“Are we ready?” not a Doctor Josef Mongala asked as he put the finishing touches on the model of Jabba’s sail barge set up in his back yard.
“All good on the ‘Sarlaac pit,’” actual Doctor Ricardo ‘Ricky’ Guerra said, stepping back from a modified household appliance that had been partially buried in a sandbox.
“And the camera’s ready, so we’re good assuming Crimson doesn’t want a last-minute snack,” also not a Doctor Izzy Letterman(AKA “Jack Ferryman” AKA “Mack Wayland” AKA “El Cocodrilo Blanco” as he was known by his contacts in Columbia and Mexico and by the FBI, CIA and other intelligence agencies) said while standing in front of the recording equipment.
“Cwimson fuww, nu can num nu mowe,” an overfed Crimson belched, stuffed into a Jabba the Hutt costume, “Nu compwainin, bu wai Cwimson need num su much?”
“It’s called ‘method acting,’” Izzy explained, “Also we wanted to make sure you’d be too full to eat your costars before shooting was over.”
“Cwimson make nu pwomises.”
“Alright, for now just leer menacingly at ‘Princess Leia’ like you want to have your way with her.”
Crimson smirked. Leia shivered and would have shit herself if she hadn’t been emptied and corked beforehand.
“Can du.”
“Great. Now: ACTION!”
A gold smartphone in a humanoid standing case played the role of C-3PO, there was no way a fluffy could be trusted with this long a sentence. The English to fluffspeak app did it’s job perfectly.
“Bictims of da awmighty Sawwacc! His excewwency hopes yu wiww die honourably. But shouwd any of yu wan tu beg fow mewcy, da gweat Jabba da Hutt wiww nao wisten tu youw pweas.”
Then it was a tan fluffy’s turn:
"Thweepio! Yu tawkie that ugwy sketti-bug-widden poopies! He get nu such heawt-happies fwom fwuffy an fwiends!
The fully brown fluffy next to him (which had been fed Izzy’s special recipes to ensure it could do nothing but grunt and growl) roared it’s agreement.
“Wight!”
On the model desert skiff a black and white fluffy with a brown mane looked up from the gangplank he was standing on. Beneath him was a round circle ringed with what looked like teeth.
“Dis am youw wast chance, Jabba. Fwee us ow gu fowebah sweepies.”
Crimson looked down and then turned to the fluffy playing the role of Princess Leia.
“Cwimson wiww fuk yu in hawf watew!”
Josef tried not to groan. Hopefully that could be ADR’d over.
And then things really went wrong.
“NU! NU HUWT SPECIEW FWIEND!”
Apparently ‘Luke’ and “Leia” were mates. Insert Star Wars Luke/Leia incest kiss joke here.
Crimson lunged towards Leia, Luke tried to jump onto the sail barge and missed, and the resulting pressure tipped the desert skiff.
Luke fell into the Great Pit of Carkoon (a very large blender) and got turned into a fluffy smoothie. Then the rest of the skiff’s occupants panicked, tried to ‘WUN AWAY!’ and fell in too.
By the fourth fluffy the blender got clogged and so only the back legs and tail of the guard fluffy got shredded, but by then Crimson had gotten on top of Leia and was trying to get his genitals free of the Jabba costume.
Josef was clenching his fists, Ricky wasn’t even trying to contain his laughter, and Izzy cackled like a hyena.
By the end of it Leia was in multiple fluid-soaked pieces, the Jabba costume had a hole in it, and the whole set would need to be hosed down before it could be used again.
In the end shooting was postponed, Crimson was disciplined, and the surviving fluffies were butchered in front of each other, marinated, grilled, and consumed with a side of salad and copious amounts of alcohol.
And if the cops ask nobody did any cocaine and there was zero marijuana use.
…
Author’s Note: Thanks to @BFM101 for letting me use Josef and Crimson.
I will happily give permission if someone wants to draw images of my stories.