Two different unicorn types (by DoozyDaisy)


Two different kinds of unicorns. Earlier fluffy unicorns used goat DNA to achieve the horn. However, later generations opted to use deer DNA, as the velvet made the unicorns closer to those seen on MLP and they were much less prone to become Smartys.
All this talk of genetic modification means nothing to fluffies though, as huggies and wuv is what truly matters to them.

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COOL

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The bloody velvet being ground off on every surface may be an issue.

But on the plus side they’ll be more likely to flee.

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I think Hasbio probably wanted to make the horn as dull as possible. They were supposed to be toys, after all.

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Hasbro made lawn darts only until lawsuits mounted.

There’s a chance no fucks will be given.

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Okay, but they already did pretty much everything else to idiot-proof the fluffy. It was already designed to be as harmless as possible.

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There is at least two major flaws Hasbio didn’t fix.

The Fluffy is fire-resistant, but not fireproof.
The fluff is very flammable but doesn’t all burn off quickly.
The result is Fluffies die if lit on fire, but not before they panic and run around, spreading it to basically everything and everyone else.

That’s how Cleveland happens. Fluffies who caught fire from the static explosion spread it to the fireworks and city itself.

Fluffies are also disease and infection resistant when alive, but not in death. Plus the stories ignoring the resistance to show them diseased and with infections implies that strength has been eliminated by breeders by mistake or something. So Fluffies can transmit disease to humans even beyond the effect they have when drowning in water sources or dying in fields.

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Okay, but it seems to me that those are both issues that weren’t evident until after PETA broke in. Things like that wouldn’t be obvious while the only fluffies in existence were the ones in Hasbio’s labs. The horn issue, on the other hand, would be an obvious problem from the beginning. I mean, shit, you brought up the lawn darts. The legal team would be like “Yo, didn’t you schmucks learn anything from the lawn dart fiasco? People don’t want toys that gouge their kids’ eyes out!”

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That’s why I belive late artist-kun’s horns are the best. They are small, blunt and (something no one seems to do) have a leathery structure similar to their hoove pads

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I mean…its a grimdark world version of Hasbro.

Every decade real Hasbro brings back Easy Bake Oven and/or a similar product line like Creepy Crawlers or the metal toy makers and kills it again when a quota of kids expose the bone on 2+ of their fingers.

Hasbro is THE company that fucks up.

We joke about the company that sold radioactive isotoped in a kids science kit, and the Hannah Montana toy that caused cancer, and the lead paint from Chinese toys in the early 2000’s, but almost the entire list of bad idea toys is Hasbro.

Fluffies being so safe for humans is like fictional Legos that can’t be stepped on and don’t resell for 3x the price when they go out of production.

Like, their bones should explode like shrapnel to take out the Abuser’s eyes if someone pulls off a leg, or their fluff should cause a condition similar to miner’s lung, or their shit should be flammable and cause respiratory problems. Maybe their bite causes necrosis, or the shit blasts cause severe skin irritation.

Hasbio is hilariously a more responsible company than Hasbro.

Plus, incinerating Fluffies. Hasbro is KNOWN for shelfwarmer products. They are still selling Rose Tico 3.75 action figures at full price, those will be in warehouses until they are bought for building materials. Its practically an act of soite, if you carry Hasbro products you will keep them stocked and ordered until they allow you to send them back, and they will likely be repainted and repackaged if they aren’t gone in fifteen years.

Hasbro would cause mass famines feeding all the unsold Fluffies ever born until they died of old age and were resold as enfie toys and home taxidermy kits that kids would always end up sewing their hand to, because if humanity doesn’t buy Hasbro then it can rot in hell with the failed 90’s GI Joe toys. Hasbro gives no fucks. They’re the Disney of toys, and they can and will flex that muscle.

China fucking bows to Hasbro.

Wake up with a Fluffy fucking your nostril? Hasbio would replace it for free and give you a coupon for kibble, Hasbro would tell you its an action feature and to appreciate your unmarked limited run special edition Fluffy with face-fucking action. But only after three hours on hold listening to the first five seconds of the Power Rangers theme on loop.

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TLDR: “Capitalism, ho!”

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As far as I can figure, Hasbio’s policies and distribution model matches Wizards Of The Coast before Hasbro bought them and the non-game trading card crash hit. Except WotC never owned the card stores, nor Ultra Pro’s accessories.

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