Warning: spoilers for the Vulcanus Saga.
A few days after the Battle of Las Vegas, Blueberry, Tommy, Woodstock, Victor and Scarface hang out on the Fonda veranda, sharing a few atomicas, beers, and a Boneless Bucket.
Victor, wearing a top hat for some reason, a rather irritated expression on his face, takes a puff.
Tommy gives him a look.
“What’s eatin’ you, man?”
“Vegas. Les finally said I could take Lav there, and now the entire city has been destroyed. Forgive me for feeling a bit salty, Tommy.”
“It’s alright. Al and his family are working on it, they’ll rebuild the place in no time.”
“Yeah, I guess so. And I’m not the only one in a bad mood. Cal’s playing it cool, but I can tell he’s still torn up about what happened to Scott. Wouldn’t be surprised if he yells at someone soon.”
Blueberry nods sadly, briefly pausing from his chicken tender.
“Bwuebewwy twaid huggin Caw. Bwuebewwy hope it hewpt.”
Victor gives Scarface a puff.
“Me too, Big Blue. Maybe we should change the subject.”
“Bwuebewwy can fink of sumfin.”
“Yeah?”
“Whewe da fuk did Victow git dat hatsie?”
“Oh, this? Found it while I was going through some junk in my cabin. It used to belong to some asshole who liked making videos of him abusing fluffies. Real sicko. Called himself the Ringleader or something. Me and the Faucheuse brothers took him down hard.”
“Gud widduns.”
Scarface looks up from a bowl of tequila. Tommy always keeps a bottle for him in the cabin.
“Dam wite, Bwuebewwy. Scawface wike yu, yu teww it wike it am, jus wike Pach-ee-no.”
Woodstock exhales the hit Tommy just gave him.
fooo
“Scawface, yu eba see Da Debiws Ad-voh-kat? Woodstock wotch it wast dawk time, wif daddeh an mummah. Pach-ee-no am in dat moo-vee tuu.”
“Du it hab mubstews?”
“Nu.”
“An wike dat, yu haf wost Scawface.”
Tommy and Victor laugh.
“Soul Brother, it wouldn’t kill you to watch a movie that isn’t about gangsters.”
“Wut wud kiww Scawface?”
“Heh. But it is about crooked lawyers, so it’s still about organised crime, kinda. And you liked Independence Day, didn’t you?”
“Da moo-vee wuz gud, but it wuz poow time-in.”
“I couldn’t resist recommending it, after the Alien Invasion.”
Blueberry sighs. He still remembers the chaos that ensued around the Brownie Palace when all the spaceships uncloaked.
“Dewe wuz poopies ev-wee-whewe.”
Tommy laughs, pulling another atomica out of his pocket.
“Yeah, I almost swore these things off for good when I saw all those aliens. But afterwards, I was like far out, I knew they were real! Man, if I didn’t have a wife and a kid at home, I wouldn’t be here, I’d be off touring the universe.”
“Campy would probably give you a tour if you asked, Tommy. He does it for Kyle and Cheech. They’re doing that right now, and Rolo’s tagging along this time. And hey, the Oldmans are going to Arkay tomorrow. Nothing stopping you from taking the family on vacation off-world, y’know. Pierre would keep an eye on this place while you guys are gone.”
“Bwuebewwy Bwauw-kaw-pew am fikst. It nu am wike Tommeh wud be weave-in da pwace dee-fens-wess.”
Tommy lights his atomica, and takes a thoughtful drag.
fooo
“Alright, yeah. I’ll think about it. Vic, think you could recommend a good planet?”
“Dunna. Without a doubt. They’re all into the free love thing, Tommy. Cal let me take a week off on Dunna, and by the last day I was jizzing dust.”
Scarface glares at Victor.
“Victow!”
“What?”
“Tee-Emm-Ai!”
“Sorry, Soul Brother. Good to see you’ve got letters down pat.”
“Scawface am gunna weed, ow die twy-in.”
“Yeah right, like illiteracy is what’s gonna kill ya.”
The quintet starts laughing.
Meanwhile, in the nearby town, in a motel room, four heavily armed men wearing camouflage and heavy backpacks lift shotguns up.
One of them speaks up.
“Kunnen we, jongens?”
The other three speak up as one.
“Ai ai, Kapitein!”
“Ik hoor het niet!”
“AI AI, KAPITEIN!”
The captain smiles.
“Okee dan, dodo-jagers. Laten we wat fucking dodos jagen! Wij zijn Nederlanders! Wij zijn de ultieme ontdekkingsreizigers! Wij hebben de beste moderne wapens! Wij hebben niets te vrezen van die dinosaurussen! Ik zweer het, jongens…”
The captain chuckles.
“Wij. Zullen. Dodos eten. Want dat is wat Nederlanders doen!”