wheels before crashing down on its driver side, 20 yards from his driveway. his ears rang and his body flt like he’d gotten into a fistfight with with Jake, on steroids, while getting stomped on by Jr. Pushing himself off the door Odin’s whimpering snapped himself out of his stupor he scrambled over the seat and tossing aside a few pet carriers. Odin picked himself up shaking off the grogginess then licked his master’s face, happy that they both lived. they stumbled through the piled up equipment to the back doors they had popped open on impact and they stepped out to view the carnage. the semi had skidded to a halt with blood splattered over everything, the trailer was wrapped around the hood and grill with a large bulge where the meta was pinned between.

“Oh come the fuck on!” He swore when he saw the metal begin to flex.

before he could turn to run the trailer fell from the truck and the meta whipped out its tentacles again catching Earl by the leg it held him by couldn’t pull him in. it was obviously wounded and trying to pull itself back together while dragging him closer, in the distance Earl could see Jake running up his long driveway. Odin did his best to protect his master biting down on the tentacles on Earl’s legs only to be wrapped up by more and thrown away like a dirty ragdoll. before the meta could turn it’s attention back to his intended victim the air was shattered by the rapid fire thunder of shotgun blasts while the meta’s head and torso was engulfed in fire. Earl pried his legs free and ran for the van grabbing another surviving jar of gas and hurled it at the meta while running for his cousin still firing away. he streaked past him headed for his garage with out a word.

“Where the fuck you goin?!” Jake roared over the gunfire.

the shotgun went click and he instantly dropped it and un-slung the other and kept firing just as Earl came trotting back with canisters on his back with a burning spray wand in his hands.

“Where’d you get the flamethrower!?”

“It’s Conners’ brush burner!” Taking aim and letting loose.

Being a farmers tool for clearing dry brush and controlled burns the flamethrower only had gas ti burn with no liquid accelerants so Earl kept spraying non stop. When Jake ran out f ammo he started fishing through the van rubble and started throwing anything lethal he found at it, mostly poisons and then he found the gas grenades for fumigating for fluffies. chucking all three at the flames without pulling the pins the both ran as the grenades blew the meta into three separate chunks, Earl quickly ran back up and doused the parts in more flames till there was nothing left but charred husks and the tanks finally ran out.

“Holy shit. (cough hack) oh damn, Odin.” Earl spat out a little blood from his cut lip. “I’m comin buddy.”

Dropping the tank off his back he made his way to his dog who was still trying to get up but a wounded front and back leg kept the loyal good boy down. Earl squatted down next to him, the adrenaline still pumping and he picked him up carefully and carried him closer to the van while Jake hacked at the charred chunks with an axe he had salvaged.

“Jake, I’m sure it’s dead. you can stop now.”

“Have you ever seen a horror movie? How many time has that been said then the monster jumps up an gets ya?”

“…Keep chopping, I need to take care of Odin.” Kicking a first aid kit out with his foot.

“I-i-s it dead?” Yelled the driver in the semi.

“Seems to be. Ya gotta gun in there?” Jake replied.

“Yeah… I called the cops.”

“Thanks for the heads up! Hear that Earl? Sheriff Brody coming.”

“Yay.” Sounding sarcastically thrilled. "Alright Odin that should hold ya for now. lets take your mind off those bum legs.

Reaching into his pocket Earl produced a flat broken in half joint, he tore the two halves apart, parted his mustache and put the rolled ends in his mouth. taking a second to find a lighter he lit both and took a deep drag. cupping both hands over Odin’s muzzle and blew into his nose, the dog sneezed and licked his jowls enjoying the buzz as Earl did it again. In the distance the combined noise of both the police and fire dept. sirens could be heard rapidly approaching as Earls neighbors had started to come out to see the carnage, some with shotguns and riffles themselves.

“Scale of one to ten, how pissed you think sheriff Brody will be.” Jake asked still chopping.

"Like i care bout her right now, that’s our pickup driver for our hand carved fluffy meat. we’re gonna have FluffCo. lawyers up our asses.

“Wha…?” taking a closer look. “Aw shit.”

any and all monsters in this story belong to their respective creator and is written under the assumption this is shared universe type material. please correct if mistaken i’m a newb here.

coming soon… ranchero fluffalow.

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edit. Changed Jake to Earl in the opener. was a typo, corrected it.

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Straight out of a Alien horror movie.

I like Earl, he’s an interesting character.

Also my friend has a dog who loves getting high. Clyde got some rosin off her fingers the first time and he was hooked after that. Now if she’s lighting up and he’s in the mood, he’ll paw at her until he gets a puff. It’s interesting how many pets enjoy it.

My old dog loved the taste and effect of beer, as well as my aunt’s horse. You couldn’t have her at camp with you because she would chug everyone’s beer. Bottle or can.

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my best friends big bro had an alcoholic rabbit that was a mean drunk. would knock over any beer he could and drink till he wandered around and bit people.

As an owner of two rabbits, that is FUCKING HILARIOUS.

Also I can not imagine that happening at the same time. Mine are already bossy, don’t need drunk on top of that lol.