Caramel had been entrusted with an important job. It was the single most important thing that would ever happen in her entire lifespan. She was about to create life! Well… Plant life. She wasn’t really interested in babies, mostly because… Well, she forgot they existed. Her entire world was daycare and helping her hoomin mummah Mary work in the garden.
Caramel surveyed the line of holes her hoomin mummah had dug for her in the garden. Her job, was to plant a seed in each one of them. She had a basket of seeds attached to one side of makeshift saddle on her back and a watering can attached to the other side. Normally, giving a Fluffy a watering can was bound to be a disaster, but amazingly Caramel knew what she was doing. Wawa bad for fluffies, Wawa good for flowers.
She took a seed, dropped it into the hole, buried it and watered it. It was really simple. So simple even a Fluffy could do it. Every so often Mary would look over from trimming the hedge to watch Caramel’s progress. No unwelcome customers either… Living in the countryside came with its risks, particularly due to the large feral Fluffy population in the area. Mary was perhaps the ONLY human being on the planet that didn’t mind a feral yard invasion, purely because… Well, they were technically free labour.
Feral Fluffies made bad poopies and ate her crops, so she came up with a system where she would tell the Smarty of the herd WHERE they could poop. Unbeknownst to most people, Fluffy crap was actually an amazing fertiliser. Mary usually grew the best fruit and veg in the farmers market purely because of the amount of nutrients fluffy crap left in the soil. She didn’t know what Hasbio put in those freaks of nature to get that result, but hey. She wasn’t complaining.
Hell, she got rid of unwanted leaves, lawn clippings and food waste by making a big compost heap in the corner and spraying it with Sketti flavouring. Fluffies would be attracted by the smell, eat the compost and poop their amazing fertiliser on her land.
The only problem was that she was afraid of what the feral herds would do to her beloved Caramel… She adopted Caramel from a fluffy mart BECAUSE she was a “Poopie.” She loved her beautiful, natural horse colouration, the white star above her nose and blonde mane. It was like owning a tiny pet horse without the obnoxious pastels that the so-called “high demand” Fluffies were. Their loss if those pastel fluffy owners wanted eyesores running around.
She was well aware that Caramel would be bullied by feral herds, so usually she called her inside if any were sighted approaching her perimeters. But sometimes that wasn’t enough. Sometimes Smarties wouldn’t listen. Sometimes demanding bitch mares would refuse to eat the compost and target her vegetables. Sometimes they would catch Caramel before she could run for safety.
And when that happened, that was when she brought out the hose. A quick blast of water usually brought any Fluffy under control.
“MUMMAH! MUMMAH!” Caramel squeaked, waddling towards the as fast as a Fluffy could, which wasn’t very fast.
“What is it, Caramel?”
“Cawamew saw fewaw Fwuffies! Cawamew scawed!” she huu huued.
Mary reached down and patted her on the head. “It’s okay, buddy. Just go inside. If they try anything, I’ll go wake up Mr Wawa.”
Caramel giggled mischievously. “Wuv Mistah Wawa Snek.”
Caramel knew about the hose, aka Mr Wawa Snake. Mary told her about it ahead of time, to prevent her from being afraid of it. As far as Caramel knew, Mr Wawa Snake was just another helper in her Mummah’s farm, and fellow plant waterer. Mr Wawa Snake was friendly and kept her safe from bad Fluffies!
Caramel made her way inside and Mary went to check the damage. It was a family group. A red unicorn stallion, a pink, earthie Mummah and two earthie foals, a chubby pink one and a malnourished brown one. Oh brother. Didn’t take a genius to figure out this family dynamic. The stallion spotted Mary and puffed his cheeks, stomping his hoof.
“DIS AM SMAWTY LAND NAO!” he demanded.
Mary raised her hand defensively, pretending to give in. “Sorry, this isn’t my land or your land, it’s the Wawa Sketti Munstah’s land.”
The feral family stared at her, dumbfounded. The what??? Sketti… Munstah???
“Dummeh Sketti Munstah! Bestest wan miwkies NAO!” Pink Bestest Babbeh screeched.
“Smawty nu cawe bout dummeh Sketti Munstah!” Red Smarty snorted.
“You sure? But it’s the WAWA Sketti Munstah. He drowns Fluffies and nums them!”
The red Smarty looked uncertain, but the rest of his family were scared shitless. Literally. All expect the brown foal who presumably didn’t have any ammo for scaredy poopies.
“Buh… Mummah nee nummies fow bestest babbeh!” Pink Mummah wailed. Bestest babbeh screeched and screeched and rolled on the ground, throwing a tantrum…
“Tell you what, if you do what I say, I can give you some nummies. But you have to be quiet and leave right away or else the Wawa Sketti Munstah will wake up!” Mary said.
The smarty looked like he was contemplating his options. Bestest needed nummies. He needed nummies. His special friend needed nummies. But they didn’t want to be nummed by a munstah. This Hoomin lady was going to give them nummies if they cooperated. He hated it.
“Gib Smawty nummies NAO!”
“Okay, follow me.”
The feral family followed after her begrudgingly. Pink bestest babbeh was riding on his mummah’s back, while the brown babbeh was left in the dust. She didn’t even bother to carry him too. The tiny, starving foal tried to run after her family as best as she could, but she wasn’t making much progress.
“Wait fow poopie babbeh, famiwy! Pwease!” Poopie baby pleaded desperately.
Caramel watched the whole thing from the kitchen window. She was really shy and was perfectly happy to leave the socialising with other Fluffies to Mummah. Besides, other Fluffies were so mean! The only friends she had were from her daycare class and not even all the Fluffies there liked her. It was lonely being a dirt coloured fluffy sometimes… She saw Mummah take the Fluffies to the compost heap and watched them dig in greedily. But she didn’t care about them… Her eyes were drawn to the little brown babbeh…
About an hour later, Bestest Babbeh was delightedly drinking his milkies from his Mummah and pink bitch was sing screeching that annoying Mummah song all Fluffies were programmed with. “Mummah wuv Babbeh, Babbeh wuv mummah. Dwink aww da miwkies, gwow big an stwong!”
Brown baby watched on longingly. She was unbelievably hungry. Mummah hadn’t fed her in so many forevers that she lost count. She couldn’t even remember what milkies tasted like. Picking up her courage, she cautiously approached her mummah…
“Can Poopie Babbeh hab miwkies pwease pwease… Nu wan to go forebah sweepies…” she begged.
Pink Mummah glared at her for having the audacity to even ask. “Shaddup ugwy poopie babbeh! Miwkies onwy fow bestest babbeh! Ugwy poopie onwy num poopies!”
“Hang on, I said you could only have nummies if you fed ALL of your babies.” Mary warned. “Wawa Sketti Munstah’s favourite food is mummahs that don’t feed all their babies!”
Pink Mummah looked absolutely terrified. She growled, and tears streamed from her eyes as she shoved her Poopie babbeh against her udder. She started retching as she felt the poopie babbeh start drinking. Poopie babbeh was crying too, tears of joy in stark contrast to her mummah’s white hot anger.
The second Mary’s back was turned, the pink Mummah kicked the poopie babbeh off with all of her might. The infant peeped in distress as she was sent flying, rolling to a stop on the dirt. Caramel, witness to the whole thing gasped in horror. That Mummah… She hurt her baby!
“Huuu HUUU!!! Why gib babbeh owiesl???” Poopie baby sobbed.
“STOOPI UGWY DUMMEH BABBEH! Nu deserb miwkies!” Pink Mummah snapped.
Suddenly the Smarty had an idea. A horrible, loathsome terrible idea. The Wawa Sketti Munstah would give his special friend forever sleepies if she didn’t feed all their babies… So why not get rid of their ugly poopie baby? Then she’d only need to feed ONE baby! He sneaked over to his special friend and whispered the idea in her ear.
Pink Bitch Mummah wagged her tail. What a GREAT plan! “Speshal Fwiend sooooo smawt! Onwy nee one babbeh.”
Poopie babbeh shrank back in horror. What did she mean by that? Of course mummahs needed their babbehs, didn’t they?
“Dummeh Poopie babbeh, take forevah sweepies!” she snarled as she advanced on her. Poopie babbeh looked up at her mummah who was so big compared to her… She was raising her hoof above her. Poopie babbeh freaked out. Panicking, she narrowly managed to roll out of the way. Mummah brought her hoof down and crushed her leg, just missing the rest of her body.
“SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP! HUUUUU HUUUUUUUUU!!!” poopie babbeh screamed. The pain was agonising.
Caramel didn’t know when she started running. All she knew was that she was having memories pictures flash about her thinking place. Memories of her bad Fluffy mummah giving her owies, forcing her to eat poopies, memories of her siblings bullying her. Memories of all the bad times that happened before she got adopted by her new mummah Mary. She never had anybody to stand up for her back then, but she’ll be damned if she let it happen to another poor babbeh.
A red mist descended and all she knew was that she had to make that bitch mare PAY. The evil, horrible mummah lifted her hoof to try again, not noticing the brown hurricane barreling towards her until it was too late. Violence had never been in Caramel’s nature, she had always been a peaceful Fluffy, happy to sniff flowers and watch nature documentaries with her mummah. Yet here she was, beating the EVER LOVING SHIT out of another Fluffy.
The bitch Mummah was screaming at the top of her lungs as Caramel bit and kicked, tearing flesh, kicked and kicked and kicked, punctuating each blow with the harshest bad language a fluffy could ever say.
“NEVAH!!! EVAH!!! HUWT!!! BABBEH!!! MUNSTAH FWUFFY!!! EVIW FWUFFY!!! BAD MUMMAH!!! GO DIE!!! GO DIE!!! GO DIE!!!”
“HEWP! HEWP! SPESHAL FWIEND, SAB MUMMAH!!! SCREEEEE!!!”
The Smarty, coward that he was had already abandoned his mate at the first opportunity. The pink bestest babbeh was being scarred for life watching what he mistakingly thought was his dummeh sister growing big and attacking his mummah. The bitch mare collapsed into a sobbing heap on the ground, missing an ear, bleeding sweet nutritional blood into the dirt for the plants to feast on.
Caramel abandoned her, running to the one corner of the garden she knew would finish her off.
Caramel got the hose. She grabbed the end of it, dragged it across the garden and set it in front of the bitch Mummah.
“Say Hewwo to Cawamew’s wittle fwiend!” she declared.
She couldn’t believe it. The Wawa Sketti Munstah was here, and it was friends with this Poopie fluffy?! Bitch Mummah’s eyes went wide and she started desperately pleading for her life.
“NUUUUU!!! NU WAN BE NUMMED BY WAWA SKETTI MUNSTAH!!! PWEASE NUUUUUU!!!”
“How manies times did Poopie babbeh say pwease when asking fow miwkies? An how manies times did Mummah say yes?” Caramel said coldly.
A slow, dawning horror creeped over bitch Mummah as she realised the answer. The Wawa Sketti Munstah was staring her down. Mary had painted angry eyes on the end of the nozzle. Caramel turned on the fawcet and let it rip. Bitch Mummah was blasted with the full force of the pressure hose. It was absolutely hellish. It was like pain and cold had been made into a knuckle sandwich and she was the first customer. Bitch Mummah writhed and screamed in agony as the water went up her nose and all over her body.
Caramel only switched the fawcet off when the bitch Mummah was reduced to a wheezing, soggy mess. She didn’t want to kill another fluffy after all. Just… Teach them a lesson. Bitch Mummah had miraculously avoided drowning as she pulled herself to her feet, coughing and spluttering. Somehow she managed to drag herself and her traumatised bestest into a bush and off their property.
Mary had just finished picking her jaw off the ground. She had just watched her innocent pacifist Fluffy, who normally would never hurt a fly and asked her mummah to fast forward past the bits where predators hunted for prey in the nature documentaries they watched. She watched her sweet Fluffy commit cold blooded torture against another Fluffy for about ten minutes, all in the defence of a brown foal.
Obviously she had to put her in the Sorry box for this, hurting other Fluffies would not be tolerated. But she had to admit, that pink mare totally deserved it. And she was proud of Caramel for standing up against bullies to protect the innocent. Caramel was holding onto the brown foal tightly, trying to give her huggies to make her owies go away.
“MUMMAAAAAH!!!” Caramel wailed.
Ah, there it was. Mary pretended she hadn’t seen anything as she ran over. Caramel held up the tiny babbeh and she took it gently in her hands. The brown baby had never seen a human before in her life, and she started chirping even harder, absolutely hysterical. “Pwease nu num poopies babbeh!!!”
“Gotta hewp babbeh! Pwease mummah!!! Babbeh got biggest owies an heawt huwties!!!” Caramel cried. Her big pink eyes were full of so much sorrow and distress that it hurt Mary’s heart.
“Aww, poor thing…” Mary said softly. “Don’t worry, Caramel, I’ll take her to the vet as soon as possible.”
Caramel’s face lit up. “WEAWWY???”
“Really.”
Caramel did happy dances on the spot as Mary examined the baby. She was mostly brown, except for a patch of white fluff that was dotted with brown spots. Mary was excited. It looked kinda like a normal horse! It had the pattern of an appaloosa breed. What a find!
“I hereby dub thee Potato.” Mary declared.
Potato stared back blankly. The old timey English went right over her head. “Wut?”
“Your new name is Potato.” Mary clarified. “Caramel, what do you say about having a new little sister?”
“Cawamew hab biggest heawt happies!!” she squealed. “Cawamew be bestest big sissy!”
Mary smiled. It’s not like she couldn’t afford to take care of two Fluffies. Maybe she could teach this one how to garden as well. Meanwhile Caramel was having the best day of her life. She had one hell of a story to tell at daycare tomorrow.
