ASK FLUFFIESAREFOOD
Volume 1 Number 17
Happy Sunday, Fluffherders! It’s time for another edition of Ask FluffiesAreFood, the advice column that seeks to answer questions of fluffherders and fluffy eaters everywhere! If you have a question, just ask in the comments!
Barbarossa asks:
I heard that feeding fluffies for several day with potatoes and cooking them in Sauerkraut while living gives them a wonderful taste. Can you confirm this? And if yes, do you have a good recipe?
This is a great question, Barbarossa! The quick answer is, yes, I can confirm that this gives a fluffy a wonderful taste! This dish comes out of Pennsylvania’s German-speaking communities, and is called Kleinpferd mit Sauerkraut.
So with that, let’s get to the details.
First, yes, you can fatten a fluffy before slaughter by feeding them potatoes for several days, and this is traditional with this dish. During the post-fracturing food shortages and general breakdown of supply chains, potatoes were an easily-grown, readily-available supplement to both the human and fluffy diet. Fluffy digestive systems prefer whole grains, but raw, diced potatoes taste to them like apples, and will give them just a bit more fat for tastier meat. However, while traditional, this is not strictly necessary to make Kleinpferd mit Sauerkraut. More on this later.
Second, distressed fluffy meat has a high lactic acid content, which gives it that savory flavor that many prefer. Sauerkraut, which is basically cabbage fermented to add lactic acid, is a perfect compliment to distressed fluffy meat. And of course, preparing and cooking a fluffy while it still lives is a wonderful way to distress it.
That said, you can vary the flavor by feeding your fluffy different foods before cooking! One variety of this dish, seen in the more avant-garde restaurants, uses undistressed meat from fluffies fed dried fruits (usually cherries and pineapple) before slaughter. The best example of this that I’ve had is at Fluffherds’ Paradise in Los Angeles, where they serve a variety of Kleinpferd mit Sauerkraut, from the traditional recipie (below) to lavish elaborations. On Thanksgiving they serve Kleinpferd mit Sauerkraut using undistressed currant-fed adolecent fluffies stuffed with half sweet potatoes and half pecan-and-dried-fruit stuffing. It’s not cheap but it’s truly amazing, and should be on every foodie’s bucket list.
Now let’s get to the recipe.
KLEINPFERD MIT SAUERKRAUT
INGREDIENTS
One whole live adult fluffy
8 cups mashed potatoes
1 tablespoon fluffy butter (cow butter will do in a pinch)
4 cups sauerkraut
2 cups fluffy or chicken stock
DIRECTIONS
Void the fluffy and insert a permanent anal plug to seal the GI tract. Strap the fluffy into a skinning harness. Equip with a tear capturing harness.
In a large ceramic-coated non-stick fluffy pot, melt the butter over medium-low heat, then add sauerkraut. Once the sauerkraut browns, add stock, and stir.
Once the stock starts simmering, skin and gut the fluffy. As always, wear hearing protection for this step, be sure to remove the ENTIRE GI tract intact, and leave the lungs and diaphragm in working order and the chest cavity intact.
Stuff the GI cavity with mashed potatoes. Remove tear collection harness.
Stir the sauerkraut for a few seconds to make sure it’s cooking evenly, then place the fluffy in the middle. Cover pot, leaving the lid locked with vent open to prevent escape.
Once the fluffy stops screaming for 60 seconds, it is safe to remove your hearing protection. Turn down heat to low, and simmer for 40 minutes, or until the temperature of the meat reaches 72 degrees centigrade.
Warning: Do not cook live fluffies while other fluffies are within earshot. They may turn uncooperative, try to rescue their friend, or even try to injure you. Keep other fluffies in a soundproofed safe room, and, if it’s available, turn on FluffTV.
Serves 4-6. Recommended pairings: peas, pilsner or cider.
Anonymous asks:
I’m looking for a recipe for some good Fluffy Parmigiana over spaghetti, but I don’t know if using foals would be necessary (too small for a worthwhile serving) or if there is a way to use adult fluffy and give it a veal-like texture. Any tips?
(Also, no, the irony of serving a fluffy cutlet with its favorite food is not lost on me.)
This is another great question, Anonymous! People often think there that a foal isn’t a substantial source of nutrition, but this has more to do with how we think of portion sizes than anything else. In fact, a three-week-old talkie foal, skinned and gutted and boned, comes in at just about 250 grams, of which 65 grams is protein. That’s as much protein as a steak!
And yes, I do have a recipe for Foal Parmigiana! Here’s the recipe from my book, The Art of Cooking Fluffies:
FOAL PARMIGIANA
INGREDIENTS
1 1/2 cups dry, unseasoned bread crumbs
1 cup, plus 4 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
1 tablespoon minced fresh parsley
1 tablespoon minced fresh basil
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon water
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
4 whole talkie foals, skinned, gutted and deboned
1/3 cup olive oil
1 1/2 cups tomato sauce
8 slices mozzarella cheese
DIRECTIONS
Position a rack in the center of the oven. Preheat the oven to 180 degrees centigrade.
Combine the bread crumbs, 1/2 cup of the Parmesan cheese, fresh herbs, salt and pepper in a pie plate. Set aside.
In a shallow bowl, whisk the eggs and water. Set aside.
On a plate, spread the all-purpose flour.
Slice whole foals along the back, so that you have eight half-foals.
Coat the half-foals with the flour and shake off the excess. Dip in the egg mixture and then coat with the bread crumb mixture, patting with your fingers to make the crumbs adhere.
Heat olive oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add the half-foals and saute until lightly browned, 2 to 3 minutes. Using tongs, turn the half-foals and cook, 2 to 3 minutes more, adding a little more oil if the pan looks dry. Remove half-foals to a plate and blot with paper towels.
Lightly oil a baking pan or shallow baking dish. Spoon into the pan 1/2 cup of the tomato sauce. Arrange the half-foals over the sauce, slightly overlapping them. Sprinkle with 4 tablespoons of the Parmesan cheese. Cover with the remaining tomato sauce. Top with the mozzarella slices and the remaining Parmesan cheese. Cover the pan with aluminum foil and bake until heated through, 20 to 30 minutes. If you wish to brown the top, remove the foil and run the dish briefly under a broiler.
This makes four servings (two half-foals per serving). Serve with pasta (spaghetti or linguini are perfect), a steamed green vegetable such as broccoli or asparagus, and a sweet red wine.
Enjoy!
Ask FluffiesAreFood is a service of the Fluffherders’ Association of America. If you have a question about raising, slaughtering, or eating of fluffies, you may comment here.