Uncle Sam’s Misguided Fluffies: Boot Camp
A postscript for something else I’m working on, but Virgil’s The Helpers event has inspired me.
Comments and criticism welcome!
Your earliest memory was the feeling of cold and the sound of screaming. Terrified and in discomfort, you opened your mouthie and took your first breath, crying out for something, anything, to take it all away.
You remember hearing a familiar rumbling, then warmth and comfort again. You ceased your pitiful chirping as something warm rubbed over you, taking away the cold and you felt the comforting thump-thump sound again.
Something was pushed into your mouthie and you sucked on it by instinct. A warm delicious taste flooded in and you swallowed reflexively, letting the warmth fill you inside.
You don’t remember much after that, save a crooning song, different from before, but still filled with love.
After that, it’s a mess of scattered memories, full of that ambrosial nectar, no smell pretties and bits of you moving around. Other things were often around you - they were warm and soft and you often had the biggest heart happies when you wrapped your front bits around them. The biggest heart happies however were when the Sound sung, or picked you up. Other sounds also sung and picked you up but none gave you the same warm feeling, the same full-of-bursting heart happies, as that one Sound did.
Some forevers after that, the sounds began to make more sense - one kept calling itself ‘Daddeh’, another was ‘Smarty’, one very different one you heard a lot, but the two sounds that gave you the most heart happies, were one called ‘Heather’ and the Sound known as ‘Mummah’.
Even more forevers after that, you saw something bright, even brighter than your first memory of the cold and screaming. Two fuzzy shapes took form, a darker one and a lighter one and you peeped in surprise.
“Babbeh am see-ie babbeh nao? Yay! Biggest heawt happies! Mummah am so pwoud ob yu!”
The darker form picked you up and you recognised the smell and sound as ‘Mummah’.
“Dat good. Aw babbehs am see-ie babbehs soon.” The lighter shape said, which you recognised as ‘Heather’.
You felt a familiar pain in your lower parts and you chirped in discomfort.
“Babbeh need make poopies nao. See-ie babbehs kan leawn hao tu make gud poopies nao. Hev-veh take babbeh tu witter-box dis time but Wisa hab tu show udda babbehs hao tu make gud poopies.”
You feel yourself being passed over to Heather and you soon find yourself in an uncomfortable, no-smell-pretty place. The pain becomes too much and you peep as the feeling leaves, something something warm and no-smell-pretty leaving your lower parts.
“Gud babbeh make gud poopies!” You hear Heather praising you and you feel heart happies as she picks you up again.
“Gib wickie-cweanies… icky.” You hear Heather mumble as something wet and warm passes over your lower parts, making you feel nicer again.
You cheep and wrap your front bits around Heather in thanks.
“Aww, dank yu, yu gud babbeh. Hab huggies.” Heather holds you close and a spark of recognition fires, triggering a previously dormant genetic memory. This is a huggie! You love huggies!
You cheep and peep happily as you blink, trying to clear your blurry vision so you can see Heather better.
“Caweful, babbeh. Yu am nyu see-ie babbeh, nu huwt yu see-pwaces.”
You warble a reply, protesting that you’re becoming a big babbeh as Heather takes you back to Mummah.
“Hewe am babbeh, Wisa. Babbeh am gud babbeh. Wike huggies.” Heather says, passing you over. You protest again, not wanting to leave her huggies, but Mummah’s huggies soon make up for it.
“Sweepie time, babbeh.” Mummah puts you down next to the other warm furry things, then starts singing gently. “Mummah wuvs babbehs, babbehs wuv mummah, be gud wittwe babbehs, gwow up big an’ stwong…”
You’re asleep before the second ‘mummah’.
As if something had clicked in your mind when you had recognised what a huggie was, words, names and things flooded into your mind over the next few bright times.
Your front bits were called leggies! You even had a pair of back leggies that you didn’t realise you had - none of your leggies really listened to you but Mummah Mummah and Mummah Heather said it was too early for you to be a ‘walkie babbeh’ yet, whatever that was.
The other furry things were your little bruddas and sissies and their see places also started opening slowly over the next few bright times. They were all sorts of colours but a pale green sissy was your favourite - she also liked huggies and you spent many a sleepie time hugging each other. You yourself were a dark green pointy babbeh according to the Mummahs, although you couldn’t see the pointy.
Mummah Mummah was a dark blue colour with a white mane and tail, while Mummah Heather was white with pretty tan streaks and a chestnut mane; she even wore a special thing on her thinkie place called a hat, which was also white with a big red mark called a cross on it.
Mummah Heather said that it meant she was a ‘nurse mare’ and she was here to help Mummah Mummah and the rest of your herd’s mummahs learn how to be good mummahs.
Daddeh came by every bright time, to hug and play with you; he was a big orange and white fluffy and you cheeped in joy every time he put you on his back and carried you around your home - you were so high and moving so fast that it was a little scary, but Daddeh was there, keeping you safe!
Daddeh wasn’t allowed to stay with you at dark times, which made you both you and him sad, so you always made sure to give him a special extra big huggie before he left.
You could occasionally hear cheeping of other babbehs and the sound of other fluffies around you, but you couldn’t see over the high walls of your home, which was a big square with solid walls on three sides and a ‘gate’ on the fourth that you could see out of into another big empty space.
Your nestie was a box that you shared with your family, and there was a litter box in the far corner for your good poopies. There were bowls with Mummah nummies and something called ‘wawa’ that sent a shiver down your spine every time you heard the word, even though you had no idea what ‘wawa’ was.
Your own nummies were called milkies from Mummah Mummah but every time you fed, it was making you less full and the tummy grumblies kept coming sooner and sooner.
You peeped in complaint every time that Mummah Mummah took you off her milkie places before you were full, but she said that you had to share with your bruddas and sissies, and the thought of your favourite sissy also having the tummy grumblies gave you heart saddies, so you consoled yourself by hugging one of your waiting bruddas or sissies in a fluff pile while the rest of them fed.
Every early bright time after you woke up, you had to get into ‘for-may-shun’ with Mummah Mummah and your bruddas and sissies. You had to all wait outside your nestie until your smarty came round to check on you all, seeing how you were growing up and talking to Mummah Mummah.
Often your smarty’s daddeh, Big Daddeh, was there to also check on you. He wasn’t a fluffy, but something called a ‘huumin’ and for some reason, you knew you wanted your own ‘huumin’ daddeh as well.
Big Daddeh was very scary looking, with lots of red owwie marks on his thinkie place that looked super hurtie and his leggie made a little clicky noise every time he moved it. His voice was very soft though and always gave you the gentlest huggies and petties, so he didn’t make you do scaredy poopies.
Your peeps and cheeps started becoming more different as you listened to your Mummahs, daddeh and Big Daddeh, until your mouthie place started making sounds like they did and less of your peeping and chirping.
You can clearly remember the first proper words you made; Mummah Mummah had just fed you and Mummah Heather was rubbing your tummy place while your bruddas and sissies were fed. You had just made burpies and you gave Mummah Heather a huggie in thanks and chirped ‘Wuv! Chirp! Wuv!’
“Am talkie babbeh nao! Suuu happeh!” Mummah Mummah smiled as your brudda and sissy fed, while she hugged another brudda.
“Gud babbeh.” Mummah Heather smiled and gave you a lickie clean as she hugged you.
“Wuv! Mum-mah! Chirp!” You chirped again and tried to give her a lickie clean and hug back.
“Nu! Bad babbeh! Dat am nu yu Mummah!” Mummah Mummah sounded a little angry and you chirped in fear as you looked back at her.
“Yu Mummah am wight, babbeh. Hev-veh am nu yu mummah.” Mummah Heather held onto you and looked carefully at Mummah Mummah.
"Wi-sa, aww babbehs am gud babbehs. Hev-veh hewp Wi-sa wook afta babbehs, but dat aww. Nu steaw babbehs, nu am babbeh mummah.
“Yu smawty an’ caw-paw Wawsh say Hev-veh hewp mummahs be gu mummahs tu aww babbehs, yu wan’ Hev-veh teww dem dat yu nu wan Hev-veh hewp?”
Mummah shrunk back. “Nu… nu teww dem dat.”
She put your brudda down and held out her leggies to you. “Sowwy babbeh, yu am gud babbeh. Com tu mummah an’ hab huggies.”
Mummah Heather put you down and you cautious crawled towards Mummah Mummah.
“Gu tu yu Mummah, babbeh.” Mummah Heather nodded in reassurance as you glanced back to her, then wriggled into Mummah Mummah’s embrace.
“Mum-mah… mummah! Chirp! Wuv!” You gave Mummah Mummah a hug and as she hugged you back, all the tension disappeared. While you loved Mummah Heather, this was your proper mummah - how could you be scared of her?
“Sowwy babbeh… sowwy Hev-veh.” you heard Mummah Mummah say before she started singing gently to you all, giving you the biggest heart happies.
Some forevers later, your leggies started listening to you and you could stand and walk slowly, like the big fluffies. Both your mummahs and daddeh were so happy that you were a walkie babbeh but they seemed a little sad at the same time.
Mummah Heather showed you how to make the ‘bestest poopies’ after you started walking - if you squatted your back leggies carefully when you went to good poopies, the no-smell-pretty poopies wouldn’t stick to your poopie place so much and make you feel less icky and itchy.
The best thing about becoming a walkie babbeh though, was being able to play - Big Daddeh gave you all a ball that you could chase and pass and Mummah Heather also showed you all how to play huggie-tag. Even Mummah Mummah played with you after Mummah Heather showed her how.
Once you and your bruddas and sissies were all walkie babbehs, you were allowed out of your home with your family, into the big place and you finally met all the other fluffies and babbehs that you had been hearing.
You had never seen so many fluffies before! And they were all different shapes and sizes! Some were pointy babbehs as well, others were wingy babbehs, but most of them were normal ones like your bruddas and sissies.
Big Daddeh said that since you were all walkie babbehs now, you had to start something called ‘pee-tee’, to make you big strong fluffies. He made you all walk around the outside of the big place and you were fascinated - this was the longest you had walked without going around in a circle. A word formed in your thinkie place; ‘exploring’ - it tickled inside and excited you, making you want to do it more.
Some of the other babbehs started to get tired and were complaining to their mummahs and daddehs, falling behind on their walk around. To that Big Daddeh started singing a song in a special way - first he’d sing one line, then your mummahs and daddehs would sing it back.
You didn’t quite understand the words, but it was fun to sing it back with your mummah and daddeh and it made the walk easier.
He kept on doing this every bright time and the walking got easier and easier over time. You even got to talk and play with the other babbehs during your pee-tee time - as always, huggie tag was your favourite game.
In the middle of the big place was a big box with lots of no-see walls. Inside was lots of smaller boxes, with enough space to fit a babbeh, but not much else. Big Daddeh said this was the ‘sorry box’ and was where ‘nawty’ babbehs went - you weren’t sure what the difference was between a bad babbeh and a ‘nawty’ one, but you didn’t want to be either.
‘Nawty’ babbehs got put into the box while every other fluffy was allowed to run and play and their huu-huu-ing could be heard faintly while you ran round the big place.
Even worse was when they did bad poopies or pee-pees in the sorry box and they got laughed at and teased by all the other babbehs. When the no-smell-pretty ‘nawty’ babbehs came out, they were usually crying, begging that they were only little babbehs and they wouldn’t do it again.
Big Daddeh took them away some place to have a ‘bath’ and you could occasionally hear the faint screaming of ‘wa-wa am bad for fluffy’, which put a chill down your spine, before they were returned back to their mummah and daddeh, damp, cold and crying.
The really super ‘nawty’ babbehs got left in the box during the dark time; you didn’t like this as it was hard to have sleepies because you could still hear their crying and sniffing from your nestie.
Even after these super ‘nawty’ babbehs got let out of the sorry box, the other babbehs had heart grumpies with them and no babbeh wanted to play with them for a few bright times, even their own bruddas and sissies.
Big Daddeh also started playing a game called ‘find the smellies’ with you all. He put all the babbehs from one family and either their mummah or a daddeh into a box with a grill at the front, then took them away for some forevers before bringing them back.
When it was your turn, you went with daddeh and your bruddas and sissies. It was a little scary for your bruddas and sissies as the box felt like the sorry box, but daddeh was there to calm you all down. You however, were too excited to be scared, looking out the grill in front all the time, seeing all the new things, hearing the new sounds and sniffing all the new smells.
When Big Daddeh let you out, you were in another big place - it had lots of boxes with lots of smaller places with places to explore, but before you could dash off, Big Daddeh held up a strange smelly thing to your nosies and said that there was something here that smelt like it. If you and your bruddas and sissies could find it, then you all got to play with blockies before you went sleepies that bright time.
Some of your bruddas and sissies were too scared to look around and leave daddeh, but you hardly needed telling, dashing off to explore and find that smelly thing. Your favourite sissie helped, but she let you lead the way - that was ok. You were the brave exploring babbeh and you had to help your bruddas and sissies!
When you found the strange smelly thing, you dashed back to Big Daddeh to tell him where it was. He laughed and said you were good babbeh, but the next time you find it, you should sit down next to it and wait until he got there, then tell him where it was.
He gave you a pettie, which you liked, then he put you back in the box and told you to close your see places while he hid the smelly thing again, then you could go explore and find it all over again.
After a few times of finding it, you were all getting tired and sleepy, so Big Daddeh took you all back to the big place. Later that bright time after a little sleepie and milkies, you all got to play with blockies for the first time ever - it was fun, but you liked huggie tag better, but your pale green sissie loved the blockies best of all. She even managed to put them four blocks high! That was one block for each leggie!
Sometimes when you went to play find the smellies, the smelly thing changed, but you could always find it - you wanted to do your best to make your bruddas and sissies happy with letting them play with blockies and you liked it when Big Daddeh called you a good fluffy.
After many bright times, you were a bigger babbeh now and you could never get quite enough milkies to make the tummy grumblies stop and they were soon becoming tummy owies. To make things worse, your mouthie started itching and the only way to make it stop was to chew something; often this was the corner of the wall of your nestie.
Mummah Heather caught you doing this one time and gave a sigh.
“Mummah Hev-veh, wat am wong?” You looked up at her, stopping chewing as your concern for her overrode the relief you needed.
“Nu-ding babbeh. Yu am big babbeh nao, soon will be kolt and nu need milkies nu mowe. Yu gwow up su fast. Hev-veh need tawk tu yu mummah an’ daddeh.”
Soon after, your daddeh gave you some of mummah’s nummies, which was called ‘kibble’. It didn’t taste as nice as milkies, but the roughness helped your mouthie itchies and if you gummed it in your mouthie place enough, it got soft enough for you to swallow it, which took away your tummy grumblies. Your mummah started giving you, your bruddas, and sissies less milkies too, complaining that your mouthies hurt her milkie places.
You tried to say sorry to Mummah Mummah, but Mummah Heather said that it was normal for big babbehs to get teethies when they were becoming colts and fillies, and not to worry.
You and your bruddas’ and sissies’ manes and tails were starting to come in now and your favourite sissy was a pleasant pale green and fair yellow colour, making her super pretty. Your own mane and tail were coming in white, just like Mummah Mummah’s and Daddeh’s, making them happy.
One bright time, instead of having ‘for-may-shun’ in front of your nestie, you were all lined up in the big area, just outside the gate to your home.
Big Daddeh, your smarty and Mummah Heather were in front of you, and you could see Mummah Heather was looking very sad.
“Fluffies, I have an announcement.” Big Daddeh said, looking at all of you. “Heather was here to help you be good babbehs and grow up into good fluffies. Since you don’t need milkies any more, you’re no longer babbehs, but colts and fillies now.”
You nodded in agreement - you hadn’t needed milkies for a few bright times now and ate big fluffy nummies like Mummah Mummah. You didn’t even think of yourself as a babbeh, not really, but being a colt sounded a little scary.
“This means that Heather’s job is done and she has to go back home. I think she’s done a very good job of helping your mummahs and daddehs raising you, and she wanted to say something to you all before she went.” Big Daddeh stepped back.
“Hewwo babbehs… nu, yu am aww fiwwies an’ kowts nao. Hev-veh hab biggest heawt happies dat you aww gwow up big an stwong. Be gud nao and know dat Hev-vehs wuvs yu aww…”
You can’t hold it any longer and charge towards Mummah Heather, tears streaming from your face. “NUUUU! MUMMAH HEV-VEH, NU GUUUUU!!!”
You crash into her, hugging as hard as you can, determined never to let her go. You’re vaguely aware of the other fillies and colts surrounding you, all crying and trying to hug Mummah Heather as well, but you don’t care - Mummah Heather was your Mummah.
It takes several minutes for everybody to calm down and even Mummah Heather was crying by the end as well.
“Come on fluffies, time to let her go.” Big Daddeh knelt down.
“Babbehs, gu back tu yu mummahs an’ daddehs nao.” Your smarty started pushing babbehs away until Big Daddeh could pick up Mummah Heather. As he stood and carried her away, she looked up to Big Daddeh and asked something you couldn’t quite hear.
He nodded in reply then turned around to face the crying crowd of fluffies. “Which one?”
Mummah Heather pointed her hoof at you. “Dat one, de gween an’ white pointy kolt.”
“You, fluffy, come here.” Big Daddeh knelt down with Mummah Heather as you did as you were told.
Mummah Heather gave you a big hug which you returned. “Be gud wittwe fwuffy. Yu am Hev-veh favwite. Hev-veh neva fawget yu.”
“Yus Mummah Hev-veh.” You squeaked out between your tears. “Fwuffyy will be bestest fwuffy eva an’ make Mummah Hev-veh pwoud.”
You reluctantly let go of Mummah Heather and she’s put into a small box with a grill across the front, like the ones that Big Daddeh took you away for the smelly finding game, only a lot prettier in colour with a picture of a happy fluffy on the side.
Another huumin comes up and takes the box - he’s in very different not-fluff to the huumins you normally see; even his thinkie place fluff is a lot longer.
“I hope our nurse mare was satisfactory.”
“Yeah, she’s made a good impression as you can see. Only a washout rate of 3 foals for poor behaviour from this cohort so far - from the stories I’ve heard from other fluffy breeders, I expected much more.”
“Well, if you need us again, we’ll be much closer now. Our parent company is opening up another franchisee in-state in a couple months’ time.”
“Really? Where’d you come down from?”
“New York. All the rich folks up there want premium fluffy training services, so it made sense to set up shop there first. They heard how well trained the nurse mare was during that massive fustercluck of that kid and the premium fluffy, so while it was pretty bad for the fluffy, it’s good advertising for us.”
“Oh yeah, I heard about that. Damn, NY’s a long way.”
“Eh, you get used to it. Good thing about these nurse mares is that they’ve got an excellent temperament and are usually good company on a roadtrip. Isn’t that right, Heather?”
“Yus, mista Bob. Hev-vah awso wike wooking out at pwetty scen-a-wy wen in voomy-voomy ding.”
“Well, I won’t keep you any longer, I’ll walk you out. Boot 2, you’re charge for a bit ok?”
“Yus caw-pol. Bootoo will gib fwuffies peetee.”
“Yeah, good idea. Carry on.”
It’s been a few bright times since Mummah Heather left and while you’re still sad, all the extra peetee had left you too tired to be too sad. You had started to learn the running songs now - Big Daddeh knew lots of them, some happy, some sad and some meanie.
You were singing your favourite one now, with your bruddas and sissies as you ran round the big place together:
Hi-dee, hi-dee, Chwist aw-mighty
Hu da fwuff am we?
Wot-sa bad wow-dsies!
Ma-ween caw in-fan-twee!
This one didn’t need Big Daddeh or smarty to sing the line first and it was the easiest bit you could remember. You weren’t too sure what ‘marine corps infantry’ were, but Big Daddeh was one and he was the bravest (and only) huumin you knew, so it must be a good thing.
“Otay fwuffies, faw in!” Your smarty called out and all the fluffies moved into ‘for-may-shun’. You all sat still on your haunches as you had been taught - some of your fellow colts and fillies hadn’t got the hang of it at first, resulting in them being bopped by their daddehs or smarty until they did.
“At ease. All right fluffies, it’s time for the ‘find the smellies’ game. This is a big test so I’ll do this one fluffy at a time, but because it’s a big test, there’s an extra special reward for the fluffy to find the smelly the fastest; the fastest fluffy will win sketties for them and their family.”
The word ‘sketties’ immediately caused your mouth to water - you didn’t know why or what ‘sketties’ were, but you wanted them.
“Go back into your pens and I’ll take you one fluffy at a time.”
You heard grumbling from some of the other colts and fillies - you were all getting bigger now and both the nesties and your homes were getting a bit cramped. You didn’t mind as it meant more huggies in your fluffpile, but some of your bruddas and sissies liked the space to run around.
When it was your turn, the sounds and smells were different to the other times you went to play the ‘find the smelly’ game and you felt a little nervous. This was the first time you had ever been alone and you tried not to cry or feel too scared.
You were let out in a different big place, this time it was full of big boxes on top of round things. It was noisier than before and there were other huumins watching you and Big Daddeh.
“Come on out, fluffy.” You heard Big Daddeh say and you crept out of the box, your tail tucked inbetween your legs.
“Yus, Big Daddeh…” you peeped as you looked around the scary new big place.
Big Daddeh knelt down, his leggie clicking and gave you a calming pettie. “It’s ok, fluffy. Now, just like we’ve done all the other times, just find the smelly.”
“Otay, Big Daddeh…” you said dubiously and started hesitantly towards the nearest big box.
“It’s ok, think of it like exploring. I know you like exploring.”
You stopped and tried to get the courage to tell him - while you were excited to explore, you were terrified that there wasn’t any other fluffies around. Big Daddeh was the only reason why you’d even stepped out of the box in the first place. Going around this big place all by yourself was too much.
“Remember what Heather said to you.” Big Daddeh prompted.
You laid down and closed your see places, thinking about your last words to Mummah Heather - you would be the bestest fluffy ever and make her proud. A surge of pride and heart happies flowed through you as you remembered her warm soft leggies around you as she gave you her last huggie. You WOULD be the best fluffy ever. You WOULD make her proud.
“Yus! Fwuffy will make Mummah Hev-vah an’ Mummah Mummah an’ Daddeh, an’ sissie pwoud!” You stood up and started using your nosie - one of the smelly things was there, but hidden under all the strong new smells. The feeling of exploring sparked in your mind and you started getting excited again, drowning out your fear and unease.
You took one step, then another, and another before breaking out into a near run as you followed your nosie around the big boxes until you found the smelly thing.
“Dewe it am, Big Daddeh.” You sat down and pointed your leggie at the smelly thing, like you had been told. “It am unda dat boxie ding.”
“Good job fluffy!” Big Daddeh clicked something in his not-leggy and tapped at something in his other not-leggie.
“Huh, I suppose that’s one advantage of a fluffy.” One of the other huumins spoke out. “A dog would just alert, but a fluffy can tell you where it is.”
“Yes sir. That’s something I found with my previous fluffy back in the sandbox.” Big Daddeh replied and raised his not-leggie to his thinkie place then lowered it after the other huumin did the same.
“I heard about that. It’s a shame-”
“* Cough * Not in front of the fluffy sir. It’s still under selection and scaring it might affect the other tests; this is the most promising one of this cohort and I’d hate it to fail.”
“Right. Very well, as you were corporal.”
“Sir.” Big Daddeh raised his not-leggie to his thinkie place again before lowering it.
When you got back to your big place, you gave all your family a big hug in relief as they all crowded around you, asking questions. You tried to answer them as best you could but none of your bruddas or sissies could imagine being by themselves in a big place.
You got blockies to play with that night and were amazed when each of you all got your own bowl of sketties - the smell, sweetness, sharpness and sheer yumminess of the sketties seared itself into your mind and you all agreed that it was the bestest nummies of all.
The following bright time, your smarty got you into ‘for-may-shun’ in front of your home as Big Daddeh made another announcement. Since you were all fillies and colts now, you had to be separated - the fillies would stay with their mummah at dark times and the colts would stay with their daddehs.
Some of the fluffies started crying or asking why, but both your smarty and Big Daddeh said it was for your own good. Big Daddeh also reminded you all that it was for the dark time only - you could still see and play with each other during peetee time.
However he said that some fillies and colts were special ones and were ready for new huumin mummahs and daddehs now. They would be coming later this bright time to pick you all up, so you had some time to say good bye to your family before you left.
You were both surprised and scared that you were chosen as one of the special ones and you cried as you hugged your bruddas, sissies, mummah and daddeh. You especially cried when you gave your special green sissie a huggie - she hadn’t been chosen to be a special fluffy so would stay behind with the others.
Your smarty was a meanie and still made you do peetee though, with tears coming down all your faces, but all he said was ‘wewcum tu de big gween nunu-stick’.
Big Daddeh started singing one of his songs though, which was a surprise - he hadn’t done that for a while. Oh no - it was one of the saddie ones:
Somewhere there’s a mummah (Sumwhewe dewe a mummah)
She’s crying for her boy (She cwying fo’ hew boy)
He’s a US fluffy (Ee’s a US fwuffy)
With orders to deploy (Wit’ owdas tu depwoy)
So don’t you shed him no tears (Su nu yu shed im nu teaws)
He don’t need your sympathy (Ee nu need yu sim-pa-fee)
'Cause he’s a US fluffy (Caws ee’s am US fwuffy)
That’s all he wants to be (Dat all ee wan tu be)
Somewhere there’s a daddeh (Sumwhewe dewe a daddeh)
He’s proud as can be (Ee’s pwoud as kan be)
Of his US fluffy (Ob his US fluffy)
All he hoped he would be (Aww ee hoped ee wud be)
So don’t you shed him no tears (Su nu yu shed im nu teaws)
He don’t need your sympathy (Ee nu need yu sim-pa-fee)
His boy’s a US fluffy (His boy’s a US fwuffy)
All he wanted him to be (Aww ee wan him tu be)
Somewhere there’s a sister (Sumwhewe dewe a sissy)
She’s crying for her bro (She cwying fo’ hew bwo)
He’s a US fluffy (Ee’s a US fwuffy)
And he said he has to go (An’ ee said ee hab tu gu)
So don’t you shed him no tears (Su nu yu shed im nu teaws)
He don’t need your sympathy (Ee nu need yu sim-pa-fee)
He’s a US fluffy (Ee’s a US fwuffy)
It’s all he wanted to be (It aww ee wanted tu be)
Somewhere there’s a babbeh (Sumwhewe dewe a babbeh)
He’s crying for his dad (Ee’s cwying fo’ gis dad)
He was a US fluffy (Ee was a US fwuffy)
Now not even a folded flag (Nao nu eben a fowded fwag)
But don’t you shed him no tears (Su nu yu shed im nu teaws)
He don’t need your sympathy (Ee nu need yu sim-pa-fee)
He’ll grow to be a US fluffy (Ee’ll gwow tu be a US fwuffy)
It’s all he wants to be (It aww ee wants tu be)
Epilogue
It’s been many forevers since you left your family. Your new huumin daddeh said it had been a year, but that’s more bright times than you have leggies to count on, so you take his word for it.
It’s hot and dusty here, with everything not smelling pretty, but you can still find the smelly things that Big Daddeh had taught you to find.
There’s a barkie friend called Zeus that sometimes helps you find the smelly things and it’s a friendly race between you and him - sometimes you find them first, sometimes he does. Your huumin daddeh mutters ‘fukin armee pook’ every time Zeus beats you, but Zeus’ daddeh just laughs and tells you both to eat more crayons (you tried them once and they don’t taste pretty).
It’s sometimes very scary and noisy and other huumins sometimes say meanie things to you, but in the hardest of times, you can feel a pair of warm leggies around you, giving you the bestest huggies and biggest heart happies and you remember that you promised to be the bestest fluffy ever and make everybody proud.
And by fluff you will.
