Part 5: Quality, not Quantity
With Doppler strung out on catnip you could basically wear him as a scarf, and the craziest thing is he kinda liked it. Wearing the “kitteh-munsta” as a scarf solidified your status as the undisputed master of their realm, no doubt useful for what you now faced. Opening the closed bed of your truck to grab the cache of spaghetti-o’s. As you slid into the kitchen in the house your roommates were playing Street Fighter in the living room and couldn’t help but notice the big-ass box of spaghetti-o’s. Well, you got them from Costco so it was actually “Kirkland Canned Miniature Spaghetti” or some shit. Your roomies gave you shit for being unemployed with a Costco membership. Jokes on them Costco’s fucking sick. Thankfully for your purposes they also sold in bulk which was going to come in handy. Overall you got the spaghetti, a lot of baby-shampoo, like so much the clerk was giving you weird looks, and a small kiddie-pool. Bath time was going to be a whole different affair, at least fluffies really like spaghetti, it turns out that because of our genetic doodling however they believed water was basically lava. The only genes we took from the narwhal involved the horn, which is actually a tooth. The rest were all either land mammals or pigeons, so water was not exactly where they were comfortable. Food came first regardless so you turned your focus to the cans. Not before hearing a snarky remark from one of your roommates Jeff.
“I thought I heard annoying voices. Didn’t think you would mess with those things. I mean you know-”
“Yo Jeff, I would focus less on my fluffies and more on your mixup game. Shit’s lookin’ weak.”
“Says the guy who can’t tech throws! AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!”
Okay he got me with that one. Thankfully I had just finished getting the first four bowls of pasta ready. Time for skettis.
“Okay everyone, I need the soon-mummah’s to come to me again.”
I watched as Dido, Helen, Gaea, and Tomyris slowly moved in my direction. Tomyris was rolling Dido steadily as Helen and Gaea slowly maneuvered their bulging bodies towards you. You decided to meet them in the middle and save them some energy. It could only be worse for the babies inside them if they kept moving. You placed the four, equally portioned bowls beside the dams.
“Wy Hewen nu get mo’ skettis?”
Your hunch was right, Helen was used to getting more food than the other dams. This was no doubt due to her being the so-called “pwettiest mummah” of the former smarty, she was used to being privileged over the others.
“All soon-mummahs get the same amount of food. You all get more than the others so at least appreciate that.”
Helen still looked distraught. You couldn’t really blame her either. In one day you had killed her partner, killed her favorite child, and you were disrespecting what she saw as her superiority over the other dams.
“humph Hewen eat skettis, wub sketties, bu Hewen stiww wan mo’”
The dams ate up the spaghetti graciously, savoring the “gud nummies”. Tomyris was done eating first and gave me the widest smile a fluffy could give.
“You must have been really hungry Tomyris”
“Tomy-wis wub sketties an’ wub daddeh!”
“Daddy loves you too Tomyris”
Looks like you hit the jackpot. Not only was Cyrus the perfect stallion, but Tomyris, his special friend, was shaping up to be a good mare. You had to breed others of course in order to avoid severe inbreeding. You have to wonder what a Hapsburg Chin would look like on a fluffy. Even so, Cyrus and Tomyris would take priority over all others.
You retreated back to the kitchen with the 4 clean bowls and returned with 4 bowls full of spaghetti.
“Alright, can I get the mares over here now?”
Boudicca, Livia, Agrippina, and Locusta trotted over to you, tails wagging, and in the case of Locusta, wings as well. You constantly regretted adding wings to the gene pool. At least a horn could be useful. All the wing phenotype does is weaken the bones, they provide nothing else but fluffies are combination of smart enough to know they have wings, but dumb enough to not understand they can’t use them. An unfortunate situation. The bowls were set down again and the mares devoured the cheap italian dish with gusto, cooing and babbling in between bites about “wiwkies fo’ babbehs” and “bestest nummies”. They gave you grins and trotted away to prepare to give their foals fresh milk.
“Okay, I’ll be right back, but I bet the fillies are pretty hungry!”
“YAAAAAAAAAY!!! SKETTIES!!!”
The fillies were excited to say the least. This order you had established was not arbitrary, you wanted it to be ingrained in the fluffies’ mind as the new paradigm. Breaking the extreme patriarchy in fluffy society was one of the to-dos on your list, it starts with feeding time. I came back out greeted by the four fillies, excited for their turn. I set the four bowls down, less food than the mars or dams but no doubt more than what they’re used to.
“Tank ou daddeh! Wub sketties!” Inanna was practically shaking from how hyped she was. Titi sniffed the pasta before taking a bite.
“GUD NUMMIES!”, Titi exclaimed, noodles still clinging onto her mouth.
Olympia and Zenobia were already finished before you had a chance to turn around. You repeated your kitchen routine and returned once more now with just two bowls three bowls.
“Oh colts! I bet you guys are ready for sketties?!”
“YAAAAAAY!!”, Herodotus and Darius cried with joy as they bolted over to you. Doppler roused from his cat-high enough to meow, indicating you to put him down. Set set him down on the deck, away from the herd. You came back to the two colts to find them fighting over the last bit of food in Herodotus’s bowl. Well by fighting you meant that they each wanted the other to eat the last bits of food.
“Nu! Dawius num wast nummies su becum bestest babbeh awsu!”, Herodotus seemed to think that bestest babbeh was some kind of official title one could gain with enough food.
“Nu! Dawius nu nee’ mo’ nummies! Hewodotus nee nummies, doh!”, looked like Darius seemed to have some good morals.
“Darius is right, Herodotus. You both get the same amount of food and you need to eat up your share so you can grow up big and strong!”
“Otay daddeh! Herodotus num!”
“Good fluffy”
You took back the two bowls and came back with three. The stallions were getting anxious you could tell so naturally they practically jumped their way over to you. Pasion was visibly confused as to why there were three bowls instead of just two. He kept staring at the bowls, eyes darting back and forth from one to the next.
“Daddeh… wy awe dere twee nummies? Stawwions get extwa nummies?”
“No little guy, there is one bowl for each of you.”
“Buh Pasion am poopeh-fwuffy, nu get gud nummies.”
As I was about to speak up Cyrus got ahead of me.
“Pasy-on, ou am gud fwuffy, nu poopeh-fwuffy! Num sketties! Sketties su gud!”
Pasion slowly brought his maws down to sniff the spaghetti. His eyes lit up and he dove in with wild abandon. You couldn’t help but smile as he chowed down the only real food that’s ever been given to him.
The Stallions finished up pretty quickly and now was time to face a whole different challenge.
It was bath time.
