You are Štěpán Biskup You wake up early in the morning to start your day. Your coworker Branka pulls up to the house and signals for you to get in the van. Branka Badru is a half Slavic half Egyptian woman with Pygmyism
Branka spits sunflower-seed shells out of the window . A thick and droning Egyptian accent fills the car as she speaks
“ here are today’s targets Biskup.”
Branka hands you a packet detailing the names, physical descriptions and last known location of around 3 dozen fluffies.
“Is it correct for me to be assuming you have already selected your targets?”
Branka cracks a twisted smile as she holds up a packet containing photos of pregnant mares, mothers and foals.
“You know the rules Biskup , first come first serve.”
You select your targets from the remaining pool of options on the ride to the location.
Upon arrival you exit the vehicle grabbing your pellet rifle and comically oversized net .
First on the list was a purple and brown fluffy. No name listed but the client wants them alive so they can settle a score personally .
You turn into an ally way and witness fat neon green smarty about the size of a trash bag sitting in a filthy discarded beanbag chair as other fluffies brought him food as tribute . He’s not the most valuable target on your list but as a mare offers him her chirpy in place of food a switch flips inside your brain.
You grab the foal and place them in your shirt pocket. The smarty goes from angry to terrified as you fire pellets at him over and over.
the smarty stands up on its hind legs and “runs away” with all the speed and athleticism of a drunken sloth.
The smarties legs give out Less than 5 seconds later and he begins to drag himself across the ground all the while you continue pelting him with pellets.
The smarty begins to vomit up the remains of several fluffies including those of your your first target .
The massive fluffy begins to beg
“Pwease nice mistah nu huwty smawty nu mowe! Hu! Hu!”
For some reason the client wanted this one back because they legitimately loved him.
You grab the smarty and place him in the net .
You look over at the remains of your first target and take a deep breath.
“Is fine still have more targets .”
As you flip to the next page the smarty pipes up.
“Smawty nummie dat fwuffy wast bwight time.”
As you flip through the remaining targets you realize at best you are walking away with $150
Now you are pissed. Those two targets he killed were worth $200 a piece. The other targets had much lower rewards usually kids trying to find their lost fluffies $1 to $10 for these individuals. Really these just covered gas costs
“zkurvysyn !!! You kill all my high value targets!!!”
You finish rounding up your remaining targets and meet Branka back at the van. You sigh as you enter the van.
“Alright Badru . It seems like big guy’s house is closest.”
As you pull into the driveway you immediately feel as though something isn’t right. The house is extremely out of place like someone dropped a farm house into modern suburban neighborhood
The client is clearly a woman in her late twenties or early thirties, but she speaks and dresses like a stereotypical Betty Crocker type grandmother,complete with white wig and oversized glasses. There’s something eerie about this whole situation . Her house is so perfectly decorated that it feels like a set . The woman adjusts her lens less glasses as if to see you better. And begins to speak in a Minnesotan accent .
“Oh hello dear, What can I do for you today ?
“Yes are you (checks client list) Mrs. Cora Schultz?”
“Why yes I am! Why do ya ask?”
“I am here to return fluffy .”
The woman’s face lights up.
“Oh you must be one of the nice people from the from fluff trackers!”
“Tell me ,didjah find lill Oscar?”
You present the fat smarty to her.
“Oh thank you so much! Here is the reward as promised.”
As you count the money you realize this is only a fraction of the listed reward.
“Is something wrong dear?”
“I believe you made mistake .”
“No, no dear that’s the entire amount $15 as advertised.”
“I mean no disrespect but as you can see (shows her the listed reward) it should be $150.”
The woman becomes irritated.
“$150!?”
“Mam you are one who posted the reward amount .”
“It must have been a typo! I don’t have $150!”
“I’m sorry mam but refusing to pay posted reward will result in being black listed from our services in the future.”
She leans in and whispers in your ear.
“Maybe I could pay with…something else?”
You throw up a little in your mouth when she says that.
“ Disgusting She Devil! Take Thracian fluffy and be gone from sight !”
You return to the van.
Branka is having one of the mares feed the chirpy you saved earlier.
“ what are you doing about the little one?”
The patina green chirpy finishes drinking and Branka hands him back to you.
You smile.
“Life is hard road to travel alone. I take him home, teach him Czech ways. He grow to be strong like mammoth!”
The foal lets out a happy chirp.
You chuckle.
“You like that do you not ?”
The foal curls up in your hand and coos.
“You are getting soft Biskup. Perhaps this is wrong line of work for you?”
You look over at Branka who has foals crawling all over her.
“No more soft than you my friend!”