MONDAY-
Jake walked up to Earl’s garage just as two guys came walking out the double door carrying the three homemade drones with Earl right behind them protesting the whole way.
“Hol’ up guys I’m still using those!”
“Earl, sheriff Brody says if she gets one more call about you crop dusting fields you’re not contracted with she’ll impound them. most of the parts to make these are ours and we need them for the drone races qualifier and we don’t have time to build new ones!” The stocky balding one turned to confront Earl.
“Now Steve I-”
“NO! You’ll get your tanks back once we get the mounts off. See you around Earl.” Continuing back to his car.
“Speaking of tanks.” Jake chimed in holding up an empty can of Fluff-kill pesticide. “We need to have a little talk about you using up company supplies.”
WEDNESDAY-
Sheriff Brody walked up to the meat processing barn where Earl was at a station, alone, skinning fluffies selected by color on a list pinned to the wall.
“Hey, Earl.”
“Hmm? Oh, hey Janice. What smells like burning shit?”
“Me. Just got back from a crime scene. I, uh, tripped into some of the residue.”
“Someone burning tires in the woods again? need me to find em?”
“People.”
“Ew. and your bothering me cause?”
“Some trailer and a bunch of cars got torched, only two out of state license plates survived. both registered to people records tying them to that extremist fringe group of PETA, you know the ones that go after anything to do with animals.”
“HA! Yeah the People Enforcing The Ethical Treatment of Animals group and here I thought you were here to bring me bad news ha ha haa! So, what? You think I had a hand in it? pfffft he he he heh (sigh) oh that’s a good one.” wiping a tear off on his sleeve. “Helping run those pricks out of town after they let loose that diseased super herd fifteen years ago that destroyed the towns dairy industry was the most fun I ever had.”
“No, if it was you you’d have paraded them through town strapped together like a human centipede… Like last time. I just need to know how many people in town know how to make thermite?”
“I remember that part, so worth the weekend in jail. Sheriff Jacobs was the man, I should have been in so much longer But he practically told me to do it ha ha. he hated those pricks so bad ha ha. Sorry sis, but contrary to popular belief I don’t know everything. But I’d try the community college science labs.”
"You? don’t know how to make thermite. I find that hard to believe.
"I learn whats good for business and thermite is too… scorched earth. Clients tend to sue if you burn down the house you’re trying to clear out. I gotta finish this list. Talk later?
“Yeah sure.”
FRIDAY-
“RISE AND SHINE EARL!” Shouted sheriff Brody from the open cell door.
Earl shot up from the bench and his brain exploded in pain, the light stabbed his eyes and his mouth tasted like the floor of a theater bathroom. laying back down he draped an arm over his face to shield his eyes.
“WherrduhfugamI?”
“The drunk tank. Willy’s bar called last night saying you were getting shit faced and rowdy.”
“g-r-o-a-n…”
“Come on, Jake’s here to pick you up. Andy took your van home.”
When Earl finally peeked out from under his arm he saw his pissed off looking sister, no change there, and looming over her, arms crossed and just as angry looking was Jake.
“What the fuck man?!” Having to duck a little to step in. “You blow through our entire pesticide supply, rewire everything you ever built, skin next weeks order early, piss off half the people you know and now you’re getting into bar fights! what is going on with you?”
As Jake shouted at him Jake sat up to try and make some distance between them when he felt Jake’s gorilla sized palm grab his shirt. and that’s when Jake felt it against the back of his hand in Earl’s pocket.
“Aw no. not this again. I thought you got rid of this!” Pulling the old phone from his pocket.
“Hey that mine!” Feet dangling off the floor trying to reach for it.
“Aw jeez Earl I miss Mom too but you can’t keep doing this to yourself. Jake, put him down.”
“Is this because of those mutant super breeders last week?” Setting him down but still holding on.
“That was the third time guys, the third time that this place was almost Cleveland, this town barely recovered economically and I just-”
“Enough.” Jake cut him off with his calm cold parental tone. “I’m holding onto this for now, you’ll get it back IF you take the weekend off and get this shit out of your system. Alright?”
“…fine.” he grumbled in defeat.
“Good. I called Carol and let her in your house, she should be cooking you…Lunch by now.” Looking at his watch as he let go and walked Earl out the cell. “When was the last time you showered? you reek.”
“MORNING EARL!” Shouted deputy Barry as the passed him.
“oowwwwwwww…fuckin Barry.” Earl moaned.
SATURDAY-
After fifteen aspirin, half a gallon of water, a greasy fried lunch, a hot shower, some dirty sex and another hot shower and Earl felt better again by morning. Carol, semi-informed of the situation, then decided to further cheer him up by suggesting a visit to his favorite abusement park, Jimmie’s Arcade. Jimmie almost turned him away at the door, upset that he had started to overcrowd the arcade but when he assured him that they were there to blow off steam per Jake’s orders he let them in. Handing them their disposable ponchos they went in and Earl went right for the batting cages. the attendant at the cages was already stringing up two fluffies by the genitals with hooks through the balls of a pink stallion and the vag of the red mare. picking up the oversized novelty bat he took his stance and swung low and hard taking the head of the stallion clean off hitting the 10pt line of the wall of nails. the body swung back and forth and he nailed it on the back swing sending it into the 20pt line.
“Oh you’re not out swinging me.” Carol picked up her bat.
With expert aim and swift swing the mare flew shrieking across the room and hit a perfect 30pt bullseye face first. she gave him a smug look slinging the bat over her shoulder while the attendant strung up a new fluffy for each of them. After the third round Carol humble bragged about her victory while they moved onto the next game to catch their eye. Stopping by the concession stand to get a drink the bright flashing lights of the punching bag game next to it was a hands on game too temping to pass up. wanting to show off his prowess and craftsmanship he opened the side of the machine to show how the “punching bags” were dispensed. standing in a row with their heads in small stockades when the machine was activated a inflatable dildo on a pneumatic arm that jammed itself up one of their asses and inflated till it was locked in placed. only then was the stockade opened and the unfortunate fluffy was lifted up and dropped into the hole dangling upside down as the new punching bag.
-Pwease nice mistuh poopie pwae haf wowstest huwties. pwease hewp hu hu hu hu hu.
“I know videos are no substitute for a real teacher but I found some old Bruce Lee training vids about how to throw a jeet kun doh punch. took a couple years but i think I got it down. I may have also broke my hand uhhhh… twelve times.” Ignoring the pleas of the punching bag.
a digital counter lit up on the score board with the number 3 on it and Earl with lightning fast speed drove his fist into the punching bag and it’s body smashed into the games ceiling then fell back into position. the counter now read 2.
-hhhwwwwhhheeeeezzzzzeee… puh-pwease nu mowe huw- THUDD!
the counter now read 1.
-hgck…glck… ow…eeess…cough… nu mowe pwe- WHAM!
blood hemorrhaged from the dangling fluffy’s mouth compared to the trickle from the first two swings. it stopped moving and now just hung limply from the arm mount just gurgling its breath, the machine lit up, made loud chiming noises and the scoreboard flashed “785… BRUISER!”. a strip of tickets came streaming out the side as a waste basket slid out the front of the machine and the punching bag was released into a pile of other dead and dyeing fluffies.
“Hm… forty tickets. not bad.” Counting his prize. “Wanna try the craft tables?”
“Isn’t that for kids?” She giggled at the idea.
“Oh come on. I’ll show you how to make a voodoo doll out of a foal. I can make it resemble one of your clients.”
“…alright. why not?” Curiosity getting the better of her.
Over by the craft tables where a few kids, teens and their parents sat hot gluing accessories to foals they had gotten from the foal in a can machine next to the tables. all the cans were refurbished with older “walky babbeh” foals cramped inside who silently complained about being too cramped behind the glass. depositing his tickets in the machine he had enough for three foals, handing one to Carol as they sat down. He gave the spare to a nearby kid who’s foal expired too early and didn’t have enough money left for another. Sliding the little blue and brown maned colt from his can he just yanked the catheters out intentionally at the wrong angle tearing open the end of the foals dick and ass. cheeping and shrieking he shut it up with a hard finger flick to the face and gut, winding it.
“Okay first take those clippers and shave off the mane and pick out a doll wig from the bin there and hot glue it to it’s head.” As he took the hot glue gun and put a glob over his foal’s dick and ass. “Then get some of those push pin eyes and pick out a shirt for it.” Shaving a patch off the back and forehead of his own.
As he pointed out the best bits and pieces to use he hot glued a set of plastic bat wings to the back of his then an long spiraled horn to the forehead. after cutting off the tail at the base and adding line of plush spikes down it back he held it up to compare to Carol’s.
“Say hello to Jack the piece of shit who’s a scrap thief and complete misogynist who wont stop “flirting” with me. what’s yours supposed to be?”
“Our next contestant for run babbeh run. you don’t need a voodoo doll to take care of Jack for ya if ya like.”
“Thank you but not necessary. I’ve stopped trying very hard to help him or advise that well. he’s going away for awhile. Now, where are the needles?”
Carol found the pincushion and got to work venting her frustrations on the dressed up foal with a balding wig glued on and blue shirt both eyes had push pins with googly eyes glue to them jammed in. Taking a needle she started jabbing at the foals chest and balls and leaving them buried in his little gut before getting a fresh one. each poke jab and prod inciting more and more shrieks and peeps till she had enough and pulled it’s tongue out and putting a needle through it. the needle’s side pressed against its nose and chin keeping his mouth open as it was filled with hot glue shutting him up.
“That’s better. I got needles to spare let’s hit the run babbeh pit.”
as the walked she took the needles and started poking around the eyes and face before she asked Earl the difficult question.
“Jake told me about why you’ve bailed on me all week and I’m sorry it happened but uh… I thought maybe you’d wanna talk or something? if only a little maybe.”
“Heh, damn Jake always tryin to parent everyone around him. that’s why we send him to Sandy’s farm, she says I “give her the creeps” heh heh.”
“Nice deflection but you know what I mean.” Stopping in front of the run babbeh run pit.
“Right…(Sigh)… I am… the black sheep of the family. I take after mom in looks and build and brains.(Tapping a finger on his temple) Ask anyone in my family to build anything other than a house, a car or a gun and and they’ll look at you like yer an alien. Mom could strip a PC down to the boards and put it back together better than ever. under her tutelage I scored a full ride to MIT at 17.” waving down the pit boss.
“That’s wonderful, you went to MIT?” Putting her arm around his waist.
“Nope. never went. Cleveland happened six months after I got in… Then I kinda went off the rails for a bit… Spent the next three years building death traps for fluffies, that or just torturing them to death… Yeah, hey buddy. how much to put this foal in the pit?”
“Can’t. the glue over his asshole disqualifies him.”
“Oh that was to keep him from shitting on me. here allow me.”
Carol watched Earl peel off the glob of hard glue from the foals anus, loosing a stream of fresh shit, blood and scree’s. she knew she was loosing the conversation to the distractions around her and decided to let it go and just enjoy the fun. handing the pit boss his entry fee, his wager and the foal the pit boss gave it a fresh squirt of pheromone spray then handed it off to one of the handlers. as soon as he was set into the pen the four other nervous foals scree’d in terror and got as far away as they could, he tried to get closer but they all kept running. it kept them distracted enough that they didn’t notice the four carriers being set inside and the horny, drugged up smarties were let loose.
-Pwease hewp. hu hu… nu am munsta, haff huwties nee huggies hu hu owwies.- Pleaded the hot glued foal.
he had cornered a green unicorn filly who cowered at the sight of him but then a shadow enveloped the both of them and they both stopped to look behind the glued colt.
-Munsta babbeh smeww wike mawe.- Grinned a red earthy sinisterly, raging no-no stick on full display.
Blue-glue was smart enough to try and run first but was snatched up in the smarty’s mouth by the toy wings while the green made a run for it. Kicking and wiggling like mad his back tore free of the glue leaving the skin behind and he dropped onto the green filly breaking one of her legs. Foals being incredibly round he rolled safely and ran blindly away like all fluffies do, eyes closed and snoot up. the sounds of the other foals being mounted and broken filled the air. the horn glued to his forehead was very long, sturdy and had a sharp point and he blindly ran it into the left nut of a green smarty mid-back thrust of the pink filly he had caught. he screed out in pain rolling onto his back with the filly still impaled on his dick swinging side to side with him and he clung to his bleeding ball sack. the collective shrieks and enf noises were now drowned out by the gamblers howling laughter even the employees couldn’t keep it together.
“Oh Jesus Christ, ha ha haaaaa… cough! oh man… Earl you win round one… Huff whew, he he. reset the pit boys before anymore finish.” the pit boss wiped a tear from her eye.
-GUD FEEWS!
“And get another two smarties now, too. (snicker)”
In round two Earl’s foal was quickly taken out by the green smarty with a sore nut and a score to settle, his fake horn was ripped off and his back leg was crushed under hoof. the smarty bit down on his ear and thrust hard burying his no-no stick half way up but instead of continuing to thrust he walked to the pits wall. standing up against the wooden fencing he now started to buck driving the foal’s head into the wall while burying his junk deeper in and when he finished it sprayed from the dead foals mouth over the fence. they walked away with twenty five bucks and the pit boss slid him an extra five for the entertainment, Carol still casually jabbing at the foal in her hands now working on his tiny pecker. time to stop at the concession stand for a snack.
“so after I built the first grinder trap I set up another by Raccoon lake.” Finishing his bite of french fries. “It’s still there today. Just dumps the meat right into the river that leads to the lake an now the fish are just huge!” Taking another fistful of fries from the basket.
“Now I know why it’s my dad’s favorite fishing spot. Every year he brings back these huge lake trout, the size people lie about getting away.” Finishing her corn-dog.
“Yer welcome. whelp. what do ya wanna do next?” Wiping his face with a napkin.
“Let’s take little Jack here to the target gallery.”
“I like the way you think.”
SUNDAY-
Earl pulled his van up to Jimmie’s with the medium trailer in tow but instead of parking like normal he backed the trailer up to a tall wooden fence next to the building. Carol hopped out and looked inside the trailer again in disgust at the pathetic creatures inside.
“Is there any other fluffy uglier than the Shafer breed? that shitty bowl cut mane and depressed as all hell eyes depress the hell out of me.” Carol sneered at them.
“Other then the occasional mutant, nope. Can’t even sell their hides either, only good for meat and punching bags.”
“So what are we doing with these? You got what? almost a hundred in here?”
“A hundred and fifty seven and you know how you asked about wanting to try some of my racing hobbies I thought I’d start you off light. The last Sunday of every month at Jimmie’s is the dirt track target races and we just brought the targets for today’s races. This month’s theme is tandem riders. wanna see our ride?”
“… Hell yeah.”
the gate on the fence swung open and several employees came out. some started scaring the fluffies out of the trailer while other grabbed some at random and wrapped a wide blaze orange band around their waists and let them go again. on the other side of the gate was the oval dirt track with dirt ramps ridged stretches and a corral in the center. over the corral was a wooden watchtower with a scoreboard over it filled with people with cameras to keep score. the shafer breeds were wrangled into the corral with other assorted fluffies and the handlers and on the far end the bleachers were packed with people with long sheets of clear plastic in their laps.
Earl stood before an old beat up red 2035 Yamaha snowmobile with its ski’s replaced with ATV tires and looked to Carol with a grin, holding up two full face helmets.
“Ever ride?”
“I grew up in this town, of course I have. some winters it was the only way to get to the grocery store.” Taking the helmet.
mounting up Earl clipped the kill switch line to his belt and Carol got on back. looking over their competition they were racing a four-wheeler, a dirt bike and an old three-wheeler converted into a fat-boy style dirt bike. revving the engine he pulled up to the starting line with the others as Jimmie explained the rules of the race over the loud speakers in the tower.
“Everybody gets one warm up lap then we throw in the, heh heh, “targets” into the ring! After three laps switch drivers and do three more! Each target is worth ten points the ones with the orange bands are worth fifteen! Are you ready? Go!”
the watered down dirt flew through the air as the racers made their starting lap and as soon as they passed the staring line the handlers started tossing fluffies into the track behind them. Earl leaned into the turns drifting sideways through the turn at the starting line grinding up three fluffs right away. Spraying gore and dirt through the chain link fence into the stands as the crowd held up their tarps and cheered, bits of fluff and guts dangled from the fence. taking a short hop off a ramp the belt track slammed on another fluffy flinging it’s flattened body into the air. the four wheeler crushed two under it’s wheels and tagged a banded one at the end of the first lap, the dirt bike had trouble keeping up with two riders but the fat-boy was keeping up the the four wheeler’s score. The four wheeler’s riders were catching up the their score but Earl had a momentary distraction from Carol’s wandering hands.
“Lap three! swap drivers!” Jimmie shouted over the roar of the engines.
the ATV and snowmobile swapped the fastest and were off before the other two could get balanced and chased after. Right out the gate Carol nailed two banded fluffies who held each other crying out for rescue from the vroom monsters, their blood spay covered the ATV drivers. Momentarily blinded it let Carol get the lead with two more kills with each front tire then gave the audience her own coating spraying a geyser of muddy gore over the fence and tarps. It didn’t take long for Earl’s own wandering hands to return the favor as they passed through the starting line for the final lap. Cracking one right in the face with the sled’s bumper it’s brain’s coated the hood as the dirt bikes kept on each side of them keeping the ATV stuck behind. At the end of the final lap the track looked like a horror show, blood, guts, fluff and ass spayed or splattered over everything, with bits of meat dangling from the chain-link fences. Miraculously there was a single survivor, a blue earthy had cowered at the ramps edge in the only “safe” spot on the track as every rider leapt over him harmlessly. he was quickly scooped back up by a handler and returned to the corral for the next round of contestants.
“We’ve stopped, you can let go of my boobs now.” Taking off her helmet with a grin.
“Really? I hadn’t noticed.” Letting go. “That was some seriously dirty racing back there. I think I’m in love.” Fiddling with his chinstrap.
“Did we win? Did we win?” Excitedly looking to the score board. “My laps got the highest score! Yeah! That’s how it’s done!”
MONDAY-
Jake stood at the end of the breeding pen watching as his new shit factory was currently having her first litter and he was curious to see what shades of brown he’d get. He had her specifically bred with a gold, shiny unicorn from his designer feral stock, hoping for some exceptional shit polishing. Earl casually walked into the barn hands in his jacket pockets and silently stood next to Jake who reached into his coat and handed back his old phone with out a word.
“Good weekend I take it?”
“Yep. Blew off all kinds of steam.”
“Good. I’m not gonna tell you what to do from here but I think it would be best if you deleted that and see a professional. You got angry and sloppy and now Janice is sniffing around. I hope you’ve covered your tracks enough.”
“I’m good. Relax. They’re all PETETA, low priority investigation. nobody cares about domestic terrorist, even Janice isn’t trying that hard. You’ve seen her go gung-ho. So what are we getting out of Sally here?”
“A little experiment of my own. What shade of brown do those first five look like?”
“Kind of a golden brown. Kinda reminds me of lion’s pelt.”