I’ve had my fluffy, Buttercup, for about 6 months. His beautiful golden fur made me have to have him so I swooped him off the streets and have been trying to keep up with him ever since. Everyday is a new adventure for him. Always running around his saferoom or pulling at his leash when out for a walk he was unstoppable. At least I thought he was til I saw an ad on TV.
“Whewe daddeh takin buddurcub? We guin tu pawkies?!?”, he asked me as I picked him up.
“No, no something even better. But it’s a surprise so no talkies on the way, ok?”
“Otay, daddeh! Su cited fo supwise!!”
I put him in his fluffy seat in the passenger side of my car and began the journey to Buttercup’s final adventure. Being stuck at the second to last red light to our destination I took the time to wrap a small microfiber cloth around the top of his head, covering his eyes.
“Wai daddeh gib see-pwaces dawkies?”
“I don’t want you to see your surprise til we get there. Don’t worry we’ll be there soon.”
Buttercup began to sing about his love of surprises and we couldn’t have gotten here sooner. I quickly parked, got out (causing Buttercup to have a small freakout), and grabbed my boy from the passenger seat.
“YAYYYY UPSIES WUB UPSIES TEEHEEHEE! Su cited, daddeh. Can Buddurcub hab see-pwaces nao?”
“No, not yet. We aren’t quite there yet.”
He was bouncing around in my arms as I cradled him. I almost dropped him as I pushed to door to the surprise open. I walked up to the front desk and they, thankfully knew what I wanted and that I didn’t want him distressed just yet. They put the key for the room closest in my hand and I went inside placing my fluffy on the Pillowing Machine.
I let him stand on the flat part. Last thing he needed was his daddeh putting him through this. I took the cloth from his face and said, “Surprise!”
“Oooooo Buddurcub wub. Dank ou fo supwisies daddeh. Wha is supwisies?”
“How about you do some dancies for daddeh first?” I asked
“OB COUSE DADDEH!!! FWUFFY DU BESSES DANCIES FO DADDEH!!”
He began to dance and sing on the Pillowing Table. Each hoof barely missing the holes that would trap and remove his adventuring days for good. Each step barely missing the salvation I needed. No more having to run everywhere with him. No more having him splash water all of the bathroom during bath time. No more chasing him when he sneaks out of the saferoom.
“Supwisie dance fo daddeh fwuffy wub supwise fwuffy wub besses daddeh buddurcub wan hu-PEEEP CHIRPCHIRP PEEP! DADDEH HEWP! FWUFFY HAB ASSIDENT! SCREEEE SCAWY SCREEEEE!”
One leg fell in and all the others immediately followed suite.
“O-oh no Buttercup i-it’s a munstah! Daddeh doesnt know what to do!”
“SCREEE SABE BUDDURCUB HUUUUHUU-PEEP PEEP PEEP! NU WIKE WEGGIE MUNSTAH HUUUHUUU PWEASE WET GU MUNSTAH AM GU FWUF-PEEP CHIRP!”
While he panicked about nothing I started the something. The button on the machine that was advertised. “Weggie Munstah Did It”.
“HAHA Fwuffy faww in my twap! Nao I, da Weggie Munstah, wiww tak ‘our weggies and mak dem my nummies! MUHUWAHAHAHAHA!”, The machine belted out as the leg holes began to slowly tighten.
“I’m sorry Buttercup! Daddeh is scared, he is confused!”, I said looking at the next selection of options.
“SCREEEEE HUUUHUUUHUUU! PWEASE SABE BUDDURCUB HUUHU-PEEP! NU WAN BE NU WEGGIE FWUFFY! PWEASE WET GU WEGGI-PEEP CHIRPCHIRP PEEP HUUUHUUU! NU WAN ANYMO WAN BE HOMSIE HUUUHUUU!”
I looked over what to do next as he wailed and chose the “FluffyTV Greatest Hits” option. A small TV raised up in front of his face and turned on. Fluffies of all colors, shapes, and sizes were running around a field. Laughing, playing, hugging. This would surely be too much.
“PEEP PEEP CHIRP DADDEH SABE BABBEH! MEANIE MUNSTAH SHOW WEGGIE FWUFFYS HUUHUUU! WAN GIB HUGGIES TU WAN WUN AN PWAY HUUUHUUU! WAN BE HOMSIE WIT BWOCKIES HUUUHUUUU!”
It hasn’t even hurt him yet and he was losing it but the fun was just beginning.
“The Weggie Munstah hates no name babbehs! You aren’t a babbeh, don’t let the Weggie Munstah get you!”, I shouted down at him looking back at the selection screen where a fresh set of horrors displayed itself.
“SCREEEE NUUUUU NUUUUU FWUFFY HAB NAMSIE HAB NAMISE AM BUDDURCUB NU BABBEH HUUHUUU NU WAN WOSE WEGGIES! DADDEH PWEASE HEWP BUDDURCUB NU WAN HUWTIES!”
I tapped the “Pin Cushion” option and the front of the box slid down showing his legs to me. I watched in awe as a small needle was raised to each hoof.
“Huhuhu Buddurcub nu wi- SCREEEEE DADDEH ID HAPPENEN ID HAPPENEN HEWP FWUFFY HEWP BUDDURCUB NU WAN WOSE WEGGIES PWEASE MUNSTAH NU TAK WEGGIES DEY IS NUT NUMMIES HUUUHUUU-PEEP PEEP PEEP CHIRP CHIRP PEEP CHIRP!”
Each time the needle was raised he’d make it worse by kicking and flailing INTO the needle. It made me cringe watching it and I went back to the selction screen while he tortured himself. Finally there was an option to cut A leg off. I kinda didn’t want to do that yet though.
“Oh no the Weggie Munstah really has you trapped! There is nothing daddeh can do! I’m sorry Buttercup! I promise it’ll be quick! We’ll be homsies in no time!”
“PEEP PEEP WAN WEGGIES PEEP WAN GU HOMSIES WIT WEGGIES! NEE TU GIB HUGGIES CHIRP!”
“Dancin’ Babbeh” sounded interesting so I chose that next. The “Weggie Munstah” began to sing.
“Gud babbeh’s du besses dancies be besses fwuffy fo mummah an daddeh! Gud fwuffys du besses dancies an gud fwuffys keeb aww dere weggies!”
As the song played a small platform was raised under his legs that bounced up and down to simulate him dancing.
“Huuuhuuu bu am gud fwuffy. Wa duin dancies jus befo huhu. Wa duin besses dancies fo daddeh huuhuu. Wai nu keeb weggies huuuuuhuuuuuu.”
Alright time to start pulling off the weggies. “Slow Crush” sounded good. A clamp came out and grabbed his front left leg as close to the should as it could as a pillar rose up about the same width as his leg did not stop ascending.
“Huuhuu cowd hansie on weggie huuhuu- nu nu nu pwease nu NU WAN NU NU DADDEH HEWP ID WEAWWY HAPPENEN DIS TIME HEWP BUDDURCUB HUUHUU WEGGIE MUNSTAH GON TAK WEGGIE WAY! SABE FWUFFY DADDE-AHHHHSCREEEEEEEEEE”
The pillar went all the way up and descended. A mangled mess hung loosely from his torso. A pair of blades came out of the side of the box and snipped off the useless mass. Buttercup could only let out a sharp “PEEP” in protest.
Next selection has to be “Hafsies Hoofsies” for the back right leg. A small buzzsaw slowly raised up, poised to cut the leg in half vertically.
“Huuhuu wai weggie munstah fowwo fwuffy hewe to supwise pwace huuhuu. Jus wan hab happiess bu nao am du-P-P-PEE-PEEEEEEP CHIRP CHIRP PEEEP! DADDEH PWEASE NU WET HAPPEN NU WET HAPPEN TU BUDDURCUB HUUHU-PEEP SCREEEEEEE! HUUHUUU NU WAN WOSE NUTUR WEGGIE!”
After it was done another buzzsaw came from the side cutting off the now waste of flesh. He gave naught but a couple of chirps when it was taken from him. Next pick has gotta be “Nummie Weggie” for back left leg. A comical pair of teeth jutted up and began chomping as it was slowly raised the rest of the way.
“Daddeh, pwease sabe fwuffy. Pwease gwab fwuffy an tak homsie. Nu cawe bou supwise anymo jus wan dis to b- P-PEEP wa dat huhuhuh-SCREEEEEEE!” the pair of teeth just nibbled at his bottom hoof tickling his fur making his heart drop, “NU NUM WEGGIE PWEASE MUNSTAH! AM GUD FWUFFY NU DESEWBE TU WOSE WEGGIES! SCREEEE WOWSTEST HUWTIES HUUUHUU-CHIRPCHIRP!”
The teeth chomped away the whole leg leaving no reason for a clean-up snip.
“YUMMY NUMMIE! Fwuffy weggies dewishus in my tummeh!”, the machine taunted
Buttercup whimpered while looking up at me. Hoping still that now will be different. That somehow things changed and daddeh and take him from this horrible munstah and get his weggies back and he’d be back to his running and playing just like before. Even if… Yeah, nah.
I debated letting him keep his front right leg but then realized it would allow him to get satisfaction from giving huggies and clicked the “Wowstest Buwnies” option.
A thin needle much like the pin cushion one popped up but it was red hot. It slid straight up.
“Wai weggies ged stuk in weggie twap huuhuu. Nu mean tu faww in. Jus wan mak dancies fo supw- SCREEEE WOWSTEST BUWNIES SCREEEE!”
No way just like it say’s on the button, I thought as the needle went deeper.
“WASTEST WEGGIE HAB WOWSTEST BUWNIES EBA! HEWP FWUFFY DADDEH NU WAN WOSE WASTEST WEGGIE! CAN STIWW GIB HUGGIES! PWEASE DADDEH!” the neddle ripped straight out, “SCREEE SHAWPY HUWTIES HUUUHUUU CHIRP PEEP NU CAN FEEW WASTEST WEGGIE NU MO HUUUHUUU AWW WEGGIES GU BYE BYE HUUHUUU! WAI WEGGIE MUNSTAH JUS WANNED TU BE GUD FWUFFY!”
A metal cylinder now began to rise, also glowing red hot. It fit his leg like a glove and proving he could still feel after all.
“WOWSTEST HUWTIES OB AWW WOWLD HUUHUU PEEP PEEP CHIRP! WAI GIB FWUFFY BA BUWNIES HUHU!” the cast slowly lowered, taking the leg with it, “HUUHUU SCREEE PWEASE MUNSTAH WET BUDDURCUB KEEB WAST WEGGIE! NEE FO HUGGIES HUUHUU!”
The leg, now mostly melted, came off easily.
“Da ‘Weggie Munstah’ enjoed aww ‘our nummie weggies! Dank ou fo fawwing indu my twap! Gudbye!”
The machine went dead and I was left with a whimpering fluffy.
“Didn mea tu faww in twap huuuhuu jus wan be gud fwuffy huuu nao dummeh no weggie fwuffy fo aww fo’ebas huuuuhuuuuuuuu!”
“Yes finally I can save you! Come here my precious Buttercup! I’m so glad to have saved you from the ‘Weggie Munstah’! Are you OK?” I said picking him up and cradling him in my arms.
“Huuuuhuuu daddeh. Wowstest ting happen. Buddurcub faww in Weggie Munstah twap and id ade aww Buddurcubs weggies huuuhuuu. Neba wun an pway gain huuuhuuu neba gib huggies an wub huuuhuuu.”
“Oh my gosh that’s so awful!”, did he really just block out that I was here? Just couldn’t stand the thought that his daddeh was here and couldn’t/wouldn’t save him? “Let’s get you back homsies with aww your toysies and steppys! That always make you feel better!”
He started crying again in my arms as we walked to the car. On the way to return to his normal life in his new body changed by a chance encounter with… The Weggie Munstah!