Yet Another Guide to Fluffies, Part 1 (By Flayed)

First post ever, wish me luck. Fuck yeah world building.

In what appears to be an empty garage, stands a table in the middle. After short while, a man walks in.

Wearing Jeans and black hoodie, camera slowly pans up to show that this man is wearing a featureless white mask, with its eye holes showing nothing but black.

“Hello everyone, and welcome to my series of video-guides about Fluffies. You heard it right, the recent addition to the biomass of our planet. This guide goal is to show the usefulness of fluffies as pets and source of income, as well to show general impact of their existence around the globe.
You can call me the Guide, and this is Yet Another Guide to Fluffies.”

After quick transition, Guide stands behind the table, with a pet carrier standing on it.

“So lets cover the most basic steps. In case you are an absolute novice, or you fell from the moon yesterday, or maybe you found this video in far future where fluffies no longer exist, let me start with question, ‘What is a Fluffy’.” Guide proceeds to open the pet carrier, pulling out a small gray foal out of it, and placing it on table. It coos as Guide is gently stroking it in its sleep.

“A Fluffy, in layman terms, is a sapient miniature horse, as well as humanity’s first artificial animal."

"Created as a brand of living toys by Hasbio, now defunct branch of Hasbro, they were planned to be perfect household pet. Loving, affectionate, intelligent. One could say a perfect companion for both child and an adult. Thanks to magic of internet and leaked documents, we can learn that their development begun in two American labs, around 2005. They were supposed to be ready for 2010, when first season of My Little Pony show started airing on TV. The bio-toys were supposed to ship together with show, seemingly playing on a gamble of shows popularity.”

“The show indeed became popular, but there were no fluffies in even public knowledge. Why? Simply put it, money, money and time. Of course, everything changed when in May 2014, PETA publicly announced a raid on Hasbio lab in Ohio, confirming they released “Hundreds” of animals trapped inside. The same day, Fluffies were announced by Hasbro as new toy. See the connection? Of course, less than day people started finding said fluffies roaming the streets and wildernesses of Cuyahoga County, and the rest is history.”

The Guide puts back the foal into the carrier, and the scene transitions to him sitting on a porch with the same sleeping Fluffy now on his lap.

“Fluffies themselves can be recognized from afar by couple traits, so lets begin with their size.
A newborn Fluffy is around the size of 10 to 15 centimeters, while adults tend to reach size of a small dog. The next trait, are their colors – as fluffies were created with domestication in mind, we can witness colors of whole spectrum, from dark blacks and grays to neon pinks, this makes them very visible from far away, much to their detriment. Of course, speaking about their colors, we instantly go to their titular Fluff -long, dense, yet completely ineffective as insulation against elements, their hair is what makes them look both fat and adorable. It comes with cost of easily absorbing any moisture, be it morning dew or heavy rains.”

“And lastly, the fluffies as only animals posses an ability to speak. Although said speech is on level of ‘baby-talk’. And by that I mean words like, lets say ‘Love’, by Fluffy is pronounced as ‘Wub’, ‘Scary’ will be pronounced as ‘Scawy’ and so forth.”

“Next, their diet. Fluffies are omnivores with preference of vegan foods, especially any kinds of fruit and vegetables, with a small exception of certain Italian dish. Of course in dire times fluffies have been observed to also consume grass, feces, carrion and even commit acts of cannibalism.”

The scene changes one more time, now Guide is once again in garage, and behind him an anatomical poster of Fluffy anatomy.

“Now, while fluffies are quite cute, they have issues. As species created by humans on a really tight budget and released during early prototype phase, they have a lot of issues, which include both physical and mental fields. For instance,

Terrible bowel control, a result of very fast metabolism and weak muscles, Shortsightedness, mostly a problem relating to their chimerical nature, as well as mentioned earlier muscle and bone issues that renders fluffies quite fragile. On mental side of issues, we have low intellect, paranoid fear of water and seals (for some unknown reason),personality disorders as well as enforced by Hasbio reproduction drive that does not seem to tone down. The list only goes on.”

Guide quickly changes the anatomy poster to one representing a life cycle.

“As an owner or in my case, breeder, understanding Fluffy life cycle is very important, so lets start from the very basic rundown. Fluffies can live up to 10 years in household, with current longest living Fluffy reaching age of 14. Of course this is affected by their situation, as the average lifespan of Fluffy in wilderness is shortened to barely two years, once again showing how unprepared they are to live in wild. Such short lifespan is countered by Fluffies ‘breeding frenzy’. Usually spotted in species close to extinction, fluffies copulate whenever they can. Pregnancy period lasting around 3 weeks with litters ranging from 5 to 9 foals, with fluffies themselves becoming sexually adult after around 40 days. And yes, it sounds as bad as you think, yet we cannot deny it effectiveness, as this tactic not only managed to make fluffies exist longer than 1 year after initial release, it also managed them to spread worldwide. And with that, lets get to their life stages.”

After a cut, on a table in front of Guide, all in separate boxes lay fluffies of specific growth period.

Guide starts from very left, where a yellow Chirpie sleeps soundly under heating lamp.

“This is a newborn foal, commonly known as Chirpy, nicknamed that due to foals communication via chirps, peeps and squeaks. This part lasts until Fluffy opens its eyes in around week. As we can see, there is only enough hair to cover the foals skin, but not much else. In this phase foals are constantly at the side of mother, both to feed every hour, as well to be provided with her warmth.

This is important, as newborns such as those can die if left alone in temperature below 30 C.”

Guide moves to second box, where a dark brown Talkie Baby is sitting, curiously watching camera, happily repeating the word “Daddeh!”

“After 7 to 8 days, Foal will grow in size ever so slightly, but it will achieve two groundbreaking feats. First is opening its eyes and almost immediately after that, it will start to pronounce it first words, mostly about food, parents, and whatever else they might see. If you are a breeder, this is the part where you start both the litter box training, as well as training it for whatever goals you may have.”

The foal in box looked at the Guide with interest “Wai daddeh hab silly facie?”

“Its called a mask Mahoń, so bad people on internet don’t know who your Daddy is.”

The Guide moved on to third box, with two red foals trying to recreate their mother song.

“Now, here we have two fluffies that might be called teenagers. As you can see, massive growth spurt happens here after 20 days, as well this is where Fluffy begins to regard itself either as colt or a filly. Also by this point, fluffies should be eating solid foods, forgot to mention that in previous box.

This is also phase where Fluffy becomes independent, so it might leave its mother and find itself either new herd or ‘Special Friend’.”

Finally, Guide walks over to last two boxes. First contains a bloated pregnant mare, happily humming to herself, while in second one lays a gray haired Fluffy.

“What we see, are two final stages of Fluffy life cycle. We see both adult, and whats nicknamed a ‘Greyfluff’, but lets start with first.

The adult phase of Fluffy life starts with their sexual maturity reached around day 40, and if it lives long enough, lasts till its 4th year. During this period Fluffy is at its peak performance, and will actively seek to reproduce as many times its possible. This behavior is actively visible in feral fluffies, but domestic ones that were raised with Hasbio instructions will do the same.

And now, the grey Fluffy.”

Guide scoops out the what used to be Yellow Fluffy with Black spots, for now part of its fur was in solid grey. “Wa took ‘ou su long?” it said with audible strain in its voice.

“I would like to introduce you dear viewers to my personal friend and assistant, Hornet.

As you can mostly guess, Hornet is an elderly Fluffy. How old are you gonna be soon?”

“Hownet gun be eiwt yeaw owdies soonies”

“As you can see, when Fluffy reaches age of 5, it will severly reduce its mobility, as well its fluff will start gryeing out on the tips. Back when fluffies first released, this phase was genetically accelerated by Hasbio to start at age of 3, of course, for profit. But after 20 years it seems it has slowed down on its own, most likely through slown extinction of that particular gene”

“Of course, fluffies at this age experience all the profits of beign an elder. Osteoporosis, progressive blidness, prostate issue in case of stallions and heart problems. I must be lucky, as Hornet is built different, as the only problem is muscle athropy. If you are a breeder, most of the times this is the part where you euthanize your Fluffy, but I would recommend leaving them with the herd, for there is one interesting trick."

"It seems Fluffies might be genetically coded to listen to greyfluffs with utmost care, as the moment they hear it talking, the whole herd gets quiet. Im myself am investigating into this behavior, so expect an episode on that…soon.”

With Hornet in his hands, Guide moves in front of table.

“This has been the first episode of Yet Another Guide to Fluffies, and we went over the bare basics of their existence. Join me on next episode where I will talk on how to properly stable breeder Fluffies, how to protect them from everything that wants to hurt them, and most importantly, how to get that sweet delicious income we are all chasing after. I am the Guide, and we will see each other really soon.

The screen fades to black with small musical jingle playing, with audible conversation between the two.

“Jesus fuck Hornet what did you ate for dinner…”

----TAPE 1 END----


As ought to be hivecanon!

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Very cool first post! I’m interested in seeing the episode on greyfluff behavior.

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I like the post. In my head canon I always imagined that fluffies stayed in their prime most of their adult life but quickly deteriorated at around the 13 to 15 year mark. To me, this would partially explain their ability to reproduce so quickly since they are able to produce viable offspring at almost any age. Of course everyone’s head canon is different. I hope you keep posting here.

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