The Complete Ask FluffiesAreFood Column Catalog (pinned)

The Complete Ask FluffiesAreFood Column Catalog

This column catalog is complete, covering Volumes 1 through 3 and the Fluffy Stomping Special Edition. New posts will be added as they are posted.


Fluffy Stomping Edition: The history of attempts to eradicate feral herds. Why Fluffy Stomping Day is on April 1 each year. How Il Club Fluffy celebrated Fluffy Stomping Day. That Fluffy Stomping is about to become an Olympic Sport. Ask FluffiesAreFood, Fluffy Stomping Edition



1: Cuts of fluffy meat categorized: ribs, “steak,” loin. How to cut a fluffy’s throat. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #1

2: Recipe: Fluffy Asada (for fluffy tacos). That fluffy meat keeps like regular meat, and where the myth of fluffy meat decomposing rapidly comes from. First mention of Russians in the Occupied Zone in 2030, the Eastern United States, the Western United States, and the Confederacy. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #2

3: Recipe: Grilled Whole Fluffy. Recipe: Chirpie Tempura. Advice for cooking live chirpies. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #3

4: Advice on feeding cherries to fluffies. Advice to a Confederate park ranger on how to deal with an unwanted herd of ferals. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #4

5: That fluffy meat taste depends on diet and not so much on expresion of secondary characteristics (earthie, pegasus, etc.). That fluffy meat is naturally slightly sweet but turns savory with acute torture. Ask FluffiesAreFood, Vol 1 #5

6: Advice to an easily excited reader on how to deal with trapped fluffies. Uses of non-food fluffy products (fur, tallow, bone meal, fluffy organs, fluffy brains). Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #6

7: On feeding fluffies to snakes - that the entire fluffy is fine for a snake, but that employees tasked with feeding fluffies to predators can end up with acute psychosis. What to feed a fluffy to enhance the flavor profile; what to not feed to a fluffy. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #7

8: The Pine Ridge Reservation domestic gigaherd as an example of a successful industrial fluffherding operation. Recipe: Fluffy Pemmican. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #8 (Fluffy Pemmican Recipe)

9: That lean fluffy meat has enough fat to taste good. Advice on making fluffy soup. Recipe: Fluffy Barley Veggie Soup. Fluffy milk ice cream. Recipe: Mummah Miwkies Ice Cream. Comments: high-quality pasture raised fluffy meat. Comments: use a Kwik-E-Kollar to slaughter fluffies quietly and humanely. Ask FluffiesAreFood, Vol 1 #9

10: That eating raw foals is a horrible idea. The undignified death of Jordan Bell after eating seven live foals on a dare. On feeding fluffies to gators. FAF throws multiple exceptions. Comments: Mad Fluffy Disease. Comments: FAF on why they do what they do. Ask FluffiesAreFood, Vol 1 #10

11: The basics of cooking fluffies alive. Debunking the myth of unicorn horn being an aphrodesiac. Advice to stop reading 4chan. Ask FluffiesAreFood, Vol 1 #11

12: Il Club Fluffy - cooking and eating newborn foals while mummas are forced to watch (“I neonati mangiano mentre la madre vede”). Recipe: Live Pan Fried Chirpies. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #12

13: Introduction to Hanori Yamamoto’s Fluffburger!. Recipe: Flaming Fluffburger. There are no Jellenheimer recipes. That hammer-flattened formerly live foals cannot be eaten. Recipe: Chicken Fried Foal. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #13

14: The Skettiland Express (a device for mass harvesting). Best practices for hearing protection in professional kitchens. Comments: Fluffy ikizukuri. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #14

15: Why fluffy tears are sweet. Alcohols made from fluffy tears (“Fluffy Rums”). Recipe: Fluffy Steaks with Tear Sauce. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #15

16: How much meat one adult fluffy produces. Redacted details about surviving on fluffy meat. Pate in general. Recipe: Fluffy Pate. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #16

17: On feeding fluffies potatoes before cooking them alive in sauerkraut. Recipe: Kleinpferd Mit Sauerkraut. Protein content of a cooked foal. Recipe: Foal Parmigiana. Ask FluffiesAreFood, Vol 1 #17

18: Fluffies and Islam – whether fluffies can be halal; and on the other hand, whether fluffies can be Muslim. Exception thrown. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #18

19: Sea fluffies as food. Il Club Fluffy - a fluffy that loves to run has its legs mercilessly destroyed, removed, and cooked in front of it (Gambe del Cavallino Piangente). Recipe: Italian Breaded Leggies. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #19

20: That fluffy kibble consists mostly of grasses, primarily alfalfa, and so grass-fed is virtually identical to kibble-fed. Recipe: Fluffloaf. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #20

21: A reader finds a poor lost foal in the park. How best to rehabilitate and cook it. Advice on killing ferals. Fluffy oysters AKA fluffnuts, how to harvest them (painfully) from a smarty, how to cook them, and how Il Club Fluffy would prepare them. Comments: hierarchy of milks to feed a foal. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #21

22: That one adult fluffy yields enough meat for sixteen 8 ounce portions of (combined) steak, ribs and leggies, not including organ meat etc. Live chirpie fondue. Comments: BBQ whole pegasus. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #22

23: Sept 13 2080 - 50th Anniversary of Death of President-For-Life Donald Trump. Tips for choosing a Thanksgiving foal. The history and geopolitics of serving fluffy meat on flights. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #23

24: September 16th, 2080 - 50th anniversary of protests against Ivanka Trump administration reaching critical mass (“The American Spring”). How to raise fluffies for desired fat content. Pillowfluffs. Comments: fluffy parasites are extremely dangerous. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #24

25: September 18th, 2080 - 50th anniversary of “Shitrat Day.” Fluffies are NEVER kosher. Chirpies starved for a day or two are a delicacy. That fluffies went from being valued pets to dangerous pests to food.

26: September 20th, 2080 What to tell and feed your Thanksgiving foals at this point in their development. The disturbing case of a runaway fluffy that found out that it was a food animal. Recipe: Fluffy Tears Brownies. Comments: that cage-raised fluffies have many uses but are unsuitable as meat fluffies; and how to discipline a smarty. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #26

27: September 23, 2080 - 50th anniversary of President Ivanka Trump abdicating and fleeing for Russia; and of Paul Ryan being sworn in as President. Harvesting a fluffy’s testicles (not as painfully) and cooking them. Recipe: Stir Fried Fluffy and Broccoli. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #27

28: September 25th, 2080 - Eid al-Fitr 2080 Recipe: Fluffy Seekh Kabobs. FluffiesAreFood is not the same person as The Foal Fryer. How Derp Syndrome, Smarty Syndrome and sexual frustration can change the taste of fluffy meat. Comments: Booru origins of “foal cartridges.” Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #28

29: September 27th, 2080, the 50th anniversary of the beginning of the Second Civil War in the United States. Alicorns taste like any other kind of fluffy. Seafluffy meat. Microfluffs are a myth. There are no Jellenheimer recipes; further comment on Jellenheimers redacted. Garden Fluffies died out during the crises of the 2030s. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #29

36: October 14, 2080, the 50th anniversary of Bloody Monday in the former United States, which put an end to the Second Civil War. The Knifey Game explained in some detail. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #36

37: October 16, 2080, the 50th anniversary of the start of World War Three. Recipe: Fluffy Stock. Recipe: Crock Pot Corn and Fluffy Chowder. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #37

38: October 18, 2080, 50th anniversary of Russians overrunning Berlin. China takes Taiwan; Japan and Korea sign mutual protection pact; Russians send fleet to take Alaska. Recipe: Autumn Weather Crock Pot Fluffy Stew. Microwaving live fluffies is usually a bad idea. Microwaving foals as a way to torture a mumma into fluffy psychosis before slaughter, as a twist on roast fluffy with foal sausage stuffing. Recipe: Fluffy “Menudo.” AskFluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #38

39: Communication breakdown as FAF content is disrupted by the authorities. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #39

42: Origins of Fluffherding October 30, 2080, the 50th anniversary of the end of World War Three. Russia detonates nuke in space over Greenland, throwing the British Isles and the Atlantic Coast of North America into darkness. Cruise missiles obliterate DC, London, English ports. EU gets cease fire. California negotiates treaty with India and China: favorable trade status in exchange for mutual defense. Confederacy, Texas break off from US. Russians occupy US Eastern Seaboard from DC to Maine. Over the next several weeks, starving Americans in New York and New England run out of food and start eating fluffies. To everyone’s surprise, fluffies turn out to taste pretty good. Thus Fluffherding is born. Recipe: Roast Fluffy with Foal Sausage Stuffing Ask FluffiesAreFood, Vol 1 #42

44: Both physical and psychological torture (including betrayal) make fluffy meat more savory. Cooking fluffies alive is haute cuisine. Comments: Recipe: Fluffy Jerky. Comments: feral meat should be cooked to well done to prevent an extremely terrifying mass casualty event. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #44

45: November 6th, 2080, the 50th anniversary of highly consequential 2030 elections. Politics of the EUSA, WUSA, Texas and Confederacy through most of the following 50 years. How Il Club Fluffy served fluffy tongues (Lingua di Cavalluccio Maleducato). Recipe: Lingua di Cavalluccio (Italian-breaded fluffy tongues). Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 1 #45

49: Origins of Fluffy Tamales. Recipe: Fluffy Tamales. Ask FluffiesAreFood, Vol 1 #49


1: Recipe: New Year Roasted Fluffy. Abandoning a fluffy, even by severely injuring it and throwing it into the street, can run you into serious legal trouble, so you’re better off killing it. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 2 #1

2: Recipe: Fluffducken. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 2 #2

4: Column from 2035 about the new fluffy meat-based cuisine coming out of post-war New York State. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 2 #4

5: Excerpts from Fluffy Rhymes by TheFoalFryer, now (in 2085) available both in digital and fine book editions. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 2 #5

6: On how to prepare an unwanted pegasus. Recipe: Tortured Fluffy Juice Marinade. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 2 #6

7: On decapitation collars; that the latest models may replace knife work entirely for harvesting fluffies. Uzbeki Butt Eels. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 2 #7

8: How to harvest the freshest possible foal legs. Recipe: Fried Foal Legs. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 2 #8

9: Foal croquembouche. How Il Club Fluffy made foal croquembouche. Recipe: Candied Chirpies. Ask FluffiesAreFood, Vol 2 #9

10: Best theories on what Hasbio was trying to accomplish when they developed the Fluffy. Ask FluffiesAreFood, Vol 2 #10

11: Foals-in-a-Can and what happens to post-expiration “graduated” foals. Ask FluffiesAreFood Vol 2 #11


1: The Fluffhaus (the ultimate low-stress live fluffy trap), a precursor to miniature fluffy pens for travel and for keeping meat fluffies safe in space. Ask FluffiesAreFood, Volume 3 #1

2: How to harvest lots of fluffy testicles quickly. Overview of keeping fluffies for milk. Comments: feeding skettis to mummahs leads to “sketti-flavored” milk, feeding chocolate to mummahs could kill the mummah before they produce chocolate flavored milk.

3: History of American Labor Day, pre- and post-fracturing. Recipe: Fluffy Tallow Bread.

4: No Nut November 1: how crushing a fluffy stallion’s testicles in a vice became a cherished November 1 tradition.

5: No Nut November 2: how two experimental musicians created music by running electric current through a fluffy’s scrotum.

6: No Nut November 3: how one of the most hilarious customer service failures in history led to the creation of “fluffy oysters” or “fluffnuts” (both names for deep-fried fluffy testicles) as a delicacy.

Volume 4

A Fluffy For Christmas by Melissa Glockmeister

1: Part one, where Dave surprises Joan on her birthday with a new addition to their home.

Not Written by FAF but considered headcanon by adoption

By Fluff-Yu: An Ad by the Fluffy Farmers Union
By Nekuchan: Difficult Times Build Timeless Traditions – this could be a depiction of how early fluffherding emerged.
By Gardel: The McPets Part 5 – Part 1 could depict fluffy sushi/sashimi in the FAF timeline; part 2 could depict clearing a shopping center of a megaherd before or just after The Fracturing.
By DibsFluffies: Easter Foals – Stillborn foals made into Easter candy.
By CarniviousDuck: A Mother’s Cooking


Fluffy Asada
Whole Grilled Fluffy; Chirpie Tempura
Fluffy Pemmican
Fluffy Barley Veggie Soup; Mumma Miwkies Ice Cream
Live Pan Fried Chirpies
Flaming Fluffburger; Chicken Fried Foal
Fluffy ikizukuri
Alcohol made from fluffy tears (“Fluffy Rums”); Fluffy Steaks with Tear Sauce
Fluffy Pate
Kleinpferd Mit Sauerkraut; Foal Parmigiana
Italian Breaded Leggies
Fluffy Oysters (also known as Fluffnuts)
BBQ Whole Pegasus
Fluffy Tears Brownies
Stir Fried Fluffy and Broccoli
Fluffy Seekh Kabobs
Fluffy Stock; Crock Pot Corn and Fluffy Chowder
Crock Pot Fluffy Stew; Fluffy “Menudo”
Roast Fluffy with Foal Sausage Stuffing (My favorite!)
Fluffy Jerky
Lingua di Cavalluccio
Fluffy Tamales
New Year Roast Fluffy
Tortured Fluffy Juice Marinade
Fried Foal Legs
Candied Chirpies AKA Foal Croquembouche
Fluffy Tallow Bread


I gotta ask how and when you came up with this timeline. It’s unlikely in a lot of ways but way more grounded in reality than mine.

Wow, now that’s some research and the timeline is also incredible.
Honestly if fluffies existed this could be a 100% legit recipe book people would buy.


I love these so much. I really want to hear more about your timeline! What’s it like there?
Also, fruit sugars are really really bad for hypercarnivores like cats and ferrets. Should we only feed them distressed fluffy? I don’t want to give the poor critters insulinoma. Do diabetic humans have to be careful with fluffy products too?