The sun beamed down on the clearing, morning mist burning away in the life-giving warmth of an early spring morning. Slowly, fluffies of various sizes and colors began to waddle out of the hollow trees that separated the clearing from the dense woods around it.
Stretching from his rest, a large gray earthy busied itself licking the dew from the grass, as a group of 15-20 talkie foals began playing huggie-tag in the center of the clearing. After a solid 5 minutes, 4 other adults came out in pairs of two to join the guardian in their morning ritual. The red fluff blue mained earthie stallion with his bright pink pegasus mate, and the orange rather small unicorn loitering near his baby-food green earthie mate. The morning was perfect.
Sam slowly bumped his pickup along the shoddy path between the woods and the soybean field, gritting his teeth as a particularly vicious bump tossed his passenger airborne, his head connecting with the roof as he came back down into the seat. âJesus fuck Sam! What the hell?!â Screamed the smaller man, yanking his ballcap off and rubbing the bald spot where his head had connected with the ceiling.
âI thought you were buckled in Erikâ Sam offered a half-hearted shrug as they approached the back corner of the field, slowing down as the clearing and fluffies came into view. âDead aheadâ Sam tapped the wheel with his palm and held up his right hand, âI count 5 adults maybe two-dozen foals. Letâs clear emâ out quick and get to work felling those trees for Mr. Crowler.â
"Its customary to wait a fuckin minute after you brain someone before you start explaining shit you know"Erik grumbled as he continued rubbing his head with one hand and used the other to wipe his eyes. âI got it though, you do what you gotta do with the shitrats, Iâll get the chainsaws out and give our gear a once overâ
Backing up to the clearing, they bumped fists and jumped out of the truck. Sam noted that the foals were being herded back into the central tree of the 6 hollow ones that bordered it. Immediately followed by the 4 adults, who packed themselves in on top of all the foals leaving no room for the large Gray earthie who turned and puffed his cheeks at Sam.
âwa hoomin wan? Fwuffies no boder no wun. Stay way fwom hoomin wand, nu steaw nummies. Guud fwuffies!â He stomped his hoof to emphasise the words âgood fluffiesâ before staring at Sam, waiting for the answer.
âSorry little dude, the smarty of this land wants you guys to go or I gotta give you all forever sleepies. Its out of my handsâ Sam gave it to him straight, Old man Crowler had actually said to just mulch the shitrats and drop the bags of mush in his pigpens. However, he still had to fell, split, and stack every tree in this clearing before sundown and he wanted to save his energy for real work.
His little mouth fell open in shock, the perfect day was falling apart all around him as he guarded his herd against the hoomin munsta. Now they have to LEAVE or theyâll all get forever sleepies?!"bu-buh wai? huuuuuu fwuffy nu wanna gu!nu wan! nu wan! reeeeeeeeeee it fell back on its fat rump and began throwing a mix between a temper tantrum and crying so hard it couldnât speak.
Sam grimaced before returning to the truck and fishing around in the beds sealed cubby, coming up with a toddler-sized boogie board and a roll of duct tape. Walking back towards the fat fuck who if anything had gotten louder, Sam got a running start before kicking the shitrat center of mass.
"HUUU HUUU REEEEEEEEEEE FWUFFY NU WA-hurk" the impact took it completely by surprise, with a click its teeth came together full force and severed the tongue, as well as most of the teeth spraying out as the force launched him backwards into the hole, the only sound being a meaty slam and a sound like hundreds of popping knuckles.
Sam strode up to the tree and placed the boogie board against the opening before using the tape to wrap around the tree twice. Stepping back to admire his work, he could hear the muffled chaos taking place in the pitch-black inside. A whistle came from Erik over his shoulder as he walked up behind him, hands full with two chainsaw-cases and arms loaded with safety gear.
âWow man, you donât waste any time do you?â Erik sat everything down and admired his work, âWe still gotta cut and split that one though, ainât gonna dry standing upâ Sam turned and began taking his Rewalt out of its case, taking in the smell of the freshly oiled chain.
âThatâs gonna be the fun partâ he mused to himself, giving Erik a knowing look who broke out in a wide, toothy grin. âYou sick sumbitch⌠I love it. Lemme get my phone!â Erik took off towards the truck before jumping in the cab and running back, giggling to himself as he chanted âoh boy! oh boy! This is gonna be good!â
Sam looked up from strapping on his pant-guards and grabbed his gloves, smiling at Eriksâ child-like excitement to brutally murdering fluffies. âYouâre not getting off on this are you?â he laughed as he lowered the face guard and slid on the gloves. âHey fuck you man, my lady doesnât allow any of this stuff at home I gotta enjoy it when I canâ Erik gestured towards the tree with his phone and smiled even wider âNow come on, I cant wait for this shit!â.
Sam picked up his chainsaw and approached the tree, sizing up his cut about a foot from the bottom, 4 inches above the hole in the base. Turning to give Erik a thumbs up to start recording, Sam gave a firm pull on the cord and the engine roared to life, the bark of the tree beginning to buzz with activity and the boogieboard shifting ever so slightly as whatever was still alive inside freaked the fuck out.
Giving the engine a test rev, the teeth gliding smoothly over the bar as Sam nodded to Erik once again. Guiding the teeth into the wood, the dead tree shredding like butter as he went 6 inches, then some turbulence. A loud "SCREEEE" was heard for about 2 seconds before the spraying bark became a scarlet fountain.
Quickly passing through the void in the tree, the spray became full of smaller body parts instead of a liquid spray, a severed foals head being kicked out by proximity and sailing cleanly over Sams shoulder. Erik let out a banshee laugh in response as Sam finished passing through the base, pushing his weight into the front and causing the top of the tree to fall backwards out of the clearing.
Stepping back and cutting the chainsaw off, Sam lifted his blood-stained visor and saw Erik running up to point the phone into the remaining stump of the tree. âHo-ly jee-sus of Nazareth Sam you gotta see THIS! WOO!â Erik cheered as he picked up a nearby stick and began poking around inside.
Placing down the chainsaw and sitting the visor next to it, Sam walked up next to Erik and looked at what he had wrought. In the panic, one of the 4 had jammed itself under what remained of the foals,pushing them upwards into the path of the blade once it ate through the gray,red,pink,and green fluffies were all halved to some degree. Leaving a blood-soaked small orange unicorn staring up at the two men with the fluffy version of ptsd.
âWell, well, wellâŚgot ourselves a fighterâ Erik reached in and lifted the blood soaked fluffy by its scruff, who hung wordlessly,gently twisting in the breeze. Its pupils so full they had overtaken the color as the small body breathed in and out twice a second. âOr⌠damn. Fried the fuckin thing, its useless.â Erik showed off the foal to the camera, jiggling it side to side as it stared off into nothing.
Sam came up beside Erik and lifted his arm to their eye level, âyouâre gonna want this on camera, I can bring it back.â After dropping his gloves to the dirt, he opened the fluffies mouth with his left hand and pressed his right thumb flat against the roof of its mouth, stroking towards the back of its throat. âWhat are youâŚShut up, watch itâs workingâ
The eyes slowly closed, as the fluffies front legs began to knead the air and its muzzle closed around his thumb, comfort nursing as Sam looked over the phone at Erik. " You better be holding him good, heâs not gonna be happy" Erik looked back, confusion was written on his face as Sam pulled his thumb out with a pop.
Confusion overtook the small features, followed by the fluffy slowly opening its eyes. Pupils back to normal as the fluffy looked around, then dawning realization. Sam smiled to himself in smug satisfaction as the fluffy had a meltdown, Erik winced at the volume with no way to cover his ears. After having his moment, Sam flicked it in the muzzle hard. Immediately, it shut up and looked at Sam as though he was god.
âAre there any other fluffies in this tree place?â he questioned the unicorn as Erik stopped the recording and placed his phone back in his pocket. âN-nuâ the foal stuttered, choking back sobs before pointing with a shaky hoof at the furthest dead tree on the right.âB-buh twee fwen wive in dat nestie, nu huwt fwuffies anâŚan⌠huuu Fwuffies nu huwt nu buddehâ
The small unicorn jammed a hoof in its mouth, taking comfort in the only thing it had left as Sam and Alex eyed the tree in question. âTree friend? So, not a fluffyâ? It shook its head no.âHmm, that could mean damn near anything since these things love everybody.â
Grabbing the fluffy by its shit-covered hind quarters, Alex released its scruff and grabbed a palm-full of skull. Lifting it up, then bringing the small body down over his knee the fluffy screamed bloody murder before being cut off mid-scream as he twisted and ripped it in half.âGeeeeeet fucked!HA!â Erik spiked both halves at the floor and began to do a small victory dance as Sam watched with a bemused smile.
âYouâre one twisted sumbitch you know that?â Sam chuckled as he picked up the chainsaw with one hand and pointed at the tree in question with the other. âCome on, letâs get whatever this is outta here so we can start cutting. Donât need Fish & Wildlife coming down on us for something we can fix before itâs a problemâ.
They wandered over to the far right tree and Erik gave it a knock, putting his ear to the bark and giving Sam a puzzled look. âWhat? Anything in there?â Erik backed up and gestured at the tree, âYou need to hear this, it sounds like a fluffy with a head coldâ. Sam huffed to himself and walked up, setting down the chainsaw before placing his ear against the bark and knocking on the trunk.
ngluuuu. gleab gwubphy abwobe bghluuuuu
Sam gave Erik the same look heâd given him a moment ago, stepping back and picking up the chainsaw as Sam gave him a nod, âI KNOW right?! The hell is in there? Cut erâ down! Go low so you donât hit itâ. Sam nodded as he donned the faceguard again and started the chainsaw. Going about 4 inches above the base, Sam gently sawed back and forth until the weight of the tree took it over.
greeee gweab gwubphy abwoooone!!!greeee!!!greeee!!!
Sam cut the motor once again and placed the face guard next to it, walking up next to erik who was holding his phone out in front of him. âYo, let me do it. I got the glovesâ Sam motions to his hand as Erik backs off, getting a good angle of him and the tree as Sam gets down and reaches inside the hollow trunk.
greeeeee gweab gwubphy abwone! gwib pinthies!
Sam pulled his hand out fast, swearing and yanking off the glove to look at his bleeding finger. âThat thing pinched the shit outta me! Wait. That thing pinched the shit outta me?â Sam looked at Erik, who looked back at him just as stunned. âThats no fluffyâ Erik agreed as he pointed at the chainsaw, âScare him outâ.
Nodding, Sam donned his gear and damaged glove, starting up the chainsaw he began carving away slowly at the wood, shaving away portions of the hollow going back towards the healthy top. After four passes, Erik gave him a wave and he placed it down. Coming around the corner to stand with Erik, Sam looked at what he guessed was a hoof.
It was almost hairless, with the remaining short stubble a seafoam green. The usual fat was gone, replaced with ropey muscles that ended in a hoof edged to a V shape, the tip of the hooves opening and closing like an imitation lobster claw. Erik nudged Sam who jumped, glaring at him as he laughed behind the camera before handing him a junk cloth to toss over the hoof(?).
Sam nodded in appreciation before tossing the towel down over it, grabbing hold of the muscled limb and yanking the creature out of hiding. It was fluffy, genetically at least. its body was smaller than its limbs by a good bit, every inch of the thing was covered in short, stubbly seafoam green hairs. just under the stubble were strong ropey muscles, and it had a pig snout with wide, leaky nostrils. All four of its limbs ended in those pointed hooves, but those front ones looked even sharper than the rear, mustâve been what got through his glove.
Erik got up close with the camera and got right in its face, laughing close to tears. âLook at this fuckin thing! What the fuck! Ewww itâs covered in snot no wonder it sounds like that haha!â The fluffy glared at him before bringing a hoof(?) up to one of its nostrils and blowing a well-aimed snot rocket at Eriksâ hand.
Try as he might, it splattered across his hand as Erik jumped back. âEww what the fuck? Yo wait, this shit itches pretty bad actuallyâ He began shaking his hand to get the mucus off before walking back to the truck for some water. Sam watched him go before turning back to the thing. âWhat the hell was that?â Sam gloured down at it, ready to take the chainsaw the thing if need be. âWhat did you just do to my friend?â, He picked up the chainsaw and made a show of grabbing the pullcord.
âGluphy gib buwghny boogiethâ the thing smiles up at him smugly. âBurnie boogies?â Sam looked the thing up and down before looking around at all the hollow trees. âDid you do all this? make the trees empty?â The thing nodded and smiled âGluphy gotta eat tree gnumbiesâ.
Tree nummies? Sam looked down at the creature before deciding to take this thing to someone better suited for this kind of thing. Turning his back on the creature who seemed offended by this, Sam joined Erik at the van to confirm his suspicion. That snot was a mild acid. Sam grabbed a standard co2-powered palm-sized nailgun made for fluffy extermination and came back out to the fluffy(?).
âSooo listen bud, I dont have time for this. Youâre gonna come with me okay?â The thing looked up at him with nothing but confusion. âGhut why?â ah shit, this has never happened before. Ah fuck it, he raised and fired.
I totally ran out of steam there at the end man, this all started over an idea for a tree eating sloth fluff and it kinda grew as it went.