Where the Poopie Babbehs Go
By @Za
Originally Penned February 5th, 2020
Chapter Seven:
Bushwhacked
You are Smarty Strong Branch.
It had been a bit over five bright times since your scuffle with Fast Hoofsie and rise to the position of Smarty. You were now beginning the ritual to become a smarty not only in name, but in spirit. Each bright time was a miserable extent of studying and training with Fast Hoofsie and Smarty No See. On your recommendation, No See had promoted Fast Hoofsie to toughie. It was a job you felt he deserved, as well as a fitting one for such a strong fluffy. As you stood atop the stump awaiting the okay from No See, you scanned the cheering crowd below you. The entire tribe was there, even the no-leggie fluffies had been brought out to watch. Everyone had such high expectations for you, and you didn’t want to disappoint. Today alone, you had heard from at least five and five fluffies that you would make your daddeh proud. You sure hoped so.
“Ou can do dis,” Fast Hoofsie whispered from the ground below. You turned to face him, smiling with excitement upon seeing the new fluffy he had become. “Membah, do jus wike Fas’ Hoofsie show 'ou.” You nodded, taking a deep breath as Fast Hoofsie smeared berry colors across your face, tucked birdie feathers behind your ears, and otherwise decorated you for the ceremony. This was it. You were about to be the fluffy you were born to be. No, the fluffy your mummah and daddeh has raised you to be. Strong Branch.
No See was escorted to the stump by a mustard yellow pegasus toughie. Fast Hoofsie, giggling, pointed him to face the crowd. He cleared his throat, booming the tribe’s war cry. “HOO! HOO! HOO!” he chanted, a chant which was met with a resounding response from the rest of the tribe. As the cheering subsided, he began his speech. “Dis fwuffy am Smawty Big Twee babbeh.” The crowd went wild - especially your mummah, who was cheering from your left side. He continued, “An soon, he am Smawty!” Even more whooping and chanting erupted, and you could swear the intensity caused the ground to shake.
“TWIAW ONE!” No See announced. The crowd fell silent as a group of toughies approached, carrying a decent-sized wooden board upon their backs. Struggling, the toughies held the board upright in front of the stump. Stepping forward slightly, nearly bumping the board, No See announced your goal. “Bweak da boawd.” You nodded, inhaling sharply. With a deep exhale, you poised yourself to strike. Just like Fast Hoofsie taught you. You had done this every bright time for the past five bright times. Easy. You quickly whipped yourself around, cracking your back leggies into the board. A shattering sound echoed through the forest as you screamed. You had thought for sure that your leggies were broken, but when you turned around, you found the board split in half and a crowd of gaping mouths. The silence caused concern from No See. He turned to Fast Hoofsie, whispering “Weggies bwoken?” Fast Hoofsie hummed negatively. “Boawd bwoken.” The crowd began to whisper among themselves. You could make out phrases such as “su stwong,” and other expressions of awe. Slowly, the crowd became a rambunctious cluster of leaping, cheering fluffies. Even the no-leggie fluffies were wiggling their stumps in delight at your display of strength. You smiled, waving to the crowd as you caught your breath. These trials were designed to prove that you were truly the strongest, smartest, bestest leader ever. You had to pass with flying colors, and so far that was looking easy.
“TWIAW TWO!” No See boomed, causing the crowd to fall back into line. The murmuring continued, especially among mares. You supposed they were hoping you would pick them to be your special friend once the ritual had concluded. Picking a special friend was, after all, a rite of passage. However, you didn’t have any mare friends to consider. You had mostly kept to the stallion crowd. Your thought process was interrupted as two berry nummies were presented to you, both a delicious fuchsia. “One nummie am gud,” No See explained, “an oddah gib sickies.” The crowd gasped, clearly concerned about what would happen to you. “Wai gib sicky nummies fow soon-smawty?” one no-leggie mare called from the back of the crowd. The crowd was far more concerned than you, and you were the one at risk of getting sickies. You weren’t worried though. Your daddeh had taught you this a long time ago. You stared down at them both, examining them. The left berry had mauve speckles and a brown stem. The right berry, however, was solid pink with exposed seeds and a green stem. You supposed it was the right berry, considering the presence of exterior seeds. However, you chose to be safe rather than sorry. Giving them a sniff, your suspicions were confirmed; the left berry had a bitter aroma, while the right berry had a distinct sweetness. You kicked the speckled berry away. “Nu smeww pwetty,” you declared. “Oddah nummie hab seedies and nummie smeww.” You leaned down, tentatively chomping the berry. You swallowed, smiling at the crowd as they awaited your sickies with bated breath. No sickies ever came, and everyone began cheering louder than before. Several were still talking amongst themselves. You spotted two mares, a brown unicorn and a pink no-leggie unicorn, whispering about how smart and handsome you were. You grinned confidently at them, causing them to squeal joyfully.
As the crowd slowed down again, they grew worried. The third trial was different for every new Smarty, so only No See knew what to expect. “Twiaw thwee,” he announced nervously, waving to the fluffy at his side. He stood silently for a moment, thinking. “Duh… d-doo… wuh…” the elder smarty stammered, waving his hoofsie more frantically. Fast Hoofsie spoke for him, “Duel- uh, fwuffy mean, duew.” The crowd, yourself included, all gawked in confusion at the new word. “Me an’ Stwong Bwanch fite,” he added, rubbing his eyes. The crowd erupted into screams. “Wai meanie wan huwt soon-smawty?” one young colt asked fearfully, cowering behind his mummah’s leggie. “Nu, nu! Nu gib bad owies! Jus’ fow see how stwongies Stwong Bwanch am!” Fast Hoofsie corrected, quelling most of the crowd’s worries. Some mummahs chose to shepherd their babbehs away, and even some adults chose not to watch the violence. You hopped down onto the dew-covered grassies, waddling over to a vacant area of the clearing. You locked eyes with Fast Hoofsie as he circled you. His eyes shone with intent, but not malice. This was a stark change from the meanie Fast Hoofsie that had killed those fluffies. You hadn’t forgotten, nor had you forgiven him for it. He would hold back, and so would you. But you were going to hold back less.
He leapt at you, smashing your muzzle in with a surprise sorry hoofsie. The crowd gasped and screeched, expressing their concern for you and your opponent. Rather than recoiling, you leapt forward and sank your toothies into his leggie. He squealed, bashing your muzzle with his free front leggie. You didn’t let go; in fact, you bit harder. You wouldn’t hurt him too badly, but you would make him sorries. He was sorries now, but he would be bigger sorries. For your daddeh, and everyone else. When your grip on Fast Hoofsie’s leggie had finally broken, you took the opportunity to swivel around and buck him in the chest. A collective scream echoed through the clearing. Fast Hoofsie squealed as your hoofsies connected, expelling a wheezy coughing sound from his tummy. He fell on his back, hacking and spitting. Despite knowing that Fast Hoofsie was beaten, you couldn’t restrain yourself from climbing atop him and slamming both of your hoofsies into his face. The crowd had fallen silent from the sheer terror they felt. The only sounds you could hear other than your hoofsies connecting with Fast Hoofsie’s face were crying babbehs, scaredy poopies, and a toughie whispering a play-by-play to No See. The fluffy beneath you coughed violently, spitting up a small bit of boo-boo juice into the grassies beside him. Your lungs burned as you sat victoriously upon Fast Hoofsie’s chest. Every bit of repressed anger and sadness had left your body, but you didn’t feel any better. All you had accomplished was beating an crying, apologetic fluffy to the point of spitting up boo-boo juice. A knot of sadness tied itself up in your chest, and you felt like you were more monster than fluffy.
“Guh… Stwong Bwanch name am wite…” Fast Hoofsie huffed from beneath you. You tore yourself from your guilt long enough to lock see-places with him. He was smiling up at you, beaming brighter than anything you’d ever seen. “Big Twee… wouwd be suuuu pwoudies.” You clambered off of him, allowing him to pull himself up. He shook a large cloud of dust from his fluff, grinning all the while. “Stwong Bwanch am Smawty nao,” he declared. The crowd erupted once again, louder than ever. Fast Hoofsie leapt into a hug with you, a very unfamiliar sensation. You hadn’t been hugged in many forevers, not since Cloud Softies had gone missing. The world felt right again. Your heart was warm. You were the new Smarty, you had brought Fast Hoofsie back from the meanie side, and everyone was happy again. The cheers of the crowd washed over you like comforting waves. The mares hoping to be your special friend were especially loud. Almost loud enough to cover the click you heard come from the bushes.
Fast Hoofsie reacted before anyone, pushing you to the ground. As soon as your head hit the grassies, a deafening boom erupted throughout the village. Screams filled your ears as you tried to reorient yourself. Fast Hoofsie had pushed you fairly hard, but maybe it was a bit of payback for you going overboard in the duel. Your vision came together as you stared up at the sky. You shrieked in terror, however, as you realized that you were looking through a gory hole in Fast Hoofsie’s head. With every pained scream and thunderous crack, the reality of the situation dawned on you. You pushed Fast Hoofsie off of you, hopping up to quickly scan the area. Red mists of boo-boo juice painted the grassies as your dying friends cried for mercy. You turned to see a derped mare, one you recognized as the babbeh you’d tripped over so long ago, begging for her life in blubbering screams as a tall scary monster shoved his boom-boom sorry stick in her mouth. “Bwuh, bwugh! Nuh mithtuh! Pweathe nuh! Pbbt!” The man looked half-apologetically at her, his eyes gazing sadly at her. It was a false emotion, you believed. It was all too similar to the looks Fast Hoofsie had given you a long time ago. The monster erupted with a sickening laughter as he blew the unicorn’s head all over her family’s nestie. You saw another monster crushing babbehs beneath his boot. “Mummah!” “Cheep, peep! Screeee!” “Huu huu!” They all wailed as their innards were smashed out their mouths by the force of the monster’s boot. Their helpless cries crushed your heart. A crowd of toughies was ganging up on a fallen monster, giving him some of the most vicious sorry hoofsies and rocky owies you’d ever seen. And then… you saw your mummah, her fluff stained with boo-boo juice, cowering in fear with No See. “Huu… whewe wastes’ babbeh gu, smawty?” she pleaded, frantically looking around the clearing for you. You ran towards her, calling out. Her wide see-places glistened with hope when she saw you, and she began to run to meet you. As you grew close to your mummah, a monster sprinted up and kicked her across the clearing. She flew, squealing, into the bark of the Smarty Nestie. The monster, brandishing a big metal sorry stick, made his way over to her as she struggled to crawl away. “Weggies pwease wowk!” she pleaded, clawing at the ground with her hoofsies. The monster approached her, slamming the sorry stick into her back with a sickening crunch. Your last living family member was, like the others, begging for mercy from the humans. “Pwease, nice- ACK! M-mistah! Nu huwties! Huu huu h- SCREEEE!” This wasn’t how this would end. You couldn’t let your family go away like this. As you picked up a fallen toughie’s sharp rock, you began charging towards the monster. With a forceful slice, you cut a shallow wound into its leggie. The monster buckled, wincing slightly. He turned his attention to you. A cold chill ran down your spine, but you couldn’t show that. You were a Smarty. You knew no fear. You would make these dummy humans go away! Puffing yourself up, you shouted “GU 'WAY! WEAVE MUMMAH AWONE OW GET FOWEBAH SWEEPIES!” The monster smiled down at you, twirling the sorry stick at you. As the sorry stick was swung for your head, you lurched forward to stab the monster again. He yelped in frustration, kicking you away. A sickening splatter filled your hear-places as your mummah was crushed beneath the man’s boot. He returned his attention to you, brandishing his sorry stick. “Big mistake, junior.”
CRACK.
Your vision went blurry, and you wiggled your legs wildly. You had to get up. You had to get up and save your tribe. The toughies couldn’t stop them all. Truthfully, they were lucky to have stopped one. You struggled to push the man’s boot off of your chest, your slight success met with a crushing stomp to the gut. You felt your tummy cave in, causing you to explode sicky wawas from one end and poopies from the other.
CRACK.
You felt some of your toothies come loose. You spit them out, along with some boo-boo juice and more sicky wawas. At least, you thought so that’s what it was. Seeing was very difficult. All you could make out was the figure of an angry man smashing your head in with a metal sorry stick.
CRACK.
“DIE! DIE, SHITRAT!” he cried, slamming your head into the ground again and again. Each impact ached more than the last, rattling your skull. After a while, you stopped feeling movement. You wondered if you had gone forever sleepies, but you were still feeling too many hurties for that to be the case. You heard talking, although very faint and hard to understand. “So, that’s it then?” one man said, the one you recognized as Neil. An unfamiliar voice replied, “Yeah, I reckon. What a mess.” A few affirmative hums responded. “Crazy how much damage they did to Jack,” Shaw grumbled. “You wouldn’t think these sumbitches could do that much,” Jack replied as he bandaged his wounds. There was a short silence. “What now?” a stranger asked. Another short silence. “What do you mean? That was a hoot, let’s go find some more!” Shaw cackled. “If I get about five more pelts, I should be able to have a fluffyskin outfit for every day of the week!” Neil laughed slightly, adding “You love this shit too much, man.” He regarded a previously unfamiliar man, asking “Did you have fun, Jeremiah?” Jeremiah didn’t respond, he only sighed. “You promised not to shoot Seether…” The others groaned. “It’s just a fluffy man, toughen up!” Shaw sighed in exasperation. “They’s dime-a-dozen, and he was protecting these little bastards anyway. Now, help me get these dead vermin back to my truck.”
They walked away, or maybe they just stood quietly. All you knew was that you couldn’t hear them anymore. Or the chirping birds. Or the blowing wind, or the rustling leaves, or… oh well. With great effort, you opened your eyes to look at the sky above you. It was such a pretty blue. Something about this seemed so familiar, a feeling of peace and a bright sky. A small cloud passed overhead. For a moment, you thought it was your brother. How silly. You wondered for a moment what he was doing right now, wherever he was. That was a question you couldn’t answer. You, or anyone else. Oh well. You were just glad the hurties were going away. You hoped that maybe, just maybe… you’d get to see him again. Him and his dummy little leggies.
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