“What in the goddamn…” Todd had never seen a creature anything the likes of which was currently flailing desperately on the hook of his fishing pole. Bright blue with a strip of neon yellow running down its neck, the creature looked like a cross between a horse and a seal, with a bit of gerbil thrown in for good measure. It sobbed and flailed, desperately trying to get free from the large barbed hook currently lodged through it’s lip. “Huuhuu, ‘hy ‘eanie nu’ie gi’ fwuffy huwties?” The creature spoke English, but in a dialect Todd had never heard before, but that could be on account of the hook buried in the roof of its mouth. Moving the struggling creature over above the boat, he let the line go slack and the animal hit the floor with a loud “OWWIE!”
Todd reached over, grabbing the flailing creature by the scruff of its neck, lifting it so that it’s comically large eyes met his. “What the fuck are you?” The blue creature began to sob harder. “’Unstah nu nu’ fwuffy, fwuffies a’ fo’ huggies an ‘uv!” Todd sighed, retrieving his Leatherman multitool, clipping the barb off the hook and removing it from the creatures mouth. “I’m not going to eat you little buddy.”
The blue creature stopped sobbing. “Weawwy? Munstah pwomise?” Todd sighed. “Yeah, I promise. And my names Todd, not monster.” The creature sniffled a bit before appearing to calm down. “Otay mistah Todd.”
Todd took out a cigarette, lighting it and taking a long drag. “So what’s your name? You some sort of magic fish?” The creature slapped its fleshy fins against the boat indignantly. “Kawp am nu fishy fwiend, Kawp am fwuffy!”
Todd puffed his cigarette again. “Really? You don’t look like what I’ve heard fluffies look like” And it certainly didn’t. Where a normal fluffy would have four short, fat legs, Karp had two short, fat front fins, and no rear fins. His tail was likewise different. Unlike the usual thin tail covered in a large amount of long fluff, Karp had a thicker, dolphin like tail. He still possessed the trademark fluff, albeit shorter than the average fluffies.
Karp climbed his way up onto the small seat in the bass boat. “Dat am cause Kawp am sea fwuffy!” Todd laughed, flicking his cigarette out into the lake. “Interesting. How long you been out here for?” The seafluff appeared to ponder the question for a bit. “Mo’ dan fouw bwite times!” Todd pondered this for a moment. There hadn’t been any signs of trespassing onto his property in the prior couple months. “Where did you come from?” The fluffy stared at him blankly. “Da wawa?” Todd sighed. Unfortunately, one of the things apparently shared with its land based counterpart seems to be intellect. “Were you always in this lake?”
“Nu, fwuffy was in BIG wawa pwace wif a wot of odda sea fwuffies.” Todd nodded. “Uh huh. And how did you get here?” The fluffy shuddered. “Kawp pwayin spwashy tag wif odda fwuffies in wake when BIG meanie biwd munstah gwab fwuffy an cawwy to nestie pwace, twy feed fwuffy to babbeh biwd munstahs.” The fluffy shuddered again. “Fwuffy gib munstah sowwy poopies and get out ob nest and faww in wake.”
Todd looked up and scanned the tree line of the forest surrounding his bass lake, noting to his surprise a bald eagle nest overhanging the water line. “Well I’ll be damned.” He’d have to report that to the FWS later. “Anymore of you down there?” The fluffy giggled. “Dewe is onwy one Kawp siwwy mistah.” Todd sighed. “I meant other sea fluffies.” The fluffy shook his head no. “Kawp onwy fwuffy in wake.” Todd breathed a sigh of relief. If sea fluffies were anything like regular fluffies, a breeding pair could overwhelm a small lake like this in their offspring within twelve months.
“Kawp am onwy fwuffy in wake.” Great. “So what do you do in the lake anyways?” The fluffy smiled. “Kawp pway wif fishie fwiends! Dey suuuuu good at huggie tag!” He paused, pondering for a bit. “Dey nu am good at huggies doh.” Understandable. “So what do you eat? Do you eat the fish?” Karp looked at Todd utterly horrified. “Fishie fwiends nu am nummies! Fishie fwiends am… am… Fwiends!” He looked around furtively, making sure there were no fish nearby to here his next words. “Dey awso num poopies.” Todd nodded in understanding. “So what do you eat?” Karp pointed a fleshy fin at the cattail reeds rimming the lake. “Fwuffy eat da taww gween gwassie nummies!”
“Alright buddy, thanks for answering my questions. I’ll put you back in the water now pal.” The fluffy was suddenly downcast. “Otay. Kawp unnastan.” Todd lifted the dejected fluffy, sliding him back into the water, the fluffy giving him a mournful look before disappearing into the murky water. As nice as the seapony had seemed, Todd had read about them in the news, some government officials calling them the greatest threat to America since the USSR. And while he didn’t quite believe the hype, he wasn’t about to risk it.
Attaching a new, bright yellow lure to the hook, Todd recast his line back into the center of the small lake, setting the rod into its special holder as he pulled out his smartphone. Typing in “Sea-Fluffy” brought him to a couple pages of patents for special varieties of aquatic fluffies, such as the clownfish fluffy, the dolphin fluffy, and the now discontinued great white fluffshark, lawsuits pending. Curiously, none of the fluffies available were freshwater compatible.
Todd was about to try checking different combinations of the words when his line went taught. Putting his phone back in his pocket, Todd grabbed the rod from its holder, beginning to reel the catch in. Sighing, Todd hauled the sobbing blue and yellow sea fluffy back onto the boat. “Huuhuu, ‘eanie nu’ie ‘et f’uffie gu!” Clipping the barb off the second hook of the day, Todd removed the hook from the fluffies lip. “Sorry bout that Karp, I should have warned you that I was still fishing. My bad.” Karp rubs his lip, the first hole of the day directly next to it. “Dat otay mistah Todd, Kawp fowgibe ‘ou.”
Todd smiled. “Alright, im going to use pink bait next, so if you see something pink, DON’T BITE IT. Okay?” The fluffy nodded cheerfully. “Otay mistah! If fwuffy see pink nummie, nu num the nummie!” Todd nodded, gave it a playful ruffling of the mane, and slipped the fluffy back into the water.
Humming to himself, Todd hooked a hot pink plastic lure onto the hook, casting the line out again. He began checking nearby buildings on his phone, trying to locate any sort of laboratory or fisheries where Karp could have originated. There were no Hasbio laboratories nearby, especially not since they were sanctioned and forced to shutter half of their locations. The next closest match would be Equegenics, about half a mile away, which was, granted, a far way for an eagle to carry a squirming fluffy, but it could be farther.
Suddenly, the line went taught again and Todd groaned as he felt the familiar weight on the end of the line. “Goddammit Karp, I told you not to eat the pink thing!” Karp flailed miserably, the hook through his bottom lip this time. Todd sighed and unhooked the fluffy from the line for the third time of the day. “Why on earth would you bite the pink thing after I told you not too?”
The seafluffy stared at Todd confused. “Fwuffy num owange nummie, nu pink nummie?” Todd groaned, pulling an orange and pink worm from his tackle box. “This,” He shook the orange lure in front of the fluffy, “is orange. This,” he wiggled the pink one, “Is pink.” The fluffy looked at him incredulously. “Weawwy? Am mistah shoowe?” Todd placed his head in his hands and let out a long sigh. “Just don’t eat either one,”
“Kawp nu eat the owange ow pink nummie, otay!” Todd sighed, placed a lure on the hook, and cast it out into the center of the lake. “If you get the hook in your lip one more time I’m not clipping the barb off.” Placing the rod into its holster, he placed the fluffy on the opposite side of the boat, pointed directly away from where the hook was, watching the pale blue fluffy disappear into the reeds. Pulling out his phone, he checked Equegenics to see if they had a listed phone number. Luckily, they did, including one for their Michigan branch.
Dialing the number, he found himself nearly instantly connected to a cheerful sounding receptionist. “Hello! You’ve reached Equegenics, the nations seventh foremost researcher in horse related biotechnology, how can I help you?”
“Hey, I have somewhat of a weird question. You guys wouldn’t happen to be developing a freshwater version of a sea fluffy would you?” The receptionist’s voice lost it’s cheeriness. “That project wasn’t supposed to be announced for another four months, do you mind telling me how you managed to learn of it? An NDA was supposed to be in effect.” Todd laughed. “Can I speak to the project’s lead director? I think its best we have a conversation.”
“Please hold.” The receptionist’s voice was replaced with badly compressed music that Todd thought could be Mozart but could have easily been Metallica. Suddenly, his line went taught again. This time there was definitely a fish on the end, Todd reeling in slowly, anticipating a record size trophy bass judging from the sheer amount of weight on the end of the rod.
Todd groaned in anguish as Karp was pulled from the water sobbing yet again, wrapped up in fishing line, a small bass that couldn’t have been fifteen inches dangling from the hook beneath him. Todd heard the wait music end followed by a gruff older woman’s voice. “I’m lead director Erinson of the freshwater fluffy project, how the hell did you learn about them?” Todd placed his head in his hands and sighed. “Please, come pick the thing up. I beg you,”
