You hate fluffies. At first, you found them annoying. A mere nuisance but not a plague… how wrong you were. Hasbio has created them. Those… abominations. That spat in the face of nature itself. An afront to GOD!
When they first came into being, (Thanks to Hasbio’s fuck up) they only spread across America. The cold temperatures of Canada were not suitable for the fluffies, nor were the high temperatures of Mexico. Still, countries like Argentina, Japan, China, most of Europe and even the Balkans were places fluffies could live in. Thankfully, when the first fluffy smugglers tried to import those abominations oversees, the EU cracked down on it after shit littered the streets. The Germans had police clean up those vermin. The Poles took more drastic measures of burning and gassing them. The Spanish had them shot on sight and encouraged civilians to do the same. Where do you come into this? Your hatred grew of fluffies the more you found out about them. Selfish creatures that while dumb, were still a pest to deal with. Yard invasions? Common in America. Smarties? Hated by everyone.
As you walked around town, the nice summer breeze caressing your face. The sunlight glinting off of your Orthodox Christian cross necklace. Since you got up early today, you decided to grab a bite at your local burger joint. A jalapeno burger sounded good right about now.
“Nyu daddeh? chirp” You stop, turning to the right. Looking down, you see a fluffy mother in an alleyway. A lime furred, teal maned mother with seven foals. Three chripies and the rest are normal foals. The mother speaks up. “Hewwo nice mistuh. Be daddeh? An’ give nummies an’ housie an’ toys-” You bolt away, not wanting to hear anymore of her bullshit. You memorized the location. You WILL return. As you run, you can hear the foals Huuuu at your sudden action, clearly startling them.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP You shut off the alarm as you wake up. Sitting up, you go to the bathroom, splashing water on your face before checking the time on your phone. 1AM. Walking towards your wardrobe, you gather your work outfit. A black raincoat, combat boots, and a gas mask. You put on your cross necklace before reaching for a pair of combat gloves. Once you’re suited up, you walk outside and towards your garage. You take two things with you. A tool to slay the beasts. A late 16th centaury Saxon Warhammer, along with a gas can full of diesel. You walk in the night, the moonlight glinting off of your cross as you tread the quiet town.
As you come near, you hear something other than chirping. “Bestest bebbeh wan miwkies!” Came a voice as you round the corner. “Sowwy bebbeh. Mummuh hav nu mowe miwkies” You let out a sigh before spotting the abominations at the end of the alleyway. Taken refuge in a cardboard box.
You crack your neck, slowly advancing as you sing your altered version of a song by Pine Tree Riots.
When there’s nothing left, but the hate in my soul. And the fire that fills my heart.
The fluffies notice you, the foals and mother scared by your clothes as you walk. Setting down the can of gas down, your Warhammer resting on your shoulder.
“Scawwy!”
“Huuuhuuu chirp chirp”
“Nu wike!”
The foals are chirping and peeping, scared as they defecate and urinate. The mother doing the same as she sees me approaching.
I’ll hold my rage, and spill their blood, For a glimpse at kingdom come. On the other side of the red gate, there’s a world we long to see. The blood we’ll spill, will redeem us all, as we cull that plague.
The mother for her part, having 2 chripies on her back steps forth, intending to protect her children. “H-Hewwo nice m-munstah… pweese nu giv fluffy huwties…”
You continue advancing, the Warhammer now held with both hands. Gripping the handle and the spine as you hold it vertically. Your boots like drums, spelling our their doom.
“M-Maybe giv wowsest huwties to poopie bebbeh…?” She asks, turning to grab her brown foal with her mouth. “Nuuuu! Nu giv bebbeh huwties!” It says, peeping in distress.
Oh by God we’ll have our home again By God, we’ll have our home By blood or sweat, we’ll get there yet By God we’ll have our home
You stop just a few steps away from the mother. She looks up at you, defecating and urinating from fear once again as you stand there, the moonlight showing just enough of your gas mask but not your eyes. You raised my Warhammer above your head before bringing it down in an arc. The result causing a loud bang of metal hitting concrete but wet, as you just smashed the mother’s head into the ground. Causing her two chripies to fly off her back and her least favorite offspring having his back fluff torn off, thanks to the force of the hammer, as the foal was slammed into the ground.
“Peep chirp chirp!” The two chirpies yell in distress.
“SCREEEEEEEE WOWEST HUWTIES!” The least favorite foal yells in pain.
On god’s earth, they settled down, a plague upon mankind. For they are not of his divine - light nor his holy will! I won’t stand by, as they live on to fester and breed!
The foals are either sobbing, trying to run but don’t make it far, thanks to their short and pathetic legs or crying for their mother. You simply haphazardly let your tool free from your grip. It lands on the dark grey foal, causing it to scream in pain as the spine shatters his spine, pinning him beneath it. “SCREEEEEEE! Huuuuhuuuu why huwt bebbeh? Am good bebbeh!” You don’t listen to it’s false pleas. You know better than to believe an abomination so souless. You calmly pick up foal after foal, grabbing the three chirpies, you kick down the cardboard box those things used as a home. You carelessly toss them inside. As you turn around, you gather the other three normal foals, tossing them inside the box as well.
Their forms are cute but they are not, they’re without a soul or heart. I struggle forth, to find a friend To fight this war with me.
You walk over to the gas can and go back towards the cardboard box, grabbing the mother’s corpse on the way. Tossing it inside, the chirpies hug their dead mother, trying to hug her back to life. You shake your head.
Oh brothers can you hear their cries? As I rend apart their flesh.
You pour the diesel down into the box and onto the foals. “WAWA BAD FOH BEBBEH!” They scream and sputter as some drink the fuel, their open mouthed cries catching some of the flammable liquid. You stop once they’re all soaked, along with the dead mother. Their furs a darker shade as they are not a match away from being a plague to god’s most holy creation.
If there’s no fire to guide my way Then I will start my own!
You take out a match box and light a match. You toss it into the box, causing it to catch fire. “WOWSEST BUWNEE HUWTIES!” “SCREEEEEE!” “chirp chirp peep!” You watch for a good minute as the foals burn, finally stopping. Once there is silence, you turn around and walk back. Stopping to pick up your Warhammer, you notice the least favorite offspring is still alive. You simply reach down, grabbing it before closing your open palm.
It’s body is crushed under the force. You toss it towards the still burning bodies, wiping your gloved hand on the concrete wall as you walk out. Leaving your work behind.
I shall not falter, I am his will. I’ll bring death to those beasts. Be it through fire or steel, I’ll kill them all, I’ll cull them from his earth. I shall not stop, spare not even one, as I purge this evil filth.
As you walk home, you know you did no wrong. For these creatures are not natural. Their cuteness is just a way for the devil to disguise itself. You know of Hanlon’s Razor, you’re no fool to the idiocy of people. But these abominations are not people. These creatures have no souls at all! So, you walk… home. To clean your tools and put them away until you’ll need them again. For your crusade against those vermin won’t stop until they. All. Die.
I shall spill their blood, till a crimson tide, washes way our sins. For they are nothing but de-mons, I’ll put my sword to the-eir necks, for I’m the righteous hand of GOD!
Author’s note: I found out about fluffy ponies very recently and while I know some things, I have not read the fall of Cleveland. I won’t be active much in terms of writing as this is my first contribution but if I ever decide to write more, I’ll explore this fanatical religion topic in the future, that is if I don’t get bored as I tend to do with some things.