Timmy
My son has a fluffy named Timmy. He’s a goldenrod color with orange mane and tail; it’s not an unusual color combination, but it’s not one of the more common ones either. Fortunately for me, there’s a specialty breeder nearby who has passels of fluffies colored like Timmy.
Why that’s fortunate is going to be clear in just a moment.
My son is five. He loves My Little Pony, and he loves fluffies. At my wife’s insistance, I finally gave in and got him one for his birthday. He named it Timmy, after his invisible friend; now that Timmy is a fluffy, Timmy the invisible friend no longer visits.
He loves Timmy. He plays with Timmy all the time, cuddles with him, carries him to the litter box, sleeps with him, everything. Given the opportunity, he’ll spend all day, every day, playing with Timmy.
So you understand that he would be absolutely devastated, heartbroken, if he were to lose Timmy.
Not even two days after giving him Timmy, I went into the safe room to feed Timmy and found him face down in his water dish. I didn’t know some fluffies had difficulty with drinking and not drowning until I grabbed the sodden corpse, drove to the breeder I got him from like a bat out of hell (Meatloaf wasn’t on the radio, unfortunately), and explained my problem. He gave me a new fluffy that looked almost identical, I told it was named Timmy (“TIMMEH WUB NYU NAM, DADDEH!”) and arrived back home to deposit it in the safe room just in time for my son to come bouncing down the stairs to play with his fluffy. My son never noticed the switch, Timmy was just as bouncy and loveable as the original had been, and I swapped the water dish for a water bottle.
Timmy 2.0 died of dehydration less than a week later because he couldn’t figure out how to get water from the bottle. Turns out he could drink from a dish just fine, unlike the original Timmy.
So, while my son was off on a play date, I disposed of the body and got a new Timmy. My son was once again oblivious to the switch and had a blast playing with Timmy.
Timmy 3.0 lasted a month before my son rolled over on him in his sleep and suffocated him. He cried at first when Timmy wouldn’t wake up, but calmed down when I explained that Timmy was just extra tired and needed a nap. His mother kept him busy with ‘the quiet game’ so he wouldn’t wake up Timmy while he slept in the safe room, and I tossed the corpse in the trash, came home with Timmy 4.0, and my son was bouncing off the walls, happy to see Timmy had ‘woken up’ from his ‘nap’.
Timmy 4.0 lasted a little over three months before my son slid him down the banister and the terrified fluffy fell to one side and bounced down the stairs, slamming to a stop against the wall and snapping his neck ("Nuuuuuuu-uu-uuu-off-uff-owies-huu-oof CRACK). My son was absolutely terrified that Timmy was hurt (anyone but an innocent five year old would have seen a fluffy with his eyes staring lifelessly, tongue lolling, and head dangling at an unnatural angle and known instantly that he was stone dead), but I assured him that Timmy would be fine, I just needed to take him to the fluffy doctor to make sure he was all right. Into the trash he went, and I came home with Timmy 5.0. Fluffies are cheaper than any other pet on the market, but that kid better be glad I love him so much, because as often as I keep replacing the damn things…
Timmy 5.0 didn’t even make it the whole week. I let him outside for some fresh air and took my eyes off him for just a minute while I put the coffee on. I turned back to the door and some big feral had busted through the fence and was literally raping the shit out of Timmy (though the feral insisted “it nu wape, it stwuggwe snuggwes!”). Who, by the way, squealed like a damn piglet. I busted the feral over the head with a broom (not before it busted a nut in Timmy’s ass, unfortunately) and threw its corpse into the trash.
Unfortunately, Timmy 5.0 contracted some sort of infection from the feral’s surprise butt sex, and he kept shitting and puking everywhere. My son, naturally, was concerned for his little fluffy friend’s well-being, so Timmy and I went to visit the fluffy doctor. Who declared Timmy to be incurably ill from the infection and promptly put him down with a ball peen hammer (either he’s not a very good veterinarian, or he’s a total dick, because it took him six or seven whacks, with enough time between blows for Timmy to shriek and beg not to be killed, before he finally finished him off.).
So, off to the breeder I went.
Timmy 6.0 lasted two whole days. He got bad constipation, so I fed him some laxatives. Big mistake. He made it to the litter box on time, but he shit so hard he blew his rectum out his asshole and sprayed blood and shit all over the wall. I hauled ass to the vet while my son visited his grandmother, and it only took five whacks with the hammer to put him down this time (honestly, if I’d known he was just going to kill the poor little bastard, I’d have done it myself and saved me the cost of the vet. One good whack would have done it. As it was, he kept screaming and begging, wanting to know why I wouldn’t save him, before his little noggin finally went pop.). Back to the breeder, who by now knows me on a first name basis and is giving me a bulk discount. He thought I was an abuser with a penchant for identical fluffies, but I explained what was really going on.
“Yeah, considering how accident prone and fragile fluffies are, I believe it. Good luck man; I got plenty more where that came from.”
Yeah, I’m sure you do, as long as you’re making money off me.
Timmy 7.0 has lasted the longest, four months, and is the happiest, friendliest ball of fluff you could ever ask for. He absolutely adores my son, just as much as my son adores him, and they are absolutely the best of friends. Right now, my son is playing in the back yard with him; I can hear him splashing in the kiddy pool now.
Wait…
I rush to the door while my wife calls my son in for lunch. There, floating face down in the kiddie pool…
sigh
We’re gonna need another Timmy.
abuse_ish author:swindle blood comedy dinosaurs explicit fluffy fluffy_pony_drowns rape shit timmy vet veterinarian
